*Update in OP!* Please help me be okay with DS1's plastic surgery (long and ramble-y)

[Jacksmommy2b]

Grrrrrr... the board just ate my really long post!

In a nutshell, DS1 (6 y/o) has a small but very visible birth defect on his face. It does not effect his health and we have been fortunate in that while there has been plenty of curiosity, we have not dealt with any bully/rudeness issues. J has always handled with grace.

Although most kids with this malformation have it taken care of in toddler hood, due to J's severe asthma issues at that point DH and I decided we would leave it alone until J expressed an interest in having it fixed. (although it is plastic surgery, it is not considered 'elective' and is fully covered by insurance)

He would mention it occasionally passing but in the last two months it has come up several times so I scheduled an appt with one of the top pediatric plastic surgeons in the country. They were amazing, ensuring J was involved in the conversation and very aware of what the procedure would entail, recovery, scarring, etc. He is still 100% in favor of having surgery. The surgery will be outpatient and according to the surgeon it should be a piece of cake.

While we were there, the surgeon had a major surgery scheduled for Friday cancel. We waited while they juggled her schedule and called some wait listed patients and turns out they can fit J in tomorrow. It will be at the hospital instead of the outpatient surgical center closer to home, but it is at the top rated children's hospital in the US, the same one we use for all of his asthma stuff so it really isn't a hardship.

I really, really, really hate the idea of GA. I just can't wrap my head around the idea of the even minute risk of GA with a technically completely healthy child. I have spoken to J's Pulmo who is confident the GA will pose no added risk as his asthma has been so well controlled for the past 2 years. The anesthesiologist is due to call today (which is routine) and the PS was confident they will not need to see him before surgery day and at most will have him take a dose of albuterol before the procedure as a precaution.

DH won't be able to be there. He is completely booked through the weekend and although he did try, he can't change his schedule. It sucks as I am huge and emotional to begin with and am obviously stressed about the anesthesia. (The procedure itself is so minor, I am really not concerned about that part in particular.) My mom can take S, but she is a bit of a drama queen and would really only make things worse for me so I don't want her there.

We can wait list, but unless lightning strikes and we get super lucky twice, we will be waiting until late Sept/Oct and J starts Kindy at the end of the month and I'm due mid Sept. Plus if it is last minute again there is no guarantee DH will be able to free his schedule anyway.

I am confident J has a good handle on the reality of what to expect, but I can't help but wonder if I am completely out of my mind allowing my 6 y/o to decide to have plastic surgery.

It is his body. This something he does have to deal with in social situations and I do respect his decision and believe, at least from a social standpoint, that it is a good choice. Obviously there is no benefit (besides avoiding surgery) in leaving the defect as it is. But I am, in effect, allowing my Kindergardener to decide to alter his body permanently.

Gah, tell me it will be okay...


__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ _________________

In a nutshell:

Thank you so much for your P, PT and reassurances! D'S came through with flying colors!



Full version:

In the great tradition of DS1 trying to be the death of me he decided that while we were visiting friends last night, he would attempt to leap from friend's bunk bed. His foot got caught and he fell, ribs first, onto the toddler bar of the bed below. He ended up getting x rays last night to rule out any fractures so he could continue with the surgery for today. Through the whole thing he kept begging us to not cancel and although the whole thing sucked and I wanted to wring his neck for pulling such an incredibly stupid stunt, it was almost reassuring to see just how much the surgery meant to him.

Today he was a complete rock star. We ended up waiting much longer than expected yet he never seemed upset or nervous at all. He took the Versed (sp?) and was out of his gourd high in a matter of minutes. He didn't say anything funny, but my goodness he was wrecked. :) I cried quite a bit when they wheeled him away, but I ended up bringing my father (the most unemotional person on the face of the earth) and it actually helped that he just looked around awkwardly while I pulled myself together. His procedure went perfectly and he was still sleeping it off when we met him in recovery. He slept for about an hour and when he woke I had to hold his hands so he would stop trying to touch his face. He focused on me, wrinkled an eyebrow and said "Wait, I thought you said you couldn't be here..." He had no memory of being wheeled away or going under and couldn't believe it was over. The site looks great, or so they tell me. :) There is plenty of swelling and to be honest, it is sort of hard for me to look at him and not see 'him' you know? Yeah, it was a defect, but that was his face for six years and it is just strange to see it different. He is a little off this evening, but he should sleep the rest of it off tonight.

We were at CHoP and they are certainly #1 for a reason. The facility was state of the art and the staff was amazing. Every single person we encountered made it their job to put him at ease and make the entire process as painless as possible. He got a toy from DH and I for bravery, a spiderman glove that shoots silly string. I warned him in advance that he could hold it post-op, but obviously we couldn't shoot silly string in the hospital. Well, apparently you not only can shoot silly string in the hospital, you are encouraged to shoot silly string in the hospital and the Post Op nurses created a game complete with point values for the different staff he could hit as they came in the room. That really seems to be what he has taken away from the entire day, memories of hitting anesthesiologists with silly string. :) I can't recommend CHoP highly enough. I will never take my guys anywhere else!

Thanks again for all of your P, PT and encouragement!

[o_mom]

:hug:

I think choosing to correct an abnormality is not really the same as a true cosmetic/elective procedure.

[BabyMine]

:hug: M had asthma and many procedures under GA and he never had any problems. He had more problems with medication than the GA.

I would go for it. If you postpone then the idea of something going wrong will build up inside.

[sunshine873]

It WILL be OK.

This was the plan all along. If he hadn't had the severe asthma, you would have elected for this years ago and it wouldn't have been his choice. But now he's older & you've included him in the process (which is just the thing to do.) He's in capable hands and the timing is right. It's time to go for it. You'd much rather he get this taken care of before starting school, right?

I know GA is scary. But I think I'd be even more comfortable about this being done at the Children's hospital. They're used to dealing with little people, so the different dosing, size of tubing, etc is no big deal for them. (I don't really know all that is involved, just using general terminology.)

Keep in mind. It's not like you've totally put this decision in your 6 yo hands. Yes, he's ultimately the one that brought it up at this time, but you had already made the decision that it would be done...it was just a question of when. He's ready for it. He'll be fine. Hang in there mama. Maybe it's a good thing you got a last minute procedure & don't have more time to think about it! ;)

Good luck mama - It'll be OK!

[megs4413]

I think letting him choose this is the right thing. You're giving him power over his body. And honestly, I'm envious that he's taking it so well and being so brave. It must be important to him if he is willing to go through it. I would respect that.

Truly, he will be OK. You've got a world class facility and the procedure will be quick. Once it's done, it won't be hanging over your head anymore. I think once you're on the other side of this, you will be so glad you did it. I think it's even a bonus that you don't have to think about it for months. Do you have a good friend that could come with you to the waiting room? Maybe that would help. I only had to do one surgery without anyone there and it was tough. FWIW, my DS has had 9 surgeries and I've lost count of how many times he's had GA. No problems from anesthesia at all, ever!

HUGS! I know the idea of putting your little one under GA just sucks.

[AngB]

What everyone else said, plus I think it will probably be a lot easier to just get it over with now, then worry over it indefinitely. You will worry just as much doing it now vs. in Oct. or whenever!

And ditto what everyone else has already said.

[misshollygolightly]

BIG HUGS! I am sure you're rattled because this is happening so much sooner than you expected and you haven't had as much time to mentally prepare, but it really seems like such a blessing that the scheduling is working out the way it is (how wonderful to have the surgery now, before you're busy with the new baby!). And I agree that having this done at the children's hospital seems even better, as you'll have anesthesiologists, nurses, and staff who are well prepared for working with children. I understand your anxiety (I think any parent is anxious when their child goes in for any kind of procedure!), but having this over and done with sounds like it will be a relief to you and your son. Sending PPT that all goes smoothly and that you're able to face this with calm and peace.

[lizzywednesday]

If you'll be at CHoP, let me tell you that the anaesthesiology staff is WONDERFUL. They are great at explaining what they'll do, how they monitor your child and what other things to expect; feel free to ask as many questions as you want to.

My DD has been under GA four times at CHoP for various treatments and procedures related to her heart defect.

The first time was when she was 12 hours old. Yes, hours.

Honestly, it's harder on the mamas & daddies than it is on the kiddos!

[JTsMom]

I think letting him choose this is the right thing. You're giving him power over his body. And honestly, I'm envious that he's taking it so well and being so brave. It must be important to him if he is willing to go through it. I would respect that.

Truly, he will be OK. You've got a world class facility and the procedure will be quick. Once it's done, it won't be hanging over your head anymore. I think once you're on the other side of this, you will be so glad you did it. I think it's even a bonus that you don't have to think about it for months. Do you have a good friend that could come with you to the waiting room? Maybe that would help. I only had to do one surgery without anyone there and it was tough. FWIW, my DS has had 9 surgeries and I've lost count of how many times he's had GA. No problems from anesthesia at all, ever!

HUGS! I know the idea of putting your little one under GA just sucks.

:yeahthat: I don't think I could say it any better than megs did.

:hug: You know that you're in good hands, and I think it's good that you honor his wishes about his body. I hope you do have a level-headed friend that can sit with you, and definitely would not take your mom given what you've described. My mom tends to make me much more upset than I would otherwise be about this sort of thing, so I try not to even mention big appointments until after the fact.

[scrooks]

I totally get your fear! We just went through a VERY similar situation this week. My DD had a birthmark on her forehead. It posed very little health risk (there was a very very slight chance it could turn cancerous) but it was in a very obvious spot on her face. We have been putting it off for awhile but decided this summer to have it removed. DD was NOT in favor of this but it we knew in our hearts it was for the best. We had a plastic surgeon remove it under GA just this past Tuesday. It was a little rocky (she woke up from the GA rather angry) but has bounced back well. It was probably my scariest parenting moment to date, knowing she is going under. I think if your DS is aware and ready for the procedure you should move forward. My DD loved her "spot" but kids were already starting to point it out (she just turned 5). Good luck! It will be fine!!!!

[pinkmomagain]

It will be OK!!!!! ((((HUGS))))

[MamaMolly]

Hugs mama. I also think it is a blessing to have it happen so soon. I'd be miserable if I had to think about it for the next two months!
Be sure to tuck a bottle of wine in the fridge for when you get home. ;)

[daisysmom]

My daughter was born with a hemangioma in her cheek (showed up well at 4 weeks but the nurse literally pointed out a dot upon c-section and said "that's going to be a strawberry birthmark"). It turned out to also have a bump under it so her cheek bulged ou like half of a goofball size when she smiled. The red part (on the surface) was as big as about 1/2 of a quarter when it was largest (6 months o,d or so). We had it kasered when she was an infant but it didn't do much, and we decided not to do removal surgery then bc of fear of general anesthesia (at that time, they were saying. 2-4 hour procedure and there were live blood vessels) and bc these birthmarks naturally fade away every year (involuted is their technical term).

We decided to do surgery last feb when dd was just turning 5 years old. we chose a great local plastic surgeon (had talked to three over the years, and the best one was in ny but we didn't wasn't to travel for it).

Feel free to pm me if you want. We just saw a dermatologist this morning bc we were considering some follow up laser treatment (our plastic surgeon only took out the bump underneath, which was by tht time finery fatty tissue and not live blood vessels) but not the whole surface mark bc she wanted the smallest scar and was sure the surface mark would fade more and could be kasered).

The dermatologist this morning remarked "this was an a plus surgery" and raved about it. Both my dh and I were beeming, still 7 months later.

The actual surgery was both worse and better than I had been prepared for. Dd did great, she has only the best memories, said she would have any kind of surgery again based on that experience. But, coming out of anestesial was really hard for me to watch. Really hard. And the next day, it looked horrible-- her face looked huge and bruised for a week, and then swollen for 2 weeks after that. None of this had a negative effect on dd though. She got a ton of tv time for 2 days and then wanted to run and jump and play. Neighbors and friends sent cards etc. she proudly wore a ribbon pin that our next door neighbor made and had printed on it "brave girl award" for 3 weeks. All in all, she was really empowered and did great.

The while time we were apart from her was 3 hours. That sucked. Seriously. But that's just how it goes.

Feel free to pm me for more details etc.

[kdeunc]

It will be fine! Two of my three kids had GA as infants for minor procedures, one at 8 months and one at 2 1/2 months. They came through it very easily. If you have any questions please ask your anesthesia provider. Especially at a children's hospital I am sure they are used to kids and nervous mamas! Your DS may come out of the anesthesia not feeling well/nauseated or even combative. If you are prepared for these possibilities it will be easier on you. It is OK to be nervous, he is your child. DH is an anesthesia provider and I was still nervous when our kids had surgery! Best of luck to you and your DS.

[daisysmom]

DD was NOT in favor of this but it we knew in our hearts it was for the best. We had a plastic surgeon remove it under GA just this past Tuesday. It was a little rocky (she woke up from the GA rather angry) but has bounced back well. It was probably my scariest parenting moment to date, knowing she is going under. I think if your DS is aware and ready for the procedure you should move forward. My DD loved her "spot" but kids were already starting to point it out (she just turned 5). Good luck! It will be fine!!!!

this was us too. My dd didn't want to get it removed bc we had been telling her for 5 years that the birthmark was a sign of something special, and bc she really hadn't been teased (I, on the other hand was sensitive to looks and questions about it for 5 years). I also don't consider these surgeries "elective" and I resent when one of my friends asked me "are you sure you want to put her through this?"

Our dermatologist told us this morning that we should do a following laser treatment (not under anestesia, so painful) when she is 7-9, when she wants it.

[khalloc]

My daughter who is 6.5 recently had surgery. It was to remove a benign cyst on the side of her chest. I was very anxious about it. I thought the surgery would be fine, but was worried about the GA, like you said.

Anyways, the GA was a piece of cake. I am so glad we had it done and that its over.

Good luck to you and your son. Everything will turn out fine!

[daisysmom]

Our anestesiaologist told us "they often go in like a lion and out like a lamb, or in like a lamb and out like a lion". Ours was the latter--- they said she was very peaceful and easy to fall asleep but just very upset and whiny/screams/confused to wake up. Th nurses watching this were not worried at all- I just was freaked. But they said it was completely moral, and when I carried her out of the hospital 20 min later she was just fine.

[zukeypur]

DD2 has a hemangioma also (age 6). We have opted at this time to not have it removed, but I know we will eventually taken care of. We were hoping that it would completely go away on its own. While the color has faded, the "sac" is still there and noticeable. My reasoning for not having it done is exactly the reason the OP is hesitant. I totally get it. That being said, I would feel better about having it done in the hospital than the surgery center. I would go ahead with the surgery. Good luck, and hugs for mama and J.

[123LuckyMom]

No BTDT, but I think you're doing the right thing and that all will be well. It's natural for you to be worried about the GA, but the doctors, all of whom seem really to know their stuff, are not worried. You can trust them. Your DS is a partner in this decision, which is great. He is not making the decision on his own. Even your insurance company considers this a necessary surgery and not cosmetic-- your insurance company, for goodness sake! ;). I would ask a friend to come with you to offer you help and distraction. Then it will be over, and it will be one less thing for your family to worry about when the new baby comes. Good luck! I know all will be well.

[karstmama]

it will be fine. absolutely fine. you're in surgical hands you feel good with, your ds is eager, the timing overall is really good. a friend would be great, or some trashy magazines or iphone games.

if the anesthesia team hits the right notes with you on the phone and in person, take some big breaths and smile at him as he goes off to get something he wants fixed. remember that when the surgeon comes out to chat is immediately after s/he has walked away from the or - there is a time lag until ds is cleaned up/bandaged/put on his stretcher or bed/rolled to the recovery room, so don't be worried if it is another 20-30 minutes after you talk with the surgeon until you can see him, and it is remotely possible that if there is something major going down with another recovery room patient that you may not see ds in that room. i'm just mentioning - that is unlikely, but i've worked recovery room and it is possible and doesn't mean anything bad going on with ds. they *will* tell you anything you need to know, i promise.

i mean this next bit to be comforting - you *always* have the right to change your mind, even that morning. of course, if you're feeling 'a bit anxious' or what you think is normal parent worry, you shouldn't, and that's what i'm hearing in your post. but if it is overwhelming, you are the one in control. i only mention that because the feeling of being out of control can be an extra wallop of worry, but this is not a train thundering away from you. you are the driver. i'm not saying you should cancel - i think it all sounds really good - but sometimes knowing you have permission to do something means you don't obsess, and that's all i'm trying to get at. :)

[twowhat?]

It will be fine! DD2 had surgery a few months ago on her arm. The best part is when they gave her the medicine to relax her. Make sure you have something that can take video handy, and come up with a good list of questions to ask him! LOL. DD2 kept pointing to the nurses and drawling "Whyyy aaare there twoooo?" before I finally figured out that she was seeing double. She also said "There are giraffes in the ceiling rows" LOL!!! (there weren't).

Coming out of GA is no fun, the nurses say kids either come out very sleepy or come out screaming. DD2 did a little bit of both and didn't feel great for a few hours, but she bounced back quickly the next day.

[dowlinal]

Both of my daughters have had to go under GA for emergency surgeries. At the time I was an absolute mess, but they both did great. My oldest was a little upset when she came out of it, but it passed very quickly. My youngest just wanted to know when she could eat.

[Tondi G]

I know it all sounds scary but I think the other surgery was cancelled and he got a spot because it was meant to be! It is good timing aside from the fact that your hubby can't be there with you! It's gonna be FINE, I'm sure it will all go smoothly and you will be thrilled to have it over and done with!

My DS1 has been under GA twice and I was always so stressed but he always amazed us with how well he handled it. sometimes it's harder on the Mommy's than it is on the kids!

[hopeful_mama]

Thinking of you and sending lots of PTs that it's all going well today!

[brittone2]

Thinking of you and sending lots of PTs that it's all going well today!
:yeahthat: :hug:

[Jacksmommy2b]

Update in OP!

[brittone2]

:bighand:

So glad it went well!!!

I am thrilled to hear you had such a good experience with CHoP staff, and I love the target thing and the encouragement to shoot silly string. That's positively awesome :jammin:

[liz]

yay!! what a great update- so happy for you all!!

[kaharris83]

So glad to hear it went well!! Hope your DS recovers quickly!!

[Melaine]

Yay this is a great update! Love the silly string!

[sntm]

Glad he did so well! Agree on CHOP for ped surgery . They are one of three places in US doing fetal surgery - they are amazing

[luli13]

Glad to hear everything went well! Also, very glad to hear you loved CHoP. Our little guy will most likely be going there for surgery on his tibia next year. We are still deciding between there and duPont which has been amazing so far. You are a very entertaining writer BTW!

[WatchingThemGrow]

Yay! Great update! I hope the recovery period goes very smoothly. How the heck did he manage to get hurt the hours before surgery!!!

[scrooks]

Glad everything went well!:bighand:

[JTsMom]

:applause: Yay! That's a great update! Congratulations on both of you getting thorough it.

Love the story about the silly string! Kudos to CHOP!

[Mommy2Abby]

Glad it went well. Hopefully you can sleep well and with relief tonight!

[123LuckyMom]

Fabulous!!! Yay CHoP and silly string!!! I'm so glad it went well and is over! Hugs!

[elektra]

Such a great update!

[smiles33]

Hooray! What a great update and love that the medical staff were so awesome AND playful!

[crl]

Sorry he gave you a last minute heart attack, but so glad everything else went so well. And :applause: for the hospital staff.

Catherine

[cntrymoon2]

What an awesome update!! So happy for your family :)

[sunshine873]

So happy to read your update! I'm sure you feel a ton better - it's funny the little things that make a difference (him getting hurt the night before to show you how badly HE wanted this, your non-emotional father being the one to help you pull it together, & the silly string memory.) :)

Here's hoping your DS heals quickly.

[Momit]

Wonderful update!

[karstmama]

excellent! so glad for you all!

yeah on the unemotional thing - when ds was so sick in nicu, mama & i would look at each other & say 'go to hell', because if anyone said anything nice we'd crumble & this kept us from being balls of tears & snot.

[dogmom]

I'm glad everything went well.

Yes, it was Versed. And I'm a BIG fan of retrograde amnesia in these situations. Who wants to remember that stuff anyway?

[Seitvonzu]

yay! sounds like you all did great :) love the silly string story!

[gatorsmom]

Thank you for the wonderful update!

[swrc00]

What a great update! I love the Spidey man glove story. We had a great experience as well at CHOA.

[mackmama]

I am SO glad to read your update. Yahoo!!! It sounds like you both came through with flying colors. Good job, Mama - and, wow, that sounds like one fantastic hospital!

[blue]

Great update! Wishing your DS a speedy recovery.