DS's Daycare Behavior

[swrc00]

I think I write the same post every time DS transitions to a new class. DS has attended the same daycare since he was 18 months. Overall we have been very happy with the care. DS has a November birthday and the school cut off is Sept. 1. Technically he should still be in the 3 year old class. They do a Kindergarten readiness test and decided that moving him to the private pre-k class would be a better fit academically. He is in a class of 20 four year olds with two teachers.
DS is immature for his age, but very bright. He is also very big for his age. In the 7 days he has been in the new class he has come home with a bad report 5 out of the 6 days. The day is broken up into 10 segments. He came home with 5 red faces and one yellow on Monday. The comments are not very descriptive, but some examples are talking, not staying seated, not using inside voice, not playing nicely with his friends, etc. I am at my wit's end with DS. He also had a potty accident, which is very unusual for him, considering he hasn't had one in about 6 months.
Last night we talked to him. He was only allowed to look at books and work on puzzles. I also made him work on some handwriting sheets. I need suggestions for things I can do at home with him to improve his behavior. I plan on having a conference next week with the teacher.
DS does have a sticker chart that he is using at home to earn a treat of his choice. I have asked the teacher to provide a positive reward to DS more frequently. The reward can be verbal, sticker, or stamp. Both of these things have worked the past. I have provided the teacher with the sticker and the stamps. Please help!
Thanks for reading my rather long post.

[lalasmama]

I'm sure this reply will be of little help, but I'm going to say it anyway. Please take it in the spirit of how it was meant, coming from the mother of a child who is socially immature....

I've got to say, at less than 4yo, despite being bright, seems really young for what sounds like an academically based program, especially for a 3yo that is socially immature. Between all the red faces, the potty accident, and the comments for the red faces, I'm wondering if it would be best to be in a socially-age-appropriate setting instead of an academically-appropriate setting, if that makes sense.

Other than the academic challenge, was there any reason to move him? I especially worry because you mention he is big... so, he's big but is the youngest in the class by at least 2 months. For a lot of people, big=older, even when they KNOW the chronological age of the child. They look like a 4yo, so the teachers expect the same. I worry that the social expectations (ie, sitting for longer periods, using words to solve issues, taking turns talking instead of bursting out with the answer, etc) are beyond where he is. I always worry about young, socially immature children (DD is like this!) and how the constant "trouble" (ie, red faces, notes home) affects their self-esteem. DD will be down for several days if she's in trouble with her teachers; she just can't handle not being "perfect" in their eyes. She really disliked school when she was in trouble all the time (she has ADHD and needed a bump up in her medicines). At any rate, it really affected how she felt about school because of it!

Of course, you know him best. Does he usually "step up"? If so, then maybe he just needs another few weeks to get used to things.

:grouphug: Sorry it's been such a tough transition!

[swrc00]

I'm sure this reply will be of little help, but I'm going to say it anyway. Please take it in the spirit of how it was meant, coming from the mother of a child who is socially immature....

I've got to say, at less than 4yo, despite being bright, seems really young for what sounds like an academically based program, especially for a 3yo that is socially immature. Between all the red faces, the potty accident, and the comments for the red faces, I'm wondering if it would be best to be in a socially-age-appropriate setting instead of an academically-appropriate setting, if that makes sense.

Other than the academic challenge, was there any reason to move him? I especially worry because you mention he is big... so, he's big but is the youngest in the class by at least 2 months. For a lot of people, big=older, even when they KNOW the chronological age of the child. They look like a 4yo, so the teachers expect the same. I worry that the social expectations (ie, sitting for longer periods, using words to solve issues, taking turns talking instead of bursting out with the answer, etc) are beyond where he is. I always worry about young, socially immature children (DD is like this!) and how the constant "trouble" (ie, red faces, notes home) affects their self-esteem. DD will be down for several days if she's in trouble with her teachers; she just can't handle not being "perfect" in their eyes. She really disliked school when she was in trouble all the time (she has ADHD and needed a bump up in her medicines). At any rate, it really affected how she felt about school because of it!

Of course, you know him best. Does he usually "step up"? If so, then maybe he just needs another few weeks to get used to things.

:grouphug: Sorry it's been such a tough transition!

Believe me I have thought the exact same thing and discussed with the director before moving DS up. DS usually steps it up, but I hate to see him go through this because he really wants to make good choices. In his mind once he gets one red face, he is done for the day.

[brittone2]

I would not continue the punishment for school behavior at home. Perhaps I misread, but when you mentioned he was only allowed to look at books or do puzzles, I took that to mean it was because he was in trouble at home.

I agree with PP, is it possible that this program has developmentally inappropriate expectations for him?

Perhaps they are being really strict right now to emphasize the rules and he'll be able to catch on. What do you think about that? Does he understand the rules? I think a conference seems like a good idea. Maybe the placement needs to be adjusted and preK isn't the right fit developmentally, even if it is academically :hug:

[deborah_r]

When you describe his day, it sounds like kindergarten. My kids have only been in play-centered daycare/preschool, and hearing that he is getting red faces and feeling bad about his whole day just seems like a lot of pressure to me for a kid who is not even 4 yet. Maybe that program is not the best fit for him, especially since you feel they pushed him to move up too soon.

I also agree with PP that you shouldn't punish him at home for what happened at school. Forcing him to do handwriting sheets at his age is a bit shocking to me. It doesn't seem likely that he will think positively about learning and school with the way you are describing the situation. When is he scheduled to start kindergarten?

[AngB]

When you describe his day, it sounds like kindergarten. My kids have only been in play-centered daycare/preschool, and hearing that he is getting red faces and feeling bad about his whole day just seems like a lot of pressure to me for a kid who is not even 4 yet. Maybe that program is not the best fit for him, especially since you feel they pushed him to move up too soon.

I also agree with PP that you shouldn't punish him at home for what happened at school. Forcing him to do handwriting sheets at his age is a bit shocking to me. It doesn't seem likely that he will think positively about learning and school with the way you are describing the situation. When is he scheduled to start kindergarten?

:yeahthat:

I mostly worked with 2 year olds in daycare but was also in the 3 and 4 year old rooms every once in awhile, including a month to cover another teacher's trip, their expectations do not sound very developmentally appropriate for a 3 year old especially, but even *many* 4 year olds. And 10 faces a day? Yeesh.

[swrc00]

DS had a better day today. He only had one red face. There are not other options for care for DS. I was able to talk to the teacher about his behavior yesterday. I explained to her that we take his behavior very seriously and that a red face means he receives a consequence at home. She was very open to the strategies I suggested. We both agreed he is still adjusting.
Thanks for all the suggestions.

[crl]

Is it possible to move him to the three year old class? Those expectations seem quite unrealistic for a three year old. And I would definitely not punish him at home for behavior at school. Both because I thnk it is too remote in time to do much good and because it seems unfair to be in trouble at school AND at home for something unrealistic.

Catherine

[brittone2]

Is it possible to move him to the three year old class? Those expectations seem quite unrealistic for a three year old. And I would definitely not punish him at home for behavior at school. Both because I thnk it is too remote in time to do much good and because it seems unfair to be in trouble at school AND at home for something unrealistic.

Catherine
:yeahthat:Yeah, not to beat a dead horse but I think it just magnifies the negative impact of the developmentally inappropriate expectations at school if he's also getting punished at home. My apologies, but I think you risk it doing much more harm than good in how he views himself, and his feelings about school in general.