Thank you card that doesn't make reference to the gift we gave?

[L'sMommy]

In the past month, DS has 4 bday parties at his preschool. The parties are during preschool hours and invitations are sent home. We've now gotten thank you cards for the last 4 parties and all but 1 mentioned the gift DS gave to the other child. However, we got one TY which is handwritten....no mention of the gift, and the mom included several pics of DS from the party (i've never met this mom so it's not like we know each other). Do you think it's odd that they didn't make mention of the gift? DH thinks maybe the to/from tag fell off and they don't know who the gift was from.

[waitingforgrace]

No I don't really think it's odd. I try to mention the gift when writing a thank you, but don't always. It was very nice of them to include pictures for you.

[ahisma]

Goodness, I wouldn't sweat this. While specific thank you notes are nice and obviously preferable, I wouldn't be bothered by this. It's hand written so it's not as if she just typed one and hit print. Anything could have happened - maybe they lost the list of who gave what but really wanted to make sure to get the notes out.

I think it's GREAT that so many thank you notes were sent, I surely wouldn't worry about the format / content.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

Goodness, I wouldn't sweat this. While specific thank you notes are nice and obviously preferable, I wouldn't be bothered by this. It's hand written so it's not as if she just typed one and hit print. Anything could have happened - maybe they lost the list of who gave what but really wanted to make sure to get the notes out.

I think it's GREAT that so many thank you notes were sent, I surely wouldn't worry about the format / content.

:yeahthat:

i also think it was very cool of her to include pics of your DS in the card. I am a picture person and I would have LOVED that, whether i was friends with the mom or not...i think it really shows an effort to try to personalize the card.

[boltfam]

i also think it was very cool of her to include pics of your DS in the card. I am a picture person and I would have LOVED that, whether i was friends with the mom or not...i think it really shows an effort to try to personalize the card.

:yeahthat:

[amldaley]

I have never received a thank you for any party DD1 has ever been to. YOU know the ettiquette is to mention the gift, but perhaps *they* don't know. Wouldn't worry over it at all.

[Seitvonzu]

i think it's so cool that they included pictures of your kiddo! i can imagine that at these preschool parties the specific gift can easily get separated from it's card/tag. i wouldn't sweat this at all!

(i did think of one thing that would worry me slightly--if the card just thanked your kid for coming , i might thing "did our present get lost in the shuffle and THEY don't think we brought one?" i'm not sure if this is why you were concerned....it IS something i would worry about if i got a non-specific note (i do notice when things aren't specific). since you aren't close with the mom, i'm not sure how you'd check into this gracefully though....)

[L'sMommy]

(i did think of one thing that would worry me slightly--if the card just thanked your kid for coming , i might thing "did our present get lost in the shuffle and THEY don't think we brought one?" i'm not sure if this is why you were concerned....it IS something i would worry about if i got a non-specific note (i do notice when things aren't specific). since you aren't close with the mom, i'm not sure how you'd check into this gracefully though....)

This is exactly why I posted this! I have no way of knowing if DS's gift was received by the other kid. And I can't ask because I don't know the mom. And I would hate for someone to think that DS shows up to parties without a gift. My intent was not to sound ungrateful for the TY and pics, which I really appreciated. Plus I have never before received or sent a TY card without mention of the gift/gesture, but now I know it does happen.

[Snow mom]

I wouldn't worry about whether they know what you gave. Just remember we give gifts in good spirit, not so that people know that we aren't the type to attend a party without a gift and try not to worry about it. I'm a bit dumb-struck that people even give gifts at daycare parties. At DDs daycare the birthday child usually brings a treat for afternoon snack but AFAIK no gifts are given. Actually, sometimes the birthday child also provides a small bag of party favors. We usually receive an invite to a party outside of school too and except for "no gift" parties I would provide a gift for that.

ETA: I received a card from my BFFs wedding that thanked me without mentioning the gift I gave (or maybe it only mentioned a small item that was part of the gift--I don't remember the exact details) but my initial reaction was much the same as yours. I had to remind myself that it really doesn't matter if she thought I spent $30 or $300 on her gift as that really isn't the point.

[AnnieW625]

It wouldn't bother me much at all esp. if she took the extra time to include photos.

[HannaAddict]

Not odd at all. It is like people just can't win, send a thank you card, don't mention the gift, and you have to worry about offending someone. I think it is lovely she sent photos of your child having fun at the party, that is more work for her. She is a nice and thoughtful parent! Cut her some slack.

[Seitvonzu]

i missed the part about the party being DURING SCHOOL. is that common? wow. i can't imagine my kid having her party at school and RECIEVING gifts during the school day? that's interesting.

i wouldn't worry about the thank you note anymore though :)

[MMMommy]

Didn't the thank you card say thank you for a gift (but not specifically reference what it was)? So doesn't that let you know he did receive a gift from you? I wouldn't be concerned at all and just appreciate the handwritten note with picture.

[L'sMommy]

Cut her some slack.

I'm not judging this parent, nor am I offended that the gift wasn't mentioned. I just thought it was an odd thing because in my 38 years of exchanging TY cards this has never happened. Thanks to this board, I've learned this is totally normal.


i missed the part about the party being DURING SCHOOL. is that common? wow. i can't imagine my kid having her party at school and RECIEVING gifts during the school day? that's interesting.

Yes, this is totally normal in my area to have parties during school hours and bring gifts for the birthday child.


Didn't the thank you card say thank you for a gift (but not specifically reference what it was)? So doesn't that let you know he did receive a gift from you?

Nope, not a single mention of a gift at all (even generically). So, I have no idea if the gift was received or got lost in the shuffle. The TY said thanks for coming to my party, I had fun, hope you did too (I'm paraphrasing).

[Momit]

We've sent quite a few gifts to close friends (for baby gifts or for their kids) and never received a thank you note at all. I had almost started to assume people just don't send them anymore.

Everyone at our preschool does no gifts parties, which I appreciate more and more all the time!

[kristenk]

I can understand wanting to make sure that the birthday kid received a present from your child! And knowing that they received one!

Would it be possible to send an email (or note through the school if you don't have the mom's email address) to the mom with the following message:

Thanks so much for the photos! <insert appropriate photo compliment here> I hope that <bday kid> enjoys the <gift you gave>. <your kid's name> thought it would be perfect for <bday kid>.

You thank the mom for the photos and make sure that your child is associated with the present that you sent. Win/win.

[happymom]

I can understand wanting to make sure that the birthday kid received a present from your child! And knowing that they received one!

Would it be possible to send an email (or note through the school if you don't have the mom's email address) to the mom with the following message:

Thanks so much for the photos! <insert appropriate photo compliment here> I hope that <bday kid> enjoys the <gift you gave>. <your kid's name> thought it would be perfect for <bday kid>.

You thank the mom for the photos and make sure that your child is associated with the present that you sent. Win/win.

:yeahthat: That sounds great to me.

L'sMommy, I think your original post made it sounds like you were upset that the mom didn't specify the gift in her thank you...as in, she wrote "thanks for the great gift" as opposed to "thanks for the cute lego set!". That wouldn't bother me. But now that you've clarified that she didn't mention a gift at all, I understand why you are puzzled!

Plus, I would think that once she is taking the time to write a card thanking you for coming, she would definitely mention the gift. Unless she is just unsure of who sent gifts, and decided to solve that problem by sending cards to everyone that just thank people for coming...

[MMMommy]

L'sMommy, I think your original post made it sounds like you were upset that the mom didn't specify the gift in her thank you...as in, she wrote "thanks for the great gift" as opposed to "thanks for the cute lego set!". That wouldn't bother me. But now that you've clarified that she didn't mention a gift at all, I understand why you are puzzled!


:yeahthat: OP, your later post clarified it better for me. I thought the mom had generically said "thank you for the gift," rather than not mentioning a gift at all. So I can see why you would wonder if they received the gift at all. I still wouldn't worry about it and assume the mom just didn't reference gifts for all the thank you's.

[4stheCharm]

given she took the time to include pics of your child fromt he party, I would not think twice about it.

I would send an email thank you for the pics as well

[wellyes]

She sent a thoughtful card, that is nice, that is the entirety that I'd think about it in your shoes.

I do not think mentioning the gift is required. I usually do, but I don't blink if a TY card doesn't. In theory, the card is as much about thanking the person for remembering the birthday and attending the celebration as it is about presents.

Also, assuming the gifts weren't opened at school (I certainly hope they weren't!!) , it seems very possible some cards got mixed up. Which is not great, but really, it doesn't matter if she knows who sent what, really.

[MomtoNico]

I had to do that. Some of the tags were off the gifts do I didn't know who they came from. I actually asked the question here to see what I should do. Also some kids just tear open gifts and it's had to keep up with what gift came from who.