When do sensitive kids stop crying at drop-off?

[twowhat?]

Cuz I'm tired of it!:)

The girls do well most of the time, so long as there has been no upset to the delicate balance that is the morning/drop-off routine.

As soon as a wrench is thrown in the works, it is always a downhill spiral. This morning at drop off, I had to walk away from 2 girls crying and SCREAMING "MOOMMMYYY!!!!" Seriously - they are almost 4 years old!!!!

And I'm dreading next week when they start Pre-K. Wondering how many weeks it will take for them to stop crying at drop off - which is what has happened during each transition to a new classroom, for weeks.

And they get excellent care at this center - they are happy and excited when I pick them up, and I have full confidence that they have a great time while they are there. But sometimes at drop-offs...wow, do they really like to pull out those behaviors to "benefit" me. Just mom, of course (because kids will always be most difficult around mom!) It makes it difficult to get through my own day at work when I have to tear myself away from bawling girls. I even plan doctor and dentist appts for late afternoon so I can pick them up and then just go home afterwards...the times when I've only been able to get morning appointments and then have to go drop them off for the rest of the day - uuuuughhh! Tears, tears, tears! It doesn't help that a friend's child (same age) started Pre-K today and bounced right in with a smile and barely a goodbye. I am happy for her that she has such an outgoing kid who hasn't cried at dropoff for more than 3 years, I really truly am and I love her kid to pieces...but it just makes me feel even more sorry for myself (wow, is that sad or what?)

So those of you with very sensitive children - at what age did your child CONSISTENTLY stop crying at drop-off, even with the occassional change in routine? How much longer will I have to hang in there and not feel like I'm walking on eggshells?

[Pyrodjm]

DD1 was newly three when she started preschool last September.She is very sensitive in general, in public she can be an emotional wreck. She screamed liked she was being abandoned in the woods each morning at drop-off for almost two weeks. It broke my heart. What helped me was that the only negative thing she said about school was that I wasn't there. The teacher was kind, the kids were friendly, etc. At the end of the second week of school I went to kiss her goodbye and she smile waved said goodbye without a sniffle. It was like someone had flipped a switched, the day before she'd been hysterical. She never cried again at drop-off and I'm so glad I stuck it out.

[Indianamom2]

You probably won't like my answer, but DD (age 7), still cried many mornings of 1st grade. However, it was WORLDS better than Kindy. Still, I fully expect there to be plenty of tears in the coming weeks of 2nd grade.

Some kids never really get over that sensitivity...they just learn to cope better with it, I believe.

I will be feeling your pain within the week, I'm sure. :hug:

[crl]

Well, ds was four and a half at least before *I* could consistently drop him off without tears. Sorry.

Catherine

[mypa]

At 6yrs old. As a 5yo he was still a mess but something happened when he turned 6. Like a lightswitch, it was not gradual.

[llama8]

DD is almost 3 and she would cry like a banshee at drop-off, but she would be fine 2 minutes after we left and enjoy herself. We worked with rewards and punishments for crying at dropoff and within 3 days, she finally stopped and it has been smoother.

[speo]

DS2 has a rough time with drop-off. I never know how it is going to go. Like you said, anything disrupted in his routine could cause him to cry at drop-off. Other times he will be fine. I always feel like I am walking a fine line. He has been at preschool for 2 full years plus a summer. He will be 5 soon. There was less crying the second year, but still. I am worried for the new year because he is switching now to a public Transitional Kindergarten. I don't know if the people on yard duty will be able to help him. At preschool, the teachers would give him hugs and hold him. I have visions of leaving him behind a fence and having to walk away with him crying and no one there to help. :cry:

[waver]

My DCs are fine with school drop off, but my older one used to cry if I left before bedtime (for girls' night out or meeting).

I know you didn't ask for advice, but one teacher gave me an idea which helped us:

She said to have a role play at a different time, in which I pretended I was DC and and DC was me. I sobbed and wailed dramatically, like "Mommy, I don't want you to go! You can't leave me! etc."

My DC would respond, a reassuring way: "well, I have to go to my meeting. It's just for grown-ups. I love you very much" and kiss and hold me, etc.

We would go back and forth. And this helped a lot the next time I had to leave him in the evening.

The teacher said it was a safe way for him to deal with his feelings of separation.

[hillview]

DS1 stopped crying regularly at age 5 (just before turning 6). At age 6 he didn't cry at drop off but a change in routine (extended vacation etc) would result in crying later in the morning. He just turned 7 and I am hopeful that this year will be no crying. We also have him in therapy to help a little as he adjusts to school this fall.

[karstmama]

ds has only cried once, when i had to walk him to class then go, which was a routine change. his little face just crumpled - it was horrible for me.

but my brother cried a lot. *a lot.* through like third grade. one day mama put the car in park, told me to go on (i'm the older), and told him, 'go ahead and cry. long and hard and loud, cry all you want, cry all day, i'll stay here with you in this car while you cry and cry. but it is NEVER happening again!' and it didn't.

[123LuckyMom]

I do think sometimes the crying has become a pattern like any other. It's drop off time, so now I cry for Mama. That doesn't mean the pain isn't real, but it does mean the pattern can be broken. DS went only two days each week until this year when he started full time. The routine of going daily helped us. He was 3 in late October, and he doesn't cry any more, though sometimes we have mornings where he says he doesn't want to go. We discussed it with him. We came up with some strategies together that might help him. He made suggestions of what might work, so in his mind he believed they would, and so they did. I love the idea of role playing. I would work on it, not just wait for the behavior to go away. Still, it will go away, I'm sure.

[Simon]

He cried off and on until Kinder, and I think only stopped at K because Dh was in the same building so he saw Dad at times during the day and they went together in the morning. ETA: I take that back. There were some mornings he didn't want to leave Dh and go to his class.

He did not cry at any summer camps this summer (6.5yo) but we did always walk him in and let him leave us (vs. us leaving him, iykwim). We'll see how 1st grade goes.

[Giantbear]

Do you have a drop off routine?? DD and i have a set routine once we get to daycare which ends in a hugg, a kiss and then i turn around and she pushes me out the door. Monday's are still tear filled on the way, but the set routine really helped her transition into the toddler room and gives her a sense of control over my leaving.