DD way overly affectionate- how to handle?

[elektra]

We had some friends staying with us this past weekend, and there was another 5yo in the group- a boy.
I feel like DD turned into a teenager overnight! It was like she had a mad crush on the boy and it was awkward. She is very affectionate in general with cousins, family members, etc. but she was way over the top with our 5yo guest. She would take the boy's arm and put it around her shoulders, lay her head on his shoulder like they were at a drive-in movie, etc. She would organize games that were all about who she was going to marry and she would tell the boy he was the prince or knight and she was the princess. (To which he would say things like, "no, I am going to be the bad guy" and then my DS would chime in with, "I'll be the prince and marry you!" much to DD's disappointment.) There were a lot of lingering hugs. The 5yo boy seemed generally ok with it, and did speak up sometimes when he wasn't wanting to go along (ex. declaring he didn't want to be the prince), however the whole thing was a bit awkward. And at one point when DD called out that they should go change their clothes together, I jumped right in and did not let them do that. But the rest of the time I sort of hung back, but felt weird about not intervening more. I just did not know what to tell her though. That she was being too affectionate? That it was weird she was acting like a teenager with a huge crush? I did on occasion remind her that people need their personal space and that maybe he didn't feel like hugging right then.
I do think it could have been a sort of normal, exploratory kind of thing but it was just really uncomfortable for me. My guest (the mom and my friend) assured me she was ok with it but what would you all have done?

I have been trying to figure out where she is getting a lot of this stuff and my guess is that it is a combo of princess movies and ballet. She was totally striking poses when we would take pictures too. WTH?

[Momit]

Good friends of ours have a 5-year-old DD who is very physically affectionate with everyone. My friend tells her she has to ask before giving someone a hug or climbing into their lap. Not sure if that's the best solution but it seems to work pretty well for them, and she is learning to respect people's personal space.

Sounds like your DD was super excited to have a playmate her own age, but I can see how the boy-girl aspect made it a little more awkward.

[Katigre]

I would look at media exposure and maybe tackling some of that as feeding those ideas.

But honestly I remember having my first real crush as a 5 yo - it was intense (it felt intense at the time) even though I didn't actually talk to the boy or anything.

[hillview]

My newly 5 year old DS loves to give big long hugs usually to same age or younger kids (most often girls) and he has girlfriends at tennis or camp and it all seems fine IF the other child is ok with it as well. If not it cannot happen and I tell DS to stop, respect other's space.

[brittone2]

My previous next door neighbor went through a phase like this. She watched a lot of Hannah Montana and similar shows with her older sister. This little girl was 5-6 when it was going on, and her sister was 10. There was a lot of talk about boyfriends, dating, etc. in her play. (eta Not terribly inappropriate per se, but definitely more mature content and themes than I remember at that age. It reminded me more of something 7-9 yo would do).

Even if your DD doesn't watch shows like that, I think there are parents who are okay with it, and other little girls have it trickle into their play as a result.

That said, one of my long-time BFFs and I used to chase the boys around the tables in Kindy trying to kiss them, and we'd twirl our dresses so they could see our underwear. :bag
I didn't have cable, and I wasn't watching tween themed shows, and I'm pretty sure my friend didn't either so...I can't really blame media exposure for my behavior! :rotflmao:

[KLD313]

I was like that at 5. I had a major crush on the son of my parents friends. I also remember kissing a boy (on the cheek) in kindergarten. I grew out of it and I know I didn't learn it from tv or media sources.

[elektra]

That said, one of my long-time BFFs and I used to chase the boys around the tables in Kindy trying to kiss them, and we'd twirl our dresses so they could see our underwear. :bag
I didn't have cable, and I wasn't watching tween themed shows, and I'm pretty sure my friend didn't either so...I can't really blame media exposure for my behavior! :rotflmao:

LOL!
I think DD is just picking up on how flirting works from somewhere. Is it possibly innate? I mean, yes we do watch princess movies and she has also seen some more PG type movies that include themes not 100% geared toward the under 5 set, and I suppose even Candice from Phineas and Ferb is a bit boy crazy, but she hasn't seen iCarly or Hannah Montana or anything like that.
In her ballet camp they did dress them up in makeup and had hand on hip type of poses included in some of their little routines.

So I guess my redirecting and mentions of personal space were a good way to handle this?
And just mentioning to the mom that I could see what what going on and that I was trying to get DD to back off a bit?

I guess this is more of a girl thing too? I mean I remember getting huge crushes on boys too, but not really until around 6th grade or so. I was a huge tomboy up until that point, and DD is definitely not.

[BabyBearsMom]

No BTDT with my DC, but I definitely remember having a big crush on my neighbor at that age. We used to play "getting married" all the time. I don't think I turned into a bad or perverse adult, so I don't think it did any permanent damage.

My Mom once observed the DH looks a lot like that neighbor boy, so I think he shaped my taste in men for life.

[brittone2]

As another data point, my very dear friend has 3 daughters. They do absolutely no TV at all. They are a very "wholesome" family, for lack of a better word. Her DDs went through a phase last year where they were constantly talking about marrying boys, and we have mutual friends with a son that was usually the targeted husband :) He would kind of play along with it. My son on the other hand would have been grossed out if they said they wanted to marry him, LOL. Or at least, stood there and rolled his eyes continuously for a while.

Her daughters are very into acting out plays, Shakespeare, princess/queen stuff, etc. They don't do Disney, they don't do TV at all, etc. and they were still really in this whole phase of wanting to get married, talking about marrying lots of the boys they know, the one daughter would draw wedding dress pictures, etc. Their play was less...hmmm...mature/teeny feeling than my former neighbor...so 2 varieties of it.

In neither case did the girls spin to show off their undies though, so again, not sure I can link it to how much media was involved ;)

[daisysmom]

LOL!
I think DD is just picking up on how flirting works from somewhere. Is it possibly innate?

My 5.5 year old DD and her girlfriends from her whole pre-K class (4 girls) all knew who they were going to marry (boys in their class, or another class). When she sees the boy that was bethrothed to her (we ran into him and his mother a few weeks ago at an icecream shop), she literally turned mute and wouldn't look at him, she was just so shy. I asked why and she said "because I am going to marry him, that's why!" like it was perfectly normal. I do think that they can develop crushes at this age.

But the overly-attached stuff -- that has happened to my DD too with another girl who was 2 years older. This little girl was staying with her grandmother in a condo a few doors down from our river house condo, and she was so plain rude and bratty. My DD just couldn't get enough of her, wanted to follow her around like a puppy doll, wanted to color her pictures, etc. We had a lot of talks about giving someone else space and not everyone being friendly, but my poor DD just idolized this girl (who really didn't like anything about us except our yellow lab, who was the poor victim in all of this). It was interesting to watch from my stand point. I think they are just trying out confidence at 5 years old, sometimes it swells and other time it mellows.