S/o sexual abuse prevention--body part words?

[boogiemomz]

I know you're supposed to use correct language when teaching your kids about their bodies, I've heard it everywhere from Dr. Berman on Oprah to this forum. But I can't help but notice that I don't hear other parents doing this, and I confess we feel a little awkward. Can someone explain why correct language is important, in terms of sexual abuse prevention? I looked at it on the safely ever after website and it was just some quick, funny thing like "If she comes home calling her vagina a cupcake, you can ask her who taught her that." Is it just that potential predators will be intimidated that she knows what to call it and back off? I guess I could see that, but it isn't particularly compelling to me. As I'm thinking through this, maybe it teaches them not to think it's shameful or embarrassing to talk about? That makes sense. I think if I understood the whole rationale better I would be more on board. (FWIW, DD is not quite 3 and we've just been calling everything between the legs her "bottom.")

[SnuggleBuggles]

I know you're supposed to use correct language when teaching your kids about their bodies, I've heard it everywhere from Dr. Berman on Oprah to this forum. But I can't help but notice that I don't hear other parents doing this, and I confess we feel a little awkward. Can someone explain why correct language is important, in terms of sexual abuse prevention? I looked at it on the safely ever after website and it was just some quick, funny thing like "If she comes home calling her vagina a cupcake, you can ask her who taught her that." Is it just that potential predators will be intimidated that she knows what to call it and back off? I guess I could see that, but it isn't particularly compelling to me. As I'm thinking through this, maybe it teaches them not to think it's shameful or embarrassing to talk about? That makes sense. I think if I understood the whole rationale better I would be more on board. (FWIW, DD is not quite 3 and we've just been calling everything between the legs her "bottom.")

That's my thinking in bold. Also, my understanding is that if something were to happen, it's much better to all involved if the child has the right words to describe things.

[m448]

The reasoning is that all adults including nonparents would be instantly alerted if a three year old said that someone touched her vulva vs her cupcake. on a personal level I prefer to teach the kids pen!s, @nus, vulva and breasts instead of euphemisms.

[JBaxter]

The reasoning is that all adults including nonparents would be instantly alerted if a three year old said that someone touched her vulva vs her cupcake. on a personal level I prefer to teach the kids pen!s, @nus, vulva and breasts instead of euphemisms.

penis anus vulva vagina breast nipple scrotum testicle I see nothing wrong with using butt as correct term. We have taught our boys the correct names from the beginning.

[wellyes]

As I'm thinking through this, maybe it teaches them not to think it's shameful or embarrassing to talk about?

Yes, this. If there is a problem, talk to me, it's just a body part. It's not a vaguely embarrassing "down there" that some other adult can make you feel too ashamed to talk about.

I do think I used the generic "bum" for that whole region with my 1st until she was about your daughter's age. It's a lot easier with boys, I think. "Penis" is a simpler concept, plus a word everyone knows. I personally never heard the term "vulva" until high school (!!)

[m448]

Well butt, buttocks is a correct term. BTW I used grawlixes only to avoid indexing this page on less than savory searches.

[Green_Tea]

Also, my understanding is that if something were to happen, it's much better to all involved if the child has the right words to describe things.

:yeahthat:

If something were to happen, it's important for the child to have the right language to describe it. "Mr. Jones touched my penis." tells you a lot more than "Mr. Jones touched my bottom."

[brittone2]

Yep, we've always used correct terms because I don't want the proper names to have shameful connotations (many adult women feel uncomfortable using the anatomical name for their various body parts, and I think some of that comes from the whole idea that nicknames are more acceptable). If something was wrong....inappropriate touching, pain, etc. my kids could clearly disclose what was bothering them.

I have some friends who use the anatomically correct names and some who don't. Most of my extended family members do not. I know my parents have been taken aback when my kids use the proper terms (ie "my v#lv@ is bothering me, mommy"), but they've learned to deal, and understand why we use the correct terms. They are used to it now. I didn't grow up using the anatomically correct terms, however. I think they still find it...somewhat shocking to hear from a very young child, but they totally understand why now.

[ladysoapmaker]

I knew I was doing the right thing by teaching the kids the proper words, when DH's stepmother nearly choked when DS#2 (at age 2.5yrs) matter a factly told her he had a penis because he was a boy and she had a vagina because she was a girl.

We did it because I hate the nicknames/euphemisms people use and that I didn't want my children to be embarrassed when using the proper words. It definitely helped when I had my puberty talk with DD#1.

Jen

[boogiemomz]

Thanks everyone. Makes good sense.

[elektra]

I think it's like what green tea and others have said, the child is able to be very specific about bad touches.
I think it makes the whole region less mysterious and shameful too. For instance I don't think I ever really knew that I had a vagina until I don't know sex ed in elementary school!? I wanted DD to know about her body- it's empowering. For now she knows that a vagina is the tunnel where babies come out of.

I personally still cringe a bit at "vulva" but I just think it's good to know the name for the whole thing outside of just "vagina".

[o_mom]

This story from JBaxter is the one that I always think of when someone brings up this topic: https://windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=2347240&postcount=12

A huge reason, IMO, to get over our own hang-ups and use the right terms. It also leaves much less in question and is not as easy to explain away.

[boogiemomz]

This story from JBaxter is the one that I always think of when someone brings up this topic: https://windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=2347240&postcount=12

A huge reason, IMO, to get over our own hang-ups and use the right terms. It also leaves much less in question and is not as easy to explain away.

Wow, scary example of this very issue. Thanks for sharing.