Need help to keep DS1 rear facing

[hehateme]

Hi:

DS1 is 3 years 1 month old. He is 40 inches tall but his upper body is much taller than his legs are short. His legs are 18 inches and upper body 32 inches. He weights 33 lbs.

We have 2 Radian XTSL chairs which can be rear facing until 49 inches and 45 lbs.

In our family I (dad) am the researcher and buy most of the things. I do a lot of research before making decision. I come to these forums and other forums to get answers. My wife does not like research and tends to make quick decisions based on instinct and feelings. This is not a problem with me.

For the past 2 years she has been asking me to turn DS1 into forward facing position. This discussion began when DS1 was only 1 year old. Her reason for asking me to do this are not rational. She has told me that:
It will be nice that DS1 can see what we see,
Our pediatrician told her that DS1 can turn around when he is 1 year old
it will be nice to turn him around and give him stuff when he is forward facing
Other parents are doing it so why can't we do this.

She is a clinical researcher and I have given her the sticky thread here and car-seat.org website. She did not spend any time reading it.

Every month she brings it up and I have to push back. I was on a week long trip and I just got back. Once again she told me to turn DS1 forward facing. This time she told me that his legs don't have enough space. She also told me that DS1 complained to her that his feet and legs are hurting. My son has never told me this before. My guess is that she might be coaching him.

I am at a loss. I know that DS1 will be much safer in rear facing position.
I have evidence to back it up buy my wife does not want to read it.

I am looking for a way to keep DS1 rear facing until next year.

Can other mom's please offer any suggestions? How can I communicate better?

Thanks

[AJP]

Sorry you are struggling with this. Since she won't read the info herself, can you sit down and read it with her? There are a few RF YouTube videos...can't imagine watching those and still feeling FF is better. My DH was convinced our kids needed to FF at one year. I just told him to watch the videos and if he coud come up with one valid reason to FF after seeing them, then I was obviously NOT the better informed when it came to our DC's safety. There is no argument to be had if you understand what the cons are to FF in my opinion.
I re-read your post and I do want to add that it's amazing that you've kept him RF that long. That is a huge accomplishment. We turned our DD's at just under 3. I believe you are already in the minority by keeping him safer that much longer than most people. I think the norm on this board is between 2-3 yrs and some over 3 yrs. I hope you can convince your wife, but she may feel that he is ready.

[flashy09]

I think just turning on some Youtube videos about internal decapitation might get her attention! Probably the quickest, easiest way to get some info to her if she doesn't want to listen or read.

[stillplayswithbarbies]

my four year old is still rear-facing, so you can tell her that "other parents" are still rear-facing at older ages.

I can address the leg/feet hurting issue for you. Once you turn him forward facing, his legs will dangle and be uncomfortable and fall asleep (tingly). He will certainly complain then. You will have to stop more often on long trips to let him get out and take the pressure off the nerves in his legs.

I doubt that he is complaining now. Ever see how kids sit? and sleep? they are more comfy with legs all bent up. It seems uncomfortable to us because adults are not that flexible.

Also, once he is forward facing he will drop whatever he is holding to the floor instead of it falling into his lap. Forward facing is definitely less convenient for the parents.

[belovedgandp]

Yes, to everything said already.

The dropping things on the floor more and kicking my seat are the big ones when my older two first turned around.

I also agree on the dangling feet being uncomfortable. My 5YO still pulls his legs up and sits criss-crossed in his forward facing seat.

[wellyes]

I think you're probably right that she's probably (unintentionally) prompting him to complain about his legs bothering him.


The ped wasn't wrong when she told him the baby could be turned at age 1. I believe that 2 years ago, that was the recommendation. It has changed since then. As it stand now, the consensus among pediatricians (AAP) is to turn the child at age 2 or when the reach the weight/height limit. So to me the question is, why on earth would you chose to make your child less safe unnecessarily? You bought a fantastic seat that will allow him to stay RF for a long time. That is a good thing.

This might help if you have a smaller vehicle/sedan: it is extremely annoying to have a child KICK the back of your seat, and all kids will at least try to do it sometimes. So, put that off for as long as you can.

[Smillow]

My son has very similar measurements to yours and is in a Diono Radian XT (his XTSL was replaced by Diono when the harness adjustor broke after <2 years). Internal decapitation is a phrase that I pull out when challenged and might be even more important with a torso heavy kid (my DS also has a large head). For perspective, my DS can wear a child's medium t-shirt & the length is perfect, but 3T pants are plenty long enough.

[stillplayswithbarbies]

another tactic to try is to talk about the value of the seat. You spent the money for a seat, why would you waste that money by not using it to its limits? (rear facing until he outgrows it and then forward facing until he outgrows it)

[hehateme]

I did show the videos and read some of your responses to my wife. As a result of this she decided to let me keep ds1 rear facing. I will print your responses if my wife asks me to turn ds1 ff again.

Thank you so much for your suggestions. We have no other family here. I don't know what we would have without access to collective wisdom of these forums.

[Joolsplus2]

Glad you were able to convince her :boogie:

And the extended rearfacing family is probably only online for ALL of us, so I know how you feel (my dh was really annoyed with me for RFing the girls so long, I never would have made it without all the nice folks here, either :))