Male depression - any experience?

[#2ontheway]

I have come to realize - partially on my own, partially through therapy work, including a little but of couples work - that my DH is depressed.

An outsider probably wouldn't guess it. He is very successful, no problems at work, socializes. But I'm learning that male depression is often quite different from female depression, manifests differently.

I wouldn't dare suggest it to him and he's basically said he's done with couples work unless I insist.

So my new approach, on the advice of my therapist, is to let go. Stop pursuing. Be kind and fair and reciprocate where it feels right, but that's it. Stop coddling, stop enabling. Be a little selfish, take care of me.

Any BTDT? I love him and he's an amazing father. I'm not interested in walking away from the marriage. Just in the few days that I've shifted my thinking, I feel better. But would love to hear from anyone who has been in this position, how you coped, what eventually happened?

Thanks. Ugh.

[megs4413]

I've been in a similar spot, but in my case my DH was willing to hear my thoughts and pursue it with a doc. We had separated at the time before he got treatment. He was on meds for around 6 mos and was like a completely different person.

My concern just reading what you wrote, though, is that if he really has clinical depression and is refusing help, it's probably just going to get worse. I hate to think of it taking that. Hugs!

[mytwosons]

My DH was depressed for years before seeking treatment. He only went when I decided it was a condition of him staying in the home.