Potty training woes! (sorta long)

[rin]

Ok, I'm at my wits' end here, and have no idea what to do.

DD1 (2.5) has been toying with potty training for what seems like ages. For months we've had a little potty in the bathroom and a potty ring, and she's been in diapers, but has had the option of using the potty if she ever wanted. She was very excited about the potty and used to request to go all the time. Right after DD2 was born, 3 months ago, DD1 suddenly became VERY interested in the potty, and announced that she wanted to wear underpants all the time, no diapers. Ok, great, right?

So we bought her a bunch of underpants, started her in them w/frequent reminders, things were going great. She was hesitant about pooping on the potty, but was great about pee. Wore underpants to school, out on errands, etc, and everything was fine. A few accidents here and there, but nothing too serious.

So fast forward to this past week. We just switched to a Montessori preschool last week from the play-based center she had been at since she was a year old. She went last week, then had a four day weekend at home (she's only going TWR). Well, this weekend was a total disaster; she pooped in her pants three times, peed (obviously intentionally) multiple times, once right after I suggested it was a good time to go to the potty (she just looked at me and let loose). Ok, so finally Sunday we asked if she would be happier just wearing diapers again. She said yes, but then kept ripping the diapers off and peeing on the floor, etc. Argh!

We sent her to school today in diapers, but her school put her back into underpants (I think there may have been some misunderstanding?) and then told me she'd had "diarrhea". Well, when I opened up the bag of her dirty clothes it was clear that she hadn't had diarrhea at all, she'd just taken a nice solid poop in her pants. GROSS!!!!!!!

So . . . what in the world should we do here? I am completely overwhelmed by the whole thing and have no clue how to handle this. Put her back in diapers full time, tell her she can try underpants again in a week? She'll say she wants to wear underpants, but will then pee in them immediately, so I feel like we can't let her tell us if/when she's ready to move past whatever bizarre satisfaction she's getting out of all this.

Please help!!

[hillview]

ok well I think first off it would be good to pick what you are doing and stick with that plan for a couple of weeks and only reevaluate after 2 weeks.

If you are doing PTing do a weekend of naked time with a timer every 15 mins. Give a reward for pees/poops in the potty. Night time diaper.

If you are doing diapers stick with them, keep them on with duct tape is required and settle back into that with an idea to re-try PTing in a month or more.

FWIW we PTed the boys at age 3 and it worked well by that time

[hbridge]

First off, hugs, this is VERY hard so be gentle with yourself on this one.

Second, you have to stop the power struggle. YOU WILL LOSE!! She has the control here, she has to want to do it and have the control to use the potty full time.

Since she doesn't want to wear diapers, come to an agreement together as to what will work. Maybe she can wear underwear until she has an accident and then she has to wear a diaper until she has a success in the potty?

Find her currency and use it as a non-punishment type incentive. Just make sure that your child has a say in the agreement. Listen to her and come up with something together. Let her know that diapers are okay if she wants them.

Also, don't be afraid of pull-ups. I know people HATE them, however, the kids can use them like underwear, but accidents are contained. They were my saviour when DC was trained for pee and not poop. Even traveling, we were all comfortable because they worked like underwear, but a poop accident wasn't a huge issue that created laundry, ect.

Finally, take time to connect with your child on a level that doesn't involve potty training. It's so easy to let the frustration overwhelm the relationship. Make sure you make time to have fun with her.

[rin]

Thanks guys. I really appreciate the advice/support. It's so easy to beat yourself up about it, especially since I know that it's my fault for having let it turn into a control issue. I really am not quite sure how it happened, I thought we were being so good with the whole "whatever, underpants or diapers is totally fine, it's your choice" thing, but I guess toddlers are the masters of finding buttons to push.

I think I just can't deal with the underpants/15-minute timer thing right now. For the past few days, whenever I say it's time to go potty she'll swear she doesn't have to go and won't sit on the potty (or will sit on it and jump right off), and then will go pee all over the place about 2 seconds later. I guess maybe we should turn to a week or two of duct-taped diapers. It's so frustrating when I know full well that she's just doing it to 'show' us. It would be funny if it weren't so gross . . .

I'm kicking myself; I am usually so careful about not letting things turn into a power struggle, and somehow here we are. Argh! The best laid plans, right?

That's great advice to focus on the relationship and not get lost in the potty wars. We did have a very nice bedtime story/snuggle time tonight, and I'll try to find some time to do something fun with her one-on-one tomorrow.

[hbridge]

I would be careful with duct tape diapers. By doing that you are taking the control completely away from her and transferring it to you. In my opinion, that's where pullups come in. HOWEVER, introduce them as "underwear", not diapers :).


Good luck and remember that your DC is still VERY young, it will happen, but maybe not on your time frame...

[lizzywednesday]

I would be careful with duct tape diapers. By doing that you are taking the control completely away from her and transferring it to you. In my opinion, that's where pullups come in. HOWEVER, introduce them as "underwear", not diapers :).


...

:yeahthat:

We call them "outside pants" or just by what picture is on the front of each pair.