Family meetings

[infomama]

When I saw the title "How to Get Your Household to Run Itself" I clicked right away but much to my amazement the advise given was to have family meetings. This is a tool we have been using (and slacked off on) for over 2 years. Just wanted to share and tell people these really do work and help. DH and I have a weekly meeting as well. Looking at each other's Google calender just isn't effective communication IMO.
http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/raising_happiness/post/household_run_itself2

[brittone2]

Agree! We haven't done them much since DS2 came along, but they really do help IME. I think raising concerns or issues at a more neutral time like a family meeting vs. in the heat of the moment means my kids are able to hear my message better (ie I'm not yelling at them in the heat of the moment about something). We need to get back to doing a family meeting. eta: Of course, it is good to focus on lots of positive stuff too! I didn't want to make it seem like our family meetings were all about talking about what *isn't* working.

[elbenn]

How old were your children when you started to do family meetings?

[infomama]

youngest was just over 3 when we started.

[brittone2]

Yep, pre-DS2 we did them when the older two kids were a little under 6 and 3. Probably around 5.5 and almost 3 yo if I remember correctly.

[baymom]

I love the idea of this! Do those of you who have meetings have an agenda, and what kind of things do you discuss? My kids are 6 and 8, so we could include them in some family decisions, but what else? Talking about grievances, positives during the week, re-assigning weekly chores.... Do you follow the "putting up a blank agenda weekly to be filled out by family members as they think of things" model that the author in the link infomama posted uses? I am excited to start this in our family!

[brittone2]

We never did the blank agenda, although I think it would be a good idea.

Some ideas -

-How are various "systems" working at home? allowances, chores, etc?
-How are we feeling about our schedule? Are we overscheduled? How are the kids liking their current activities? Are there things we would like to prioritize more that we're not getting to? (more downtime? Family fun nights at home with a board game? More visits to the library? Kids could give great feedback on this.)
-Homework system (in our case, kids HS but do some homework over the course of the week for a co-op class). How is that working for us? Are we feeling like we're leaving enough time? Too rushed? Do we need a checklist or other method to keep track of assignments?
-Since we HS, we sit down periodically and talk about their goals, what they feel they are making progress in, what areas they want to strengthen, things they want to learn more about. This could be applied to kids who attend PS too.
-screen time management (kids could provide input, parents could ask kids to contribute to a list of pros and cons...ex: if you have too much screentime after school, homework feels rushed and more stressful, etc. They might arrive at a decision to play, then do homework, and then have screen time later if they talk through the pros and cons with parents in a more open-ended way.
The whole family may be able to buy in more to a system that values input from all members
-meal planning (maybe everyone gets to request one dinner from a list of regular/easy to make items, which can help the parents plan but also fun for the kids)
-previewing upcoming events (what we're doing this month-festivals, plays, birthday parties, etc.). Do we need to schedule in "down time" too?
-maybe each kid can share something nice their sibling did for them that week or recently? We have had periods where we did a "kindness candle" lighting at dinner, and each kid shared something nice from the day that someone else did for them. I swear, this really did have a positive impact after a few days on their energy toward one another. I need to get back to this and was just discussing it with a friend recently.
-vacation and trip planning with input from the kids where appropriate

[baymom]

Thank you Brittone2!!! Your list was really helpful!

[infomama]

Adding to brittone2....

Choose the set place and time. (ours are at the kitchen table, alternate Sunday evenings). They are written on the master wall calender...they are important events! TV, phones, radio, electronics are all off. No distractions.

Everyone starts on a positive, gives a compliment to someone, perhaps. Ask the question, 'does anyone have any concerns?" Ask everyone to put their 2 cents in on topics. Dd2's opinion/concerns matter, too! Once she said, "Dad...I just need my space when I get frustrated". She was 4 and DH's light bulb went off. He would often go after her asking 'what's wrong' and she would jet off. He never understood until that meeting.

We take turns running the meetings. This is empowering to our dds.

We have rules like no talking when someone else is talking. If you have to have a special item that the person talking holds then use that. We did this in the beginning. Kind words.

Write things down in a notebook. This helps with problem solving and also remembering what went on at the meetings.

We always end with a big family hug.

[hillview]

wow this is an awesome post thanks!!

[SoloMelody]

Love this idea, and I could use this especially as we have a new baby and DD is feeling neglected. Would give her a time and space to voice her needs/opinions as we are just rushing all the time now.

On a side note I work in software and we do a similar thing for the product/process development http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scrum_(development)
I think that what is being described as a family meeting is version of the above process as applied to running a household.

[kristac]

Great info ladies! Thinking about giving it a try. Thanks for the thread!

[hellokitty]

Lol, I had put this out of my mind, b/c my dad's, "family meetings," were a, "how to" guide on how NOT to do a family meeting. I'm glad that this topic has been brought up in a positive light. I think we need to do this, esp now that our schedule keeps getting busier and busier.

[KrisM]

We just had our first family meeting tonight. I think it went well. DS1 and DD really seemed to like it a lot. We talked about a few things and moved a couple to next week, so we could think about it more.

DS2 had bunches of questions to ask - how do light switches work?, how does the Easter Bunny come into the house, why does the car need gas, etc. But, he was patient and raised his hand and waited his turn :).

[Melaine]

DS2 had bunches of questions to ask - how do light switches work?, how does the Easter Bunny come into the house, why does the car need gas, etc. But, he was patient and raised his hand and waited his turn :).

That is the cutest ever!!:heartbeat:

[infomama]

We just had our first family meeting tonight. I think it went well. DS1 and DD really seemed to like it a lot. We talked about a few things and moved a couple to next week, so we could think about it more.

DS2 had bunches of questions to ask - how do light switches work?, how does the Easter Bunny come into the house, why does the car need gas, etc. But, he was patient and raised his hand and waited his turn :).

That's awesome. Hope you guys keep up with them!