Lord help my MIL

[cookiemonster80]

Because she might be the victim if my first violent crime.:angry-smiley-005:
We are visiting DHs family this week and I am losing my cool- I almost had it out with her just now ( and in the 10 years I've been married have managed to never lose it with her amazingly). She means well and is a wonderful person but many times will choose convenience or the easier choice and sacrifice the kids safety, sleep, or my wishes.

I could rattle off a long list but the straw that almost broke the camels back was this- she wants to take DD1 and DN ( age 2)to the nursing home to see greatgrandparents. That's great except DH just left with Dd2 and our car which has the 2 car seats that fit the bigger kids- she just has an infant carrier and roundabout in her car for SIL's kids.

So she says no problem she'll just put DN in the key fit :banghead: I say I think he's too big for it and she says well let's check- so we put him in and of course his head extends above the top of the seat. I say that his head can't be higher than one inch below the top of the seat- her response- 'is that the law?' I say yes, it is the law to only use carseats in the recommended parameters. She thinks he'll be ok- so now by this point I'm really questioning her judgement when left alone with my DD'S and I want her to know that this would never be ok with my kids so I say ' well I can't make the final call on DN, but I would never allow DD to ride like this'. So she calls SIL to get her approval- which if course she got because SIL is the exact same as MIL and yes they think I'm super paranoid hyper anal bc my kids rear face, I stick to a schedule, and don't give them junk to eat.

So frustrated- its been a solid week of stuff like this and I'm so tired of being the bad guy.



Eta- and I'm also frustrated because after this I don't feel comfortable leaving DD's with her and my mom and I have a lovely tulips and tea tour planned for the spring in the Netherlands that I'll have to cancel now.

[niccig]

Eek, that generation really don't get car seats, but they still need to listen to you about it.

Re. the trip you have planned. Is it at all possible to install your car seats in her car, so you know she'll have the right ones. I don't know the ages of your kids but since about 3.5 yo, DS has told MIL when she hasn't made his car seat straps tight enough. MIL commented on how safety aware he is. He may have had a few lessons on the tightness of the straps and the chest piece placement and how to tell Grandma when she's got it wrong and to keep telling Grandma it was wrong if she didn't fix it :innocent:

I knew she would use the seat and buckle it correctly, but the straps would be very loose as that's how DNeice rides in her car. I asked DS at the end of any visit about the car seat and he would tell me if it wasn't used properly.

At 5 yo, DS could do his own straps on the car seat including tightening them and now at 7, he buckles his own booster seat correctly. He even told a camp counsellor that he couldn't ride in a booster in a lap only belt in one of those big 14 passenger vans and the camp director heard and said "he's right, he needs a shoulder belt." I knew it might happen, so I prepped DS about where he needed to sit in the van.

So, if your kids are old enough to be vocal about the car seat, it may just be OK. What food they eat and schedule they keep while you're away isn't such and issue for me, unless there's other safety issues too.

[123LuckyMom]

I'm sorry you have MIL issues! I wouldn't cancel your trip, though. MIL did call SIL to get her permission. If you insist she follow your rules for DD she will. My own mother fusses and criticizes left, right, and center about how ridiculous it is that DS still rear faces, that his straps are too tight, that his nether regions are squished... You name it, she's said it! DS is a reliable reporter, though, and he tells me she follows my car seat rules. I had to leave him with her when I ended up with a c-section. He insisted he couldn't wear his jacket in the seat, and she listened. She may fuss, but she does obey the rules, no matter how silly she finds them. I'm sure your MIL will, too, if you let her know you're concerned that she follow your rules for the car.

[cookiemonster80]

I do think she would follow my rules for the car but its judgment calls like this that have me worried- and she only called SIL because I raised a stink about it- she absolutely would not have if I wasn't involved.

[hellokitty]

Ugh, I also struggle with my parents and in laws regarding carseats. They just do NOT get it. Even when it is supposed to be easy (all they have to do is properly buckle the child in in the five point harness (my mom gets confused EVERY time, which I do not get, since there is only one way to do a 5 pt harness, my mil wants to drive my kids around, but refuses to learn how to use a carseat).

I like niccig advice to install your seats into mil's car and then I would keep testing her. Tightening the harness tight enough is a huge issue, IMO. Good luck with your trip. I understand wanting to cancel. DH and I have had kids for almost 9 yrs now and have never (both) been away from the kids, b/c we cannot trust either the in laws or my parents to watch our kids and we live too far away from my brothers, who I would trust to watch my kids.

[TwinFoxes]

I get that attitude (not just about car seats but about any limits I set) from my SIL. You are not alone! :hug:

[ABO Mama]

Pull up some car crash tests on you tube, and see if that helps (although that will never happen to them!).

[KLD313]

What is it with Grandmothers and car seats? My mother just got mad at me because I said I had to get the kids something warm for the winter. She said she would get something, I told her no because I needed it to be safe for the car seat and not some big bulky coat. She got an attitude and said so let them freeze then.