Sad about DH's V

[alexmommy]

So DH told me tonight he has a V scheduled for tomorrow. We've been talking about it since DD was born (she is 16 mo), and we are both sure we are done. But still, I'm a little sad. Choosing not to have more is a lot different from not being able to have more. Feels silly to be sad, but I know I won't be buying the cute little stuff anymore (though DD is still in 12 mo sizes). I will be happy to get rid of our basement-full of baby stuff though. Sigh. Moving on to the next phase of life I guess.

[georgiegirl]

Hugs. It's hard when that becomes permanent.

[ourbabygirl]

I can totally understand how you would feel sad! We have two little ones and would probably have DH get a V if he would agree to it. Instead we use other forms of BC that aren't as permanent, just in case we change our minds.

Anyhow, hugs to you! :hug: I hope the surgery goes well and gives you relief that you probably won't be having any 'accidents.' ;)

[KpbS]

Sending hugs your way. :grouphug:

[ha98ed14]

Do you just have one DD? If so, I would caution you against making a permanent decision at 16 months old. I waited 5+ years to make the choice to be permanently done with my one. From the day after DD was born, I knew I didn't want to be preg ever again, but I still waited. Thankfully I've never wavered. :)

[AngB]

Do you just have one DD? If so, I would caution you against making a permanent decision at 16 months old.

:yeahthat:

[mommyoftwo]

Do not do anything permanent unless both you and your husband are absolutely certain without a single doubt that it is what you both want to do. After two very difficult pregnancies and DH being a surgical resident we felt pressured to have my tubes tied when I had a c-section. We both felt so overwhelmed at the time that we couldn't imagine going through another pregnancy. We both regretted it very quickly afterwards as we got farther away from the misery that was my pregnancy. I had reversal surgery as soon as he was done with residency. The surgery was successful but we then suffered from secondary infertility which seems to be totally unrelated to my tubes which is a whole other story but for four years, we regretted what we had done. We were lucky that my reversal surgery was successful but it isn't always. In the end we had to do IVF because I wasn't ovulating but we put ourselves through a lot of misery, not to mention spent a lot of money on reversal surgery because we made a decision too quickly. It may very well be the right decision for you but it is a mostly permanent decision and you do not want to have any second thoughts or doubts later on.

[Tondi G]

Just echoing the other ladies here. If you are not 100% sure then i would ask him to wait. There is no harm in waiting a little longer to make sure you are certain you are happy with your family of 3. I hate for you to agree just because (as the sadness you are expressing says to me that you aren't 100% on board) and then regret it. If I had gone along with him my DH would have had a V when DS2 was a toddler. My boys are now 11 and 7 and we have gone back and forth discussing the possibility of a 3rd for the last year. I'm glad are at least still able to have these discussions.

[niccig]

DH made the appointment, we went to the Dr's visit, had the surgery scheduled then we decided to wait. We're only have one DS and 99% sure we're done, but the 1% was a factor - what if we did change our minds. DH also had panic attack in the waiting room and passed out (hates anything to do with needles when it's done to him.) and I knew for him to do the surgery was going to involve a lot of drugs, just to get him there in the car. He would do it if I wanted him to, but I know he was relieved when I said he didn't have to - we have other options.

Now a year on, I'm not happy I'm still doing BCP and if there's a time I forget the pill and DH has to use condoms, he can't complain about it.

So like others, you can postpone if you want to. When DH called, they said it happens all the time and to come back when ready. Apparently it is common for people to cancel then go back later and do it.

[alexmommy]

Yes, we are sure we are done. We have a 3.5 yr DS as well as 16 mo DD, which is exactly what we wanted, and both are healthy. I am 36 and DH is 43. We love our children tremendously, but have neither the money, room, time, or energy for more. We always talked about having only two. We are from families of two children. But I think a part of me will always want to be holding a small, squishy baby. So I am sad. Glad to not have to worry about BC, glad to get rid of baby stuff, but sad. Maybe when my kids are older I'll go hold babies in the nursery at church. I guess I was expecting more notice, but DH told me last night it was scheduled for today, though we've been talking about it for a year. I just hope it goes well.

[okinawama]

There was no doubt in my mind that we were done (DONE. DONE.DONE!) after DS2, but I was still sad on the day of DH vasectomy. I think it's completely normal to feel a touch of sadness on that day! I hope your DH has a speedy recovery and that you enjoy the upcoming, baby free, phase of life :)

[MamaSnoo]

I hope it all went ok....I know it is tough. DH and I are done with 2. We have both been very clear on this all along. Nevertheless, he has some hesitation for the big V. We were planning for me to have Essure after this baby (which he was ok with), but now, I feel a little sad and cannot bring myself to schedule it. We are very close in age to you guys, and both my pregnancies has some complications, so I know there will not be any more babies.....but it is a little sad. :grouphug:

I hope your DHs recovery is smooth.

[ZeeBaby]

I think you are always sad whether you are sure if is the right decision for your family or not. There is such a sense of finality. I had my tubes tied after DD2 and felt the same way. I still have pangs sometimes about not having a boy, but I think that is only natural.

[lhafer]

Hugs to you! We have 2, and knew we were done. DH got a V when DD2 was about 3 months old. I was really sad, even knowing we were completely 100% done. Even now - 2.5 years later, I still get baby pangs.

Then I happen to see a kid in the store throwing a tantrum, or read about a friend's teenager who's giving them serious attitude, and think...nope. I'm done!! ;)