discipline strategy for toddlers hitting/tantruming in public?

[♥ms.pacman♥]

Never had to really deal with this until now....DS is a little more than 2.5 and DD is 1.5. This afternoon i took kiddos to Gymboree since i had $50 in Gymbucks and i needed to buy my niece a bday present (we will be making a roadtrip this weekend to visit). Well when we got there my kiddos were on their worst behavior. I was probably in there only 20-30 minutes but from the get-go they were hitting each other, throwing fits (DD was arching her back, screaming to get out, etc). I had them both in the BJCMD, which is normally okay but for some reason they went apesh!t this afternoon. It was like 430 pm, and they had plenty of snacks, water, i even had given them one of those Plumbaby pouches..t.hat appeased them for like 30 seconds until they finished them.

Anyway, strategy for this? How do you punish a toddler who acts out when you're out shopping? Specifically DS, who is old enough to know better, than he shouldn't be trying to poke his sister's eye out. with DS, timeouts work pretty well at home. But of course once we're at a store in the mall, and it's two against one, I can't exactly implement a time-out. Something tells me they know this and they act this way on purpose. Threatening to leave doens't work because I think that is what they want...they dont' want to be there.

i just was so embarrassed over my kiddos behavior. they were screaming, shouting, hittitng each other for no reason. Yes, DH has been OOT all week, I had my first job interview today (in like 5 years), yet they stayed home all day with the sitter (that they've known forever). So routine was a bit different, but still....don't know if that excuses my DS trying to whack his sister. :(

[brittone2]

We leave, because it is atypical for my kids, and on the rare occasion it happens, it is a day I'd rather not be out and about dealing with it. If I couldn't leave, I'd physically separate to the best of my ability, and put the younger in the Ergo and older in a stroller or something like that to prevent the hitting. THey might not be happy, but they'd be separated.

You could give them a chance to regroup in the car and then go back in the store, but honestly, on those days we would just head home. THat's a really rare event here though unless something else is off (getting sick or overtired are the two big culprits for my kids. With DD, it was often when she needed to eat.) DS1's only major public tantrum was in a two story B&N when we let him stay out too late with us one evening...having fun, etc. until....he wasn't. He kicked, flailed, and screamed as I physically carried him out of B&N, screams echoing through the two stories, and that was followed by 20 mins of trying to get his stiff as a board body into a carseat *with* DH's help. People in the parking lot were staring like we were trying to abduct him (funny now, not so funny then!) Total nightmare, and the entire place was staring. However, it was like his one and only ever public tantrum, and very much DH and my fault because we stayed too long and too late.

[flatlander802]

Was this the first time or is it everytime you go shopping?

Around age 3 my daughter learned that ill behavior would make me leave a store and since that's what she wanted, it very quickly became common. She would sometimes smugly volunteer that information the next day so it was very obvious that was what was really happening.

I swiftly took the tactic of explaining to her what we needed to accomplish before we went into a store. If she started to be a pest, I would remind her of our goal and tell her that she was just making it take longer. I also talked up 'working as a team' which I think I picked up from Llama Llama Mad at Mama. We didn't leave unless we were being extremely disruptive to other shoppers because I knew that was just making it worse. I didn't solve the problem instantly but slowly it was a little bit easier each time we had to go shopping.

I imagine poking a sibling is easy to do if you're bored. You might suggest a socially acceptable alternative like walking on only one color of the carpet or singing a song.

[waitingforgrace]

For screaming tantrums I either continue with my shopping or if I think it's especially disruptive to the business/other shoppers I take the kids outside and we stand there while DD1 tantrums. I have definitely been the mom standing outside the grocery store while my kid screams because she doesn't want to go in. It's not an option for me to just leave wherever I am and I tend to think doing that would reinforce that the tantrum will result in getting what she wants. Same goes for a trip to the mall. I can't drive all the way there just to leave because she decides to tantrum.

I let the tantrum play out while reminding her I need her to use her words and tell me what she wants. If it's something I can't accommodate such as leaving I quickly explain what we need to accomplish and remind her the sooner she calms down the sooner we can finish and leave. I also tend to distract her by playing I spy or asking her to help me with something. For example, can you help find mommy's phone, car keys, etc.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

thanks for the replies. FWIW, this is atypical of my kids when going out. we eat out maybe 2-3x a week, and it's been months since we've had to tak either of them out during the meal for anything...they are usually well behaved. taking them to the grocery store is very easy (DH takes both by himself many times, in evenings or weekends)...they are both pretty well-behaved and even DS can be trusted to walk on his own with his own shopping cart. DS actually gets excited about going to the grocery store. I take them to the post office too, no problem. I take both kiddos by myself to their ped appts, shots and all and usually its' fine.

the thing though, is that when we go to the mall for whatever reason they tend to get super antsy. maybe bc it's not as interesting as grocery shopping, i don't know (i never grocery shop with a stroller BTW..DD sits in the cart up high and DS walks). also, it's the only time i use the BJCMD (all other times i have DS walk and DD in G-lite) so maybe it's the proximity of each other...to easy to just sit there and jab at each other and snatch the other's lovey, snack cup, whatever. But i don't know..i use my BJCMD bc 'm scared to let my DS run loose in a clothing store. For whatever reason DS behaves himself in a grocery store, post office but not in a clothing store. And this is just kids clothing where there is a TV on playing kids shows, but still..they could care less. I could never ever ever take them clothes shopping for myself...i am just downright flabbergasted when i see moms taking their kids with them to Old Navy or Gap or what they actually get to try stuff on...that would be like TORTURE for my kids, not to mention, me. Though i know clothes shopping is torture for DH, so maybe that's where they get it from, LOL.

sigh, the poking the sibling thing is getting so old..DS does that at home, mostly. i try to ignore it to some extent but it infuriates me that DS does all these things to his poor sister. She cannot talk yet really (only single words) so I have to explain to DS that she is not old enough to say she doesn't like that,etc.

[doberbrat]

I've done TO in a store. I just find a quiet wall or corner and turn sideways so I'm not looking directly at her.

I've also reminded dd1 that we behave properly because I love her and I dont want to listen to her imagine what people who dont love her are thinking.

And I have left and the next time she asks to go to the store I refuse and remind her why.


But I dont have 2 so close in age. .....

[hellokitty]

I always carry extra snacks so I can break them out if there is this sort of situation. Usually, the snack helps to calm/distract them to finish what I'm doing to get the heck out of there. If they are causing too big of a commotion and won't calm down, we just leave.

[fedoragirl]

I just finished reading Siblings Without Rivalry recommended by roseyloxs. It is the best parenting book I have read. It is very easy to read and I easily read it in one sitting. Now, I have to go over each chapter to incorporate skills that are recommended so that they become a part of my parenting every day. I highly recommend having that. I now give it to all my friends who are having second or third children.