(Warning-sad/sensitive) Best ways to help a friend after a stillbirth?

[goldenpig]

We recently made friends with a really nice family at DD's new school--they have a daughter in K with DD, a set of twins DS's age and she was expecting another boy, just like I am. We've gotten together several times over the past couple months and were really looking forward to having babies together so we could have another set of playmates. Well, today I found out that they just suffered a loss of their nearly full-term baby, due to a Listeria infection. I am in shock--just crushed. I know they are devastated. I took the kids and went to visit the couple in the hospital today and brought them lunch, cookies and Jamba Juice, which they appreciated since the hospital food stinks. We also are planning to visit them and bring dinner sometime in the next couple of days so the kids can play together. And of course we'll continue to get together regularly and help them out as much as we can over the next few months, year etc. But I'm wondering what else I can do in the next few weeks to show support, specifically any gifts I could give them that would be appropriate? I do know the baby's name. I know they held him but I forgot to ask if they took any pictures.

Some of the ideas I had were:
1) copy of Empty Cradle, Broken Heart and a picture frame for the baby's picture (if they have one)
2) Etsy necklace or bracelet with baby's name (not sure if this is something she would actually want to wear though)
3) Donation to local tree-planting service--you can have the family attend a tree-planting ceremony in the deceased's honor and they will plant a tree in a local park. (They rent their home, so I wouldn't be able to give them something to plant at their home).
4) offer to babysit the kids and gift certificate for dinner date for the parents

Which of these things do you think would be a good gift? If you suffered a loss, what gifts were the most meaningful to you (besides bringing dinners and continuing to visit and remembering the anniversary, which we definitely plan to do).

I am numb right now, but I know I'm going to be bawling later. I have this weird survivor's guilt...I feel like this always keeps happening to me. When I was first pregnant with DD and near term, a co-worker told me about her full term stillbirth, and I found out another coworker's first child had died of SIDS the night they brought him home. Then when we had DD, DH's coworker had a baby at the same hospital at the same time, but he died at one week old of neonatal sepsis from a viral infection. When DD was 4 months my sister told me one of her friends had a 4 month old baby who died of SIDS. When DD was 8 months old another fellow at my school (although not someone I knew personally) died unexpectedly after a routine medical procedure and she had an 8 month old daughter (I never met them, but I donated a bunch of DD's baby supplies to the dad). And now this. And I am thinking of all the hot dogs and deli sandwiches and salads I've eaten over the last few months and thinking it very well could have been me (and now I'm swearing to be much more careful about avoiding food no-no's). I am kind of freaking out over all these coincidences and scared about all the potential deadly things that could happen to me or the baby or even my other kids. And I wasn't even the one that had the loss! I am wondering what the best way is to help ease my friends' sorrow. And I'm worried that my continuing pregnancy is going to be a source of ongoing pain for her. Sorry for rambling and thanks in advance for your advice. :crying:

[kaharris83]

I don't have any suggestions as I have no BTDT but my heart goes out to them. I'm almost 32 weeks and I've been terrified of Listeria or other food borne illnesses my entire pregnancy. I subscribed to the FDA recalls and it's been a continuing source of anxiety, but it has made us transition from eating out constantly to eating at home. At least then when there is a recall I know if we ate the product or not. Sending the family strength and peace during this difficult time.

[Kestrel]

You might suggest a therapist/councilor. I know that when I had my miscarrige, just trying to find someone was more than I was up to. A reference to a specific person who has experience in that area would have been a huge help.

[twowhat?]

That's heartbreaking:( I'm so sad for her, and for you too because I can see how that would really rattle you. I've seen friends who suffered a miscarriage really struggle to interact with others who are pregnant at that time, so I do think that your pregnancy will be a source of pain for her, so I'd offer more "behind the scenes" support. I think bringing dinner by a couple of times is great. You don't have to linger - it's as simple as stopping by, offering hugs, and handing over a casserole. I'd also remember the date the baby died or the baby's due date and send a card on that date each year. That will be especially meaningful to her that you thought of them even around the time that your baby's birthday will be. Let them know that you're there, but don't try too hard to push in being supportive. Time will heal.

Hugs, hugs, hugs to all involved.

[ha98ed14]

How sad. The only bit of input I'd add would be to not take it personally if she does not want to get together or be friends after her loss. Your children's ages mirror each other so perfectly that your last baby will always be a reminder if the one she lost, how old he would be now, doing the things your baby is doing... She will never forget, but she may not want to be reminded all the time either, so if she does not come around later, do not take it personally. I would also not push too hard because she may feel angry (misplaced in her pain) towards you because you still have your baby. My friend who had a still birth struggled with feeling that way towards some of our friends who had babies the ages of the one she lost.

[candaceb]

I am so sorry for your friends' loss, and for the survivor guilt you feel.

Along the lines of the help finding a therapist, you could also offer to help with funeral arrangements. Most of the time, parents who lose a baby have never had to deal with funerals before and it is very overwhelming. I kept trying to do it myself but just couldn't make the phone call. I finally took advantage of my SIL's offer to help and she took care of the whole thing - we just had to go to the funeral home and sign the papers.

Other things that I found helpful during that horrible time:
- the friend who left dinner sitting in a cooler on our front porch when we came home from the hospital will never be forgotten
- charitable donations made in the baby's name - especially to the March of Dimes and the hospital's infant bereavement fund
- friends who came and spent time with me because I couldn't handle being alone after DH went back to work
- DH got me a necklace from etsy. It doesn't have his name, but has special meaning to me and has his birthstone
- the friend who offered to take me to Target once I was mobile (recovering from a c-section) - I had been on bedrest for 6 weeks and all I wanted to do was go to Target during that whole time.


things that were not helpful to me, but may be helpful to someone else:
- "keepsakes" with the baby's name and birthdate. I just didn't know what to do with them. A friend had a crystal paperweight type thing engraved, and another friend sent baby booties with the name and birthdate on the bottom. They're in a box in the closet.
- cut flowers - they were just another thing that was going to die

[scrooks]

I totally get what you are feeling ...there was a little girl in DDs class the past 2 years (and they actually live up the street from us) whose parents lost a DS to SIDS. They told me the very first time I met them (at DDs school open house) and it stuck with me (and I think about it everytime I see them) because there son was born within a month of DS. So they are telling me this story while I am sitting there with my one year old boy the exact same age that their llittle boy would have been.

I think offering to help them by offering to watch their kids and bringing meals are super great things. Just realize, at some point, she may have a hard time being around you. I know it was hard for me to be around pregnant people after my miscarriages.

FYI....I know you are a doc and probably know this but listeria is really rare from what I understand. My ob told me the only case she ever actually heard of of a woman losing her baby due to it was actually a worker at a KFC type place who was constantly handling raw chicken.

[specialp]

I typed up a long list of things that meant a lot to me after I lost my child, but I decided against it. (I’m currently pregnant again, almost term, and the whole subject terrifies to me no end.) I do not think it matters which item or gesture you decide on as they are all perfectly good ones. What items mean a lot to one might not, in and of itself, mean a lot to another. (I liked keepsakes, but a pp didn’t know what to do with them.) But the thought will. The reaching out will. So many shy away from us out of fear of saying or doing the wrong thing (and I understand that being doubly so for you since you are pregnant and that may be difficult for her), so I just wanted to assure you that a meaningful gesture or item will be appreciated, whether it is a perfect fit for this mom or not, and I liked your suggestions as I received nearly all of them (save for the tree ceremony) and all were appreciated. This is from a blog I read of a mother who lost her son shortly after I had my loss, but I always pass it along to give assurance that what you do does matter and because it says what I could never put into words:

Grief, for those standing at a distance, seems too sacred to approach with common hands, and comfort a priestly duty. Consoling is utterly impossible, and surely a job for some expert who knows the flavor of agony, or some close family member who has a right to speak.

That is how the outsider feels; but grief is a lowly, deep, and violent wound, and the pain so exquisite that every kindness has the potential to be, not consolation for such loss, but perhaps a cushion against the writhing.

Oh, and if a few months down the road or on the anniversary date (6 months or 1 year), send a card. It doesn’t have to say more than “I am thinking of you today,” but it means a lot to know on that difficult day after a lot of the phone calls and gestures have stopped, someone remembered.

[AngB]

I've actually heard of a couple of women losing babies to listeria, but the people I hang out with the most now is pretty skewed towards those who have had pregnancy and infant losses. (We've met a lot of awesome people in our support group over the years and some of them are now some of my closest friends and a lot of us now have living kids around the same ages.)

---

I think all of your ideas are really great, honestly. Any or all of those things would be good. I still wear the necklace with our daughter's name, birth date, and birthstone that my friend gave me.


Hopefully the hospital they are at has good support services. (Some do, some don't.) If you happen to know if they do or don't, in a few weeks or even a month or two, it wouldn't be a bad idea to help them find some kind of support system. As understanding and great as friends can be, if you haven't lost a child, sometimes it's just hard because you can't really fully understand unless you've been there. Hooking her/them up with some people who have been there (sadly it sounds like you may know a few others), is actually really helpful, both people that are "further out" and people who have had recent losses. There are a ton of baby loss support sites online now too--- www.facesofloss.com (lots of good resources as well as personal stories here), www.glowinthewoods.com, www.nationalshare.org , to name just a few good ones. I think for most people, the first month is a little too soon for much in the way of therapy/ outside support, it's just a numb and raw and exhausting time. It wouldn't be bad to send an email with the links now, but I think it's probably too soon to recommend counselors or anything more hands on. (And a lot of people are ok finding support without formal counseling/therapy, most I know just did our informal support group.)

There are also some good books for kids, I might not buy it not knowing their beliefs but you could mention it and ask. "We were supposed to have a baby but got an angel instead" (something like that) is the one I'm thinking of off the top of my head, I haven't read that one but we have one by the same authors "Someone Came Before You" for our son and it's really good and child appropriate.

My good friend and I were due with girls about the same time. She was also one of my most supportive and helpful friends. But still, that is so so hard. It was okay for me during the rest of her pregnancy but once her little girl was born it was tough. In some ways it still is. We had a very frank discussion early on about it and she has mostly let me take the lead and put up with me being a pretty crappy friend to her- I try to make it up to her- but her daughter is a constant reminder of all the things our daughter should/would be doing, and some moments even 3 years later it's just too hard.

[lovebebes]

The pain your friend is going through is undescribable. When I lost baby at 36 weeks the only thing that truly meant sometging was someone who was there to listen and just be with me. People sent flowers but to me they didn't cheer me up needless to say. I remember getting an earth mama angel baby loss kit but I didn't want anything to do with it. The thing that mattered most as days crept by ever so slowly, then turned into painful weeks and then still painful months is that people remembered. Nothing was worse than someone NOT mentioning "it" (the what happened). I WAS a mother of two, I didn't want to be thougt of as a mother of one. To this day, 5 years later I cannot take it when someone who knows about the past says sometging like "you've given birth there times already and you still look great (or whatever)-No, I've given birth four times, and one of those children is just not with us.
I know maybe this isn't specifically what you were asking about as far as physical gifts and tokens of sympathy go but I wanted to give you my perspective. Those early days were SUCH a blur, I didn't care what I ate, or if I ate at all. Just be there for her, let her talk while you listen. Call the baby by the baby's name. Remember the anniversaries as they go by, send flowers on those days. Even just a flower you pick on the street and put by her door on a day like that means the world. I am so sorry this happened to your friend.

I do really like your idea of offering to babysit the kids. The parents would appreciate being able to go away and be alone for a bit.

Ps Dd 1 was 3 yrs old at the time we lost her sister. We chose to not tell her. I still looked pregnant for a long time after and poor thing she didn't know, and I couldn't tell her, I also knew in my heart I would be pregnant again very soon (and I was, 8 weeks later), and I didn't want her to be scared through my whole next pregnancy that something would happen to that baby too. Because of this I was a bit upset when someone gave dd1 a book for kids on losing a baby sibling. Thankfully she hadnt opened it before I intercepted it.

[infocrazy]

My cousin did this for DS3 when he was born still. It was before they started charging, but it isn't too expensive now. http://namesinthesand.blogspot.com/ Our pictures of DS3 are very graphic and difficult to share, however we have this picture enlarged and framed on our wall. Easier to share and see, but still a daily remembrance.

[jjordan]

You can set up a meal schedule on a website like takethemameal.com, so that other friends can help provide the family with meals.

I agree that a card on the 6 month and 1 year anniversary would be appreciated.

[nc_hope]

The thing that mattered most as days crept by ever so slowly, then turned into painful weeks and then still painful months is that people remembered. Nothing was worse than someone NOT mentioning "it" (the what happened). I WAS a mother of two, I didn't want to be thougt of as a mother of one.

Call the baby by the baby's name. Remember the anniversaries as they go by, send flowers on those days.

As a mom who has also lost a baby late in pregnancy, I agree completely with this. Acknowledging my son, using his name especially, meant so much to me. I kept all the cards and notes I received that spoke of him specifically using his name. It's been 8 years and it still means so much to know people haven't forgotten him.

And I also agree that, unfortunately, it will probably be difficult for your friend to be around you much for a while, especially once your baby is born. I think your awesome for being so concerned and supportive of this family!

[magnoliaparadise]

I am so sorry for your friend's loss and I'm sorry for you, too, because it sounds like you were looking forward to a really wonderful future friendship as mother's of babies.
I lost my nephew when he was 10 and it was devastating to my family and although I was only an 'aunt', I was devastated.
Here are things that I remember people did which really helped:
1. Went to the memorial. A lot of people didn't want to or couldn't go. It really helped to see friends there.
2. A couple of friends remembered the date that Jacob had died and wrote to me on the one year anniversary - a very simple e-mail saying something like, 'I know this day has meaning for you. I am thinking of you.'
3. One friend of my sister's named a star after him - one of those websites where you pay x amount of dollars to name one of a million stars. But that really helped.
4. Some people donated money to an organization my sister had started, which was nice, but what really made me tear up is some kids who had a bake sale or sold used books or joined a cancer march, etc. to raise money. Some of them still do it. I could cry just thinking of it now.
5. This is probably not exactly right for you, but I know someone who had a miscarriage after years of infertility and her wealthy friend gave her a diamond necklace, which had a lot of meaning for her and she wore it all the time - like the necklace was her baby's memory or soul.
These are just some thoughts.
I agree with other posters - don't take it personally if your friend doesn't want to be friends with you anymore. It sucks, but that might be how she feels, even if she rationally still likes you.

[goldenpig]

Thank you all so much for your suggestions and sharing your personal stories, I know that must bring up a lot of painful memories. I am so sorry for your losses. I am sad that there are so many of you who have experienced the loss of a child.

I took the kids and visited the couple in the hospital on Saturday and brought them Panera sandwiches and cookies and Jamba juice for lunch. Yesterday I dropped off some pasta from California Pizza Kitchen. They were very happy because they said the hospital food stinks. Today they are planning to be discharged from the hospital and another friend is coming to visit them with dinner. Tomorrow will be their daughter's first day back at school and we are going to bring them some chili and cornbread for dinner and let the kids play together so their daughter will have some company that evening (they were the ones that suggested we come over with the kids).

They also asked me to send an email out to all the kindergarten parents, her buddy families, Sunshine committee coordinator, teachers, head of school, etc. to let them know the sad news, so I did that yesterday. That was so hard. I keep tearing up every time I see the email and responding to the replies coordinating the meal deliveries. They said they really appreciated not having to do that and talk to everyone because they aren't up for it yet. I set up a meal train at www.mealtrain.com (http://www.mealtrain.com) and so far we have most of the next two weeks covered and many more that responded saying they want to donate but haven't signed up for a date yet. I am really happy that this school is such a tight-knit community. It seems everyone is really rallying together for them in their time of need.

I also ordered a copy of Empty Cradle and two kids books, Something Happened and We were going to have a baby but had an angel instead, to give to them and the kids. I think I will look into the tree ceremony. I think I may give that to them as a gift for the baby's due date which is coming up in a few weeks. Not sure yet about the necklace, because I'm not sure if she'll wear it. Unfortunately we're not rich enough to afford a diamond necklace, but that's a really nice gift. I like those sand name pictures too, those are so pretty.

So far they haven't tried to avoid me--in fact they've been really happy to see me and for the support. They told me before any of the other parents so I think they feel really close to us. We talked about whether my pregnancy would be an issue. She said she was worried that it was putting too much stress on me during my pregnancy, having to deal with all this, and I said of course not and that I was happy to be able to help them. I know they would do the same for me. And I told them I was worried that being around me would be upsetting for her and she said no way, there's so much joy and hope in that. So I was reassured. I will keep an eye on things though and if it seems like it's getting painful I will back off. Right now I think they are really happy to have my help.

As for me, I am a wreck. Exhausted both physically and mentally. I had a cold last week, and my asthma is acting up so I'm coughing (which makes me leak urine so I have to wear pads now) and I get a little short of breath and tachy when I'm standing up (but I had my labs checked and I'm not anemic & thyroid is OK), and I'm tired all the time. And I've been really emotional the last couple of days having to deal with being the point person and and answering all the emails and thinking about this whole situation. At least I don't have to work today, but I do have to take DD to the doctor because last night she was complaining her ear hurts (although now today she said she is fine so I don't know if it's anything). And I have to buy the food to make dinner for them tomorrow, and pack for our trip to my sister's wedding this week. The one good thing is I had my ultrasound yesterday and the baby's doing just fine and everything looks good.

Thanks again for all your support and suggestions. :love5:

[daisysmom]

Be gentle for yourself too. You can't treat yourself just like any other close friend right now - you are at the height of your own emotions, hormones, etc. So listen to your warning signs and delegate yourself. Even if you aren't on your feet all of the time, your mind/spirit is doing marathons over this b/c of how close you all were with the 2 pregnancies and other 2 kids -- you could very easily exhaust yourself here and that is in no one's best interest.

When I was 8 months pregnant, a friend of mine had twins and one of them passed away a day later. We coordinated a good friend to go and revamp the nursery so there was just one of things, put away the second crib, wall decorations, etc. Might not be a pressing thing for your friend b/c she can close the door for awhile, but it helps to have a guy be able to do the heavy lifting. That's just something that came to mind when I was reading your post.

I often read posts or blog things and after I have the debate with God where I rage on "what were you thinking? how could you do that to her??!!", I am always astounded at the level of faith that seems to spring from such a sad sad thing. I hope that happens to your friend.

[goldenpig]

Thanks daisysmom. I know what you mean and I will try not to exhaust myself. I think I was getting a little post-URI asthma, had a bad night coughing last night but am feeling better today after using some albuterol throughout the night. DD did have an ear infection (her first) but is on antibiotics and feeling just fine now.

We're visiting them tonight and bringing them some chili and cornbread and rice krispie treats. I am also bringing them the books Empty Cradle Broken Heart for the parents and Something Happened for the kids, and some small toy gifts for the kids (because I didn't want to just bring them the books, that is too sad).

And I found this cool Mom's necklace (http://www.etsy.com/listing/70840383/mom-of-2-or-3-children-mommys-angels?ref=sr_gallery_27&ga_search_query=stillborn&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=US&ga_search_type=all) on Etsy:
http://img2.etsystatic.com/000/0/5267792/il_570xN.230485318.jpg
I didn't want to have a necklace with just the baby's name, because that wouldn't acknowledge the children she already has, so I think this will be great. The Etsy seller is making it with three discs with the living children's names and stamping the baby's name on the back of the angel wing. I think it will be perfect for my friend...subtle enough that she can wear it every day, but still meaningful. She said she will try to rush the order so that I can give it to my friend on her due date, which is coming up in about 3 weeks.

And I just checked the meal train and now we have five weeks of (M-F) meals signed up already just in two days! I am amazed at how caring the families at are this school, it is really heartwarming.

[brgnmom]

Hi GP,

wow, I missed this thread and I'm sorry for your friend's loss and also about the challenging situation you've dealt with. I've read your updates and I think you've handled the situation well and you've gone above and beyond what would be expected. You are such a sweet and kind-hearted friend. Please make sure to take time for yourself too and try not to let the guilt prevent you from enjoying your pregnancy and being good to yourself & your baby in utero. :love2:

[specialp]

You are a blessing to this family and the necklace is lovely. I have a locket that my husband bought me that I wear, especially on special days, and means a lot to me.

[candaceb]

I have bought necklaces from that seller for 2 women in my infant loss support group who had their second loss. She is great to work with and she does beautiful work. We got the footprint necklaces.

[AngB]

We're visiting them tonight and bringing them some chili and cornbread and rice krispie treats. I am also bringing them the books Empty Cradle Broken Heart for the parents and Something Happened for the kids, and some small toy gifts for the kids (because I didn't want to just bring them the books, that is too sad).
...

And I just checked the meal train and now we have five weeks of (M-F) meals signed up already just in two days! I am amazed at how caring the families at are this school, it is really heartwarming.

They are so lucky to have you as a friend. I am sure they will be very grateful. And I have a similar necklace I love though only dd's name is on it, she was our first so just one name seems ok to me, and I have a bracelet with both kids' names that I wear everyday.

Five weeks worth of meals is amazing. What a great community you must have.

[lovebebes]

Goldenpig,
that is a beautiful necklace..

i wear mine every day (its different, but similar in the idea).

Also, if this reassures you at all- i also had a close friend who was pregnant when i lost the baby. she gave birth maybe a month after me...she drove hysterical to our doctor (we had the same one) thinking that the baby had stopped moving...i know what happened to me was hard on her. So yea, you have to go easy on yourself, i know, easier said than done... But anyway, the reassurance part- her pregnancy and giving birth was not at all bad for me, it was exactly the opposite. It gave me hope and a way to believe...you are being such a huge help to them, please know you are doing the right thing.

[citymama]

GP: you've been a great friend so far, very caring and thoughtful. To be honest, I'm starting to worry about *you.* You're pregnant and have 2 kids. You need to rest up and take care of yourself as well. You've said you're exhausted and that's no good. It really isn't.

It might also be increasingly hard for the other mom to see your pregnant belly and then in a few months to see you go through the experience she was so tragically robbed of. It's not you but the reminder of what might have been and what was lost. I was in my first trimester when my infant nephew died in NICU. I knew how hard it was for my SIL to see me visibly pregnant as the months went on, and how painful it was for her to meet my newborn DD2 (she couldn't visit her for the first few weeks even though she lives 20 minutes away). It's going to be hard for your friend to not be able to reciprocate your care and assistance when your baby is born - and she might feel like she has to after the love you've showered her with. So give her that space, and give yourself a break, even though your guilt and genuine concern for your friend tells you to do more and more to help.

I am so very sorry for her enormous loss.

[AnnieW625]

It turns out one of DD1's classmates lost a baby to listeria, it was born around 34-36 weeks as well. The mother says they celebrate the baby's birthday each year. She went on to have DD1's friend about two years later. I would offer baby sitting and a night out for the parents or take them some meals. Be there to listen as well. If you talk on the phone expect crying. It took me a good two months to want to talk on the phone again. I thought I was all better about a month post loss and I broke down in tears with my grandma.

My experience of the loss of baby 2 was very similar to LoveBebes experience. I got some meals, and I got some flowers from one mom who'd lost as baby as well (who I didn't know well so I thought it was awfuly nice she thought of me), but getting through it with someone to listen to, mainly my mom, my DH, and my siblings was what helped me out the most. I also went and saw a therapist about two weeks post loss, but I never went back. I had done a lot of healing pre loss when I knew the baby wouldn't make it. Those were the days I didn't eat, I cried, and didn't want to do much of anything. I had a month off of work to reflect as well and in someways it made me a stronger person because I knew I had to get my life in gear and go on living. I had a newly 3 yr. old at the time.

It has been 3/1/2 yrs. since the loss and there are days where it feels like it was just yesterday. I got pregnant with DD2 10 weeks post loss (I had two cycles) but I'll admit I didn't want to be pregnant a fourth time and sometimes I feel like I have cheated our family by not having 3 kids, but in the end it was the best decision for us. DD2 was as healthy as could be I just couldn't take that chance again. DD1 was as healthy as could be as well and baby 2 was the opposite. I applaud others who are willing to take that chance again, and have more kids.

We have never told DD1 exactly what happened, and she hasn't mentioned anything since DD2 was born, but there were times when she was 3 she would tell that drs. made mommy feel better. It was her way of coping. When I told her I was going to the hospital to have DD2 she wanted to make sure that the baby wasn't going to stay at the hospital like the other baby did. I have no idea when I will tell her or DD2 about baby 2, but at 6 yrs. old there is no way she'd understand now so in your case I wouldn't try and intervene too much and or mention the loss in front of the other child, although I am sure she most likely knows. Most people we have met post loss don't know about baby 2 at all. There are people in my service group who I didn't see me (or were FB friends) the entire time I was pregnant and I never bothered to tell them I was pregnant either, but then I didn't get as far as 36 weeks. Some of my co workers never knew as well. That was honestly a big relief. We just don't talk about it much at all.

I know for sure the hardest day in the near future for me will be in Sept., 2014 when those little kids who were born in August of 2009 start kindergarten. I don't miss the first day of school much at all, but I know for sure I am going to try my darndest to avoid it because my baby would have been in that line.

Lots of prayers and thoughts for this family.

eta: nice necklace. I have this one from Lisa Leonard (http://www.lisaleonardonline.com/heartstrings-necklace-P391C51.aspx) and always thought I would wear the blue lapis heart charm I wore on another chain the entire time I was pregnant with baby 2 and with DD2, but I never got around to doing it. I also thought about just adding the 3rd heart and no name to the necklace (which is how she originally had it listed, three hearts, and names), but decided against it. I am sure your friend will appreciate your thoughtfulness.

[KDsMommy]

GP, I'm so so sorry to hear of your friend's loss, it's just devastating. I just wanted to say that I think you are an amazing friend and they are very lucky to have you. Please do take care of yourself as well.