DD cannot sit still - at the end of my rope

[wellyes]

So we started going to a church. Part of the service is all the kids going up front to listen to the minister give a talk. Every week, DD sits for a minute, then fidgets, gets up, rolls around, stretches, bounces. This has been a problem since preschool, but, I haven't really seen it with my own eyes like I have been every week at church. This week I had to go with her to Sunday school where the problem continued and got worse. She kept whispering to me, trying to get up, etc.


I don't know what to do. I have been working on this for years with ZERO progress. I know she has sensory issues. Does this mean I just learn to live with it? I feel horrible being the one whose kid disrupts all the others . Plus, clearly DD isn't able to pay attention the way she should. Not that it's an attention disorder (which is what my ped suggests every time I bring this up). I know my kid has sensory and anxiety issues. I just am at a loss as to how to handle it.

[brittone2]

Even if her sensory issues aren't serious enough for you to want to do weekly OT, a consult might be helpful in giving you ways to integrate sensory diet activities as well as introducing use of things like a fidget toy, etc. if that is appropriate for her situation. If you aren't making progress on your own, then it might be helpful to have someone take a look and suggest sensory based play that meets her needs and helps her self-regulate. Depending on the school, sometimes they are receptive to working with input from an OT, where a plan is presented for offering DC sensory diet activities integrated into the school day. These can often be gradually worked into their day without extreme difficulty.

I can't see her age now that I'm posting-not sure if she's in preschool, preK or K right now. I'll check after I post. (eta: okay, I checked. I'm still not sure what setting she's in for school).

For school, sometimes kids respond well to a move 'n sit cushion or similar for the times they must be seated http://www.amazon.com/Fitball-Move-n-Sit/dp/B000CSNTAS

If she's getting in other kids' space, sometimes a physical barrier like a carpet square or hula hoop can help in the classroom. Some kids also benefit from deep pressure to the joints (bouncing, jumping, "heavy work" activities, etc.) as that can help with proprioception and their kinesthetic sense (body awareness at rest and while moving). Again, an OT if you haven't seen one could devise a plan appropriate for her individual needs that would integrate some of this into her day, depending on the school.

eta: I'm not sure if you've tried OT and/or addressing some of the sensory diet stuff before on your own.

[SnuggleBuggles]

That was ds2 last year in preschool. This year? Night and day! Still not perfectly still but he is so much better. Ds1 was the same way. We changed nothing (though we did talk about expectations...) and just getting older changed things. It is hard when their peers can do it and yours can't. Try not to get too frustrated!

eta- having teachers that get squirmers makes a big difference. We have been lucky for both that their teachers get that just b/c their bodies are in motion it doesn't mean that their brains are turned off. Ds1 was observed before and found that when he was doodling or otherwise looking distracted was when he was paying the best attention.

[elliput]

For DD, I have a cushion similar to what Beth linked to, but round (http://www.amazon.com/Isokinetics-Brand-Exercise-Balance-Cushion/dp/B000WQ4Z94/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1349626044&sr=8-1&keywords=isokinetics+disc). DD has one for her regular class room, inter-related room and at home.

A small plushie/stuffed animal/lovey/etc works wonder for keeping hands busy. Contrary to what one would think, letting a kid fiddle with something like this actually help to increase concentration.

Your DD is processing what she hears even though she doesn't look like she is paying attention. Rapt attention is not something everyone is capable of, even as adults.

I can't recall, have you taken her for an OT evaluation?

ETA-

I know my kid has sensory and anxiety issues. I just am at a loss as to how to handle it.
I meant to address this part directly, but didn't quite do it when I asked my question above. These two sentences say to me "It is time for a professional". A professional occupational therapist can see things we as parents don't. All of the random things which we think are unrelated paint a complete picture for an OT. I learned much from watching DD's sessions and how to implement at home the ideas the OT used during their time.

[maestramommy]

:hug: I agree it is really hard. We just started a new format at church where the kids go up for children's sermon, then (thankfully!) go to Sunday school. This is the first year all 3 kids go up for the children's sermon, which is luckily only about 5 minutes long. So far they are doing okay. But only last summer Arwyn, who was probably the age of your DD, started pulling her sister's hair during the children's sermon. I was sitting back in the pew and didn't realize until I heard Dora's yowling. I had to run up, grab Arwyn, and exit through the front. I was mortified, even though older members came up in the following weeks to laugh and commiserate.

Now our issue is Laurel, who canNOT sit still, ever. If they had not changed the format to have Sunday School during regular service, we would've had to find another church. She's not loud, but she just keeps climbing up and down.

I have also seen other kids rolling in the aisles, and now I just shrug. Some kids are just more wiggly, and there's little parents can do to change that. There's also a friend who's 6yo who has Aspergers, and they had to stop coming to church for a while because he was really unpredictable. Now that the format has changed they've come back.

:hug: I feel for you.

[babybunny]

I feel your pain. DS was in CCD class while I attended church service for the past four years. Now he is 7, almost 8 and that is not an option. He did not want to go today. He was a pill leaving the house, leaving the car to enter church and in church. Obviously, I have not put the fear of God into him yet. About two minutes after settling into the pew, i decided to leave before the service even started. He howled all the way out of the church. We actually got in the car and rode around a huge loop before returning. All electronics were removed for the week. He promised to be good in the second try of church service in order to watch a football game today. He hugged me on the way out of the car and said he loved me. I believe there was divine intervention because he was pretty perfect except for asking how much longer About every five to ten minutes and fidgeting to a certain extent. Now he is torturing his father on the couch during the watching of the football game.
He seems to behave well in school.
Maybe in his case it is a matter of setting an expectation of behavior. Or being bored?

He was MUCH better over the summer when he sat with friends. Is it possible to have her sit with a friend rather than her sibling.

[JBaxter]

My kids go to kids church. Like sunday school the learn a lesson sing get up an move around. Runs up through 5th grade. LOVE that feature of our church.

[JustMe]

I would definitely get an OT consult. I have found that OT/sensory can help with lots of issues.

[Pyrodjm]

My 4yo is able to keep it together through services if she has a small note pan an pencil. She pretends that she is taking notes like the adults. It keeps her in her seat and relatively quiet. She isn't a sensory kid though. I agree that an OT consult is a good idea. It is not a problem that she will likely grow out of without help and may continue to effect school performance.

[wellyes]

This is helpful. Thanks all. I am going to figure out what I need to do to get an OT consult.

And, I want to add, this afternoon we figured out that she has Hand, Foot & Mouth. I heard her sniffle this morning, but didn't think too much of it. Now I see a rash and she's feverish :bag. So, perhaps that helps explain why today was particularly difficult.

[kbud]

She's 4.5 right? My dd now 8.5 was the same at that age. I wasn't sure how the heck she'd do in full day kindy. The funny thing was she did just fine. So I have no real advice for you but I know it's frustrating. I still am not sure she could sit through church for over an hour at 8 but she is much better. So getting an eval won't hurt (I had one for my dd but they said she was fine) but she doesn't sound that out of the norm for her age. I have a degree in Human Development so I felt my expectations weren't out of line for my dd but she just couldn't sit still at all. Some kids just can't. Good luck, I understand the frustration when all the other kids can sit still!

[KpbS]

I'm sorry it's been so frustrating. :( My DS complained that HFM hurt his feet to walk and he's a tough guy so I can imagine she definitely could have been pretty uncomfortable. Sending hugs and I hope things will improve. :hug:

[unlisted]

People might really frown at this but what about giving her a piece of gum to chew during church?

[sste]

Can you just go for a shorter amount of time? I don't see the gain to either of you from the current schedule. I think you and your DC would get more religious uplift from a shorter program - - perhaps coming in late so you just catch the last fifteen minutes?

FWIW, my kids don't have sensory issues but they basically took down a Hillel Rosh service a few weeks ago. My husband said all of the other kids were in the front and at the age of 3 and 4 were telling the congregation that "you can't see god but he is a presence there all the time with you." My four year old DS was running around the back and my two year old DD was chasing him, knocking over a chair here and there and screaming, "GABEY BELUGA!!" to her brother. DH had to slink out of there with them.

[wellyes]

Can you just go for a shorter amount of time? I don't see the gain to either of you from the current schedule. I think you and your DC would get more religious uplift from a shorter program - - perhaps coming in late so you just catch the last fifteen minutes?

That's the thing. We come in, sit in the pews for maybe 10 minutes (she wriggles then, too, but I can understand that). Then she has to sit through a 4-5 minute children's sermon before heading off to Sunday school. It's during those 4-5 minutes that she is constantly moving and shuffling and rolling and getting up. We are not talking about a long time period here.

I will try one of those cushions, and I'm already working on the "note-taking" idea. And I have written to her ped about an OT consult. I do love this feedback. Thanks, all.