Rudest thing anyone has said to me this pregnancy...

[alisab]

Just had to vent, as this has been bothering me much more than it should. And I thought all I had to deal with in pregnancy were some insensitive comments from coworkers (about how much bigger than x months I look or how large I'm getting every day)...

So far the rudest thing while pregnant happened to me last night on the public Muni train (at 8 1/2 months): :thumbsdown:

While looking for a place to sit down on the Muni (after a long day of standing on my feet), there were no more side-by-side seats open for me and hubby. So, I sat in an open aisle seat next to a young woman who had just sat down (and hubby stood in the aisle next to me).

A young guy (maybe barely in his 20's) standing in front of me who was with the seated woman was apparently waiting for another gal behind me. He had the nerve to look at me and say "Um... she was going to sit there." [ Pointing to the young gal who was behind me.] We just looked at him incredulously until the gal came and also stood in front of me (so they could see that I was pregnant), as if she too expected me to give the seat up to her. :thumbsdown: All 3 of them looked young and healthy.

Hubby just looked at the 3 of them and told them I'm pregnant- and they still seemed perturbed and confused about why I wasn't about to move! No apologies and no understanding of how rude they had just been! Amazing - I really hope this is a one-off experience and not an indication that young adults in their early 20's these days are just more insensitive and rude!

-
What's the rudest thing you've experienced or had said to you while pregnant?!

[Kestrel]

"aren't you too old to be pregnant???"

(I was 38)

[belovedgandp]

Yikes, I would be totally perturbed. I feel like there's two extremes in the young people I see. No constant norms but either ones that make me think I was a hellion as a kid since they are overly nice or totally rude ones.

Hang in there. That last month is miserable for everyone.

[wencit]

That is one of my biggest pet peeves! DS1 is only 6 years old, but he knows that empty seats in a crowded area ANYWHERE - restaurant waiting area, public transport, etc - means you only get to sit down if you are pregnant, elderly, or disabled!!!! I've already been teaching that to DS2 as well, who is 3!

I'm sorry this happened to you on the MUNI, but unfortunately not surprised, either. :rolleyes:

[Jupiter]

I don't think so. I'm a teacher in a high school and am only 20 weeks. I recently told my students I was pregnant and several over them have already told mei can't put calculators away cause I'm pregnant! Lol. So sadly some people, regardly of age, are just selfish and stupid. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

[rin]

IME many, many late teens/20-somethings without children are just completely oblivious to anything having to do with pregnancy/childbirth/etc. I had a very similar experience when I was about 8 1/2 mo pregnant on a crowded public bus in DC. A 20ish year old guy snagged a seat in the front "handicapped" row, snuggled up with 4 or 5 elderly women (one with a walker). I was standing there swaying holding onto the bar and one of the women nudged him & told him he should give me his seat, he looked up from his phone and muttered "she can stand" and then went back to whatever he was doing on his phone. Some people just suck. I'm sorry!

[Snow mom]

The front seats are on MUNI are even marked as should be vacated for elderly, disabled, etc. I can't believe someone would say they were waiting for the seat to anyone, let alone a clearly pregnant woman. Don't take it personally--this person clearly had no sense. It sucks to have to stand up for yourself but you shouldn't be ashamed to ask an able bodied person to move so you can sit anywhere on the bus.

[DualvansMommy]

I feel your pain and indignity! I told a young 20 something old guy off at a transit train into the city for sitting in the "handicapped" seat. He wouldn't give up THAT seat for me, when I asked him to, at 8 half months. I looked around and asked other passengers for support, which they did...by telling the guy to get up, the Moran. I told him that I hope once he has a pregnant girlfriend or wife, she'll slap his head as one for pregnant ladies!

[glbb35]

Man, that totally sucks. Same thing happened to me when I 7 months pregnant with DS#2. We were in the airport, taking the shuttle from one area to another. I was bowled over by two young 20 somethings, male & female. They looked at me like I had a disease. The boy snagged the seat before I got there and the girlfriend sat on his lap.
An older business traveler told them both to get up or he would remove them as I was clearly pregnant and they should have enough manners to notice this. They were stunned enough to move and I sat down and thanked the stranger. He said loud enough that he was sick and tired of young people today being such asses that he saw it all the time and he wasn't sure what parents these days were teaching their kids. The couple just glared at him but never said anything they were so embarrassed. He looked at the young woman as we got close to a stop and told her that she would get hers, karma always has a way of coming back to bite you and to remember this situation as there was no doubt in his mind that if she decided to have children which would be obviously bad for the rest of society that one day this same thing would happen to her and when it did she was to remember him and remember how she knocked over a pregnant woman for a seat. The train was absolutely silent and everyone was staring at them. I was stunned and started to cry. He said his wife had once been treated like this and he was witness to it and vowed he would never let it happen again. The couple exited the train like puppies with their bones stolen. They deserved it. I couldn't have said it better myself. HE said he was an exec for some big company (can't remember now) he said he hired on values more than he did resume as the young people coming through these days just weren't "human" anymore. I thanked him and went about my day. The couple ended up on my connecting flight but would not even make eye contact with me. They hardly spoke a word the whole flight. I loved it. And I hoped they remembered that encounter.

I agree with the previous poster. With young people these days there doesn't seem to be a middle ground. They are either mean, stupid and pointless or they are professional and decent human beings.

Good luck. oh worse comment ever? besides the ridiculous things people say when you have twins? when I was pg with #5, our surprise baby, this lady asked me if it was my 1st. I said no and shouldn't have opened the can of worms but I said no my 5th. She said loudly, "my God, what are you trying to do populate the planet?" I snapped back that that was the rudest thing I had ever heard and how dare she make a comment like that! She just stood there like I was from Mars. Yes, that is what I am trying to do populate the planet. Dumba$$!!!

B

DS 03, 06, twins 09, 7/11

[niccig]

I don't think things have gotten worse. I was in college so 20 yrs ago and on the city bus from the college back to the city center. An elderly lady got on the bus and there were already elderly people in the reserved seats. No one close to the front got up to give her a seat. The bus driver refused to drive off until someone gave up their seat. I was already standing, so I couldn't do that.

I felt bad when I was pregnant when an elderly man wanted to give me his seat rather than stand. I was in better shape than he was and thanked him politely and made up story that sitting hurt my back more, so I was fine to stand,

[sste]

OK, I love the older gentleman in the above story!! LOVE IT.

OP, that is horrible. And not uncommon. While I do have many kind thoughts for the literally hundreds of people who gave me their seats on my daily commute, there are two occasions I cannot let go.

Once (7 months) I was standing while a bunch of young people occupied the front seats including the handicapped ones. I was standing with even younger people and perhaps they were a little drunk or just wild. It was not until mid-ride when one of the standers came flying across the car and banged into me with significant force that someone finally offered me a seat! I was literally holding my arms around my stomach. The second occasion was when a late teens/early twenties girl motioned me over and told me earnestly, "You can have my seat when I get off in three stops."

[alisab]

Thanks for the kind words- Your support has helped me to not be so mad about this incident!!:)

[niccig]

The second occasion was when a late teens/early twenties girl motioned me over and told me earnestly, "You can have my seat when I get off in three stops."

What?!

When I was a kid and sitting in a chair when an adult entered the waiting room at the dentist/doctor's office, my mother would give us the evil eye until we stood up. We didn't need much evil eye. It was automatic, you give your seat to someone older than you. As a young adult I did the same and often got thanked so profusely I realised that it doesn't happen all the time. I used to say "my mother would somehow know I didn't give up my seat." I intend to instill same manners in DS and if I found out he didn't do it, I would NOT be happy. Same with holding door open for someone coming after you, letting someone in front of you at the grocery store etc if they don't have much to purchase and you have a cartful of groceries.

I let someone in front of us at TJs and explained to DH why (older man, not very stable on his feet, only had a few things). Then later that day DS let my friend and her son go on a roller coaster ride before DS. All the parents thought DS was so considerate etc. Turns out he wanted the front seat on the roller coaster and not the last, so letting someone else go first got him what he wanted! At least he "appeared" well-mannered.

[mommyoftwo]

I'm sorry you had such a bad experience. You had every right to be sitting there and they are obviously clueless and rude.

I've had a couple of doosies. With Amelia, I was waiting in the entrance to the ER for transport to L&D since I was in labor. Hubby was parking the car. Some drunk college kids came in to see their friend who was in the ER for alcohol poisoning. The kids noticed me panting through an intense contraction and said to each other, "Eww, is that girl in labor?" Once I could speak again, I told them that yes I was in labor. Deal with it. They recoiled back in horror like I had some sort of horrible disease. It's probably a good thing that my contractions were one on top of each other because I was pissed and would have had no problems letting them know exactly how pissed I was.

With Linnea, when I was about 23 or 24 weeks pregnant, I went to the medical supply store to get a support brace for my back and belly. I show early and get big quickly but don't gain a ton of weight due to hyperemesis. At this point in the my pregnancy I had lost tons of weight and I only gained 6 lbs total by the end. Anyway, a woman came up to me and asked when I was due. When I told her she said "oh you're huge. You must be having twins." When I said that no I was only carrying one she said, "wow, you must have gained a ton of weight." Somehow I was able to calmly tell her that no I hadn't gained a lot of weight and at that point I was still significantly under my starting weight when I got pregnant. She looked at me like I had two heads. I just walked away.

People are stupid. I like to think that it's younger people more than older people but my husband is constantly pointing out that irresponsible and clueless young people become irresponsible and clueless adults. Insert mean, abusive, idiots etc. The point is that as much as we would like to think that people mature as they get older, they often don't. I tend to think that high schoolers and college students are much less responsible than they were when I was that age, but it may just be that I'm more aware of it as I get older. I don't know.

[momm]

Some drunk college kids came in to see their friend who was in the ER for alcohol poisoning. The kids noticed me panting through an intense contraction and said to each other, "Eww, is that girl in labor?" Once I could speak again, I told them that yes I was in labor. Deal with it. They recoiled back in horror like I had some sort of horrible disease.


You know, because having too much alcohol, enough to be admitted to the ER, is so much nobler than birthing a child.

I'm sorry OP for your experience. I'll add mine:

A couple of months ago, clearly 5 months pregnant, and carrying a tired and cranky toddler in my arms to get into a connecting International flight in the cold rain (it was one of those that you catch a bus to get to), a man SHOVED me. I almost lost my balance and dropped DS. It was crowded so I naturally assumed that he bumped into me by accident. I looked over and he was just trying to get ahead of me in the crowd to get into the PLANE. Like planes have first come first serve seating? Like he would get an aisle seat just because he shoved a pregnant lady and got into the plane first?

The rudest thing? Some chap who saw me when I was three months along, then next saw me about two months later, said I've gained a "lot" of weight. I said, haha, actually I'm pregnant. he says, yea I know, but still. WTF?
When I laughingly repeated this conversation to a mutual friend, he says yea he's right, you've gained a "tremendous" amount of weight.
All this when I was well within the weight guidelines and my OB was perfectly happy with me.

People!!

[hellokitty]

Wow, I'm surprised, yet not surprised by the physical (pushing/shoving) involvement in some of your stories. It's so sad, esp the etiquette issues. I do agree though, that generally speaking our society has much less etiquette. Ppl rarely even hold doors open for one another anymore. IDK how many times I have had my kids in the stroller and the person in front of me (seeing that I had a double stroller), just let the door slam, instead of being nice enough to help out. I'm actually blown away when a younger person is courteous about stuff like that, since I so rarely ever encounter younger ppl who are polite.

Anyway, sorry for the tangent. My worst story is nothing as bad as yours. The rudest person I encountered was during my first pregnancy. I was waiting for DH to get his haircut at a high end salon and another women close to my age basically told me that I was, "HUUUUUGE." First of all, I wasn't huge, I *ONLY* gained 13 lbs total for that pregnancy (hyperemesis), and when I was stupid enough to try to explain to the woman that I had not really gained much wt at all in the pregnancy, she just kept on with the, "but you're HUUUGE" comments. IDK, newbie mistake, I don't know why I didn't just bitch her out. Anyway, I did wish that karma would come back and smack her in the face though. Hopefully, it did. Otherwise, post 20 wks with baby #3 was the worst. Anyone with 3 kids of the same sex knows what I am talking about. Ppl who found out it was, "another boy," made some really rude remarks. "I'm sorry," "well, next time it will be a girl," "poor you," and other negative remarks. I regret even telling ppl at all (and these are both strangers and ppl I knew). I would have been better off saying that the baby was uncooperative during the u/s. Even ruder were the ppl who asked me before I found out and when I said I didn't know, they just kept saying, "well, you KNOW it will be another boy, right?" I honestly don't know why I just didn't tell them all off. I had every right to. Ppl are jerks and it's not like I didn't have a justified reason being upset by their insensitive comments."

[ehlana06]

A few months ago a nurse that I work with found out that I was pregnant. She came up to me and said "You mean you're pregnant again! Don't you know how that happens? Maybe you should start thinking of a more permanant means for preventing pregnancy." During which time the other nurses stood around and laughed I was so angry and upset that I went to my office and cried. The nurses are rather hostile to the lactation consultants here but Geeze that was just cruel.

[connor_mommy]

The rudest was when a mom with a stroller ran over my child, then had the nerve to ask me to open the door for her.

[buddyleebaby]

Even if you weren't pregnant, in what world do they think they can reserve seats?

"She was going to sit there." Seriously?
"Yeah, well so was I, and it appears I got here first."

Idiot. :rotflmao:

[hwin708]

That's crazy rude! And some of these other stories are blowing my mind.
When I was a kid and sitting in a chair when an adult entered the waiting room at the dentist/doctor's office, my mother would give us the evil eye until we stood up. We didn't need much evil eye. It was automatic, you give your seat to someone older than you.
This has actually been something I've wondered about lately. I was raised in the same fashion - children give up their seats for adults. We were young, limber, and able-bodied - no need to sit.
But several times recently I've noticed people give up their seats so that kids can sit with their parents. And I mean an 8 year old, not a 2 year old. And I have even witnessed a few mothers flat out ask if someone would move so they could sit with their child.
So now I don't really know what to do. Is this the new expectation - to give up our seats for children? That's not what I'm teaching my kids, but I supposed I'm not too worried that they'll see me give up my seat for a child one time, then think they no longer have to give up theirs for an adult. And I certainly can stand most of the time. It's just that this feels like a whole new kind of etiquette to me, and I'm not certain what's to be done.

[hellokitty]

A few months ago a nurse that I work with found out that I was pregnant. She came up to me and said "You mean you're pregnant again! Don't you know how that happens? Maybe you should start thinking of a more permanant means for preventing pregnancy." During which time the other nurses stood around and laughed I was so angry and upset that I went to my office and cried. The nurses are rather hostile to the lactation consultants here but Geeze that was just cruel.

I'm a RN, and yeah, nurses can be really mean to other nurses (or staff). This is one reason why I am reluctant to re-enter the field of nursing, it's like being back in jr high again.

[SBizzle07]

"You've been married six years. You aren't getting any younger so it's about time. I can't believe you made your husband wait until he was almost 40!"

Then I was at a large festival in Germany, and some older German lady completely cut in front of me in line at the restroom. I nearly lost it!

Some people are just jerks. Manners are fading, and common sense is not so common. I'm nervous about the world my children will grow up in, but God I hope I'm a good enough parent that that won't matter!

[MamaMolly]

Then I was at a large festival in Germany, and some older German lady completely cut in front of me in line at the restroom. I nearly lost it!


You should have peed on her shoes. :)

[squimp]

Wow people do suck! I think I would put my hands on my stomach and say "I know you will have better manners than kids these days" or something like that. Ick!

[momm]

You should have peed on her shoes. :)

AAAAAAAAhahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :rotflmao:Sorry.. the mental imagery... can't stop laughing