Does your 2 year old listen?

[KLD313]

DD just turned 2 three weeks ago. I'm pretty laid back about what she does and doesn't do but maybe that's not good? She's very independent, can entertain herself forever but she really doesn't listen. At home, if i ask her to bring me something she will but that's about the extent of her listening. Yesterday we went pumpkin picking and she would not stay near us. Whenever we would call jer she wouldn't pay attention. Her dad told her no and she screamed no back and hit him. The only way I could get her to stay in one spot was to give her my purse to look through. Is it me? Is it her? Is it age? Should she be listening more than she is? Any advice would be appreciated.

[wellyes]

Sounds normal. Pretty soon she'll get to the phase of hearing what you say, smiling and doing the exact opposite. It's the age.

[KLD313]

Sounds normal. Pretty soon she'll get to the phase of hearing what you say, smiling and doing the exact opposite. It's the age.

OMG she totally does the smile thing, drives me nuts!

[kaharris83]

You just described my 2 yo DS. I told DH today that I hope 4 isn't a challenging age because I can't imagine having DS1 and DS2 be a challenge simultaneously.

[daisyd]

Its not you, its being 2. It's a little better now with DS who is currently 4...on good days.

[KLD313]

You just described my 2 yo DS. I told DH today that I hope 4 isn't a challenging age because I can't imagine having DS1 and DS2 be a challenge simultaneously.

I didn't even think of that, I have a newborn, too!

[Katigre]

DD just turned 2 three weeks ago. I'm pretty laid back about what she does and doesn't do but maybe that's not good? She's very independent, can entertain herself forever but she really doesn't listen. At home, if i ask her to bring me something she will but that's about the extent of her listening. Yesterday we went pumpkin picking and she would not stay near us. Whenever we would call jer she wouldn't pay attention. Her dad told her no and she screamed no back and hit him. The only way I could get her to stay in one spot was to give her my purse to look through. Is it me? Is it her? Is it age? Should she be listening more than she is? Any advice would be appreciated.
Its normal for her age but also something to be actively teaching so she gets better at it. One KEY KEY KEY thing is to talk beforehand about what behavior you expect I always kick myself afterward when I forget to do this with my kids.

Ex On the way to the pumpkin patch say 'at the pumkin patch we will have a lot of fun. You will have to stay near mommy and daddy. Can you stay near us?" THat little bit of verbal rehearsing will help her executive function to respond to your listening commands when you're in the moment.

[PearlsMom]

Sounds like my 2-year-old. I guess we currently try to pick our battles: let hm do his thing as much as possible, give him choices when we don't care what he does or how he does it, but when he is given a direct instruction, make sure he/we follow through. Agree with the rehearsing situations ahead of time, and sometimes giving him words to deal with them (like talking a LOT about asking for a turn or a trade when we're going to a friend's house, so that he doesn't immediately resort to physical force when toys are in dispute).

[ZeeBaby]

DD will be 3 next week and still gives me her beautiful smile and does as she pleases. Of course she is a "good listener" at preschool.

[bobeNC]

I have not been on the boards for a long time but logged on because we are planning a WDW trip next year and saw this thread and could not pass it up!

My two year old is very independent also and I tell her to do something and she screams no most everything I ask her to do. This just started about 3 weeks before she turned 2. It's like they are programed! She's always trying to run off in public places! No fear at all but I do plan to implement the "this is what I expect" talk before we go anywhere! Thanks for the tips. I should visit more often, u all are awesome!

[AngB]

DS is almost 18 months old and doesn't listen well at all. I'm delivering DS2 sometime in the next 2 weeks. Pretty sure I'm going to have to end up getting one of those leash backpacks for DS. He does not stay by us usually. He is also really heavy and is prone to throwing himself down when things aren't going the way he thinks they should.

(The other day we were in the middle of a restaurant with my friend while DS and I were walking and I was holding his hand, when he decided he wanted to go the opposite direction and when I didn't let him and said no, he threw himself down while I was still holding his hand and managed to dislocate his elbow. Luckily he managed to fix it himself while I rushed him to the pedi feeling like the worst mom ever. Fun times while 30+ weeks pregnant. So now I'm paranoid about even LETTING him walk, even though carrying his 32 lb toddler body is no fun either!)

Anyway, I feel your pain!

[TxCat]

DD turned 2 last week and does not listen at all. Rarely follows commands - maybe 20-30% of the time if I'm lucky. Or says "no" to most of them. It's maddening. Hadn't heard of/thought of discussing in advance the expected behavior. I'll have to try that.

[Giantbear]

dd's favorite response to direction is "no I don't" when told she has to do something.

[mikala]

A lot of it is the age but I don't think it's too early to start logical consequences to not listening. I learned to choose my battles and tackle a few (usually safety related) key times when listening was non-negotiable and use logical consequences to teach the lesson. For example, you have to hold my hand in the parking lot/while crossing the street or I will carry you or plop you into a stroller because it isn't safe to sprint in front of cars.

Guided choices also helped--not "do you want to get dressed?" but "which piece of clothing are you going to put on first, your shirt or your pants?"

Thankfully things had improved a lot by around 30 months and by 3 years listening is a lot better.

[ellies mom]

Sure, they "listened" at that age as in I think they heard me but consistently acting on what they heard was a different matter. Heck, at 4.5 and 9, there are still times when I wonder if my voice is on mute. I actually heard myself asking them if words were coming out of my mouth last week while we were running errands (it seriously just popped out).

[twotimesblue]

DS is 2.5 and is - touch wood - a surprisingly good listener. It hasn't always been that way, though, and I think the only reason he heeds my warnings now (usually, but not all of the time!) is because I am very consistent with setting out expectations in advance of outings etc, and following through with any 'threats' (removing toys that aren't being played with properly; leaving a store when behavior isn't what was agreed etc).
I've never done a time-out, and instead tell him we need to 'have a talk' - I'll sit him on my knee and explain why the behavior is not OK, ask if he understands, and outline what we need to do to make things right. He seems to really respond to being spoken to like that and 85% of the time he will calm down and comply. I always follow up with a big hug and a 'thank you for listening' when he then follows through with what I asked... positive reinforcement is definitely his thing!
It's funny now, because he actually tells me off for my behavior: when I toss the mail on the table, for example, he'll say: 'mama, we don't throw things, do we?' - and if I ask him to pass me something, he'll say: 'you didn't say please, mama'. Schooled by a 2-year-old! :rolleye0014:

[mommyoftwo]

I agree with what is posted above. It is definitely the age for that kind of behavior although three is worse. I remember complaining on the boards about two year old behavior and being warned that three was worse and I just couldn't imagine. They were right. Four however was much better. There is only so much you can do at this point but it's still important to make your expectations known and have consequences for misbehavior. Also, guided choices was hugely helpful. I have extremely strong willed kids and still do guided choices occasionally at 7 and almost 9 but the 2's and 3's were the worst. Also, being consistent is key. It's really, really hard when you are worn out from dealing with them but if you give in once they know it's possible that you will and they will work even harder to break you. You're not always going to succeed of course but staying as consistent as possible will help. You can just go with the flow with some things but you should also have some things that are non-negotiable. Having specific boundaries helps.

[citymama]

It depends on the kid. DD2, who is 2, is pretty good at home but will sometimes do just what she wants to do in public places, like run into crowds or towards the street. No wonder I have all these grey hairs. DD1 was actually quite good at that age, but now at 6 I almost wonder if she is hard of hearing (she was tested, and she isn't) because she will NOT listen without being asked to do something at least 5 times.

[lizzywednesday]

Define "listen" ... there are days when she's a great listener and then there are days when I want to lock her up and throw away the key.

Some of it's developmental - DD is starting to be very aware of herself and her place in the world, so she will often do whatever she wants anyway. I'm not always OK with this, especially when it makes me late for work, but I kind of roll with it.

We started with simple commands - "please get your shoes", "go downstairs", "pick out pajamas", "put your apple core in the trash," etc. - and she does OK with that.

With more complex commands - put your shirt and your shoes on - she has to be reminded. This, actually, is developmentally normal.

What I have found works best is telling her what I want her to do, rather than what I don't want her to do - "please stay with Mommy" vs. "don't run into the street" - based on a lot of reading about what a kid actually hears when you tell them things.

[FTMLuc]

Thank you OP for the thread. SS at 22 months is extremely willful and independent and holding hands in the parking lot usually ends up with her trying to run away and me scooping her up and carrying while she screams. If I am telling her something she does not want to hear, you'd swear the child is deaf, I have no reaction from her. But as soon as I say something that she is interested in, in the same tone of voice as before, she responds immediately, despite the fact that she just completely ignored me 10 seconds prior. I will give the expectation talk a try.