Advice on preparing for DC2?

[twotimesblue]

Baby will be here in 4 weeks or less (yikes!) and it's started to dawn on me how totally unprepared I feel. DS is 2.5 and I've been trying to read him 'big brother' books, and taken him along to some scans... he seems excited (sings to the bump etc) but I am worried about him adjusting as he is with me 24/7 and is a total mama's boy.

Any tips on easing the transition for him? And, sibling jealousy aside, is there anything you experienced moms wish you had done/are glad you did before DC2 arrived? TIA!

[citymama]

What about a big brother present from the baby? DD1 was 4, but still very jealous and uncertain about the baby's arrival. We knew she wanted nail polish more than just about anything, so the first time she met her baby sister, the baby had a bunch of presents for her including a set of Piggy Paint nail polish and 2 other things we knew she really wanted. It certainly helped. She loved wearing her Big Sister tee as well, and being involved in naming the baby. (Unfortunately, we did not choose her favored name - the exact same name as her cousin - but we did respect her vetos).

Walking thru what will happen during thr 48 hrs after you go into labor is also important. "Grandma will be here with you, she will take you to school, you can tell your friends that your baby brother is here, she'll pick you up and bring you to the hospital to see baby and me...I will have to stay in the hospital for a day or two but grandma/dad/neighbor will be with you..." etc - I found it helpful for me, for my mom and for DD!

My biggest recommendation is that you should take this last month to give him special one-on-one time, cuddle, read, make him feel like your baby. I think the month before DD2 was born was one of the most special ones in my relationship with DD1 and I really cherish it. I think the extra mommy time helped make her feel more secure and connected at a time when her life was about to be turned upside down.

Good luck!

[belovedgandp]

My older ones have always loved having the big brother t-shirts.

We tried to keep our routine as much as possible. DS1 was over 3 when DS2 was born. He was also a total Daddy's kid but had more interest in me since the baby wanted me. I had done a few special things with just the two of us before DS2 came and DH did a lot that first month or so when DS2 was born.

The one thing that surprised me was how much DS1 liked dressing like DS2. A friend gave me a t-shirt and matching onsie for the boys (just Target things) and it was DS1 favorite thing to have both of them wear the same shirt. I ended up with several sets like that.

[Nyfeara]

As PP have said, we did the big bro/little bro shirts, we did the gifts to each other, in general, we just involved DS1 as much as possible from the beginning. DS1 was 3.5yo when DS2 was born. Sometimes I took him shopping for baby things and supplies, but would let him pick out something special for himself at the grocery store or wherever. For us, I think a big thing was that he was never really prevented from seeing or touching DS2 or interacting with him. And we always reminded him that everything we were doing for or with DS2, we had done with him as well. It was DS2's turn as a baby & DS1 was the big brother now, so they we have to do things a little differently with each of them. But DS1 loves to help out and is a pretty attentive big brother, so we really have no complaints in that area.

[Tondi G]

If you are planning on Breastfeeding I highly recommend having a bag/bin of special toys and books that your toddler will be able to play with while you are nursing. if at all possible choose quiet toys.... my MIL got DS a package of Zoobs and while he enjoyed playing with them ... they were noisy (when he would dump the container out on the hardwood floor) and he usually decided to make a gun and would take off running and "firing" his weapon ... always right as DS2 would fall asleep at the breast and then he was woken up by his loud brother. I would also get a nice selection of DVD's at the ready .... you could pop in a show/movie when you sit down to nurse and hopefully keep DS1 entertained.

Do you have a good carrier? Pouch/Sling/Ergo/Beco. We found our Bjorn and sling to be a huge help. DS2 needed to be carrier and DS1 wanted us to be outside and helping him with sidewalk chalk or passing a ball or frisbee.... it made our lives so much easier.

Make sure you have snacks and such at the ready too. Things for Mama and for your DS1 that are easy to just grab and eat. Pre portion out some crackers in baggies. Fruit already washed and cut up, string cheese, yogurt tubes etc. When DS1 says "I'm hungry" and needs to eat NOW and you have your hands full you can say .... go to the cupboard and grab one of those baggies of pretezels/goldfish/crackers.... it'll tide him over till you can get him his meal.

Other than that just make sure you make some time for cuddles with your older one (every day if you can) .... even if it means reading one book together at the start of the bedtime routine and then letting DH take over. When the baby is napping giving your older one just a few minutes of undivided attention ... leave that laundry/dishes for a few extra minutes and give him a little quality time. Let him know when he is doing a good job being a big brother ... it always makes them so proud.

Good Luck!

[queenmama]

Other than that just make sure you make some time for cuddles with your older one (every day if you can) .... even if it means reading one book together at the start of the bedtime routine and then letting DH take over. When the baby is napping giving your older one just a few minutes of undivided attention ... leave that laundry/dishes for a few extra minutes and give him a little quality time. Let him know when he is doing a good job being a big brother ... it always makes them so proud.


This is great advice. It is super difficult to find alone time with the older one, but I try my best to make it a priority. He was our only child for almost 12 years, so he is really feeling the difference between his life pre- and post-baby sister. I feel horribly guilty, because he was totally my best pal and my constant sidekick. He adores his sister -- as do I, duh! -- but I do hate how our relationship has suffered. It was my greatest fear and first thought when I found out I was pregnant: How will this affect Henry? I guess there's really no way to avoid it. :(

[rin]

The gap between our two is almost the same as yours; DD1 was 26 months when DD2 was born.

Things that really helped for us:

*got DD1 a doll so she could nurse/rock/care for her "baby" while I cared for mine (watching her "nurse" her doll is hysterical
*got her the "I'm a Big Sister" and "When You Were Inside Mommy" books
*transitioned her to a big-girl bed so that her crib could go in the closet for a while before being "reborn" as DD2's crib
*installed the carseat early so she could get used to it being there
*made sure to spend lots and lots of time giving her snuggles and having special one-on-one time
*I would nurse in the room where DD1 was playing; we've still got the rocker in DD1's room, so it was easy. When I had to put the baby down for a nap, I'd tell her she could be in the room with me *if she was quiet* otherwise she could go wait in her bedroom. (DD2 sleeps in a bassinet in our bedroom.) Usually she'd stay in the room, get rowdy, and I'd have to go put her in her bedroom, but occasionally she could stay quiet. DD2 is now 4 months, DD1 is 2.5, and she'll snuggle quietly in the bed while I'm putting DD2 down. Practice makes perfect!

Honestly, I found the transition from 1 to 2 so, so much easier than going from 0 to 1. We just focused on showering DD1 with love, and did a lot of saying things like "Oh, DD2 is crying. She has to be patient for 1 minute because I'm brushing your hair/getting you a snack/etc" so that DD1 could see that it wasn't always her who had to wait. So far so good!

[twotimesblue]

Thanks for all the advice so far. I'll definitely get him a gift from the baby and ask him to choose something to give to his baby brother. The t-shirts are a great idea, too!

Would love any other input from second (or third, or fourth!) time moms... he is being extra clingy this week and I think that's because everyone keeps saying how soon the baby will be here. I'm trying to do lots of fun outings with him but am still concerned about how he's going to react to having to share me (especially as I'll be nursing). It's silly, but I actually feel really guilty that his days as an only are coming to an end :(

[citymama]

Oh, one thing that DD1 loved - snuggling with me in bed while I nursed DD2. I would read to DD1 and baby would nurse for loooong stretches of time. So the snuggles can and do continue!