What would you think of this?

[Aishe]

Yesterday I was chatting with the mom of dd's best friend and I learned that she had left her 1 year old at home alone and napping when she picked up her older dd from school. Their home is about 1.5 miles from the school, so it's not far, but you have to park and walk across a fairly big parking lot, wait for the teacher to release the kid, etc . . . All in all she was probably gone about 20 minutes or so. Her younger dd was awake when she got back (she'd already been napping for 2.5 hours), but was safe in her crib and not crying apparently.

Another mom who was part of the conversation was totally aghast and did not mince words. I tried to be a little more moderate in my reaction, but I have to admit I was pretty shocked. I said that I would have worried about getting in a car accident and not being able to get back to her. She replied that if she got in a car accident her dd would be better off at home. Um, I guess . . . but really?? This is a person who occasionally watches my kids and now I'm wondering a bit about her judgment. So I'm curious what other people think.

[mjs64]

Um, I have no idea what I would have said to the woman, but I do know it would have been nearly impossible to hide the
shock on my face when she told me that. Whoa. I don't know at what age I'd do that, but certainly it's years past one!

[KLD313]

No way is that ok. There are too many what ifs that would make me never do something like that. What if the house caught in fire? What if someone broker in the house?

[belovedgandp]

Absolutely not. And I'm one who usually falls on the let things slide side of the fence. I go outside in my own yard and to the mailbox with a napping kid, but would never get in my vehicle and leave. Way too many what-ifs could happen at the house or on my trip to risk that.

I too would have had a hard time keeping a straight face but would have struggled with what to say on the spot.

[twowhat?]

I would never do it.

But...I bet lots of people do...

[infomama]

I'd be the one that didn't mince her words. Unacceptable.
And there is no way in heck she would be watching my kids anymore.

[AngelaS]

Is she European?

[Aishe]

Is she European?

Chinese. I did wonder if it's a cultural difference. I know Americans are considered sort of obsessive about safety.

[KrisM]

As I was reading, my mind was finishing your sentence to say she went a couple houses down to the bus stop and I would have said that is fine. But, wow! I would not leave for 20 minutes. No way.

[Trigglet]

Isn't that illegal? It certainly is in the UK. In fact my mother who volunteers for a project that helps parents and families get on their feet just had to call the police about an unattended 2-year-old she found when she went on a home visit last week. That child is no longer in the custody of her mother (who was the one who left her alone).

No way in he!! would I be leaving my child with this person.

[Kymberley]

Nope, not okay, and I would have been very vocal about it.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

I would never do it.

But...I bet lots of people do...

:yeahthat:

i would have been shocked but probably wouldn't have said anything. i would have definitely not allowed her to watch my kids anymore!

though in some crazy way she has somewhat of a point re her being safer at home..if she was in a crib and totally contained, basically the only thing was some natural disaster or her getting into an accident (but then again, if she was in somesort of accident you think the authorities would figure out where she lived and would soon find out that she had a daughter and would find her at home). i saw the other day a woman driving around the neighborhood with a 10 yo in the front passenger seat holding a 2yo on his lap...that made my jaw drop.

in any case, like i said before, i would be afraid to let this lady watch my kiddos.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Not ok. I don't know what I'd have said or done. Probably said something like I'd be too worried to do something like that bc of a fire at home or such.

[bekahjean]

Ok, I'm going to risk the flames that I am sure are coming my way...

I wouldn't have done this, given the parameters of the story. If the baby had JUST fallen asleep (and was a consistent napper), I might. The school the boys will be attending is less than a mile from the house. The child is sleeping. The (my) house has an alarm.

On the very rare occasion that DH has had to leave on a trip in the middle of the night, we have left the kids sleeping, locked the house, set the alarm, etc. We live less than 10 minutes from his work and I was gone less than 20 minutes total. It was a choice we made to let the kids get a good nights sleep instead of waking them at 2 am.

So, flame away. :)

[wellyes]

I've been SO TEMPTED, but no, I never have, and I find her admission shocking.

Sounds likes she is an immigrant. Ideally, I would have warned her (gently!) that what she did was illegal.

[infomama]

Ok, I'm going to risk the flames that I am sure are coming my way...

I wouldn't have done this, given the parameters of the story. If the baby had JUST fallen asleep (and was a consistent napper), I might. The school the boys will be attending is less than a mile from the house. The child is sleeping. The (my) house has an alarm.

On the very rare occasion that DH has had to leave on a trip in the middle of the night, we have left the kids sleeping, locked the house, set the alarm, etc. We live less than 10 minutes from his work and I was gone less than 20 minutes total. It was a choice we made to let the kids get a good nights sleep instead of waking them at 2 am.

So, flame away. :)
I'm not going to flame you but is it really worth it? Could you ever forgive yourself if you turned onto your street and your house was on fire? Or someone was burgularizing it? Is that a chance your willing to take?

[bekahjean]

I'm not going to flame you but is it really worth it? Could you ever forgive yourself if you turned onto your street and your house was on fire? Or someone was burgularizing it? Is that a chance your willing to take?

In a word, yes. The risk, that in middle of the night, THAT night, for the 20 minutes that I was gone, my house will burn down is so minuscule that I'm not going to guilt myself about it. There are plenty of other things for which I beat myself up.

[HannaAddict]

I'm not going to flame you but is it really worth it? Could you ever forgive yourself if you turned onto your street and your house was on fire? Or someone was burgularizing it? Is that a chance your willing to take?

Yeah that. It only takes a minute and one accident, mistake etc. and you can never undue it. No way. Illegal too. Your child is helpless, they rely on us as inconvenient as that is sometimes.

[BabbyO]

Nope...not ok. I had to run to the grocery store to pick something up a couple weeks ago. Store is 7 min from the house, took me 5 min to park, get in get my item and check out. 7 min back so I was gone a total of 19 min.

I called my neighbor across the street and asked her to sit a the house while I was gone because the boys were sleeping - for the night...as in they wouldn't be waking for hours.

My parents *might* have done that when we were little and grandma and grandpa lived right next door...but they still would have called an one of the grandparents would have come over...so, still, no!

[HannaAddict]

In a word, yes. The risk, that in middle of the night, THAT night, for the 20 minutes that I was gone, my house will burn down is so minuscule that I'm not going to guilt myself about it. There are plenty of other things for which I beat myself up.

What if you are in an accident, hit by a drunk driver, etc. and aren't back at the house in ten minutes. I can't comprehend making that choice. Call a cab, not sure why you have to go to the office in the middle of the night.

[wendmatt]

It's funny because I always used to think it would be perfectly fine to leave a sleeping baby for a short while, what could happen to them? But I could never bring myself to do it. It felt too wrong, there are too many what ifs. Plus, as pps have said, it is illegal......
Not right at all, walk to bus stop yes, drive to school and gone for 20 mins, no way.

[trcy]

No way is that ok. There are too many what ifs that would make me never do something like that. What if the house caught in fire? What if someone broker in the house?
A big :yeahthat: I would have had a hard time keeping a straight face.

[StantonHyde]

I have left my kids sleeping to walk the dog around the block--15-20 minutes. Your children are actually in more potential danger in the car. And we do that every day. If you look at things as being more or less likely than getting in a car accident, you can better put them in perspective.

[PunkyBoo]

Where we live I also worry about earthquakes... but what if the baby got sick?? Had a night terror and was screaming? The chances of anything happening in that specific period of time are very slim, but why risk it??? How could a mother ever live with herself if something DID happen??? Do unfortunate accidents really ever happen when we ARE prepared and expecting them??

[bekahjean]

I have left my kids sleeping to walk the dog around the block--15-20 minutes. Your children are actually in more potential danger in the car. And we do that every day. If you look at things as being more or less likely than getting in a car accident, you can better put them in perspective.

Yeah, that's how I feel about it. When DH is deployed, I still have to get things done. If I was a single parent, i would still have to find time to walk the dog. That means walking the dog every night after the kids go to bed. I have one of those annoying dogs that takes FOREVER to go at night.

[ett]

Ideally, I would have warned her (gently!) that what she did was illegal.

:yeahthat: She may have no idea that what she did was illegal.

[JBaxter]

I would have responded ... Are you NUTS? But that's me. I think it is 100% unacceptable to DRIVE away and leave your baby in the house. I would have pointed out it is also illegal.
No I would walk to the bus stop with Jack asleep at that age but the house was always in view. ( slightly farther than if we were in the farthest part of the back yard

[ett]

Your children are actually in more potential danger in the car. And we do that every day. If you look at things as being more or less likely than getting in a car accident, you can better put them in perspective.

True, but the fact remains that it is still illegal. Couldn't someone report you to CPS if they saw you doing that?

[kaitlyns.mom]

I might remind her of the story of the DCP who left the kids alone to get groceries and four of the children in her charge died, three were injured IIRC. Because of a fire.

Baby stands a better chance surviving a car accident in a carseat than a fire with nothing but crib slats for protection.

[hillview]

that isn't ok. the child could be taken away if authorities found out. Our boys are 5 and 7 and after they are asleep, DH walks the dog down the street and back -- he can see the house the whole time when I am not home. I am only sort of ok with that -- takes maybe 5-7 mins. I trained our dog to go on the strip of grass next to our house -- he is done in 30 seconds with me :)

[brittone2]

Neighbors two doors down leave their 5 yo alone sometimes for short periods. In their case, you'd think it would ring a bell that it isn't safe because I know on one occasion he let the little boys who live diagonally into his house, and all 3 were there unsupervised (mom of the boys allowed in by the 5 yo didn't know....her kids kind of free range in the neighborhood. They were like 7 and 4 at the time or so). Clearly he demonstrated through that action he *really* isn't ready to be allowed home alone, as if it were really a question anyway.

[crl]

I do not think that is safe and I would not leave my young children with her.

Catherine

[LexyLou]

I'd be the one that didn't mince her words. Unacceptable.
And there is no way in heck she would be watching my kids anymore.

I'm a pretty laid back mom, but no, I don't think that's ok. AT ALL. If the baby had already been sleeping 2.5 hours, then she got enough rest. Wake her up.


I'm not going to flame you but is it really worth it? Could you ever forgive yourself if you turned onto your street and your house was on fire? Or someone was burgularizing it? Is that a chance your willing to take?

:yeahthat:

It's always a slim chance that something huge will happen, but it's always a chance. No one ever plans for a fire/earthquake/accident/etc...

I just don't think it's a risk worth taking.

On a related note: When is an appropriate age to leave kids alone for short periods? I honestly can't remember when I did. I think it was around 4th grade but I had a 4 year older brother.

[jbbhb]

I do not think that is safe and I would not leave my young children with her.

Catherine

:yeahthat: I'm uncomfortable going next door while my baby is sleeping.

[TwinFoxes]

I do not think that is safe and I would not leave my young children with her.

Catherine

:yeahthat: I'd be worried DDs would climb out of their cribs. We do our own risk assessments, and for me that's very risky.

Pp, I'm not flaming you, but aren't you worried a neighbor will find out and report you? There was a story out of Texas about a woman who let her kids play in front of her house, and her neighbor called the cops because she thought they were unattended, the mom got arrested even though she was there. I can only imagine if you're caught arriving home 20 minutes after the cops are called.

[OKKiddo]

Where we live I also worry about earthquakes... but what if the baby got sick?? Had a night terror and was screaming? The chances of anything happening in that specific period of time are very slim, but why risk it??? How could a mother ever live with herself if something DID happen??? Do unfortunate accidents really ever happen when we ARE prepared and expecting them??

My kiddos can reach the locks and open doors (even the 1 year old) so even if I left them in a locked/secured house they would wander the streets to find me. Terrifying! I vote no way along with everyone else.

But, I would be extremely tempted if I were the lady who lives on my corner (and her backyard literally lines up with the front of the school (a few trees and her fence block it) to leave them napping while I picked up the Kindergartner (all within distance of a baby monitor). That would be tempting but even then I most likely wouldn't because of the kids ability to open locks/wander.

[khm]

A woman in my area was investigated after leaving an infant home alone, I'm not sure if she was charged or not, it's been awhile.

She went to her husband's office to make a copy. A nurse who worked there (and was a mandatory reporter) called her in. The child wasn't hurt, but it was still a huge embarrassment and I believe affected her negatively in their divorce proceedings a few years later.

[queenmama]

I've weighed it (as far as doing it myself) and I just never could.

I honestly don't care about the illegality of it. That is literally the last reason I think it's not okay.

Car accident. I have lost count of the people I know who've died in car accidents, and most occurred in their own neighborhoods.

Fire? I am admittedly paranoid about this.

Home invasion. Google the Carpenter family of Merced, California. These are people I know from church who left their kids at home in bed (old enough to be alone) and lost two of them to a pitchfork-wielding psychopath. Don't tell me it can't happen. This isn't even counting friends who have had their homes robbed.

Sure, the odds of catastrophe are slim. But the people who will leave their kids "just this once, it's a quick trip!" will probably do it repeatedly, in which case the odds go up.

[jjjo1112]

I consider myself very liberal in what I do and allow my kids to do, especially in BBB land :) And there have been many times I want to do it- I live 1 mile from the school and it would take me 10 minutes to drive the kids there or pick them up- but I could never do it. I leave my kids in the car, play out in the yard while the baby sleeps, let the kids sleep in the car while I'm inside, etc, but #1- it is illegal and CPS could be called and #2 if there was a fire/accident/delay, I just wouldn't be able to forgive myself.

[infomama]

Home invasion. Google the Carpenter family of Merced, California. These are people I know from church who left their kids at home in bed (old enough to be alone) and lost two of them to a pitchfork-wielding psychopath. Don't tell me it can't happen.

That's a horrifying and tragic story.

[carolinamama]

Absolutely not. And I'm one who usually falls on the let things slide side of the fence. I go outside in my own yard and to the mailbox with a napping kid, but would never get in my vehicle and leave. Way too many what-ifs could happen at the house or on my trip to risk that.

I too would have had a hard time keeping a straight face but would have struggled with what to say on the spot.

Me exactly. I actually know a neighbor who did something very similar and I was very shocked. It just wouldn't cross my mind to leave a napping child home alone while I left in a car. And I am definitely on the laid-back end of the parenting spectrum.

[Pyrodjm]

I would have told her that what she did was illegal and unwise.

There's no way I'd ever do it. Too many things can happen that would prevent me from returning quickly, I could get pulled over by the cops for some stupid reason, get into a fender bender or worse, my car could die at the school and I need to wait for a jump, flat tire, DD1 could be sick or injure herself on the way to the car (I once saw a kid running to his mom at pickup fall a break his nose, freak accident I know but it happened). Not to mention all of the things that could happen at my house while my baby is alone inside. I know some mothers value there kid's sleep schedules and naptime above all else, but I'm not one of them. Safety trumps sleep around here. I have dragged my babies out of bed at 1am and strapped them into carseats in their pajamas in order to pick DH up from the train station 4 minutes away.They usually stayed asleep and even if I had to nurse or soothe them back down after we got home I didn't regret taking them

[dogmom]

I agree I wouldn't do it. If I felt the woman was unaware of the legal ramifications and cultural norms I would tell her about how the current culture is in the US.

One of the reasons I wouldn't do it is I would probably feel guilty if the 1:100,000 or whatever chance something would happen....

However, to all of the ones completely shocked by this I would caution to take a moment and really analyze the relative risks here. I'm willing to bet driving everyday with a baby to pick a child up is probably more dangerous than leaving a baby that can't get out of a crib alone. I just mention it because we do all kinds of things, mostly drive around with kids a lot more than I was ever in a car as a child, and we act horrified at other risks people take. Some of it is based on good statistics, but some on cultural norms. Of course that might be one reason people obsess about car seats, to negate that risk. However, there are accidents that will hurt people no matter what car seat the kid is in.

[StantonHyde]

True, but the fact remains that it is still illegal. Couldn't someone report you to CPS if they saw you doing that?

That assumes that somebody is nosy enough to do that. And if you have an otherwise good parent, that report isn't going ANYWHERE.

[StantonHyde]

:yeahthat: I'd be worried DDs would climb out of their cribs. We do our own risk assessments, and for me that's very risky.

Pp, I'm not flaming you, but aren't you worried a neighbor will find out and report you? There was a story out of Texas about a woman who let her kids play in front of her house, and her neighbor called the cops because she thought they were unattended, the mom got arrested even though she was there. I can only imagine if you're caught arriving home 20 minutes after the cops are called.

My kids play in front of my house all.the.time. They are 7 and 10. I watch them from the window. Depends on the ages of the kids.

[Aishe]

Thanks for all the feedback. To clarify, she is an immigrant, but she's been in the States at least a decade. Her husband is American. So I do think she's pretty familiar with the cultural norms here. It actually never even occurred to me that it might be illegal, but it's kind of irrelevant. She is otherwise a great mom, so I think this is just an oddity, whether it's culturally based or just her own personal weirdness!

It occurred to me today that she probably does this all the time. She picks up her dd from school every day and usually doesn't have her 1 year old with her. I thought the baby must be with the nanny, but now I vaguely recall her saying they were going to let the nanny go.

I probably will not be leaving my kids in her care anymore, unless I'm desperate.

[TwinFoxes]

My kids play in front of my house all.the.time. They are 7 and 10. I watch them from the window. Depends on the ages of the kids.

Oh I think it's totally ok to have your kids play outside! But there are a LOT of people who like to take the mommy drive by to the next level. The case I'm talking about, the mom says she was in a lawn chair on the porch. My point is, if she can be arrested, imagine if you're actually 20 minutes away by car with a 1 year old home alone.

[ZeeBaby]

I call these the crazy thoughts in my head. There are times especially when the kids were younger that I would get these crazy thoughts in my head. Target is right across the street I can go and run back. I have never done it because you are stopped by the what ifs. I would not leave my child with her. People do stuff like this all the time and it really depends state by state if it illegal or not. As her friend I would tell her to make sure what she is doing is not illegal.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Interesting point about the mandated reporting. I have my volunteer clearances and I think I'm a mandated reporter now.

[StantonHyde]

Oh I think it's totally ok to have your kids play outside! But there are a LOT of people who like to take the mommy drive by to the next level. The case I'm talking about, the mom says she was in a lawn chair on the porch. My point is, if she can be arrested, imagine if you're actually 20 minutes away by car with a 1 year old home alone.

If she actually got arrested, there was something else going on there. My DH is an ER MD and he called DCFS on a mom who was high on meth and had her kids with her--he didn't want her driving them anywhere. DCFS refused to get involved--because she hadn't driven them "yet". (ummm, that's how she got to the ER!) I work in a psych hospital--being left at home for 20 minutes would be heaven for most of the kids we treat compared to what they have been through. All depends on your perspective. (not that I want to live up to that example)

[hellokitty]

Chinese. I did wonder if it's a cultural difference. I know Americans are considered sort of obsessive about safety.

Nope, still not ok, even if she is an immigrant, and it's worse to hear that her husband is, "american" and is ok with this??? My parents are immigrants from taiwan and my mom used to do this to me when I was a baby. She would go run errands and leave me at home alone in my crib. The bank tellers would ask her where I was and she would laugh and tell them that she left me at home. They expressed their horror that it was no ok or safe to do that, but my mom blew them off. I was pretty pissed when she told me this (in a very light, "these crazy americans are so uptight" kind of way). After I had my kids, if I chatted with my mom that I had to run this or that errand, my mom would say, "are you going to bring the boys with you?'' OMG, I flipped out on her. After all of these yrs, she STILL does not realize that what she did was wrong and worse yet, felt that it was ok for ME to do this too! I have another friend who is chinese american and her parents used to leave her and her little brother at home all the time alone. She says that they were 3 and 4 yrs old and she has no idea how they didn't kill themselves, b/c one time they actually decided to COOK on the stove, b/c they were hungry!

My mom has made other bad judgment calls regarding child safety. Like I vividly remember being a young toddler and my mom handed me over to some 5 yr old to go play in a dirty stairwell in the apt building next to ours. A lot of chinese immigrants are not very concerned about child safety, and have gotten in trouble for neglect. The university I went to always had at least one case each yr of a chinese grad students who brought their kids to work and basically let their child wander around campus unaccompanied. This would go on until they got caught, but if they had not gotten caught, they would probably just keep doing it. My parents have even left my brothers and myself for almost a week to attend conferences OOS and we were left with some frozen dinners and $ told to just go to school and act like everything was normal and we were not to tell anyone that they were gone! We were elementary aged and 1x a day a family friend would stop by to make sure that we were still ok (alive). I actually get really pissed off when I think about how irresponsible my parents were. What about if something would have happened to one of us and they couldn't get a hold of our parents? What if something happened to our parents during the trip?

[abh5e8]

wow. that is illegal (in my state) and would qualify for a mandatory report to CPS.

[lisams]

That assumes that somebody is nosy enough to do that. And if you have an otherwise good parent, that report isn't going ANYWHERE.

It's being nosy if you report someone breaking the law?

[TwinFoxes]

If she actually got arrested, there was something else going on there. My DH is an ER MD and he called DCFS on a mom who was high on meth and had her kids with her--he didn't want her driving them anywhere. DCFS refused to get involved--because she hadn't driven them "yet". (ummm, that's how she got to the ER!) I work in a psych hospital--being left at home for 20 minutes would be heaven for most of the kids we treat compared to what they have been through. All depends on your perspective. (not that I want to live up to that example)

People get arrested all the time for things, and then get released. You keep saying DCFS, but I'm talking about police officers. Remember the woman in Chicago that got arrested for leaving her kids in the car while she dumped change into the Salvation Army kettle? Her kids weren't taken away, and the charges were dropped, but what an awful situation. Same with the case I'm talking about in Texas, she got released and no charges, but she still spent the night in jail.

But who knows, maybe if the cops are called and a mom shows up 20 minutes later at night they'd just warn her. I was just pointing out to PP that besides the safety reasons, there's at least a possibility that she could be arrested. You don't agree.

[wendibird22]

I wouldn't have known what to say. I definitely think my face would've given away my horror.

There was just a mom arrested here for leaving her child and one she babysits to go thru the McDonald's drive thur less than a mile away. Kids were sleeping and she was gone 10 min. Neighbor called police when they saw her leave alone and by the time she was back 10 min later the police were there to arrest her. She went to the station for processing and social service took the kids and had to call the other parent.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Corie]

I'd be the one that didn't mince her words. Unacceptable.
And there is no way in heck she would be watching my kids anymore.


My thoughts EXACTLY!!!

[Melaine]

I don't care about "risk", "statistics" or "likelihoods". It is not ok to do that. And I can't fathom why anyone would think it is.

[infomama]

I don't care about "risk", "statistics" or "likelihoods".

Ditto x's a million

[KDsMommy]

I'm a Guardian ad Litem and therefore a mandatory reporter, I would have no choice but to call the abuse hotline on this...absolutely 100% illegal and unacceptable.

[L'sMommy]

DS used to be a solid napper and I'd always be tempted to do something like this but I never would get in the car and drive somewhere. In our old house, I did used to run out and check the mail (1000 yards away), and let the dog out for about 2 minutes. My neighbor used to walk the dog for 5 min while her twins napped but she should see the townhouse at all times.

Where we live now, the houses are fairly close together and my neighbor has on occassion come over with her monitor when her youngest was napping. They also have a dog who barks at everything so I don't see this as a huge issue of concern.

[doberbrat]

I'll admit, I have been SOOOOO SOOO Tempted to do it many a time. dd's school is .2 mi from our house. Forget the car, I can walk there & back in 10min. And we live in a safe neighborhood, have dogs and I still dont let myself do it.

Ditto for walking the dogs. I've been tempted to just walk them up/down the block so I'm still mostly in view of hte house, but my dogs dont need a walk THAT badly. Of course, I can say that b/c I dont HAVE to do it. If I were a single parent or lived somewhere w/o a yard, Well sometimes you've got to do what you have to do.


DH's niece lives in an apt in NYC. Laundry is in the basement. She used to leave the sleeping baby in the apt and run downstairs to throw a load in/out. 2 weeks ago, they were broken into and is grateful that that wasnt a day she'd decided to do laundry. Now of course, she cant figure out how to do laundry w/a toddler havign to go up/down 4 flights of stairs.

No matter what, leaving them for 20min is WAY out of my comfort zone!

[schrocat]

I don't think it's a Chinese thing to leave your kids alone. Most Chinese families I know don't leave their kids unattended.

When DS1 was in Kindergarten, I'd pack the baby and the two year old into my car and suffer the screaming for the half hour we were waiting in the car line to pick up the 5 year old. Not once did I think of leaving either one at home regardless of whether they were napping or not.

Just let her know it's illegal to leave her child unattended.

[Melaine]

I don't think it's a Chinese thing to leave your kids alone. Most Chinese families I know don't leave their kids unattended.

When DS1 was in Kindergarten, I'd pack the baby and the two year old into my car and suffer the screaming for the half hour we were waiting in the car line to pick up the 5 year old. Not once did I think of leaving either one at home regardless of whether they were napping or not.

Just let her know it's illegal to leave her child unattended.

Yep. Twice a week you will see me standing outside of my car in carline, holding a crying baby. You gotta do what you gotta do. So glad school is only 2 x a week for us.

[Happynest]

As someone who has had a house fire - and knows it can happen to anyone at anytime - no way would I do anything like that. And I judge those who do.

[rin]

Safety trumps sleep around here.

This is what confuses me about this thread; the idea that your child is safer with you in the car than at home sleeping in his/her crib. I would never, ever leave a young child alone while awake, but a sleeping child? Who you knew was almost certainly going to stay asleep for the time you were gone?

People are notoriously bad at calculating risk. Your child is way, way, WAY more likely to be injured/die in a car crash than in a home fire. Yes, I would feel horrible if my child died in a fire. Of course. Or a home invasion. But I would also feel horrible if my child died in a car crash. But it is very unlikely that anyone will ever be harmed in a home fire/home invasion (of course these things happen! but very rarely!) while it is quite likely that your child will at some point in his/her life be harmed in a car accident. To flip it around, how would you feel if you woke your child up, strapped him into his carseat, and got side-swiped and your child died (but you lived). Would you beat yourself up about "what if I'd left him at home"?

I personally have never run into this situation, since my DH works from home and neither of us has the kind of job where we'd have to go out in the middle of the night. However, we both feel perfectly comfortable taking the monitor and hanging out in the backyard; never occurred to either of us that anyone would worry about that. In this particular case, I wouldn't be tempted to leave a child who had already been napping for 2.5 hours, but say a child sleeping in the middle of the night? Possibly.

OK, so it's illegal. But so is speeding. Is there anyone here who can honestly say they've never knowingly broken the speed limit?

[wellyes]

I don't worry about house fires or robberies, I worry about me getting into a crash or becoming incapacitated while the baby is alone.

However, we both feel perfectly comfortable taking the monitor and hanging out in the backyard; never occurred to either of us that anyone would worry about that.

I don't think anyone would be worried about that.

[TwinFoxes]

I don't worry about house fires or robberies, I worry about me getting into a crash or becoming incapacitated while the baby is alone.


I don't think anyone would be worried about that.

:yeahthat: my main worry is them climbing out of the crib. I did yard work when DDs napped and I had a monitor. I don't think you have to be in the house always. But a 20 minute car ride can turn into something else pretty easily. (Of course I've lived in places with traffic jams at all hours.)

[acmom]

As someone who has had a house fire - and knows it can happen to anyone at anytime - no way would I do anything like that. And I judge those who do.

:yeahthat: we had a house fire - started when when we went to do a quick errand (less than 5 min away) and by the time we got home about 15 min later, the fire dept was putting an axe thru the front door. I would be worried about a child waking up and climbing out or getting a limb stuck in the bars of the crib too (my DS has managed to do this then call to us in a panic several times). Too many things can happen too quickly!

I have no issues getting the mail or being outside with the monitor, but I would never leave. Just not worth the risk to me.

ETA: And I would be uncomfortable leaving my DC with anyone who would do that.

[anonomom]

I can understand the temptation here -- heck, I've been tempted to leave DS in his crib while I go to the bus stop at the end of the street, but I've never done it. I can't see the house from there and sometimes the bus is late, so for me it's not worth the risk. I don't think that kid has had an uninterrupted nap in his crib ever in his life.

The thought of getting in the car and driving away from my child (even sleeping) gives me the heebie-jeebies.

[Tondi G]

I hated having to wake my little guy when I had to pick DS1 up from school and he was napping ... but it is what it is. You deal with having a grumpy baby. The farthest I ever went when my boys were napping in their cribs was out on the sidewalk in front of our building to chat with a neighbor, baby monitor in hand! There were situations where the baby was sleeping and I needed to take DS to school and I asked my neighbor to come and sit in my living room while I drove DS1 to school. I would never consider leaving my kids home alone while they were sleeping. DS1 is 11 years old and we have just started allowing him to stay home alone for a short time. Most of the time our neighbors are home and he knows if he has any issues that he has several neighbors he can go to.

You should mention to the Mom that what she is doing is illegal and she could be arrested and her child taken from her if the authorities found out. Hope she doesn't continue!

[ZeeBaby]

I think taking a dog for a walk on the same block that you live on and getting into a car driving over a mile are very different. You can take the monitor with you and it will work for a certain range. I think I would do that with a young sleeping baby. I would not do it with a toddler. DD1 started jumping out of her crib at 18mos. I woul go to the neighbors when the house was in view with the monitor, I woul also go pick up a child at the bus stop. Those things you can control more. You never know when you will get stuck in traffic or when a 20 minute trip will become 40 mins.

[flashy09]

No way. What if something did happen and you have to live with yourself and the decision the rest of your life. Not to mention, tell your family, friends, and the police that someone took your baby/house burned down/ while you left him alone in the house. Reminds me of the Madeleine case in Portugal.

I did once leave her asleep in the car at my farm while I turned a horse out in a field. It was a rather long walk and I couldn't see the car for a few minutes. Halfway to the field I got the worst feeling and just knew it was the completely wrong decision. Ran with the horse, turned him out, and ran back to the car in a panic. So I understand the temptation, but can not understand how she does she not get that feeling being a car ride away from her baby!

[SnuggleBuggles]

I did once leave her asleep in the car at my farm while I turned a horse out in a field. It was a rather long walk and I couldn't see the car for a few minutes. Halfway to the field I got the worst feeling and just knew it was the completely wrong decision. Ran with the horse, turned him out, and ran back to the car in a panic. So I understand the temptation, but can not understand how she does she not get that feeling being a car ride away from her baby!

I had the exact feeling the day I left ds2 to sleep in his crib while I went to the end of the block to get ds1 from the bus stop. I can just about see the house but I was a nervous wreck. Luckily the bus showed then. Never did it again.