Made a Big Mistake Last Night (Major TMI Warning)

[AshleyAnn]

I need to get this out and the BBB is nice and anonamous

I've never had a one night stand in my life but now that I'm divorced I've been doing lots of new things...

I got stood up on date last night so I hit my favorite bar and met this guy who was new in town and hot. He managed to talk me into going back to his place. Things started off fine but about half way thru the event I realized he had sneakily removed the condom, not once but twice (first time I thought it was an accident). After the second time I refused to continue and he seemed ok with that. But after a few minutes he attempted force my hands to do things then started to try to push me so he could begin again. I got up turned the lights on grabbed my phone and clothes and left. I got dressed in the parking lot of his apartment complex while he apoligized swearing hes not an asshole. really? could have fooled me

I feel stupid and scared and sick to my stomach. I feel like I was sexually assualted, I did not consent to that. My exhusband used to force sex on me and it brought back all my feelings towards sex I thought I had worked thru since the divorce. I'm scared I may have contracted an STD. I am on the pill, so at least thats not a concern.

I dont want to tell my IRL friends because I dont want to be seen as a slut for having a one night stand. So its on the BP - judge me as you will

[TwinFoxes]

I'm sorry this happened. It does sound like assault, and I'm glad you got out of there. :hug: Maybe talking to a professional to help you work out issues from your marriage, as well as this event would be a good idea?

[sarahsthreads]

Absolutely no judgement here. Though I am going to judge the idiot asshole and wonder why on earth he would consent to wear protection and then remove it partway through?

And also, I am so glad you were able to put a stop to things and he didn't force anything further on you. How scary!

Sarah

[sariana]

Make an appointment to see you doctor just to put your mind at ease. You'll have to get tested again 6-12 months, but go now too.

You are an adult; no reason to be ashamed. Since you were at his place, I assume you have enough information to report him if you choose to do so. Maybe discuss that with your doctor as well.

I'm so sorry you went through that. I think you should consider reaching out to at least one friend IRL. A true friend will not judge you. I am a total prude, and I do not think you are a slut for having a one-night stand. If you were my friend IRL, I would want to be there for you.

[ZeeBaby]

I am sorry this happened to you as well. You were the victim here. No one should judge you.

[crl]

Definitely not judging you. I am really sorry that happened to you. He was completey wrong in multiple ways. :grouphug:

Catherine

[wellyes]

I judge him for being terrible. What the hell! The condom thing and laying hands on you. Unacceptable. I really wish there was a way you could warn other women about him. I'm sorry about your awful night. And the memories it brought back. You did not deserve that.

[Melbel]

I'm sorry this happened to you too. No judgment whatsoever. I do think it would be a good idea to discuss the situation with your doctor to put your mind at ease (he/she does not need to know how long you knew the guy if it would cause you embarrassment IRL). :group hug:

[Multimama]

I'm sorry this happened to you. :hug: (Don't have anything to add, just didn't want to read and not post.) No one should judge you, except to judge your amazing *strength* for getting out of that situation and telling other women about what happened to you. Oh, well, see, I did have something to add. :)

[citymama]

What an a$$hole he is. I'm glad you got out of there safely. I agree with the PP, make an app't with your doctor or even a Planned Parenthood where you can be more anonymous and not feel judged. But take better care of yourself in the future, OK?

[123LuckyMom]

I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you went through that. I think you should be proud of yourself that you had the strength to leave. Please do find someone to talk to if this encounter sticks with you. Stuff like this can be tricky to shake.

[DrSally]

I'm sorry that happened to you, and glad you got out of there. Don't feel embarrassed, now could yu have know what a creep he would turn out to be. I agree w/pp about getting tested just to put your mind at ease.

[AshleyAnn]

Thanks for the support ladies! I'm going to call my gyn in the morning and get thier recommendations about what tests I need and when. I've showered 3 times since it happened and I still feel icky.

I'm choosing not to attempt to press charges, its just to he said/she said and theres no physical evidence anything happened to me. I will contact the bar owner and bouncer tomorrow and request he be banned.

[niccig]

No flames, no judging. Take care of yourself and :hug: we've all done some things we regret in all lives. Be kind to yourself.

[3isEnough]

I'm so sorry you learned firsthand what an a**hole that guy is. No judgement here, I'm actually impressed you had the fortitude to stop things and get out when you did.

You've gotten good advice from everyone else so I won't repeat it. Just wanted to send some hugs :grouphug:

[Globetrotter]

I only judge that a$$hole,not you. You don't have to tell your doctor you just met, if that helps you.

I'm glad you were able to get out of there :hug:

[doberbrat]

I'm so sorry you went through that. I think you should consider reaching out to at least one friend IRL. A true friend will not judge you. I am a total prude, and I do not think you are a slut for having a one-night stand. If you were my friend IRL, I would want to be there for you.
:yeahthat:

A true friend loves and supports you no matter what.

What a horrible horrible night I cant imagine how scared you must have been. :hug:

[elektra]

Make an appointment to see you doctor just to put your mind at ease. You'll have to get tested again 6-12 months, but go now too.

You are an adult; no reason to be ashamed. Since you were at his place, I assume you have enough information to report him if you choose to do so. Maybe discuss that with your doctor as well.

I'm so sorry you went through that. I think you should consider reaching out to at least one friend IRL. A true friend will not judge you. I am a total prude, and I do not think you are a slut for having a one-night stand. If you were my friend IRL, I would want to be there for you.

Agree with this. Sorry that happened to you. :(

[elizabethkott]

I'm so so sorry this happened to you.
What an a$$hat.
(((((hugs)))))
(please see if you can find your way to speak to one of your IRL friends. Everyone needs support in a situation like this, and your friends love you and want to help you.)

[Melaine]

I'm so sorry! That's horrible and inexcusable of him. What a jerk. I like the idea of getting him banned from the bar. Maybe it's his favorite place; let's hope so.

[liz]

:grouphug:

[georgiegirl]

How scary! I'm so sorry that this happened to you. Glad you were able to get out before things got worse. Many hugs (and no judgment.)

[momm]

I'm so sorry that happened. That's awful.

Please consider this a gentle request to think about reporting him. You were strong enough to get out of there, but maybe other ladies might be too flustered/ scared to run.

I hope you feel better. Take a day to yourself and perhaps talk to someone as PPs have suggested.

Hugs. This should never happen to anyone. and it's NOT NOT NOT your fault, it's not about a one-night stand, it's about some people being assholes.

Also, I just wanted to say that "I feel like I was sexually assualted" - you don't FEEL LIKE. You WERE sexually assaulted. Your feelings are completely valid.

[mushka]

So sorry this happened to you!

I think his behavior was extremely bizarre. Please don't be scared by my comment, but I think this is extremely important: go to the doctor and don't just get tested, ask for HIV prevention meds. They are prescribed all the time for exposure or possible exposure. You have to think about yourself and you child. Ask for meds.

[wellyes]

Very smart of you to report him to the bar!

[KDsMommy]

Lots of hugs :grouphug:

You showed so much strength getting out of there when you did. I'm so so sorry that happened to you. Please do see your doc, and take care of yourself. You are one strong woman. :grouphug:

[infomama]

I'm so sorry and I'm so glad that you are safe now. Your plan is a good one.
Please don't beat yourself up about this.

[hellokitty]

:hug: No judgment. I'm sorry that this guy was such a jerk, you did not consent to him acting that way, so you did nothing wrong. I agree with the others to go to the doctor and get testing and also propholaxis for std preventing, just in case.

[hillview]

consider making a police report. Consider the next girl he takes home. You are NOT NOT NOT at fault. He is a perp.

[almostmom]

Just want to add my hugs to the group. What a freaking jerk! I mean, who does that, lies and deceives with no care for the person they are with??? And puts you at risk, possibly, and more than anything, scares the crap out of you??? I wish I could go punch him.

GOOD for you getting out of there when you did. But that must have felt horrible, getting dressed in the parking lot - I'm so sorry. You've gotten great advice here. Hopefully, and likely, everything will be fine. Not all guys are like that! I do hope he gets banned from that bar.

Take care of yourself - time will heal. There are caring good guys out there--

[TwoBees]

I'm so sorry that happened to you! No judgement here except towards that a$$. I agree with the pp abt getting tested and talking to someone IRL. :hug.

[elliput]

:hug::hug::hug: I've made my share of similar mistakes. The thing is- you recognized what was happening and put a stop to it. I'd say you are smarter than the average bear. :wink2:

[AngB]

I agree that you may at least want to head to the police station and talk to someone. Even if you don't make an official report/file charges, who knows what this guy has already done or may do in the future and maybe your experience can help them in some way to either catch him or make other charges stick, etc.

I definitely don't think you did anything wrong. I'm sorry you had to go through this.

[Fairy]

Ashley,I'm sorry this happened to you. I think many of us have been in a position where we realize we're somewhere that we shouldn't be. Seemed like a good idea at the time, but things went somehwere unanticipated, and now we have to get ourselves out. You did that, good for you.

However, I've been reading your posts for some time now, and they all seem to have a common thread of attracting men that are ultimately bad for you. I have no experience with the bar scene or clubbing or any kind of partying since my college days, and certainly not since having had a child. I do go out with my friends and have a social life, but I'm not single, so it's different, of course. But this is not the first time you've had a bad experience like this, and I have to believe that your social outlets, even if they differ from mine, contain men that will treat you properly. Because you deserve one that will. You deserve better people than the ones you appear to be choosing, from what little I can see from your posts. You deserve to have a man pursue you and prove to you that he's worth your time. And your child deserves a mother that believes that about herself to the point that the same assh*le different day doesn't continue to occur. I don't even believe that a woman needs a man to be fulfilled, we cna be fulfilled by just our children and the people around us and the lives we make for ourselves. But if you want a man, then you deserve the best one, Ashley.

[trcy]

:hug: I am so sorry that happened to you.