WWYD: School and classmate issue?

[blisstwins]

My children go to a VERY small Catholic school. There is only one class per grade, so no chance of escape if there is a child with issues disrupting, etc.
My kids have had a boy in their class since kindergarden who is in serious need of help, IMO. He is very smart and I like him, but his parents divorced in K and his father died last year. This is a child who has threatened to burn down the school and he threatens to choke kids. I do think these are serious threats, but he is an attention seeker and he is disruptive. My patience is high because this is a child with great hardships and there but for the grace of God go I.
That said, I want my kids to learn.
A week or so ago this child told me he had just watch Children of the Corn because he "likes to scare the crap" out of himself. I ignored this.
Today I did lunch duty and he had Stephen King's It with him--said it was his reading book.
The kid is 7 and this is second grade.
I know he is not in therapy despite these losses.
Do I tell the teacher or the school about this Stephen King stuff? I know his mom cannot control everything and thought maybe he saw a bit of Children of the Corn by accident somewhere, but he is walking around with a Stephen King novel.
I don't think this should be in school. I think his mom should be told (am I morally obligated to reach out to her?). I think the kid should be in counseling. Mostly, I don't want my kids exposed to this stuff and the kid is scaring me with his interest in this stuff.

WWYD?

[maestramommy]

Do you know his mom personally? If not, I'd start with the classroom teacher. I agree it's concerning.

[sophiesmom03]

I'd ask for a meeting with teacher and principal where you can voice your concerns confidentially. I would not suggest what they do but make it clear you expect them to use their judgement/experience. I'd also not contact the mother, unless you are already friends, which is not how I read your post.

I agree these things are not appropriate for school AND that there are issues that need to be addressed at home/school for this boy's and tha class' well-being.

[infomama]

If the school has ignored threats of physical violence and an arson threat I doubt they will care if he's reading "It".
I would meet with the highest up and then go higher up necessary. If I had to I would report it to the police and I would make sure the school knew I wasn't messing around.

[Nooknookmom]

Go to the highest up...we just had an issue in kindy with DD, her friend and some boys who made VERY inappropriate remarks to them. Went to the teachers who immediately took it to the principal and corrected this issue.

I say reach out to someone, this kids needs help. It's going to get worse at school as he ages too, if hes making threats at 7, what will be be doing at 11?

[blisstwins]

I am friendly with the mom. She is overwhelmed, but I cannot fathom why the child is not in therapy. He has wild behavioral issue. Does my being friendly with her mean I have to talk to her first?

[maestramommy]

If you are friendly with the mom I'd talk to her first. Otherwise she may be hurt if she hears from the school that YOU are the one to raise a concern.

[Simon]

If you approach teachers/principal, I would be sure to emphasize it is from a place of concern for a) the learning environment in the classroom and b) the sense of safety for all students. If you've heard his comments about violence/arson then so have other kids. IMO, it is not appropriate for those to go unaddressed. The school has a responsibility re:learning although they may brush off other elements that concern you as being "family" issues that they won't interfere with. Being in 2nd grade and the upheaval in his life are not reasons to accept inappropriate behaviors from him but are all the more reason he needs help.

FWIW, my Mom let me read wildly inappropriate books from a young age, though they tended toward the pornographic (!) and not the horror genre. I am sure my teachers were shocked as he!!. Frankly, I think it was a bad choice on her part, though she had wildly poor judgement in many areas of parenting, and I wish someone had called her on it.

[dogmom]

My children go to a VERY small Catholic school. There is only one class per grade, so no chance of escape if there is a child with issues disrupting, etc.
My kids have had a boy in their class since kindergarden who is in serious need of help, IMO. He is very smart and I like him, but his parents divorced in K and his father died last year. This is a child who has threatened to burn down the school and he threatens to choke kids. I do think these are serious threats, but he is an attention seeker and he is disruptive. My patience is high because this is a child with great hardships and there but for the grace of God go I.
That said, I want my kids to learn.
A week or so ago this child told me he had just watch Children of the Corn because he "likes to scare the crap" out of himself. I ignored this.
Today I did lunch duty and he had Stephen King's It with him--said it was his reading book.
The kid is 7 and this is second grade.
I know he is not in therapy despite these losses.
Do I tell the teacher or the school about this Stephen King stuff? I know his mom cannot control everything and thought maybe he saw a bit of Children of the Corn by accident somewhere, but he is walking around with a Stephen King novel.
I don't think this should be in school. I think his mom should be told (am I morally obligated to reach out to her?). I think the kid should be in counseling. Mostly, I don't want my kids exposed to this stuff and the kid is scaring me with his interest in this stuff.

WWYD?


OK, so I was with you until the Stephen King thing, I don't understand your issue. Please explain it to me.

[wellyes]

No way is that novel appropriate for a 7 year old. It is very grim and violent.

[blisstwins]

Exactly.

This is a child whose parents divorced and then the father committed suicide (accidentally or on purpose). He is 7. He threatened to choke my son. He has threatened to burn the school down.

I don't think he is a bad kid at all. I actually like him a lot. I just don't know what this kid needs to do to get help.

He told me he watched Children of the COrn because he likes having the crap scared out of him. I don't think that is a "normal" feeling for a 7 year old, especially in light of what he has been through.

I don't want him punished, but I do think the school should be talking to the mom about appropriate v nonappropriate. I don't want my 7 year olds coming into contact with "It" especially a week before their own birthday that will feature a clown.

Anyway, I talked to my best mom friend in the class. SHe is trustworthy and sensible. She feels that the mom knows and gives lip service but nothing changes. I was still sitting on it when the teacher called me at home. I mentioned at school that I was going to email her about something and she followed up before I had really decided.

So I talked to her.

I told her I was not reporting him for any reason other than concern. I am a teacher myself and sometimes we do try to encourage the family to see certain issues, etc.

She agreed and is going to talk to the principal about a family meeting or something. I told the teacher she does not need to follow up with me. I trust they will handle it.

My kids have been with this child for 3 years and will be for the forseeable future. He is EXTREMELY DISRUPTIVE in class and he struggles to behave in appropriate ways. He knows every song no matter the lyrics. Told a girl she was sexy last year and that he wanted to _____ her. What does the kid have to do? He ends up punished by the school all the time. How is that helpful? WHy does the mom keep exposing him to things that make it difficult for him to behave appropriately in class?

I know most of it is none of my business, but I think the kid should be talking to someone. His dad died and his mom said he is just starting to ask when the dad is coming back. It's been 6 months since the death and kids don't know how to process this stuff.

I am frustrated, but I hope the child gets help. He is really smart and quite charming most of the time.

[MamaMolly]

I think you are handling this with compassion. I hope the little guy gets the help he needs.

[dogmom]

I guess my issue is I wouldn't pick out the appropriateness of reading material, but the behaviors. You have a right to say, "This child's behavior is inappropriate and I can see how he needs help, we as a community should reach out." Saying, "I don't think X book is right" is just picking the wrong battle and I wouldn't want to go there. There are plenty of things I expose my kids to that are other people would be horrified at, but they work in the context of my family. Likewise I can see a kid that lost a parent turning to scary stuff to work through some internal issues, lots of evidence about that. I can also see it being dysfunctional, that's not your call. (Maybe you should read how Stephen King got started in Horror, had to do with him working out things as a kid and it tying him to his absent father.)

Honestly, if it's only been six months since his father died I don't think having therapy now is really the answer, although it's not going to hurt. Therapy at 13 months is what most grief counselors I know recommend. Therapy is not going to fix anything at this point, this is all so soon.

[wellyes]

Good update, thank you.

I get where you are coming from, dogmom, but that is a particularly crappy book for this kid. There is a graphic suicide of an adult male character in early on. Later we learn his actions were likely influenced by a supernatural evil. Plus a lot of violence directed at children. I wish I could just get that kid back to the safe and naive place a kid his age is supposed to live in.