My 13mo is taking over my life! HELP!

[bisous]

DS3 is difficult. He is strong willed, loud and can be cantankerous. He is very smart but clearly frustrated that he cannot articulate what he wants. It makes my whole life very stressful. If it were just me, I could deal with it. Instead, if his naps aren't timed JUST right and if he isn't dealt with in JUST the right way he makes the biggest fuss.

The biggest problem for me is that I have two other children and they have a right to have activities and interests and to spend time with mom! When DS3 turned 1 year I decided I was going to carve out two nap periods for him per day and put him down whether he wanted to or not. (He still definitely needs two naps!) I planned six meal periods and will feed him (in his chair!) whether he wants to sit down or not. This isn't to be a dictator but to carve out some regularity in the life of the whole family. I really thought he would "get it" by now but he still fights me every single day.

I just feel so spent. DS3 is clearly not happy. I don't like to listen to him holler, either in his chair or at the start of his nap. Lately he's been crying for a very long time in prelude to his afternoon nap and it is incredibly heartbraking to listen to. If I don't lay him down, he yells all evening until he passes out in his bed.

DS1 and DS2 are very sweet and patient with him. I feel like I'm behind on helping them with homework, math facts, reading aloud etc. all because DS3 is so very, very demanding. Our family life is quite stressful from about 4 pm onward because of this.

I feel like I'm trying so hard and failing miserably. I don't think I'm doing this right. Anyone have any resources or experiences that could be helpful?

TIA!

Jen

[ArizonaGirl]

I just couldn't read and not post :grouphug:

I don't have any advice per se, but wanted to commiserate because DS was just like you describe and is still a very emotional and difficult child. Fortunately he was/is my first so I didn't have any other children that my attention was taken away from; however, that is why my children are almost 4 years apart in age.

It will get better.:hug:

[doberbrat]

cant help w/naps etc b/c we always wing it but signing helped my kids avoid the meltdowns b/c we couldnt understand them. You might see if your local library has some babysigns dvds to try it.

:hug:

[gamma]

It does sound like a communication issue, and the Signing Times DVD s are great idea! If your budget allows, a mother's helper from 4-6 pm could be so helpful. Perhaps a high school student, who could take him for a walk or play with him in another room would work. It could give your older 2 the time and attention they need with homework, etc. Huggs to you, it's hard, but it will get better.

[kara97210]

I don't have this same experience, but I do have one difficult child so I can really sympathize. I think you are doing the right thing with establishing a routine. One thing I've noticed is that my son has always had a really hard time with seasonal changes, so the transition to fall has been awful. I haven't read too much about this, but a woman I work with said her daughter is the same way - won't sleep, etc when the seasons change so that might be a factor. Sorry I don't have any great advice, but I'll be watching this thread.

[bisous]

Thanks for your advice, all. I'll check out those signing DVDs. He REALLY wants to talk. But he is also very, very stubborn. Sometimes I know exactly what he wants (to play with Lego Minifigures that the boys have left out) and he simply isn't permitted. He gets really angry and tantrummy. I'm hoping this is a phase.

I think I'm going to look into a mother's helper. I don't have a lot of cash but I feel like I can't do ANYTHING right now with DS3 around and DH can't help at all as he's been working really late hours. I just got a raise at my job so maybe I can use that money to get some help.

I appreciate the ideas and the commiseration!

[brittone2]

You've tried structure and I think that was a good idea.

I know at that age, some days with DS2...I'd just put him in the Ergo on my back and go on with life. He was contained, he was usually reasonably happy, I could go about my life in a more normal way. With two other kids and HSing, there were days that was the best option for us when nothing else worked. He could nap in there, he was close to mama, and it was what got us through the day.

Hang in there.

[almostmom]

My first thought was getting the signing times dvds. If you don't want to buy them, most libraries have them. They were amazing for my kids. It's a short period of time when they want to talk but can't, but so important! I can't imagine what it would have been like in my house had my kids NOT been able to sign to express themselves.

My kids didn't watch any other tv, but they did sit and watch these. I wasn't going to have the time to teach it to them, but they learned quickly from the dvds. Even if they just knew more and milk it would have been helpful, but the other words were good too, and fun for them to be able to express themselves.

Good luck--

[bisous]

A carrier? I should try it again. DS3 tolerated (briefly!) the Baby Bjorn but hated the moby and another sling I tried but this was all months ago. I wonder how he'd take to being carried?

Well that does it. I'm buying Signing Times. :) That way I might get a daily shower too.

[BayGirl2]

I know I'm a bit late because I haven't been on lately. But wanted to respond because our babies (now toddlers) are just a few weeks apart.

I agree with trying to teach signs, at least for the most common stuff like milk, hungry, tired, bath, play, more and certain common foods. I don't think you need specific DVDs, you can even find apps or videos online. Just introduce one at a time and repeat, repeat, repeat. We started early with DS and he picked them up and still used them. DD is super interested in communicating but won't sign most of the time, she just prefers to shriek:wink2:.

Wearing works for us too. DH is better about this, if she's cranky he'll put her on his back and just go about whatever task needs to be completed. She will either observe and be happy because she's close to him, or fall asleep. An SSC like a Beco, Ergo, or Pikkolo is the best option at this age IME.

I'd start to assess the 1 vs. 2 nap thing even if you think he still needs 2. Since DD transitioned to the 1's room at daycare they've had her on 1 afternoon nap. She's so engaged with the bigger kids that she has no problem staying awake through the morning. I've noticed she tends to fall asleep really quickly at night now and still is refreshed in the morning/evenings. On weekends she tends to fall asleep late morning (we are boring apparently) and then naps later in the afternoon and bedtime is not as easy. Your DS may be nearing the time of transition, and that's why the afternoon is rougher.

Just some thoughts. Good luck and hang in there! Sorry its so tough.