I know it's a BP, but I'll take perspectives...

[MamaInMarch]

My feelings are so hurt. I had DD's first birthday party Saturday, after rescheduling it from 2 weeks ago. A very close friend was one of the first people I told the new date and we had talked about it several times since then. When her family had not shown up a half hour after the party started I called to check on them and let them know we were sitting down to eat. They were not coming because she had completely forgotten about the party. She did not offer to come anyway, just said "I'm so sorry, I feel like a jerk.". I told her not to worry about it because I was stunned that she had forgotten and got off the phone so I could serve other guests. I have not heard from her since, not even to ask how it went or anything. Am I crazy that if you missed a good friend's child's birthday you would call later or the following day to see how it went? Or text or something? Maybe I'm being a big old baby.

[TwinFoxes]

I think I'd be upset too. Does she have kids? Maybe she doesn't get that a first birthday is special, and just thinks your DC wouldn't know? Still not very polite, but at least it's a reason.

Maybe something out of the ordinary happened this weekend...family illness or the like. So give her a chance to explain. I'm sorry. :( I hope your DD had a great birthday!!

[dogmom]

I think the best tact to take is assume it was an honest mistake. (I have to say we have done this with a birthday party, but one of those whole class parties. I put it on the outlook calendar for the wrong day.) Then I think I would try to assume the lack of contact or comment has to do with a sense of mortified embarassment. She's probably thinking, "OMG, I can't believe I forgot, she sound OK, hopefully she will forget this ever happened." You can assume something else, and that might even be the case, but wouldn't it be more pleasant to ascribe those motives?

[infomama]

I'd be upset. A very good friend should have done some damage control even if it was a follow up phone call.

[hillview]

she might just feel so embarrassed she is hiding in shame and doesn't know what to say? Maybe there is something going on in her life (family illness etc, marital issues etc?).

[MamaInMarch]

I absolutely believe it was an honest mistake on her part. I don't think at all that she meant to skip it. That hurts my feelings some, simply because it makes me feel like it wasn't important enough to her to remember. We were in a similar situation with her son just a few weeks ago: she sent an email saying party was basically cancelled due to illness so we made other plans. Then when she said party was back on we cancelled our other plans and went to the party (of course! I wouldn't have done it any other way). We were the only people who showed up. But I still think it was an honest mistake.

The part that really hurts my feelings the most and makes me think (along with some other things) that I'm done with the friendship is that she didn't call at all over the weekend just to see how things went. I haven't even gotten so much as a text with "hope things went well".

Oh well. I guess I can just take it that we are in 2 different places in what we want/need from a friendship and leave it at that.

[Pennylane]

I'd be upset. A very good friend should have done some damage control even if it was a follow up phone call.

Agreed, it would really upset me and I would not be the one to make the first communication afterwards. Although once she does reach out, I would forgive. I'm sure she feel awful for missing it and agree with you that she should have called the next day to apologize .

Ann

[Melaine]

Same thing happened a couple years ago. One of my very best friends ever didn't come to the girls birthday party at all, even after RSVPing yes. I wasn't offended at the time, but assumed something came up. No follow up call, no email saying, "so sorry, someone got sick". NOTHING. She had been pulling away for awhile and that is pretty much what put the nail in the coffin. I was really sad about the whole thing.

[cvanbrunt]

I absolutely believe it was an honest mistake on her part. I don't think at all that she meant to skip it. ............ But I still think it was an honest mistake.

The part that really hurts my feelings the most and makes me think (along with some other things) that I'm done with the friendship is that she didn't call at all over the weekend just to see how things went. I haven't even gotten so much as a text with "hope things went well".

Oh well. I guess I can just take it that we are in 2 different places in what we want/need from a friendship and leave it at that.

Well, here's a perspective you probably won't like. You believe it was an honest mistake. But you are willing to end the friendship over it? She apologized. I think dumping a friend because you don't think she did enough penance or groveled appropriately isn't taking the high road. Sure it hurt your feelings and mine would be too. But it happens.

[Simon]

That's a tough one. She could just be ashamed, I know I would be. But also, some people just don't put as much emphasis on celebrating birthdays. I know they just aren't such a big deal in our family.

[egoldber]

I put it on the outlook calendar for the wrong day.

I have done this. Recently. And didn't realize until the next day when we showed up at the party place. Ugh. Younger DD was crushed that she missed a good friend's birthday.

I felt terrible, but what's done is done. I apologized to the mom for RSVPing yes and then missing it. It wouldn't occur to me to apologize any further after that.

[MamaInMarch]

Well, here's a perspective you probably won't like. You believe it was an honest mistake. But you are willing to end the friendship over it? She apologized. I think dumping a friend because you don't think she did enough penance or groveled appropriately isn't taking the high road. Sure it hurt your feelings and mine would be too. But it happens.

I don't mind other perspectives at all. Even if I don't necessarily like them, it's still food for thought.

However, I didn't say I was ending the friendship solely because of this instance (note the part you quoted where I said "along with other things"). Nor did I say (or intend to insinuate) that expected her to pay penance or grovel. I specifically stated I had hoped that she would ask how things went/seem interested in the celebration.

My intention is simply that I will back off. If she were to contact me, fine. I wouldn't ignore her or be rude. I just won't be initiating anything.