MIL, do you need to do this every year?

[BabyBearsMom]

You are making me hate Christmas. Hate it! We decided to get DD1 a doll house as her Santa present. No, MIL, you may not buy all the furniture for it. I will not have her opening an empty dollhouse from Santa or have her have to listen to you point out all the pieces that came from you and not Santa. Do you really have to be competitive with Santa, MIL? Really? And then, when my mom buys the gift you were planning to get DD1 (that is another BP since I told my mom not to buy that because MIL was buying it) don't call me all mad because there is "nothing good" left for you to give DD1. Maybe if you made the tiniest bit of effort to see her, you might know some of her interests and be able to come up with gift ideas on your own. So then, because for some reason this crap always falls on me, I have to sift through zillions of toys on amazon to find a sufficienty "big" gift for MIL to buy her because otherwise, per MIL, I am being "unfair" since Santa and my mom will be giving DD1 nicer presents. And now we are adding more clutter to our already full house. And, MIL, I know you are upset that my mom bought DD1 "your" gift, but that does not mean that you should go and buy everything off of DD2's list so no one else has anything to buy. Especially after I specifically told you that we didn't need much for DD2 and to only buy a few things so that there would be enough for all of DD2's aunts and uncles and grandparents to buy for her. Why does present buying have to be a competitive sport every year? Why? DH and I aren't even getting anything for our kids other than Santa presents because you give them so much it is overwhelming for the children. So you take away our joy of giving to our children. Thanks a freaking truck load.

And no, you may not buy them their Christmas pajamas, we will do that. And no, you may not fill their stockings "all by yourself." We are their parents, please let us have one tiny bit of the Christmas joy with our children. And after just 3 Christmases with children, I think this is my third BP like this.

[SkyrMommy]

Why does present buying have to be a competitive sport every year? Why?.

:yeahthat: I think 'tis the season for ridiculous c#*% like this. Every year we deal with a very similar situation and then it continues throughout the year with the competition shifiting to time spent visiting and birthdays.

Good luck to you... I think this year I may get coal in my stocking because I may not be very nice about things.

[catsnkid]

So glad my MIL is speaking to me anymore since I gave Ex DH the walking papers. She does this all the time. Then I think she calls my mother cheap because she doesn't go crazy buying way too much plastic crap.

[hellokitty]

Ugh, my mil is like this too and she NEVER buys anything for my kids. My parents are good about asking ahead of time what the kids would like/need. So, I will help them shop for it (they usually give me $ for the item if it's something they find confusing or difficult to get). My mil, she asks at the last, last minute for me to get something for the kids and she will pay me for it. When they were younger, I almost always had something easily available in the gift closet, but now I don't and she has the nerve to get upset at me the last time she showed up at one of my kids' bday party empty handed and told me to just wrap something up for my son and I just flatly told her I had nothing prepared for her since she had given me ZERO notice. She was really pissed off, which ticked ME off that she had the nerve to be mad at me, when she is the one being a crappy grandparent and person. She has been retired for 3 yrs, and is not invalid. she lives close to all the big box stores, it's not like it is a long drive for her to go shopping. There is no reason why she can't get off her a$$ and go buy her grandkids a damn gift. However, since she has never gotten to know her grandkids at all, she has no idea what their interests are. Worse yet, she is absolutely awful about hounding my DH about how much my parents spend on gifts for my kids. Why does it matter? Why is it a competition? She has been known to stop gift opening during bday parties and xmas, in order to make a big show out of giving the kids cash. I just think it is kind of trashy. If my parents give the kids cash as a gift, they give it to me on the side, with the understanding that not all of it will go toward the gift (ie: some to go toward college savings).

Anyway, would your mil be open to something like a zoo or children's museum membership instead as a, 'big' gift? It would be easy and mil could feel, "special" about it, since it is not a typical kind of gift.

[Clarity]

Didn't you spend last xmas with her and she bought your dd's nightgown and stuffed your dd's stocking and typically dominates all of the holiday festivities surrounding your children? Ugh! :banghead:

Do you have to spend the holiday with her again this year? Just say NO to your dh. Whatever is he thinking?

But...I know it's your BP but if your mom "stole" your MIL's gift idea it's no wonder MIL is a bit irritated. I'd stick to my guns though, and get the doll house furniture. You're right, Santa bought the doll house "stuff" and she should get it all at once!

[niccig]

I'm sorry.

One suggestion for the stocking - MIL fills her own stocking for each grandkid and they get it knowing it's from her. Santa fills their real stocking.

[TwinFoxes]

Am I the only one that makes gifts disappear? DDs never notice they're gone. Since your MIL never visits, she'll never know! :)

[ccather]

You need a trickle out list. Make a big one that you manage, then dole it out in bits. If you have a 10 item list, MIL gets a couple, mom gets a couple and then the rest for aunts and uncles. Don't let everyone see the entire list. It's the only way I stay sane.

[niccig]

You need a trickle out list. Make a big one that you manage, then dole it out in bits. If you have a 10 item list, MIL gets a couple, mom gets a couple and then the rest for aunts and uncles. Don't let everyone see the entire list. It's the only way I stay sane.

Ok, this is brillant.

[alexsmommy]

Ok, this is brillant.

I never, ever let anyone see the whole list. I totally assign gifts, then when asked about the biggest item, I say we already purchased it even if we haven't yet. I would politely redirect the stocking thing and just say "Santa already has that handled."
It may be time for you DH to have a chat with his mom about allowing you the same pleasure of making you children's Xmas special as she did when he was little.

[MamaMolly]

My problem with assigning gifts is that my family will invariably get something completely unrelated to what I asked them to get. So I feel bad that my girls don't get what they ask for (usually only 2-3 things) and I also have to scramble at the last possible minute to find the things they want. Grrrrrrrr!

I love the way my ILs handle it, they send a check with a note to get 'something to open' and the rest is for the bank. Not surprisingly she always manages to 'get' the girls something they really, really want! ;)

[MamaMolly]

Am I the only one that makes gifts disappear? DDs never notice they're gone. Since your MIL never visits, she'll never know! :)

19 baby dolls later, no you are not the only one. My girls threw a fit about culling the dolly herd until I laid them all down in rows on the floor, sorted by size and type. We kept 5. Which has grown to more like 10 (thanks, Stepmom!) but still, yes, we cull.

[roseyloxs]

I am so with you! Last year the tree was surrounded by gifts. One half was gifts from all of us to each other, gifts from my family to all of us, gifts from BILs, and SILs and then the other half was all gifts from MIL to the kids. To say its ridiculous is an understatement of grand proportions. Not to mention all the gifts she sent for Valentine's Day, the 4th of the July, and Halloween. I know we live far away but guess what the kids still love you without all this crap. Oh and then you had the audacity to say oh I am sure the kids will see me and ask what did you get me? Um, 1. they have never said that. 2. if they ever do it will be your fault since you never come empty handed.

[BabyBearsMom]

Anyway, would your mil be open to something like a zoo or children's museum membership instead as a, 'big' gift? It would be easy and mil could feel, "special" about it, since it is not a typical kind of gift.

I wish, MIL is adamant that it have a "wow" factor and be fun on Christmas.


Didn't you spend last xmas with her and she bought your dd's nightgown and stuffed your dd's stocking and typically dominates all of the holiday festivities surrounding your children? Ugh! :banghead:

Do you have to spend the holiday with her again this year? Just say NO to your dh. Whatever is he thinking?

I think this is our last year. We were thinking about backing out this year but it is the year when DH's brother will be there (he switches every other year with his wife's family), and DH's grandparents are coming (they come every 3 years) and they are getting older so this is one of the last. Since it is the last Christmas with everyone we decided this would not be the year to make our stand.


I never, ever let anyone see the whole list. I totally assign gifts, then when asked about the biggest item, I say we already purchased it even if we haven't yet. I would politely redirect the stocking thing and just say "Santa already has that handled."
It may be time for you DH to have a chat with his mom about allowing you the same pleasure of making you children's Xmas special as she did when he was little.

You are brilliant

[glbb35]

Have to say I wish I had that problem. Instead I have a MIL who doesn't care period. About my kids anyway. Drives me nuts that my kids are at the bottom rung of the totem pole compared to BIL and SIL's kids. Last year MIL didn't even give DS#5 anything at all. So while all the kids were busy opening presents there sat our child with nothing. He was young but not stupid and it was interesting to watch the other kids all ask where DS#5's present was when everyone else got one. Her response? Ah, he's too young to care or know any different. She said we will give him something next year. Really? really? b/c he immediately took something away from one of the other kids and started playing with it which resulted in a fight between the two kids. Thanks MIL, just thanks. Thanks for telling us how un-important he is.

I hope you can resolve your MIL situation and I like the suggestion to spread things out. Kids only need but so much and you can only take but so much :) Good luck!

Don't you love the holiday season? IT's such a warm time of competition and overkill. Just makes you look forward to it all.

B

DS 03, 06, twins 09, 7/11

[Mopey]

Oh OP - I am so sorry. I do remember all the shenanigans from last year and feeling awful for you! It's just endless to deal with selfish people.

We have all been trying to scale back for a few years (and we LOVE the wow factor present - we call it "the screamer" - something someone really wants) and we really ask for things we want/need.

I've been pretty good about doling out present ideas slowly over the years for myself and the hubby.....with the Miss this year it will be different. I don't want to be a jerk since everyone is so excited to give her things (on my side she is the first child and on my hubby's the only child here) although I'd prefer boring & pragmatic things. So as I posted in another thread we will stick to necessary clothes/items for the future and small learning toys. (And a silver ornament for the tree if I could find a good one!)