Cuckoomamma
11-14-2012, 11:08 AM
Dh and I have been living together for almost 20 years, and I have always felt that he struggles with depression. There have been numerous times over the years when I've asked him to go to counseling as a couple, and he has never said that he would go.
Work is not a pleasant place for him and only gets worse. There's no hope of change there as we've been completely dependent on his income (I'm a sahm) and his field is very small. I think the work situation has made his depression so much worse over the years. He's an introvert by nature but has withdrawn more and more over the years as our children have gotten older.
Whereas he used to say he was leaving once a year, this past year he has said he was leaving more times than I can count. The past month has been a blur of emotion and sadness as the kids and I try to cope with his rollercoaster of emotion up and down. I've never wanted a divorce but feel that him not getting help with his depression is seriously damaging our children. I gave him an ultimatum that he needed to go to counseling with us, and he's refused again. He's a very private person, as am I. I feel that he's a wonderful person underneath but that his mental health issues are harming our children and seriously clouding his judgement in regards to me and our children.
He wants to continue to live with us (because our finances are such a mess) and be separated. That seems to me that he wants the benefits of living with a family with none of the responsibilities beyond our financial support. I think that he's self-destructive enough to move out, become even more depressed because he has no one and continue on to a divorce.
Is there anything I can do? We have no family on either side who can intervene. He has no close male friends.
I know that I need to get the rest of us into therapy. Besides that, are there any web or book resources that anyone can recommend? How do you get someone who won't go to therapy to go? You just can't, right?
Work is not a pleasant place for him and only gets worse. There's no hope of change there as we've been completely dependent on his income (I'm a sahm) and his field is very small. I think the work situation has made his depression so much worse over the years. He's an introvert by nature but has withdrawn more and more over the years as our children have gotten older.
Whereas he used to say he was leaving once a year, this past year he has said he was leaving more times than I can count. The past month has been a blur of emotion and sadness as the kids and I try to cope with his rollercoaster of emotion up and down. I've never wanted a divorce but feel that him not getting help with his depression is seriously damaging our children. I gave him an ultimatum that he needed to go to counseling with us, and he's refused again. He's a very private person, as am I. I feel that he's a wonderful person underneath but that his mental health issues are harming our children and seriously clouding his judgement in regards to me and our children.
He wants to continue to live with us (because our finances are such a mess) and be separated. That seems to me that he wants the benefits of living with a family with none of the responsibilities beyond our financial support. I think that he's self-destructive enough to move out, become even more depressed because he has no one and continue on to a divorce.
Is there anything I can do? We have no family on either side who can intervene. He has no close male friends.
I know that I need to get the rest of us into therapy. Besides that, are there any web or book resources that anyone can recommend? How do you get someone who won't go to therapy to go? You just can't, right?