I should have just kept my mouth shut, right?

[sarahsthreads]

Yes, this is a b!tch, but feel free to offer perspective...I'm willing to admit that maybe I'm the one in the wrong here.

I think I pissed off a friend of mine today. We were talking this morning and she mentioned she was half expecting a call from the school nurse any minute, because her DC had thrown up after breakfast and she sent the kid to school anyway. I kind of went off on her (in the nicest way possible) about how the 24-hour rule is there for a reason and it really irritates me when people break that rule because now *my* kid - and everyone else on the bus, in the classroom, etc - is exposed to those germs.

This is not the first time she's done this and today I really just could not keep my mouth shut. (Can I blame it on imminent AF? I'm so grumpy today!)

So be honest. Should I just have kept my mouth shut (again)? I doubt what I said to her will change anything at all about how she makes decisions. Do I owe her an apology?

Sarah

[karstmama]

i think i'd apologize about the outburst without really taking back what you said.

'you know, friend, i'm really sorry i went off on you today. i was grumpy about other stuff and took it out on you. please forgive me.'

that way you're not apologizing for the truth behind why you got angry, which to me would feel false.

[boogiemom]

Depends. If you feel like your were bitchy, probably yes. If you were just stating the fact that it is frustrating to have your child unnecessarily exposed, no. That is true. As a mom who shares this pet peeve, thanks for speaking up! :-)

[sarahsthreads]

I don't think I was especially bitchy. I am sort of a non-confrontational person to begin with, so anytime I argue with someone I feel weird about it, kwim?

I guess I should give it a little time and see if it just blows over or not. Maybe she's not obsessing over this as much as I am - see the non-confrontational bit above. ;)

Sarah

[elektra]

Since my DD has been exposed to TB, likely by someone very sick coughing on her in public, I am less tolerant of this kind of thing.
I am by no means a germaphobe, or keep my kids totally inside at the first sniffle. But if DD pukes in the morning, and I feel it was due to an illness (as opposed to her seeing her brother puking and getting grossed out) I think it's very inconsiderate to send her off to school.
If you were calm about it and just stated that you thought that was inconsiderate, I don't think you owe her an apology.
I would let it blow over and if she brings it up, say something like kartsmama suggested- that you are sorry you got upset- she is a good friend and you do not want her feelings to be hurt. I would not say that you are wrong for feeling it is inconsiderate though!

[MamaMolly]

If it were a post about a runny nose I'd say you need to crank it back a bit. But vomiting? That's not just unfair to the other kids, what about her kid? Like s/he really wanted to be at school after that. Poor thing! The mom sounds selfish enough that I'm sure your comments will roll right off her back. I wouldn't give it another thought unless she brings it up, and if she does then apologize for the tone if it was heated but not the sentiment.

[Simon]

You were spot on and, unless you have concerns about your delivery, I'd like to say a big THANK YOU. I wish more people spoke up like you did. Consider it a public service to say something. Besides, if it were me and I *hadn't* said something, I'd probably spend the rest of the day wishing I'd spoken up at the right time.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

You were spot on and, unless you have concerns about your delivery, I'd like to say a big THANK YOU. I wish more people spoke up like you did. Consider it a public service to say something. Besides, if it were me and I *hadn't* said something, I'd probably spend the rest of the day wishing I'd spoken up at the right time.

:yeahthat:

I would have annoyed by that too, on many levels. I would not have been able to apologize sincerely, because i honestly think she was in the wrong and needs to be told so. Seriously, who sends a child who puked *that morning* to school? Even if it's not due to a bug (e.g. kid ate something bad) the kid probably still feels crappy/dehydrated and would be miserable at school. I know a few weeks ago when DS got sick from too running around at the zoo, he felt pretty sick/crappy for a few hours, even puked again once he was home, and was cranky until he finally took like a 3 hour nap.

Oh, and this reminds me..anybody see that CVS commercial where the little girl gets sick on the way to a birthday party?? The mom just takes the kid to the MinuteClinic and then it shows how quick the appt is, and then it shows them happy going along to the birthday party (toting their presents, etc) as if nothing happened! I was like, WTF, what kind of message is that??! Yes, the next thing you should do after taking your sick kid to the doctor is to take them to a bday party with lots of other children. Hm, i'm surprised a comedian hasn't made fun of that one (or maybe they have, i don't know).

[sunshine873]

You were spot on and, unless you have concerns about your delivery, I'd like to say a big THANK YOU. I wish more people spoke up like you did. Consider it a public service to say something. Besides, if it were me and I *hadn't* said something, I'd probably spend the rest of the day wishing I'd spoken up at the right time.

:yeahthat:
Beyond exposing the kids on the bus and in the classroom, what about their siblings, etc. not cool. Not cool at all.

[Fairy]

I am really intolerant of people sending their kids to school with that kind of sick. If it's a cold, that's a gray area. But throwing up? REALLY?! She should have kept her kid home, for all she knows the kid has strep.

Now, did you do the wrong thing? Maybe HOW you did it. It really does depend. Now that your cat is out of the bag, you can't put it back in, so if it were me, I would probably write them an email and say, ok, I reacted badly to you today, and I'm sorry about that. I really should not have said it the way I did. I hope you'll accept my apology. Howver, I want you to know how I feel about sick kids in the gen pop at school so you can understand why I did. Then go on to lay it all out. That's just me. If that works for you, maybe give that a try.

[sarahsthreads]

Oh, and this reminds me..anybody see that CVS commercial where the little girl gets sick on the way to a birthday party?? The mom just takes the kid to the MinuteClinic and then it shows how quick the appt is, and then it shows them happy going along to the birthday party (toting their presents, etc) as if nothing happened! I was like, WTF, what kind of message is that??! Yes, the next thing you should do after taking your sick kid to the doctor is to take them to a bday party with lots of other children. Hm, i'm surprised a comedian hasn't made fun of that one (or maybe they have, i don't know).

I've never seen that commercial, but that *is* ridiculous!

I do feel better that you all don't think I was totally wrong for saying something. Aside from the fact that I was basically telling her she was completely wrong for doing what she did, I don't think I was especially rude or nasty about it. I essentially said I didn't understand why she didn't keep her kid home, that I would NOT have made that same decision, that the 24-hour school rule is there FOR A REASON and that I know she's not the only mom that does this, but every time someone does it spreads that virus around to more kids than really need to come down with it.

We'll see if she ever speaks to me again. :shrug: Like I said, I'm non-confrontational in general, but this was like the proverbial straw. I'm just so tired of hearing about how she sends her kids to school when they've just spent the night vomiting or woke up with a 102.6 fever - but hey, if it goes down with motrin, why keep them home?!?

Sarah

[KpbS]

If it were a post about a runny nose I'd say you need to crank it back a bit. But vomiting? That's not just unfair to the other kids, what about her kid? Like s/he really wanted to be at school after that. Poor thing! The mom sounds selfish enough that I'm sure your comments will roll right off her back. I wouldn't give it another thought unless she brings it up, and if she does then apologize for the tone if it was heated but not the sentiment.

:yeahthat: Exactly.

As a mom of kids with food allergies and ongoing stomach pain, I thank you for speaking up! Stomach bugs for us are horrible battles that take weeks to recover from.

[OKKiddo]

The mom sounds selfish enough...

This exactly!!! I believe that sending a sick child to school has the exact same root as someone who is chronically late--meaning that someone who is chronically late doesn't respect other's or their time and feels that he/she is more important. For instance, the parent that KNOWINGLY sends their child to school sick (fever, vomiting, diarrhea in past 24 hours) is saying that he/she doesn't care about the possibility of a child with a medical condition that an illness could complicate, doesn't care about the financial strain that another family may have to undergo to pay for medical co-pays and/or treatments for their dr's visits or hospitalizations from the illness, and doesn't care about the sleepless nights ahead for the other parents, or the impact to the children and how they'll feel because they got sick. In this situation the mom shows a selfish and inconsiderate attitude because her needs and wishes came before every other child's health and safety, not to mention her OWN child's!

*off my soapbox* And yes, I would have said exactly the same thing to a friend.

[OKKiddo]

:yeahthat: Exactly.

As a mom of kids with food allergies and ongoing stomach pain, I thank you for speaking up! Stomach bugs for us are horrible battles that take weeks to recover from.

Exactly what I'm saying--it might just be viewed as "only a little throw up" by one parent who has an other wise healthy child but for another parent and children that might have medical issues that a simple childhood bug could complicate it's the equivalent of H1N1, Bird Flu, and Zombie apocolypse all at one time.

[sarahsthreads]

Just an update. My friend hasn't answered her phone or returned a couple of texts over the last couple of days. I didn't really plan to end a friendship over this, and should just have kept my mouth shut. I'm not going to send an email or text apologizing because I think that's just silly, but if she won't pick up the phone or call me back it will be kind of hard to apologize for hurting her feelings.

Sarah

[elektra]

Just an update. My friend hasn't answered her phone or returned a couple of texts over the last couple of days. I didn't really plan to end a friendship over this, and should just have kept my mouth shut. I'm not going to send an email or text apologizing because I think that's just silly, but if she won't pick up the phone or call me back it will be kind of hard to apologize for hurting her feelings.

Sarah

:(
Sorry about that.
Hoping the friendship doesn't end over it!

[OKKiddo]

Just an update. My friend hasn't answered her phone or returned a couple of texts over the last couple of days. I didn't really plan to end a friendship over this, and should just have kept my mouth shut. I'm not going to send an email or text apologizing because I think that's just silly, but if she won't pick up the phone or call me back it will be kind of hard to apologize for hurting her feelings.

Sarah

I'm sorry you lost a friendship, but her behavior is proving she's not really the person you thought she was.

[PZMommy]

I would have said something too.

I'm a teacher and there is nothing I hate worse than a kid telling me they threw up before coming to school. If I hear that, I send them straight to the office telling the office to send them home. I give a big speech at back to school night about this. I'm also upset when kids come in with bad colds. If your kid needs more than 10 Kleenex an hour, they are too sick to be at school. All they are doing is coughing and sneezing on everyone else and making everyone else sick.

My baby has respiratory issues. What is a simple cold for many could be a week long PICU stay for him. It kills me when parents bring their snotty nose coughing babies to daycare, exposing everyone to those germs. I get that you can't keep a child home for every runny nose, but when a kid is sick with a pretty bad cold and they are a baby who will be chewing on all of the toys, they shouldn't be allowed to expose every other child to those germs. I've had several talks with the daycare director and they are starting to buckle down on letting kids that are clearly sick be allowed in the baby room.

[MamaMolly]

Just an update. My friend hasn't answered her phone or returned a couple of texts over the last couple of days. I didn't really plan to end a friendship over this, and should just have kept my mouth shut. I'm not going to send an email or text apologizing because I think that's just silly, but if she won't pick up the phone or call me back it will be kind of hard to apologize for hurting her feelings.

Sarah

Oh Sarah I'm sorry for this tun of events. Maybe she lost her cell? If she's really giving you the cold shoulder over this then she probably knows she is in the wrong and is too immature to admit it. So sort of like someone who sends a vomiting kid to school would behave, right.

[LizLemon]

Just an update. My friend hasn't answered her phone or returned a couple of texts over the last couple of days. I didn't really plan to end a friendship over this, and should just have kept my mouth shut. I'm not going to send an email or text apologizing because I think that's just silly, but if she won't pick up the phone or call me back it will be kind of hard to apologize for hurting her feelings.

Sarah

I agree. Also, what would you be apologizing for? This might be the kind of thing that settles down with the passage of a little time. Your friend may be a little embarrassed to be called out on her selfish behavior and laying low for a bit. If it doesn't improve, maybe this is the kind of brittle, selfish person you actually don't want to be friends with.

[randomkid]

I don't think you did anything wrong. My DD has reflux and a type of esophagitis caused by an unknown allergen. She takes meds twice a day and still has pain and nausea. Stomach bugs are horrible for her. I think it is completely inconsiderate for a parent to send their obviously sick child to school. I'm sorry it seems to be affecting your friendship with her, but truly, I think SHE owes YOU an apology!