toddler saying morbid or "mean" things?

[♥ms.pacman♥]

wonder if this is normal or not. we were at the park today, on the jungle gym that is designed for school-aged kids so i was up there with dd and ds, mainly to make sure DD doesn't fall down the sides or openings where older kids can climb up (it's like a 15 ft drop). I was telling DS we have to be careful with DD, that she doesn't fall down. DS then looked down at one of the openings and said "I want to push [DD] down. I want [DD] to fall down in there. I want [DD] to be broken." :eek: WTF! He said it with a totally straight face, as if he was asking for a PB&J sandwich or something.

The other thing...at playdates or out in public he will see a small baby (usually sleeping) and then sometimes will shriek/scream loudly and say "I just want to scare that baby." or "I want to wake that baby up." But more often, "I just wanted to scare that baby with my screaming." WTF. Of course I then have to try to make him stop shrieking while this other mom gives me this look like "Why is your kid trying to terrorize my child?"

Anyway, the shrieking/waking up baby thing doesn't bug me as much as the first comment at the playground. Not sure he would ever actually do that, but in the past when we're at home he has pushed her around or kicked her and then afterwards said things like "I just wanted to push [DD] down." Um, why the desire to knock down your baby sister for no good reason?? Sure, i get that if she took a toy from him he may push her down to get back at her, but often it is for NO REASON at all that he takes a swipe at poor DD.

The other thing..DS is extremely articulate to the point that it's scary. He is very descriptive of his feelings and what he wants...he will say things like "At swim class I was crying a little bit. Because I was scared to go in the water by myself. But then I was okay." So, it's not like anything is really lost in translation with him. The kid uses words like "delighted" and says things like "Shall we do puzzles now?"

Now DS is often very loving towards DD, and somewhat protective of her...often hugging her, and saying things like "Oh! Do you need help [DD]? Let me get that for you." He even gets very scared and sometimes starts crying himself when DD is put in time out in her room and is bawling, and says "I don't want [DD] to be sad!" He does seem very loving towards his sister (when they're not fighting over the same toy, LOL). And compared to other boys his age in our playgroup, he seems pretty good in terms of not hitting other kids (he has *never* intentionally hit another child, other than his sister). So I am puzzled over comments like wanting to basically push his sister down a cliff so she she can break! What is up with that?? Would love for any opinions on this, esp those with child dev background/experience. What is going thru his head to make him say these things?

[fedoragirl]

Sibling Rivalry addresses this a little bit. In my short experience, your DS is just fine. He is going through feelings of jealousy because another sibling is hogging the attention due to him. He is just articulating his feelings of the moment, and toddlers are infamous for that. :)
DD has not said anything like that but she is a little bit of a pushover and tends to escape conflicts. DS pinches her, bites her, and pushes her and she just tries to escape or cries. At the most, she has said, "I don't like DS." I just take this lightly.

[MamaMolly]

I think at his age he doesn't understand the consequences of pushing his sister down, he seems young for that. So while a part of him knows his sister could get 'broken' he probably honestly doesn't get hat she will be hurt. Empathy has to be taught to an extent, to all children.

It sounds to me like he's going for a reaction and he's a smarty and figured out a great way to get one from the other child and you. When he says things like the pushing comment you can address it by asking if Sister would get hurt? Wouldn't that be bad? (yes, leading...) And don't we want Sister safe and happy? etc.etc.etc.

[weech]

My DS is an only, but I've had a similar issue with him. Out of the blue one day he said, "there will be a dead body and there will be bugs on it." He's also said a few other similarly morbid things like "Mommy, I want to break your eyes" [we have a blind dog and tell him that the dog's eyes are broken, so I sort of get it, but it's weird].

I hope it's normal! :bag

[♥ms.pacman♥]

He's also said a few other similarly morbid things like "Mommy, I want to break your eyes" [we have a blind dog and tell him that the dog's eyes are broken, so I sort of get it, but it's weird].

I hope it's normal! :bag

ok, glad I'm not the only one. The "want to break your eyes" is something DS would totally say. I think once when we were doing crafts (with foam stickers of animals, and some limbs were coming off, he said something like "I want to break [DD's] hand off." :eek: Sometimes in public he says "I want to make that baby cry." It wigs me out a little, and also bc people look on and think he's older than he is so they are probably wondering what is wrong with him.

[hillview]

DS1 used to do this about DS2. he wanted to throw him away or give him away. It was rough but he eventually grew out of it.

[Multimama]

he wanted to throw him away or give him away.

DS1 says, "I want to put [DS2] in the garbage!"

OP, I think it's very normal, but maybe comes across as strange because your DS is so verbal and can really articulate things that all toddlers think, but not all toddlers can say that clearly. Also, pushing her for no good reason is also very normal. There is a good reason. He wants to see what will happen. To her, to you, to him. It's all very fascinating because he's still learning about cause and effect. If you haven't looked at Siblings Without Rivalry I recommend it. I haven't read it all, but it is very helpful in thinking about how best to respond as a parent to normal (but kind of horrifying to mom) rivalry stuff.

[Snow mom]

DS1 says, "I want to put [DS2] in the garbage!"

OP, I think it's very normal, but maybe comes across as strange because your DS is so verbal and can really articulate things that all toddlers think, but not all toddlers can say that clearly. Also, pushing her for no good reason is also very normal. There is a good reason. He wants to see what will happen. To her, to you, to him. It's all very fascinating because he's still learning about cause and effect. If you haven't looked at Siblings Without Rivalry I recommend it. I haven't read it all, but it is very helpful in thinking about how best to respond as a parent to normal (but kind of horrifying to mom) rivalry stuff.
I agree that cause and effect might seem really clear to us but toddlers learn these things by doing. My DD was similarly verbal at that age but honestly has always been way too empathetic for her age (and is still and only) so I've never heard these things come out of her mouth. You say you're more concerned about the comments about your DD but I would be more concerned about the comments about random stranger babies (especially if it's something that has happened many times). It's clear why your DD would be a target or why he would want something negative about her--a stranger though without any repeated interactions? He might be getting some sort of reinforcement, such as attention for naughty behavior, if he screams and wakes the baby or tries to wake the baby.