$45/hr to babysit 3 kids

[moonsky]

I am about to pay MIL for helping us watch the kids 6 times in the past two months. Each time is about 3-5 hrs. I was told by Dh that she would charge $15/hr plus $25 travel for each visit. Now, she told me that her rate was $45/hr not $15 hr.

I have used her instead of getting a babysitter as Dh said that we should choose our own family first. I am amazed when I saw her email asking for $45/hr to watch her own grandchildren plus $40 gas fee(25 mins travel each way).

She said she need money to pay for health insurance. Though, she always traveled and has never had a real job in her life.

WWYD? I plan to pay her on her past visits $15/hr plus $25 travel fee. The rate around here is $13-$15 for three kids. From now on, I won't be using her.

[wellyes]

Good lord. Is she not taking a paying job so she can watch your kids?

I would be more comfortable just giving her $xyz per month than having her nickel and dime you for gas fees and babysitting.

[ang79]

Wow, my IL jump at the chance to watch our two girls and they often drive here, (30-40 min. drive) and stay til about 11 if DH and I want to go out to dinner and a movie! They would never ever ask us to reimburse them and often comment that they would come more often if we needed them more often. I also would not be cool with family charging me for occasional baby-sitting. If it was on a consistent basis (like normal childcare), yes, I would pay a fee, but not for the occasional baby-sitting. My family has always been very gracious with helping family out when needed with such things and I often extend that to my friends if they need an occasional baby-sitter.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Holy schmoly. I'd find a different babysitter!

[moonsky]

Wow, my IL jump at the chance to watch our two girls and they often drive here, (30-40 drive) and stay til about 11 if DH and I want to go out to dinner and a movie! They would never ever ask us to reimburse them and often comment that they would come more often if we needed them more often. I also would not be cool with family charging me for occasional baby-sitting. If it was on a consistent basis (like normal childcare), yes, I would pay a fee, but not for the occasional baby-sitting. My family has always been very gracious with helping family out when needed with such things and I often extend that to my friends if they need an occasional baby-sitter.

My parents are the same as yours but they live far away.

[moonsky]

Good lord. Is she not taking a paying job so she can watch your kids?

I would be more comfortable just giving her $xyz per month than having her nickel and dime you for gas fees and babysitting.

You mean you would pay $45/hr on her past visits?

[BabyBearsMom]

That is crazy. I do not pay family when they babysit my children. If they take them somewhere expensive, I offer to pay for the ticket by mom and my MIL (who is no peach) always decline. I would find a different sitter.

[katydid1971]

I would have your DH call and talk with her and remind her about their $15/hour + $25 gas thing she had originally said then I would find a new baby sitter. I can't imagine either set of grandparents charging to baby sit. I have the problem that my dad still wants to slip me a $20 bill before I go out with DH like I'm 16 yo or something ;)

[crl]

I would have your DH call and talk with her and remind her about their $15/hour + $25 gas thing she had originally said then I would find a new baby sitter. I can't imagine either set of grandparents charging to baby sit. I have the problem that my dad still wants to slip me a $20 bill before I go out with DH like I'm 16 yo or something ;)

:yeahthat: (Except in my case it's my mom insisting on giving me grocery money when then come to stay with us.)

Catherine

[Zukini]

I have the problem that my dad still wants to slip me a $20 bill before I go out with DH like I'm 16 yo or something ;)

Now that's funny! My grandparents did that to me well into my thirties when I was leaving from a visit... think they only stopped because I got married!

[cvanbrunt]

Let your husband deal with it. And he should let her know in no uncertain terms that her rates are 3x the going rate and she will no longer be sitting for you. Get a normal sitter. One that doesn't take advantage of family and understands that getting to the job is just part of working.

[BabbyO]

Umm...I pay our FT babysitter $7.25/hr to watch 2 kids. 9 hrs/day 5 days/week. For a date night sitter we pay between $7 and $10/hr to watch our kids.

My general rule of thumb is about $5/hr/kid. This is for Non-family. IL's and my parents NEVER accept money if they watch the kids. We do try to make it up by taking them out to dinner or something...

[minnie-zb]

You could get Mary Poppins for $45/hour.

This is definitely an issue for your hubby!

[ett]

You could get Mary Poppins for $45/hour.


LOL!

Ask you husband to deal with his mother and find another babysitter.

[moonsky]

I would have your DH call and talk with her and remind her about their $15/hour + $25 gas thing she had originally said then I would find a new baby sitter. I can't imagine either set of grandparents charging to baby sit. I have the problem that my dad still wants to slip me a $20 bill before I go out with DH like I'm 16 yo or something ;)

I was actually trying to pay her at the end of each visit but she told me that she would get it from Dh. The $45/hr was in the email sent to Dh and he forwarded to me. She told him that we owed her.

[moonsky]

Let your husband deal with it. And he should let her know in no uncertain terms that her rates are 3x the going rate and she will no longer be sitting for you. Get a normal sitter. One that doesn't take advantage of family and understands that getting to the job is just part of working.

MIL knew that she would have the difficult time dealing with me than with Dh. Dh actually wanted me to deal with her.

[twowhat?]

WOW! My parents and in-laws wouldn't DREAM of asking to be paid to spend time with their precious grandchildren! Sorry, no advice but just had to add my gasp of horror!

[maestramommy]

YIKES!!!

Around here it's $15/hr for 3 kids for an adult sitter. And, our relatives would never charge for watching our kids if we really needed someone.

[BabbyO]

It occurs to me that drop-in care at our former daycare center isn't even that expensive...

[gamma]

I too would have DH deal with his mother. If she is adamant about the fee being $45/hr, I would tell her that you only budgeted $15/hr and that you will need to pay her in installments! And, I would drag the payment out and not ask her again. I'm a grandmother and I am having a hard time wrapping my head around this one. I can see paying grandparents for care if it is in the place of paying daycare on a set schedule so the DC would be cared for by family and the grandparent needed the income. Then both sides are helping each other out.

[vonfirmath]

It occurs to me that drop-in care at our former daycare center isn't even that expensive...

This. The Drop in Place we go to is $9/hr for less than 18 months
$7.50 per hour otherwise
Each additional child is $3.50 per hour

Which adds up to $16/hr IF one of the kids is 18 months or less!

[hellokitty]

Holy smokes! That is a crazy rate. I would have DH handle it and I would make sure he tells her that the going rate is $15. Why does she want $25 for visit for travel? I think that for a 30-40 min drive, that seems to be very opportunistic for her. I can't imagine a grandparent charging to babysit unless it was a full time arrangement.

[Cam&Clay]

What babysitter ever makes $45 an hour? My certified, licensed, absolutely wonderful sitter makes $15 an hour.

I cannot comprehend any relative charging to babysit, much less at a rate that is 3x what one would normally pay. And, we don't ever pay for gas!

I'm picking my jaw up off the floor.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

WOW! My parents and in-laws wouldn't DREAM of asking to be paid to spend time with their precious grandchildren! Sorry, no advice but just had to add my gasp of horror!

:yeahthat:

This is my reaction too..gasp of horror. Unless they're literally struggling to make ends meet, a grandparent asking to be paid AT ALL for watching their own grandkids just sounds crazy to me. I can't even imagine my parents or ILs ever doing that...they are happy just to be spending time with their grandkids, period. And usually visiting us involves hours of travel or $$ plane tickets.

FWIW our nanny charged $12/hr to watch both of my kids. I'd be willing to be even the best nannies don't make $30/hr, much less $45 plus ask for gas fees. This is nuts.

Even if it was only $15/hr plus gas ($25, so $40 total if it was just one hour??), that's still pretty steep and just outright ridiculous. i'd find a different sitter..I wouldn't want to deal with a relative that manipulative, honestly. I'd let your DH deal with your MIL while you find a different sitter.

[nrp]

What babysitter ever makes $45 an hour? My certified, licensed, absolutely wonderful sitter makes $15 an hour.

I cannot comprehend any relative charging to babysit, much less at a rate that is 3x what one would normally pay. And, we don't ever pay for gas!

I'm picking my jaw up off the floor.

:yeahthat:

Wow. I can't even imagine. I think my mom would pay me to babysit my kids. And my in-laws are always glad to have the chance.

$45/hr is just crazy. And $40 for travel?!?

[Green_Tea]

Holy cow. I pay my babysitter $10-12/hr to watch my three kids.

Your MIL needs a major reality check! I can't imagine my parents or ILs CHARGING for babysitting.

My jaw is on the floor.

[Kindra178]

I would pay the federal gas reimbursement rate. She is crazy!

[MMMommy]

I'm shocked that your MIL would ask for payment, let alone $45 per hour! That is ridiculously high! My parents are always eager to babysit, and they often times initiate it by asking if they can take the kids out. No payment required, of course.

Let DH deal with this one.

[Jen841]

My parents offer to drive 1/2 way across the USA to watch my kids for FREE!

I would say "When we arranged this all I was under the impression the rate would be $15 an hour, and $X for travel. Here is the money I budgeted for those visits." Leave it at that and see if she comes back to you or your husband for more.

Going forward I would not use her, if she asks say you are paying the local going rate of $15 (or less) an hour. Wish her well on finding $45 an hour babysitting jobs (Hey, I would like a job that I take home $45 an hour too!) If she needs assistance paying for her insurance and you and DH want to 'help' her I would offer her opportunities, or offer her assistance on recruiting for local job opportunities.

She thinks her son owes her, she does not sounds like a warm and fuzzy grandma.

[codex57]

Seems odd for your culture. Typically, there may be a demand for a certain amount each month to help support them. That's in a worst case scenario by the "bad" parents. But then, free babysitting is typically included in that deal (among other things).

Honestly, I'd just pay it for the amount you owe (unless it's some crazy amount) and just never use her again for anything.

[kellij]

This may be one of the more shocking and ridiculous things I've read in awhile. My only thoughts are she either does not want to babysit and is making it so ridiculous that you won't hire her again, or she thinks you are just rolling around in money and should pay whatever she feels like getting. I mean seriously, what's she doing for this $45/hour PLUS GAS fee? Is she weaving socks out of gold while there? Did you come home and they are fluent in Chinese?

I'd be livid that she asked for triple the amount that was already agreed to after the fact. Then, I'd just be tempted to pay her but I would have such a sour taste in my mouth, I'm not sure I'd get over it. Ridiculous!

[mjmamma]

I'm sort of horrified. Is he really ok with this? IMO, she doesn't deserve first chance is she's going to 1. charge and 2 overcharge. I would *never* use her going forward and hire a professional. ick

[gatorsmom]

MIL knew that she would have the difficult time dealing with me than with Dh. Dh actually wanted me to deal with her.

Very simple. Email her and say you don't owe her any money since those were the rates negotiated then. And going forward she is too expensive. She's fired. Thanks, MIL, but no thanks.

[sste]

Um, I might be free to babysit? :) Just kidding. I think.

That is crazy money and appalling behavior. FWIW, I have developed strong relationships with our nanny and our two babysitters that are very much like family - - I have gone to weddings, baby showers, helped take care of them in the hospital, been taken care of by them when I had a rocky medical recovery, buy gifts at this point for for nanny's grandaughter! When your family is like what you are describing I think you have to remind yourself that there are many lovely people in the world for your family to get support from and develop close ties to.

[MamaMolly]

Very simple. Email her and say you don't owe her any money since those were the rates negotiated then. And going forward she is too expensive. She's fired. Thanks, MIL, but no thanks.

:yeahthat: Seriously, she had to know this was going to blow up in her face. I'd find another sitter and then tell her that her 'grandmothering' services are priceless ;) and her babysitting services are no longer needed.

[buddyleebaby]

Very simple. Email her and say you don't owe her any money since those were the rates negotiated then. And going forward she is too expensive. She's fired. Thanks, MIL, but no thanks.

:yeahthat:
I would just say that the agreed upon rate was 15 dollars per hour, plus 25 dollars for gas, and you will not pay more than that. Pay her in full, thank her for her time, and tell her that due to her change in rates you will not need her to baby-sit in the future. And make your DH sign the e-mail.

[Jupiter]

I have baby sit my nieces repeatedly, even at a moments notice and never asked for a penny. Trust me I could really use the money. You just don't ask family for money like that.

[misshollygolightly]

That. Is. Insane. No way would I pay anyone that much--let alone family (unless they were in dire straights and I just wanted an excuse to be generous to them without them feeling they were doing nothing in return). $45/hr PLUS gas?!?! That's practically extortion. She's fired. End of story.

[codex57]

Ok, I reread the original post.

If you're ok with it, I'd cut two checks. One at the $15/hr + $25 for gas. In the memo, I'd write "babysitting". Then, I'd cut another check for the difference that she wants. In the memo, I'd write "help with medical insurance". Then not use her again.

But, you have to be ok with helping her out with bills. I can't remember, but are they well off but just blow money on stupid things? Do they pick on your DH in terms of asking for money?

Do you care to see her often? Cuz if you're not ok with helping her out with bills for whatever reason and/or you don't care to see her often, I'd just go with the $15 amount as originally agreed upon.

I'm not especially appalled at how she asked because culturally, it may be crass to ask for money outright like that. So, to save "face", maybe she's disguising the request for money by billing for babysitting. Still, typically, it's the parents of the kid who offer to pay some absurd rate (or don't offer and just do it) in order to help the grandparent avoid the embarrassment of having to ask for money.

[queenmama]

I have baby sit my nieces repeatedly, even at a moments notice and never asked for a penny. Trust me I could really use the money. You just don't ask family for money like that.

Never in my 25+ years of being an aunt have I charged my siblings to babysit their kids... And even my money-grubbing parents wouldn't dream of charging for their "babysitting services." I'm lucky that my ILs go out of their way -- and literally -- to spend time with their grandkids.

Lara

[g-mama]

Insanity. Absolutely ludicrous.

All those, though, who have parent or in-laws who love watching their grandchildren and jump at the chance should realize how fortunate they are because it is not the case for everyone. My MIL sometimes watches our boys but makes it feel like an imposition and does it only when we are in dire straits. She's happy to see them while we are there, but not while we're gone. And they are not difficult for her either. And then she complains that she is lonely. :irked:

[123LuckyMom]

I would tell her the going rate, pay her what she has asked (the second time when she inflated her price) for the time she has already given you, and point out to your DH that anyone who would money grub to such an extent to watch their own grandchildren is clearly not doing so out of love. Your children would be far better off with a stranger. Okay, maybe you shouldn't really say that, but go ahead and think it, because it's true! If she needs a full time job with benefits, babysitting your children is not going to get her there! I don't have a problem with paying family to babysit, but $45/hr. is unreasonable for babysitting. She'd be very lucky to make that much in any job.

[todzwife]

$45 an hour to babysit? That's more than DH made in the military as a dentist! Good grief!

[essnce629]

Uh, I'd hire a regular babysitter and pay them $15 an hour. I have 2 kids and that's what we pay in a HCOL area.

My mom drives from San Diego to Los Angeles (2+ hours) to watch my kids for free. She only does it every 2 months or so since we're not close by, but if we lived in San Diego I wouldn't be surprised if she'd offer to babysit once a week. I do give her gas money sometimes since she doesn't make much money and it is a really long drive, but most of the time she just likes us to feed her well!

[moonsky]

I too would have DH deal with his mother. If she is adamant about the fee being $45/hr, I would tell her that you only budgeted $15/hr and that you will need to pay her in installments! And, I would drag the payment out and not ask her again. I'm a grandmother and I am having a hard time wrapping my head around this one. I can see paying grandparents for care if it is in the place of paying daycare on a set schedule so the DC would be cared for by family and the grandparent needed the income. Then both sides are helping each other out.

We would like to help her but $45/hr is too much! As Dh requested to use his parents first, I have tried to be patient and understanding. We have FIL before and he took a nap while watching my kids. So, I asked MIL to come instead. She seemed to be more responsible. Though, my kids told me that she was always on the phone, didn't play with or read to them and normally told my kids to go to nap and she did nap too. However, she only napped when the kids were sleeping. I am ok with it as we didn't plan to use her often.

Now, I am not so sure that every time I invite her for any kids' activities. She will charge us if she puts her hands to help out.

[amldaley]

Ok, I reread the original post.

If you're ok with it, I'd cut two checks. One at the $15/hr + $25 for gas. In the memo, I'd write "babysitting". Then, I'd cut another check for the difference that she wants. In the memo, I'd write "help with medical insurance". Then not use her again.

I think this is the most sensible way to do it without leaving any room for ambiguity or future changes.

If this is a means of helping to support your IL's without just handing them money, I would find some other way. This is just too messy.

Am I remembering correctly that your IL's had the kids in the car in an unsafe manner as well at one point or am I thinking of someone else? If I recall correctly, why would you continue to use her or either of them at all no matter what the "cost"?

[twowhat?]

All those, though, who have parent or in-laws who love watching their grandchildren and jump at the chance should realize how fortunate they are because it is not the case for everyone. My MIL sometimes watches our boys but makes it feel like an imposition and does it only when we are in dire straits. She's happy to see them while we are there, but not while we're gone. And they are not difficult for her either. And then she complains that she is lonely. :irked:

:( You are right - and that makes me sad. I would insist on paying if my parents/in-laws were babysitting on a regular, scheduled basis so that I could work but it just blows my mind that there are those family members that would ask to be paid for occasional babysitting, Asian culture or not.

[KrisM]

I can see paying if it's a regular, all the time thing. If she watches them 9-3 5-days a week or something, I'd pay her. But, not $45/hour.

[kijip]

Annualized for a FTE that is over $93,000 a year. Not even Bill Gates pays his kids' nanny $93,000 a year.

[JustMe]

WOW!!! Not much else to say. You have gotten some other great advice, though...and, yeah, if SSTE is not available, you can put me on your list as a back-up babysitter!

[doberbrat]

WOW!! I do charge to babysit my nephews - 1 package of Oreos. I cant imagine paying actual $$ to family if its not an all day type thing on a regular basis.

I hope you can work it out w/o a major blowup.

[blisstwins]

I pay a family member at least double the going rate for childcare. We don't keep track of hours, we just have a standing arrangement. To be fair, I would give him this money even if he did not help us as much as he does because he is family and he needs the money. To be even more fair, when we began this arrangement he was looking for part-time work and we asked him not to because we needed reliable p/t child care. It is win/win for everyone.

If you helped her pay for her insurance would she still charge you for babysitting?

[StantonHyde]

While i understand that your DH would like to go with family first, you need to lay it out for him "sure, we can use your mom--do you want x% of your salary to go to childcare?". "No, neither do I, especially when other QUALIFIED people are available". If he wants to give her money, he can do that. But that's about it!!

[Neatfreak]

Could 45 vs 15 be a typo? The 4 is just one row off and in the same column as the 1 on a numerical keypad ...

[HannaAddict]

Annualized for a FTE that is over $93,000 a year. Not even Bill Gates pays his kids' nanny $93,000 a year.

Actually, he does. :) But she doesn't nap and is not allowed to use an iPhone!

[Globetrotter]

WOW, she is charging you??? Okay.. I would only pay if it was an ongoing thing and she was mychildcare provider, and even then I'm not sure how that would work. It would be awkward!

[chinook]

I'm with Neatfreak, could this be a typo? I wonder that only because the $45 an hour is absolutely INSANE. I mean, totally and completely off the wall.

Ugh. This is sure to get awkward. Sorry this is happening to you. :(

[Trigglet]

The thing is, this is the worst of all worlds - you are paying massively over the going rate (for any kind of childcare) to someone who is not qualified, insured, motivated or accountable. And given that she's family you don't get to lay down the law like you would with a stranger who you were employing. It's a lose/lose situation for you, and it doesn't sound like your kids get very much from her visits/babysitting either.

What a nightmare, I feel for you. I would keep it simple and just get your DH to say "I'm sorry we can't afford that rate for childcare, but we would be happy to look for ways to help you with your health insurance costs" if you are happy to do so, and if you think that that's what is actually behind this.

[smilequeen]

Good lord. Is she not taking a paying job so she can watch your kids?

I would be more comfortable just giving her $xyz per month than having her nickel and dime you for gas fees and babysitting.


Yeah that. That's insane.

I pay my mom $X per month to watch my kids when I need her too. She would not take the money except that she is retired and she'd otherwise have to find a paying job and I'd have to find a babysitter. I'd rather have her and she'd rather be with my kids.

But, in general, I can't imagine family charging for babysitting.

[StantonHyde]

Did she think it was $15 per kid??? I assume she has no idea what the real going rate is and just figured a number that SHE needed

[janine]

Yea the rate is crazy and also the fact that it is family that is overrcharging is strange too.

I'd avoid this set up not just for the cost (which is ridiculous) but because of all the issues it can lead to. LIke guilt for not helping with her health insurance,etc. With family I've always thought it was free or some $ just as a gesture. Never heard of hard negotiations!

[hellokitty]

Did she think it was $15 per kid??? I assume she has no idea what the real going rate is and just figured a number that SHE needed

:yeahthat: I reread the OP and her mil has NEVER had a paid job before. So, I'm thinking she lives in lalaland and has no clue what babysitters IRL make. She also doesn't seem to realize that it's sucky to charge your son and dil to babysit your own grandkids. I told Dh about this thread yesterday and even though he's a huge mama's boy, he thought it was ridiculous too. Like others pointed out, this arrangement, even if you agree to it (please don't!), has the potential to open up a can of worms. Other issues can arise, your mil sounds like she is not even that great of a babysitter anyway from your description and the rotten apple on top of it, she sounds manipulative. I'd pay her some $ for her time in the past two months and tell her that you have made other arrangements for babysitting.

I don't think I would even bother having your dh bring up that her rates are insane. From the sound of it, she has no clue anyway, and will just end up getting upset at you and your dh, and if you already don't have the best relationship, she will just end up blaming you anyway, even if your dh is the one who talks to her. I would maybe say something about how you guys feel that it's too much trouble for her to drive so far away to babysit, so you will find someone closer. Make it sound like you are doing this in her best interest.

[kijip]

Actually, he does. :) But she doesn't nap and is not allowed to use an iPhone!

Not in 2002, when an acquaintance of mine was contacted about being one of their back up nannies. But it comes with great housing! And many of the house staff were Microsoft employees with stock nest eggs of their own- I know one woman who retired in her 40s as essentially their house manager person. She was in admin in the 1980s and thus could easily afford to retire very early.

[Tondi G]

Your MIL is really something! I can't imagine paying my Mom or MIL to watch my kids. If it were a regular thing ... like daycare ok thats something else but just to come and babysit for a couple of hours. She is crazy asking for $45/hr. The going rate here in Los Angeles is maybe $15 an hour .... maybe a $20 /hr if there are 3 kids.

There was a miscommunication obviously and she should meet you in the middle and maybe accept $20 a hour but I would make it absolutely clear that you are not able to pay any more than $15 or $20 per hour for a babysitter and if she is unable to do it for that rate you will have to find another child care provider.

The only "payment" we have made to my Mom or MIL when they are watching our boys is to give her money to pay for dinner for the 3 of them if she is going to take them out.... or we've paid for all of their movie tickets when she has taken them to the movies when we go out for dinner.