Is Your Child Monstrously Stubborn Developmentally or Otherwise?

[sste]

This is an update to my concerns about preschool-age DS having dyslexia because he has failed over hours and hours of attempts during the course of several months to identify letters.

Well, MIL who is a child dev. psychologist played a series of challenge games with DS this week (e.g., DS I bet you won't know this letter or no, no I can't ask you that letter). And he knew many letters. In fact, he hardly missed any letters. Letters we had never taught him (we focused on four letters during our weeks of trying).

WTF?!?!? I feel ridiculous! Of course it is still possible he may have dyslexia but upon further conversation it appears he loathes learning letters and greatly prefers natural history and despite us explaining the demands of kindy and the potential for him to feel behind and sad he ADAMANTLY does not believe any school would be so cruel as to spend time on letters. He did try to throw us a bone - - he came up with the idea on his own that he would memorize all of the words.

So, at this point my belief is that he sustained a multi-month campaign against us, various relatives, and sitters of deliberately mis-responding to letters and giving up his favorite treats because he envisoned a long-term payoff (we would give up and no more letters). There are very few adults I can think of who wouldn't have cracked under our ongoing pressure, bribes, etc. Notably, DS also did not talk until he was over two, seeing four therapists per week, and then two months later he was measuring waaaaaay ahead verbally.

Is it possible for a child to refuse to TALK or READ out of sheer stubborness? If so, what does one do? This is insanity . . .

[ladysoapmaker]

I think it's possible. I personally think DD#2 can read but when we start reading a book and I'll point out a word to her she suddenly starts becoming really coy. So I haven't bothered trying to push the issue at this time.

Jen

[egoldber]

Honestly, this sounds more like anxiety to me. One face of anxiety is to pretend like things don't matter to you or that you don't care about them. Because if you don't care about it, then it doesn't matter if you actually know it, right?

From what you have said about your DS I really don't think you need to worry about him learning to read. It is quite common for kids to make a developmental leap and move from knowing virtually no words to reading. FWIW, older DD learned to read before she learned the rules of phonics! She learned to read like your DS suggested, by memorizing all the words. ;) She had a HUGE sight word vocabulary and learned later how to sound out new words.

[missym]

I could completely see my younger DD doing this. I would back off the letters for a while and approach it in a fun way when he's ready for it. Or not - let the kindy teacher deal with it. Sometimes kids will do things for their teachers that they would balk at for parents. ;) It sounds like your fears can be set aside for now - stubborn little guy!

Both my kids are stubborn in their own ways, and the more pressure we apply, the more pushback we get.

[inmypjs]

I do think it is possible. How frustrating! My DD is like this but not with school/learning stuff. She can turn anything into a power struggle. Honestly I think they only way you'll know for sure if it was a power struggle is to back off on the letters. He'll have to think you no longer care. Talking to him about being behind is a lot of pressure for preschool too IMO. Good luck.

[sste]

Thanks so much everyone!

Believe it or not, I conceived of as on the low-end of pressuring as we didn't even bring up letters until he was almost five. I mean not at all! We didn't mention kindy or school even until this week when DH sat DS down to try to reason with him and explain why we thought this was important and that in fact letters would be coming up daily in school and DS would need to learn them as most other kids would know their letters. However, I suppose that is neither here nor there if he is experiencing anxiety . . . I am sure he could tell we were becoming increasingly worried when he wasn't responding to the letters and maybe he inferred that was because learning them was important/anxiety-worthy.

DS is just such a challenge. We told him last week he couldn't watch a bbc on dinosaurs with violent, bloody mauling and eating and he looked me straight in the eye and said, "But it is part of the circle of life." Thanks Disney.

At this point we are retaining our tutor on the theory that maybe a third party can work with him!! And also it may be that there is some interaction with letters being harder for him and anxiety about it. I am just a little crushed as this was something I was looking forward to teaching DS . . . I love books and reading.

[maestramommy]

DS is just such a challenge. We told him last week he couldn't watch a bbc on dinosaurs with violent, bloody mauling and eating and he looked me straight in the eye and said, "But it is part of the circle of life." Thanks Disney.



:hysterical: I'm sorry, I really shouldn't laugh because he must be so difficult, but he's such a hoot sometimes, and stinkin' smart!

[hillview]

DS is just such a challenge. We told him last week he couldn't watch a bbc on dinosaurs with violent, bloody mauling and eating and he looked me straight in the eye and said, "But it is part of the circle of life." Thanks Disney.

he's smart i bet

[HannaAddict]

Sounds like he could be super smart and trying to make him learn letters won't work. I would stop with the letters and organized learning stuff for now. He doesn't need to know them at this age (kindergarten will work on it) and it doesn't sound like dyslexia to me. Don't assume that he won't be a big reader either, he is little. Relax. :) Our profoundly gifted oldest kid (a term of art) wasn't an early reader, was not interested at all in the level of books he could start with and wanted to be able to just read Harry Potter level not BOB. He was solidly in the middle of the pack of readers in K and first part of first grade but had an incredible vocabulary. Then just started reading and was at a sixth grade level seemingly overnight while in first grade. He reads and reads and reads and blows the doors off at reading and comprehension and in 3rd grade is by far the most advanced reader. He is also incredibly stubborn and trying to make him do something is not productive.

[EllasMum]

Something similar happened to my friend with her DD. Friend's DD flat out refused to read for the teacher (grade 1). The teacher could not even get the child to respond and wouldn't look at letters etc choosing instead to look anywhere other than at the books/letters. The teacher put her in a remedial reading assistance group which didn't improve things. Friend was getting nervous that her DD might have a learning disability or other issue. For Christmas, friend's DD got an iPad. She opened it up and when they started up the reading program, she instantly read everything in the book! They were shocked, to say the least. Reading at school has not improved much at all and friend has gone to the school and told them that her DD will read at home and does so fluently. I think the new teacher this year has had some success getting friend's DD to read but it was a frustrating experience all around. Her DD was just so stubborn and the more they pushed the more she resisted. I believe she is doing better this year and is more engaged but it was a frustrating time.

[egoldber]

Believe it or not, I conceived of as on the low-end of pressuring as we didn't even bring up letters until he was almost five. I mean not at all!

But anxiety isn't logical. :) He knew this was something you and your DH were concerned about. A perfectly valid coping mechanism in his 5 year old mind is to just ignore it or pretend it doesn't interest him.

FWIW, younger DD just had her first reading assessment in K. At this age (end of first quarter of K) the milestone was recognizing all letters upper and lower case, not even knowing the sounds! She does know the sounds, recognizes a few words, and can come up with a word when given a sound (e.g., what starts with the mmmmm sound....mouse). That put her near the end of K benchmark. So truly, he is NOT behind and will be totally fine in K. :)