A Thanksgiving In-Law WWYD?

[ha98ed14]

Short story: We were supposed to host family friends from out of state for Thanksgiving. They had some extenuating circumstances that lead them to change their plans. (The will come in the summer instead.) So, that leaves my family (me, DD and DH) "free" for the holiday. M&FIL spend every holiday with SIL&Co. at her house. That is not going to change. Inviting them to our house for the meal would be seen as "starting trouble." It is NOT an option. Too much history to go into, but it's been 7 years and a lot of heartache and hurt feelings trying to make "room" for our family, but it hasn't happened. So, should DH tell the in-laws that we are now free and hope for an invitation to dinner or not say anything and just do our own thing?

DH and I talked; he would like to go to his sister's. At this point, 7 years later, I have accepted the status quo and going there would be fine with me. It's one dinner. Granted, it's a big meal, but we go to SIL's for her kids' birthday parties so it's not like we never go to her house ever. I could go either way, but if DH wanted to go, and I was convinced they wanted us to come, I would go along just to make DH happy. It grieves him that we do not spend more time with M&FIL, although that is THEIR choosing.

[Tenasparkl]

I think your husband should let them know that you are now available since it's his family.

[ha98ed14]

I think your husband should let them know that you are now available since it's his family.

Absolutely. That would be the plan. I will clarify in OP. The question is *if* DH should say anything at all...

[SnuggleBuggles]

Yes, he should say something if he wants to go.

[MMMommy]

If I had it my way, I would gladly not have DH mention anything and have a nice, quiet small Thanksgiving. :innocent:

BUT, he should say something if he hopes for an invite and wants to spend time with them.

[scrooks]

If I had it my way, I would gladly not have DH mention anything and have a nice, quiet small Thanksgiving. :innocent:

BUT, he should say something if he hopes for an invite and wants to spend time with them.

:yeahthat: you could go out for a nice dinner and not even cook!

[kijip]

He should call. it sounds like they will certainly say yes. So now, as I see it, you have two needs:

1. Making something fabulous to take over. Just to contribute a little bit of your branch of the family tree to the table. And I will admit, I am not above a bit of a display of culinary prowess at gatherings with people I don't like.

2. Figuring out how you personally will enjoy it and not let it stress you out. Based on what we know about your ILs I think you should start practicing zen Buddhist meditation now. Go to your SILs and do your level best to enjoy being there with your husband and child. Enjoy your ILs the best you can and enjoy the time with your nieces and nephews.

Yeah, I know showing off doesn't match the spirit of #2. But we're all human.

FWIW, regardless the family history or hurt feelings, I think inviting relatives who have already committed this year to a different hh in the family to TG a week out would be seen as "starting something" in just about every family. I don't think that is unique to your wack ILs. If I am hosting, I have my food bought and have started prepping a week out. If people cancel just to go somewhere else, that would hurt.

[bisous]

If you are really up for it, have your DH let the family know you'll be available. But you know you'll have issues with SIL and family!

There are lots of fun options for the three of you. I hope whatever you do you end up having a nice thanksgiving!

[Momit]

If I had it my way, I would gladly not have DH mention anything and have a nice, quiet small Thanksgiving. :innocent:

BUT, he should say something if he hopes for an invite and wants to spend time with them.

:yeahthat: That's what I was thinking! I love our families but sometimes a nice quiet holiday is good.

[SkyrMommy]

It sounds like you are ok with sitting through a dinner, especially if it means that much to your DH. I think he should mention that your plans have fallen through, and if an invitation comes through he'll be happy, and if it doesn't then you can enjoy a quiet and wonderful dinner and day with just the three of you.