end of my rope

[lil_acorn]

I feel like I'm at the end of my rope with the stuff going on with my middle DS, 5. Per my previous thread, he's been having tantrums at least 4x/week, although right now, he's already at 3 days in a row. We tried a trial of Adderall and it was a disaster.

Last week, I just completely lost it and shut down. Saturday and Sunday, I took care of my youngest and left my DH to deal with the older two kids.

Since yesterday I break into tears randomly throughout the day. I did this previously a few weeks ago but thought I had pulled myself back together again. I just can't go through this every. single. day. I told my DH this and ask him how he does it - and he says "he's our son, we have to do this". So that just makes me feel like the worst parent that I can't do the same. All I want to do is just escape.

I am actually hoping the doctors find something to dx him with because the alternate is that he is a spoiled brat that throws 45 minute tantrums when he doesn't get his way or that we're just really bad parents.

Thanksgiving is this week and I don't want to have my mom or anyone over. I don't even want to cook it and told DH that already. So we can add me to wife of the year as well. I already set the expectation that I don't want to make a turkey next year and want to go out. I haven't even been cooking much at home anymore - it's ham sandwiches or pasta.

I just don't know what to do. We had issues with my DS1 years back and he is doing so much better now, but we're already 0 for 2, so can't imagine what it will be like when DC3 gets older. I just feel so overwhelmed but can't tell my DH that. It just makes me feel worse that I'm trying to escape from all of this and he has to pick up all the slack. It just makes me feel like a terribly selfish person.

:cry:

[lmh2402]

oh my god

i almost wrote the same kind of post this morning

i really do feel for you

my son is younger. but the tantrums and the scenes and the stress is just unreal and getting worse each day

i wake up every day with knots in my stomach anticipating the horror that awaits me when his door opens. often before his door opens b/c he is already screaming while alone in his room.

and i too have been just breaking into tears and feel like the most awful mom b/c i honestly just don't even want to be around him. how horrible is that too admit? i was praying for 8:30 monday morning so i could get him out the door to school.

i'm so sorry you're struggling. we actually have an appt with a behavioral psychologist today. DH and i met with him last week. and today he is meeting DS for the first time. and then we're going to start having parenting strategy sessions. maybe something like that will help you? i'm praying it helps us. i kid you not when i am literally at the point of seeking medication for my son, even though he's only 3.5

good luck to you. and huge, huge :hug:

being at teh end of a rapidly fraying rope of patience and sanity is really not fun at all.

[hillview]

I am so sorry. I've been there with DS2. A DX does help. Also what helped me was going to a therapist for ME to get some coaching.

HUGS

[KDsMommy]

Huge hugs to you, I really feel for you. My DS is also 5yo and has gone through a lot of trauma in his short life. He has outbursts pretty much daily. I'm a single mom and many days just can't wait for bedtime. I do find that 1 or 2mg of Melatonin helps our evenings tremendously.

I hope you can figure out what's going on soon. I know how hard it can be. :hug5:

[amldaley]

Has your mom seen this behavior in DS? When DD1 went throgh a really bad phase this summer, it helped me to have my mom witness it and give me a sanity check on it.

:hug: Hoping you get some answers and some peace, soon.

[StantonHyde]

You need counseling for you. YOu are not a bad person. You need a safe, therapeutic place to work this through. Good luck. :hug5:

[Cuckoomamma]

Is it possible he has a food allergy? My dds are the most mild-mannered, mature, caring, patient, wonderful girls. If they eat something they're allergic to, the tantrums are out of control. Any time I hear a child tantruming out of control, my thoughts always fly to a food allergy.

[MamaMolly]

Take it easy on yourself! You are dealing with a very high stress situation. A bad mom wouldn't feel sad about it. A good but overwhelmed mom would. I think it is time to ask for some help, for you to cope better if nothing else.

[lil_acorn]

Is it possible he has a food allergy? My dds are the most mild-mannered, mature, caring, patient, wonderful girls. If they eat something they're allergic to, the tantrums are out of control. Any time I hear a child tantruming out of control, my thoughts always fly to a food allergy.

He has known allergies to eggs and peanuts and season allergies. He has been tested both via blood tests and skin testing.

[lil_acorn]

Has your mom seen this behavior in DS? When DD1 went throgh a really bad phase this summer, it helped me to have my mom witness it and give me a sanity check on it.

:hug: Hoping you get some answers and some peace, soon.

My mom lives out of state so does not see him often. And in general, he reserves his episodes to us as his captive audience...

[Mikey0709]

Only offering you a hug - - i'm right there with you having my 7 YEAR OLD suspended from school last week. So even when I get him out the door to school - - i stress and worry how long it will be until they call.

It's usually hard to say "you don't know how I feel".... but I think I do. The 7 year old is my oldest, and I have a STRONG feeling I will be going through the same thing for the next 2 kiddo's - - only they can be MORE wired at times.

I tell myself everyday to hang onto that rope... and that I have to be there for my children, and that eventually it will get easier.

They are children, and I honestly believe they are not acting like this on purpose, and it is nothing i did to cause this.

One day at a time - - and I will learn the best way to handle it.

[lil_acorn]

I'm so sorry about your son. HUGS to you too.

I suppose I just needed to throw myself an online pity party and know that I'm not the only one going through this.

[gatorsmom]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I understand somewhat how you feel. Greenbean, my youngest son and twin to Sisi, is 5yo. He started tantruming and becoming more and more difficult at 3yo. He was colicky too as a baby. After years of therapy with different providers, we are getting him figured out. The real problem for us is that this behavior is not just something he does at home. He does it at school too, which means he can't control it. So as he gets older I worry about how he'll do on unaccompanied playdates. But yeah, i understand completely how stressful family gettoghers can be and the desire not to take them in public because you are just walking on eggshells the whole time. I really get that. It is so stressful and nerve-wracking. And in my opinion the worst part of those stressful situations are looks of the family members who don't get it. I almost wish they'd say something. The judgmental looks are enough to sink my whole day. Hugs to all the mamas here who have difficult kids. It really is an exclusive club that no one wants to join.

[barkley1]

We are having such a hard time with DS (3 yrs) right now, too. Can anybody weigh in on what is normal toddler behavior, and what crosses the line into needing to be evaluated?

Hugs to you, OP. I know what you mean when you say you know you love them, but don't want to be around them. On the days DS Is with his grandma, I sometimes dread him coming home, bc I know there's an 80% chance when he walks in the door, there will be a tantrum about something either in progress or happens as soon as he sees me :(

[lil_acorn]

Does anyone know the difference between a behavioral therapist and a counselor (LICSW)? My insurance website is very general and when I search for providers, it will only give me general behavioral health.

[123LuckyMom]

Try to see a psychologist, lil_acorn. This will be someone with a PsyD or a PhD. A psychologist can do testing for diagnosis as well as therapy. A masters level person or a licensed social worker (LICSW) can be a wonderful therapist but cannot do testing. Testing will help you find out whether you're dealing with a behavioral issue only, whether your son might need neurological testing or other medical intervention, and what types of therapy might work best to solve the problem.

[janeybwild]

hang in there, I can only imagine your heartache