Worry about this, or normal boy behavior?

[deborah_r]

DH took both of our boys camping this weekend, along with two other dads and two boys DS1's age. At one point, one of DS1's friends made a secret club where they could only go into a certain place by showing their private parts. This included DS2 who did go ahead and show his parts. DS1 refused to. Being only 5 years old, it does not surprise me that DS2 did what they said. He also kind of idolizes the boy who was the one making the rule.

From DS1's story, that was also some grabbing of eachother's parts at some point.

Is this something to worry about or just something that some boys do at this age? I know DS1 was not OK with it, and I asked if he thought some of his other friends would be likely to do that and he said no.

[o_mom]

I'm going with not normal for a 9 yo. Now it could be that he is just impulsive and attention-seeking, so while not normal, not socially acceptable. OTOH, it could be a sign that someone else is doing that to him. Either way, I would be talking to the parents and making sure my child (esp. the younger one) was not alone with that child.

[JElaineB]

I agree, not normal for a 9-10 year old. DS is 10 and we've had plenty of conversations with him at this point about how private parts are private and you don't touch anyone else's [private parts] and they don't touch yours. It sounds like you have had the same conversations with your DS1 as he knew not to participate.

[niccig]

DS is nearly 8. I'd say not normal for him, but we've had discussions about the private parts of our body for some time now.

I know kids do play Dr. A friend heard her DS and a friend's DD saying "I'll show you mine if you show my yours." But they were about 4 years old.

I've also had DS and a friend talk about their penises, but they were both peeing outside at same time and were talking about difference (1 is circumcised, 1 isn't.) But they were younger, maybe 4 or 5.

I would expect a 9yo to know not do to this, but some kids also like to shock and get others to do something embarrassing so they can laugh at them later.

Like O-mom, I would talk to my kids about it and mention it to other parents. Some people have a "boys will be boys" attitude though,so don't be surprised if they just brush it off.

ETA and Yay for DS1 to tell you this happened. I'd make sure he knows he did the right thing in telling you.

[queenmama]

ETA and Yay for DS1 to tell you this happened. I'd make sure he knows he did the right thing in telling you.

This is what stands out most to me.

I think for some boys this probably is "normal" but I would still freak. The good thing is, your DS trusts you, so I would try not to make a huge deal of it. Most definitely make it very clear to him that you're proud of him and glad he talked to you about it.

I don't think you'll have to worry about him getting into "normal" (ugh) mischief. That's a good boy.

Lara

[codex57]

Well, normal in that lots of boys do stupid crap like that. Still not normal in the overall sense and you should do what you can to teach your kids to avoid this. But, it's normal enough that lots of boys do stupid things like this so that it's not something to necessarily freak out over.

We have a fascination with our penises. Is this such a surprise?

[BabyBearsMom]

I just went to a training about this for work and they handed out this list of what is normal and what is not: http://www.d2l.org/site/c.4dICIJOkGcISE/b.6292241/k.8331/Healthy_Sexual_Development.htm

It only goes up to age 8, but that is considered normal behavior for children ages 5 to 8.

[AnnieW625]

Well, normal in that lots of boys do stupid crap like that. Still not normal in the overall sense and you should do what you can to teach your kids to avoid this. But, it's normal enough that lots of boys do stupid things like this so that it's not something to necessarily freak out over.

We have a fascination with our penises. Is this such a surprise?

I have a younger brother and there was always penis talk from about the age of 4 till around 8. I would think it is pretty normal for a 5 yr. or 6 yr. old to stipulate that you need to show your junk to join a club, but for a normally mature 9 yr. old I might think it is a little odd.

[deborah_r]

Well, normal in that lots of boys do stupid crap like that. Still not normal in the overall sense and you should do what you can to teach your kids to avoid this. But, it's normal enough that lots of boys do stupid things like this so that it's not something to necessarily freak out over.

We have a fascination with our penises. Is this such a surprise?

Yes, I know males are fascinated with their penises. I live with three penis owners, thanks. I feel like there is some nuance separating "I'll show you mine, you show me yours" and "you have to show me your penis to be in this secret club". Wanted to see if I am alone in being a bit concerned. For the record, DH was pretty concerned about it; it's not just me being worried mom who doesn't understand such things.

[hillview]

I'd say normal for my 5 year old. NOT normal for 9 (or even my 7 year old). DS1 knows they are his private parts, etc. Glad your DS told you. I'd mention something to the other parents and reenforce with your DSs what is appropriate and how great it was that they shared this with you.

[deborah_r]

I just went to a training about this for work and they handed out this list of what is normal and what is not: http://www.d2l.org/site/c.4dICIJOkGcISE/b.6292241/k.8331/Healthy_Sexual_Development.htm

It only goes up to age 8, but that is considered normal behavior for children ages 5 to 8.

That list is very helpful, thank you. It gives details which help you differentiate "normal" in specific situations.

[SASM]

Yay for DS1 to tell you this happened. I'd make sure he knows he did the right thing in telling you.
:yeahthat::yeahthat::yeahthat:
I am sooo impressed that DS1 didn't go along with his peers, understood it was wrong, and told you.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Totally not ok. My ds1 has never done that (and the boy can't keep a secret so I'd know) nor been asked. My friend's boys experienced this with male kid cousins. The one cousin required a show and tell and a touching. Thankfully the parents found out!

[essnce629]

I also agree-- normal for a 5 year old, not normal for a 9 year old.