Bummed.

[ha98ed14]

This is so small, it's not even worth posting, but I'm posting it anyway.

I just got a call from MIL telling me that SIL doesn't want to do presents for the adults, only the kids, so that's what we are doing. Ok, that's fine. Buying for BIL is a nightmare every year for me, anyway, because he already has everything. But, can I tell you, MIL is the only person in my world who asks *me* what I want for Christmas? Well, she is. Not my own mom, not DH, nope! It's my MIL. For all her flaws (and they are many!) this was always something that endeared her to me. Basically, when she wasn't looking past me at SIL, she actually sees ME! As a person. Not DH's wife or DD's mom. My own person. Granted, this happens very, very rarely because most of the time so is so busy looking at SIL who eclipses everything.

So, I just lost the one person who asks *me* what I want for Christmas. I never asked for anything more than $40, but it was the point of being asked. I'm bummed for ME. Now I will just feel resentful because I know how this will go:

-MIL will buy gifts from her for SIL's 4 kids and my 1 kid.
-I will buy gifts for SIL's 4 kids.
-SIL will forget all about DD, so MIL will run to the store on her way over here for our "the day after Christmas" Dinner (because they are spending Christmas DAY at SIL&Co.) and will bring a gift wrapped in the same paper as her gift to DD.

So basically, DD will get 2 gifts from MIL and completely forgotten about by SIL. And I'll have thought long and hard about what to get her 4, while she can't remember my 1.

I know, I know, it's not about the gifts. Don't the holidays just bring out the best in all of us?

[sarahsthreads]

Aw, I can understand why you'd be bummed about that.

This year in both my and DH's family, the adult siblings have all decided to stop exchanging gifts and only buy for the kids. And I'm kind of bummed too. Partly because I never buy anything for myself, it all goes on a wish list (to be fair, nobody ever shopped off my amazon wish list anyway) but mostly because I *love* picking out gifts for people!

But, like you, I don't plan to let it ruin my holidays. I just kind of wish I could use all the neat ideas I already had for the special people in my life.

Holidays definitely add a new layer of dysfunctional even to the best of family relationships. ;)

Sarah :)

[niccig]

I get it.
Maybe your MIL will be like my MIL. We all agreed just presents for the kids, then after the first year, MIL decided she would still buy presents. The adults don't exchange presents, so I don't have to buy for SILs, but we still exchange with MIL/FIL and all the kids.

And maybe you could start prepping DD on how to be a thoughtful gift giver. I knew DH would forget about a cake for my birthday, so I told DS I would like a cheesecake from certain bakery. DS told DH and I got my cheesecake. Yes, it's a round about way to get what I want, but it worked.

[ha98ed14]

And maybe you could start prepping DD on how to be a thoughtful gift giver. I knew DH would forget about a cake for my birthday, so I told DS I would like a cheesecake from certain bakery. DS told DH and I got my cheesecake. Yes, it's a round about way to get what I want, but it worked.

Aahhhh... Now, there's an idea! You're sneaky! I'd thought of that... One thing DH always buys me is a bottle of Bailey's and I buy him a bottle of Scotch. It's our standing gifts. Sometimes we've done more, but I know I've got that coming!

[niccig]

Aahhhh... Now, there's an idea! You're sneaky!

No experienced. My dad is a very bad gift giver. He gave my mother a forklift so she wouldn't get another hernia from lifting heavy bags of landscaping material in their wholesale landscaping business. No joke. It had a bow on it and everything. That's worse than a vacuum cleaner.

My sisters and I would help him out, telling him what to buy her. My mum knew. She'll even ask "so which one of the girls told you about these earrings?"

[SnuggleBuggles]

We do a grab bag for my family. We pull a name and only buy for that 1 adult (kids aren't in the mix). It great! Everyone adheres to a budget and its less stressful. eta- it does suck and you should be firm with dh that he needs to step up and get you a gift!

[TwinFoxes]

That sucks, OP.

[hillview]

Sorry OP that stinks!

[123LuckyMom]

So sorry, OP!

[BabyBearsMom]

Think of the relief of not buying gifts for all of those other people though. I know that shopping for my ILs is always a pain, so not doing that is a gift in and of itself.

[glbb35]

oh man, I totally get it. My SIL tried that one year too and it was such a boring Christmas for the adults and I told DH I don't want to do that again! Well I think the other adults felt the same way and now we draw names around Thanksgiving and it makes it more fun and everyone has one week to put in their "wish items". After a week it is up in the air. We also give an amount total and everyone pretty much sticks to it which is nice and it keeps it fair. Sometimes SIL does her own thing and doesn't buy exactly what we said but she coms close and I just keep my mouth shut. IT is still a surprise on Christmas and that makes it fun.

I too felt that "I buy for your 4 and you buy for my 1" for a long time. SIL would give us "ideas" for her kids and they were always super expensive items that she herself didn't want to purchase. I never bought a thing off the list. I would have been in the poor house if I did! Now that we all have kids we have the kids draw a name as well and they get to purchase for the other kid. The older kids like this a lot. The little ones don't know really what is going on but they are thrilled to get something. We set an amount as well for the kids. IT is the only way to keep it fair. Otherwise SIL would buy a $5 thing to our $15. (we learned this but experience and it was other SIL's idea so SIL still rolls her eyes when other SIL brings up amount!)

Holiday drama never ends I guess. And that is sad. I think some people just need drama in their lives and they must be the center of attention at every event. I feel bad for those who have family members like this. At least it is never dull. and this board is great for making you realize how either sane your relatives are or how completely off their rocker they are!

B

DS 03, 06, twins 09, 7/11

[kijip]

We don't exchange gifts with our siblings, just the kids but we do exchange with our parents. I would suggest that or just do that.

[SkyrMommy]

That stinks, my SIL just informed us she doesn't want to do gifts because "we're only sending gift cards back and forth." Um, no, she is, but DH is really good at coming up with thoughtful gifts that may be corny some years, but are always pretty cool. She just doesn't want to bother.

OP, I hope your MIL still finds you that perfect gift. :hug:

[StantonHyde]

I'm sorry that you are losing that element of gift receiving-sad. I can tell you how I get what I want from Dh. I tear out the catalog page or send him a link and say--this is what I want. And then I get it!!!

[elephantmeg]

I would think parents and kids/spouses would still exchange!

[gatorsmom]

As, op, I'm sorry. I think you have the right to be upset. Holidays are hard for us moms. It is nice to have one person at least really SEE us.

I get gifts from my ILs but they are usually gift closet gifts. Oh, well, at least I'm thought of. dH never puts thought into my Xmas gifts. I keep hinting at my Amazon wish list. We'll see if he gets the hint.

Otherwise I buy gifts for myself, wrap them and put them under the tree. I always know what I want! :D

[sste]

OP, I totally agree with gatorsmom about the importance of having someone see us, as individuals. I know it is not the same but maybe you can start another tradition with your MIL - - maybe a MIL-DIL lunch or one of those fancy teas a few weeks before christmas or at new years.

As for me, I think I am strange in that I don't typically enjoy rec'ing gifts and I don't like alot of the things that my husband's peers buy their spouses. In fact, it has become sort of a running joke each year with all of the nurses on dh's team advising him to go to x jewelry store or y spa certificate and assuring him I can't possibly want what I asked for. Last year I requested tripod for my videocamera and this year I asked for a life hammer and car fire extinguisher (influenced by BB!). Anyway, I digress, I can completely understand a normal person wanting a special gift on the holidays!!