Adult Party Etiquette

[bigsis]

First of all, please be kind. I will always feel like a foreigner here in the US even though I've lived most of my life here. :bag So much cultural stuff to learn.

Anyway, I am going to co-host a small gathering with a friend. It will be at her house. It's really a Moms' Night Out. But I thought I'd do a small gift exchange ($10) and maybe ask ppl to bring an appetizer OR a dessert OR a drink to share. Would that be too much to ask? And if not, how would I word that in an invite?

Thanks in advance!

[pharmjenn]

I don't think asking people to bring something to eat is inappropriate. You may want to consider splitting the group somehow so you don't end up with everyone bringing a dessert and nothing else. A friend has split it by last name. Or if you are doing an evite, people can respond and state what category they are bringing so you and others know what there is enough of already.
For the gift exchange, consider a "white elephant" type exchange, where everyone who wants to participate brings a wrapped gift of the correct value, you get a number and get to choose a gift, or steal one from someone else. The rules vary and if you are interested you can get details online and modify them as you wish. For this you can even have a theme to the gifts: wine/choc/cheese, kitchen, etc.

[kozachka]

I think bringing a gift is too much too ask, unless this is a holiday party. Food/drink is fine.

[ha98ed14]

I think bringing a gift is too much too ask, unless this is a holiday party. Food/drink is fine.

I agree. The gift is a nice idea, but really, it's just one more thing to put on the "To Do" list. People are so overwhelmed this time of year...

If the "party" is Mom's night out with a group where everyone "goes dutch" and pays for themselves, I think asking people to bring food is totally fine. If it is the kind of group where every one takes a turn hosting the group and supplying the food on their "turn," you may want to re-think.

[TwinFoxes]

I'd personally rather bring a gift than food, I can't stand potlucks, but I know I'm in the minority on that. :) Regardless, I think asking for a gift AND food moves it into the "more trouble than it's worth" category.

[SnuggleBuggles]

My friend hosts something like that every year. It's a big success! Budget is $15 and we do a "Yankee Swap" for the presents. She doesn't assign us things to bring food wise but she provides the booze and some food. I wouldn't rely souly on potluck to make a nice party. I've seen that flop. Have some basics (veggies, dip, fruit, crackers, cheese).

Yes, it's another gift to buy but it's fun.

You could do something like Survey Monkey or a poll on Evite or Punchbowl to see if people are game for the gift exchange.

[sidmand]

I don't think that's too much. We do that kind of things at our MNOs. But something that went over well and might be easier was a gift card Yankee Swap. At this time of year we're all probably buying them anyway! We did a $5 GC exchange which was cute but hard to come up with ($5 doesn't go far except maybe McDonalds and DD!). $10 would be great!

[hellokitty]

So, this is a holiday MNO party? I think that doing it potluck style with a $10 gift sounds fine. However, as a pp pointed out, if this is a group that takes turns hosting and usually the hostess provides the food, then I would not make it potluck, but still keep the gift part of it.

[MamaInMarch]

I belong to a Bunco group and that is what we do! We have a Facebook page so everyone can post what they are bringing to avoid dupkicates or all desserts or something. And this year we are doing the $10 "fee" for Bunco toward an Angel gift (instead of the winners keeping the money) and bringing a gift for a white elephant exchange. I think what you have set up is fine!

Just put it on the invite how you want to divvy up food (unless you are having an all apps or desserts type party) and lay down the rules of your white elephant game... I think it's most helpful to define it in some way (a theme or whether or not it should be a gag gift) so that no one is disappointed or spends too much.

[Pennylane]

I don't think it's too much, I love things like that!

Ann

[♥ms.pacman♥]

So, this is a holiday MNO party? I think that doing it potluck style with a $10 gift sounds fine. However, as a pp pointed out, if this is a group that takes turns hosting and usually the hostess provides the food, then I would not make it potluck, but still keep the gift part of it.

:yeahthat: it really depends on what is standard/typical in your group. in my mom's group, asking people to bring a dish is pretty typical (all baby showers, mno's, thanksgiving parties, christmas parties etc are often like this). it's all organized on meetup.com, and it's often just posted saying something like "please bring an appetizer/dessert/dish to share...in your RSVP please state what you are bringing." and if it's a yankee swap/ornament exchange it often also says "please bring a gift under $10 for the gift exchange") or something. but this is pretty standard in my SAHMs group, most of us are trying to pinch pennies and be economical and it would be a lot to ask one person to, for example host a thanksgiving or holiday party for 10 moms + their kids without any sort of help. when DH and I were DINKs and we hosted parties i would never dream of asking people to bring anything. (and people often did anyway). it just really depends on the social circle.

like twinfoxes though i secretly dislike potlucks though, bc i hate having to scramble to make something while my kids are going crazy (often i just cheat and bring something store-bought).

[KDsMommy]

I love these types of parties, I don't think it's too much at all!

[bigsis]

Thanks ladies! I understand the undue pressure of potlucks. I was hoping to get the word out that it's not a big deal kind of potluck---heck a box of crackers is fine!

I just think it would be fun. Thanks again!