watch your spending!

[Globetrotter]

Some relatives of ours have gone through a financial crisis, near bankruptcy, defaulted on house payments, etc…

This went on for a four-five years and we loaned them a substantial amount that they have paid off because now business is booming and things are going well but they even admit it will take time to recover.

I don't begrudge them a few small splurges after years of deprivation (they were broke) but now they have started outsourcing things like dry cleaning (for polo shirts!), gardening, etc.. In the middle of it all they bought a new flat screen TV. It worries me that these are the patterns that got them into this crisis. We can afford a lot more but we are careful and prioritize.

They have never been any good with money.

I know, MYOB and all that, but I can't help but worry. Just hope the business continues to take off..
ETA: actually, it does affect us as we will have to bail them out if they lose everything again, so I do think I have the right to be concerned!

[belovedgandp]

Yes, it is hard to keep mouth shut when other people are stupid with money.

I watch my in-laws do lots of stupid things. That's painful enough. We have never (and will never) loan them money because of their patterns. It truly is their own behavior that causes their problems.

Good luck though.

[sste]

Hmmm, it seems to me you have gone way above and beyond with one bailout! I would not do that again under the circumstances you describe. It is sort of verging on "enabling" and looked at in a dollars and cents way big financial bailouts of others costs ALOT more than flat screen tvs and dry cleaning. It would not be being responsible with your own family finances. Given the state of health care and health insurance not to mention the social security fund, I fervently believe that if possible we need to save as much as possible because we all could be a catastrophic accident or illness away from financial disaster.

Anyway, sorry for the lecture, but I don't want to see you dole out hard-earned money to people with a pattern of financial responsiblity. Also, IME, setting limits like that also helps the family relations and lessens the resentment. I would be quite annoyed in your shoes!

[brittone2]

I feel your pain. I have a family member who has declared bankruptcy at least 2x, massively, massively overbought a house he couldn't afford (and was foreclosed on), etc. who has been bailed out by multiple family members through the years. Yet, the patterns really just continue time and time again, and this has been going on for a looooong time now. Pretty much everyone in my family now avoids lending him money, but it is extraordinarily frustrating to see him in action. He didn't pay back one family member, and had the gall to brag about jetsetting over to Morocco to spend a week at his then French girlfriend's vacation home. Gah! He called my parents up to cry that he didn't have cable any longer at one point when they finally had had enough and basically cut him off...my parents have never had cable a day in their lives, LOL. Wasn't an option where we grew up, and they've lived so much of their lives without it, that it just isn't a priority. But he literally called them up in tears because his cable was cut, expecting them to pay for it, after a billion other frivolous mistakes over the course of 15+ years.

Maddening. Especially when you see the likelihood that it will all come tumbling down again (hopefully not, but in our case, we've seen it happen way too many times, in someone old enough to know better by now!)

[KrisM]

ETA: actually, it does affect us as we will have to bail them out if they lose everything again, so I do think I have the right to be concerned!

Why?

I hate to see the repeating behaviour too. It is maddening! However, if that's what they chose, then okay. I would not give them or loan them more money. No way.

[Globetrotter]

He works his butt off but it was a bad time for his area (but totally picking up now). We were willing to help out because we are very close to them (we are guardians for their kids if something happens to them) and they have helped us a lot over the years (and recently when my parents had some problems - any time there is a problem he is here), so I guess it's not all black and white. He hesitated to ask for money and was very conscientious about paying it off early though we told him there was no rush.

However, the fact remains that he makes compulsive decisions sometimes and I would have hoped he learned from this experience - I know it's a small thing, but after seeing what they went through it REALLY bothered me to see cotton polo shirts going to the dry cleaners. I am going to talk to him about it and tell him to be careful, even though they are doing well now.

[fivi2]

I was just this second debating posting my own bitch about a similar relative. This person *just* borrowed money in October to pay rent, got extra money from another relative (Should have been enough to get through the year) and then called me today asking for another "loan".

This person also spends money foolishly (imo). It has been going on for years. This person continually borrows money from everyone. But I just don't know what to do.

They truly can't pay their rent and will let it get to the point of actually being evicted. So then what do I do? Either lend the money now or pick up an even bigger mess later. I am not at the point where I could let this person live on the streets...

(sorry to hijack!) I feel your pain OP! It is hard not to judge others' spending habits when you know you will be the one they come crawling to later!

[crl]

I am sure it is very hard to watch. I think I would just tell myself that maybe the outsourcing is important to allow him time to work on the business. We definitely outsource things due to my Dh's very busy work schedule. It makes more financial sense to pay people to do things than to risk dh losing his job over not being available 24/7.

Catherine

[brgnmom]

Yes, it is hard to keep mouth shut when other people are stupid with money.

I watch my in-laws do lots of stupid things. That's painful enough. We have never (and will never) loan them money because of their patterns. It truly is their own behavior that causes their problems.

Good luck though.

I can relate to this and to your sentiments, OP. Sorry that you're dealing with this. We actually just went through declining to help the ILs, so that they could be more responsible with their financial decisions.

[lizzywednesday]

Why?

I hate to see the repeating behaviour too. It is maddening! However, if that's what they chose, then okay. I would not give them or loan them more money. No way.

:yeahthat:

I know this is the BP and not to hijack, but when my dad asked my DH and I to lend him money to pay down his mortgage, I told him we'd "think about it" ... and I brought it up with DH, but I didn't want to lend Dad the money.

Dad is TERRIBLE about managing his own money. He's on track to lose the house he lives in ... and it will be his SECOND to have lost overall, which is ridiculous.

I don't give Dad any money and my siblings have (finally) stopped it too.