Since this is really the bitching post and bday etiquette forum, a question!

[sste]

I have heard the impassioned responses on this forum to no-gift parties.

Wondering how we feel about book exchange parties? That is no-gift, everyone brings a book to exchange. We are going to have DD's birthday party after the holidays, a few months after her birthday since we were out of town, and want a low-key party. DD is just two and is one of those toddlers that spends almost all her play time with her lovey, not a lot of interests in toys but loves books and music. Not getting presents won't matter to her, esp. if I wrap up a couple of extra books for her - - she is at that lovely stage of over the moon about a balloon and birthday cake and what she calls the sissybration (celebration).

What do we think?

[SnuggleBuggles]

Still not a fan. I just don't love dictating what people can bring. If you don't want a lot of gifts, my theory is that you just don't invite a lot of people. :)

At the end of the day, I always abide by the wishes of the hosts though.

[BDKmom]

Still not a fan. I just don't love dictating what people can bring. If you don't want a lot of gifts, my theory is that you just don't invite a lot of people. :)

At the end of the day, I always abide by the wishes of the hosts though.

I kind of feel the same way. But, as pp said, if my child were invited to your party, I would do what you have asked or choose to not come (depending on how close our kids are). I wouldn't give you grief about it or do something different than what you have asked.

If you are inviting people you are close with, maybe they will ask you what DD likes or needs. Then you could suggest books.

[fivi2]

Not a fan. But aside from the birthday party aspect, I don't like book swaps. Someone always gets a dud and wishes they got the cool book.

I don't like bring a donation to charity parties either, in case you were wondering :)

[elbenn]

I think a book exchange party for a child that age would be great. It could be a problem if someone gets a book they already have, but maybe you could have a couple of extra more unusual books on hand in case that happens.

[sste]

We can't have this in our house - - we are in temporary housing basically in a tiny apartment. Since I will be going to the expense of renting a playroom/outside venue I did want to havre around 12-15 kids (which is not hard since our close friends expect to bring siblings and those include two families of three). Also it is a grey, yucky winter in my area and come Feb. birthday parties provide a lot of entertainment value for cooped up kids - - so would love to have a bunch in the gym or a playroom in my town. After DS's bday, Christmas, Hanukkah, all in such a tight period of time our 900 sq. feet cannot handle more toys and DD won't play with them anyway. I am at the point of having to consider a second storage locker. :(

[Twoboos]

I think a book exchange is great, I always wanted to do one.

But, we also just did a donation party for DD1's 9th bday. She wanted a lot of kids (as in, 22) and I didn't want a lot of things before the holidays. Some still brought gifts for her so she got a few things from friends. We donated 20 gifts to a local charity for their holiday collection. DD1 said, "I am happy to see my friends and help other people at the same time!" And really, she meant it.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I know she wants a party but a party could simply be your family, another close friend or 2 and then balloons and cake. At that age, that's a party. :)

[sste]

It is an idea . . . the thing is we can't fit even that number in our living room. The grandparents are understandably very adamant about coming, obviously DS will be there, and even if I limited it to *one* other couple and their child or children, there is no way we would fit 4-6 adults and 3-4 kids. Forget seats, I mean physically fit in the space.

Hopefully, Santa is going to bring me a house this year!!

[SnuggleBuggles]

From family, can you ask for things like memberships or experiences vs gifts? That always helps us cut down on stuff at parties. :)

[Melaine]

Still not a fan. I just don't love dictating what people can bring. If you don't want a lot of gifts, my theory is that you just don't invite a lot of people. :)

At the end of the day, I always abide by the wishes of the hosts though.

:yeahthat: Exactly.

[boolady]

From family, can you ask for things like memberships or experiences vs gifts? That always helps us cut down on stuff at parties. :)

We've started doing this more and more, even if it's for experiences we'd probably do anyway because (1) then we don't have to pay for it, which is a bonus; (2) DD thinks it's extra special because it was a gift; and (3) it's not another toy.

For her birthday, my sister got her a gift card to the nicest movie theater near us that will cover DH, DD and me for movies and popcorn. Of course, we take DD to the movies, but she will proudly carry the gift card when we go, my sister and BIL got her something she'll enjoy, and it saved DH and me a few bucks. A win-win-win, the way I see it.

[sste]

OK, I am going to suck it up and just forget the book exchange idea. An economist would hate this. Miserable weather, host who wants to pay for great indoor play space, guests who want to attend . . . and the whole she-bang being held up or downsized due to gifts! However, my guests are not economists and its not worth it to me to have someone feel upset or put out.

That is a good idea about asking family for experience gifts . . . unfortunately we have the only grandkids on both sides and in the past our requests for this have not been followed. They just cannot.resist.buying sweet little kid stuff! I do understand but still it is hard for us, esp with our current housing.

Maybe I will come up with a book-themed invite as a way to plant a subliminal message. DD loves Madeleine but I am wonder if people would get her books. With my luck I would end up cramming replica eiffel towers in my apartment!

Thanks everyone. I knew I could count on the birthday/bitching mavens here!

[bisous]

Oh man, I've been there with 900 square feet of living space and four people. It really is impossible to have more than one or two other people over at a time! And the storage thing can be tough.

In your case (temporary and extraordinary) situation, I don't think it would be too terrible to have a "no gifts" party. Particularly if you were inviting people who you know well (as opposed to just classmates or acquaintances) you could put the emphasis on the experience rather than the party. Maybe, for example, you could treat some guests to a trip to the museum followed by lunch with the birthday boy? Then it would be less likely to be a "party" and more just a really fun celebration?

You said these are close friends, I definitely wouldn't be offended by a no gifts request from a close friend. This is so different (to me) than a "invite the whole class list" type of affair where you aren't familiar with the families at all!

[Simon]

Yeah, we pretty much only avoided it by not having any friends parties at that age and just donating the family toys later.

[jacksmomtobe]

Do the Grandparents live nearby? Could you ask them to keep the gifts they give dd at their house(s) by explaining that you just don't have any space due to your current living situation but you don't want to take the joy out of them being able to give dd gifts? Then say that dd could enjoy playing with those toys when she visits them

[bisous]

I thought of something else. Can you just let the kids play with the toys for a few weeks, max? Or do a big purge before/after Hanukkah, Christmas, and DS' birthday? If they aren't playing with the toys, there is no need to keep them in your tiny space restrictions. It might be fun for them to temporarily be flooded with toys! Then they can practice donating afterward? Just a thought!

[SnuggleBuggles]

You said these are close friends, I definitely wouldn't be offended by a no gifts request from a close friend. This is so different (to me) than a "invite the whole class list" type of affair where you aren't familiar with the families at all!

For all my dislike of no gift parties, I agree. If these are good friends, I think you could totally be up front with them about space constraints.

[roseyloxs]

I think the book exchange sounds like a lot of fun and perfect for the age group. I wouldn't worry about my kid ending up with a 'dud' book. My kid can get over it, they went to someone else's birthday party and walked away with a new book. I would appease my child with a promise to head to the library the next day so we can go borrow whatever book they wanted from the party. I think its a cute idea and wouldn't worry about no-gift haters, they get to throw parties they way they like and you should be able to throw yours anyway you like.

I also think I would do 2 parties and keep your family and friends separate. The family party being significantly lower key and maybe even at one of the grandparents houses if they are up for it. Your family is never going to do just books and it could make all the friends and book exchange guests feel awkward. If the grandparents insist on coming to the friend party then I guess they can but they should know that gifts are going to happen at another time not at the party.

[crl]

For whatever it is worth, I think no gift parties are just fine, darn it. :waving4: I think that's better than a book exchange or a donation party. I feel a lot better saying we just don't need more stuff than I do saying you have to bring what I tell you to. But whatever you do, I hope it is a wonderful celebration!

[khm]

I'm totally fine with no gift parties. Well, by that I mean *I* don't mind being asked/told/instructed to not bring a gift. I happily skip that one more thing on the to-do list. What I don't like, is that most everyone brings a gift anyways. :)

If I were you, I'd just send the invite with a personal plea to your friends regarding your situation. State you want to have a fun, indoor party with loads of friends. But, that your temporary housing situation is such that the gifts would overtake your home. I have a medium sized house, a spare bedroom, a toy room and a finished basement. The toys are still too much and we only do friend parties every other year. If my house were 900 sf? Ugh.

I'd be sad to not have a party just because I felt bad about asking/telling/instructing my guests what to bring or not bring. sste, I think you are very eloquent. I am sure you can express yourself in a way that makes it clear you are not being bossy. :)

[123LuckyMom]

I don't have a problem with asking close friends not to bring gifts. We just had a massive party of 44+ people, and I knew each and every one of those people was going to bring a gift for DS and DD! I didn't put anything on the invitation, but as people RSVPd, I called to thank them for planning to be with us and let them know gifts were not necessary. About half the people brought gifts, but half didn't!