UPDATE and question- post#54... Anyone else in my boat re:errands?

[happymom]

OK I just wrote out a whole long vent and then decided to delete it and just skip my pity party and get to the point.

For those of you who work FT and have DHs who come home from work at say, 10pm, when do you take care of errands (Target, grocery, dry cleaners etc)? On weekends with your DC?

I need to be home 2 nights a week because of DD's therapist and our cleaning lady coming, so that leaves 2 other weeknights to run errands WITH dd between 3:30-5 (we need to be back by 5 in order to get fed, bathed, and put to bed on time). Not very practical.

I vented to DH tonight and his response basically was- sorry its so hard, but how does everyone else do it? (Grrr. I will leave out all my frustrations here)

So, I am asking. How do you do it???

ETA: Weekend days/nights are the same as the rest of the week. DH is self-employed so he works all the time.

[LD92599]

I do alot between school drop offs and getting to work (so about a 30 minute window) plus lunchhour. Whatever i can do w/o dragging Ds2 in.out of the car, I do. Target, Kohls, Bank, PO, etc...all done before work.

We do run errands on the weekends and maybe one night/week.

[Tenasparkl]

I run errands like that during lunch or between dropping the kids off and going to work. I have no idea where people find time to work out though. That's the big mystery to me!

[jjordan]

Honestly, if I had only one child then running errands with said child would be a breeze. :) It all depends on your frame of reference... I currently have three kids and it is not uncommon to take all 3 on errands, and extremely rare for me to have the chance to do errands by myself.

If it is that much of a problem for you, then think about hiring a babysitter for a few hours a week. :)

[elliput]

My kids are both in school in the morning, so that is when I run the bulk of my errands as I am a SAHM.

This is tough for you, because dads don't "babysit", they parent. And they have a responsibility to both their spouse and their DC to make sure they both get the attention deserved. Being self-employed does put a big wrench into the equation though. Basically, IMO, your DH needs to schedule family time into his work routine and stick to it, and the sooner the better for everyone.

[happymom]

I really don't have a window of time without DD. As much as I love having my darling child with me lol, it's just getting very hard. I go to work at 8:15 every morning. Work is over at 3- I run (literally!) to get DD and that's it. I have 45 minute lunch break at work, but all stores are 15 minutes away from my job so no time to run errands then.

It's just an all around frustrating situation because DH gets upset when I complain because he feels like he is working so hard all day- its not like he is sitting around- and there's nothing he can change. He suggested I find someone to come babysit once a week in the evenings. I guess that would help, but I hate the idea of paying a babysitter just so I can go to the supermarket.

I guess the underlying issue here, is that I am frustrated because I feel that DH really could be more available is he truly made the effort. He is self-employed and not great with time management. As a result, he is truly busy from morning till night, but there are pockets of time throughout the day that are wasted. If he was better able to manage his time, I think he COULD be home by 7. That would make a tremendous difference for me. BUT, I cannot change my husband...that's for sure. He is a great guy who really tries so hard. But this is one issue that is just so difficult for me, and always has been. :(

ETA: So much for skipping my pity party, lol.

[elliput]

ETA: So much for skipping my pity party, lol.:hug::hug::hug: We all need to have one once in a while.

[happymom]

My kids are both in school in the morning, so that is when I run the bulk of my errands as I am a SAHM.

This is tough for you, because dads don't "babysit", they parent. And they have a responsibility to both their spouse and their DC to make sure they both get the attention deserved. Being self-employed does put a big wrench into the equation though. Basically, IMO, your DH needs to schedule family time into his work routine and stick to it, and the sooner the better for everyone.

You are 100% right that dads don't babysit- which is why I even put it in quotes. And DH doesn't even view it as "babysitting". He is a great dad- when he is able to be around. He spends a nice chunk of quality time with DD in the morning because he gets her ready, makes her lunch, brings her to school, etc.

He just feels like he is doing the best he can, he doesn't WANT to be working such long hours,etc. Its just the reality of trying to make a living to support our family. The real monkey wrench is that he just opened a second business, and THAT is what is sucking every last minute of time that he had to be home.

[gatorsmom]

If it is that much of a problem for you, then think about hiring a babysitter for a few hours a week. :)

this was my thought too. Can you hire a high school girl to come over right after school 2 afternoons each week so you can run errands alone? Or, is there another mom who you can trade days with? I mean you watch her child one day while she runs errands and she watches your child another day while you run your errands. I did this a few years ago and it worked great. Then another mom friend got in on the deal and so 2 days a week I had free while each of the other moms watched my kids and I only had to watch all the kids one day. It was wonderful and the kids loved playing together.

[codex57]

What needs to be done during the week? We basically just plan around the fact that certain errands have to be done during the weekend when I can help chip in.

[happymom]

Honestly, if I had only one child then running errands with said child would be a breeze. :) It all depends on your frame of reference... I currently have three kids and it is not uncommon to take all 3 on errands, and extremely rare for me to have the chance to do errands by myself.

If it is that much of a problem for you, then think about hiring a babysitter for a few hours a week. :)

You know, as I was posting my original question, I was thinking exactly that. That there must be so many moms on here who are running errands with 2 or 3 kids! And I can't even imagine how hard that must be.

DD used to be so easy to just shlep along wherever I went. Lately though, she comes home from school and really just wants (needs!) to play for an hour or 2. When I mention that we need to go out, she starts complaining that its going to be boring and she wants to stay home and play. Fair argument! So I have to start playing all kinds of games to get her interested in going out so she will cooperate....you know how it goes I'm sure.

I think part of what is hard about DH being self employed, is that there ARE days when he is around, and the unpredictableness (yes I coined a new word :)) of it all is challenging for me. I dream of a 9-5 job for DH, when he would be home every night at the exact same time, and just stay home for the night. Aaah, what a life that would be!

But that wouldn't fit his personality...he likes being able to make his own schedule and plus he has colitis which means he has some days that he is just out of commission and needs to work from home. Which is why we are so lucky and grateful that he has the ability to make a living on his own.

Another factor is that DH is super talented and knowledgeable in so many areas and he is the go-to guy for MANY people (family, friends, etc) to call for questions about various different topics. Being the nice guy that he is, he spends a lot of time helping people with so many different things, which just sucks that much more time out of his day. I know the obvious answer is he needs to put his family first, but its just not that black-and-white.

Sheesh, looks like I really needed to get all this off my chest! My BFF is out of town- look what happens when I don't have anyone IRL to vent to!!:rotflmao:

[lmwbasye]

DH is deployed and when he's even home...he's not. He's just never around. I homeschool and have no help so we just all do our errands together. It isn't my favorite option but it's my only one and I've gotten mostly used to it. It's particularly tricky right now with the holidays but I basically just have to do all their present shopping online.

[happymom]

this was my thought too. Can you hire a high school girl to come over right after school 2 afternoons each week so you can run errands alone? Or, is there another mom who you can trade days with? I mean you watch her child one day while she runs errands and she watches your child another day while you run your errands. I did this a few years ago and it worked great. Then another mom friend got in on the deal and so 2 days a week I had free while each of the other moms watched my kids and I only had to watch all the kids one day. It was wonderful and the kids loved playing together.

Wow, what a great arrangement. I would really prefer a babysitter after DD is sleeping- like from 7-10pm. Because otherwise, the only window of time I would have is 3:30-5. I have to start dinner and bedtime by 5/5:30 in order to get DD to bed on time. I suppose I could hire a high school girl one or two nights a week from 7-10, but I just feel silly spending money on that.


What needs to be done during the week? We basically just plan around the fact that certain errands have to be done during the weekend when I can help chip in.

I need to grocery shop at least once during the week. I can't shop on Sunday for the whole week- it just doesn't work for me. And DH is really not available on weekends either. At least not predictably so.

I probably need to curb my shopping habits to some extent as well. This time of year is busier, with gift buying and holiday prep etc.
But I also just need to get out a little. Our Walmart is open till midnight so there are times when DH gets home at 10 and I leave to Walmart just to get some air!

[HonoluluMom]

I'm a single mom that works outside the home.

Since DD was a newborn, I've taken her with me to do most errands that I can't do during my lunch hour, like grocery shopping.

I can do bank runs and dry cleaning during my lunch hour because my bank and dry cleaner is within a few blocks from my office.

Also, there's fortunately a farmer's market near my office, so I can do some grocery shopping during my lunch hour during the week. For protein, I usually freeze chicken, beef, etc. and then buy the produce at the farmer's market.

[niccig]

Are there things you currently do that your Dh could do to lighten load for other things?

Mine pays the bills at work, he'll take my car and drive via car wash on way to work, or he'll go to the grocery store late at night - I give him a list and don't always get what I want, but good enough to save me a trip. I've always taken DS with me when SAHM and now that I'm back in grad. school he comes with after school or on weekends. But for some things I can't, like hair cut.

I'd also use the weekend time, unpredictable as it is, but if he's home then head to the store.

[hillview]

errands at night / after work doesn't happen here just not practical. I do most errands on the weekend. I order a lot of every day stuff from Amazon. I ask my mom to pick up a loaf of bread. In a pinch I will run to the supermarket during lunch.

[crl]

Well, I don't WOTH, but I'm not sure how much that changes the answer because dh is still RARELY available to watch the kids while I run errands or get my hair cut or go to the doctor.

So my answer is that I do most errands while older ds is at school (although he's a breeze to take along on errands). Grocery shopping, picking up dry cleaning, etc, I often do with dd along. I do as much shopping as possible online--love Amazon Prime. I even have a veggie and fruit box delivered once a week which helps me keep grocery trips to one time per week and they take less time.

For haircuts, I have managed to find a walk-in place that is open at 10 am on Sundays and over the course of two or three weeks I can manage to catch a Sunday when dh is home at that time so I can go and get my hair cut.

For doctor's appointments, I either trade or hire babysitting.

Catherine

[happymom]

Are there things you currently do that your Dh could do to lighten load for other things?

Mine pays the bills at work, he'll take my car and drive via car wash on way to work, or he'll go to the grocery store late at night - I give him a list and don't always get what I want, but good enough to save me a trip. I've always taken DS with me when SAHM and now that I'm back in grad. school he comes with after school or on weekends. But for some things I can't, like hair cut.

I'd also use the weekend time, unpredictable as it is, but if he's home then head to the store.

That all sounds a lot like us actually. DH takes care of all the money and bills in our house- which I know is a huge job and I appreciate. He is often busy with this at 12am when he wants to be relaxing or going to sleep. He also does late night grocery stops for me probably every other week. Whenever I ask, he really makes every effort to go for me. But this is more for the fill-in items..10-12 things max. Not a full grocery shopping. And the weekends- just like you said, if DH is home I grab the opportunity and run out. When I am truly at my wits end, DH will try to rearrange things for me so I can have some time to myself. I just hate that it has to come to that.

The truth is, I have my mother and mother-in-law in town and I should take advantage. My mother works full time, so isn't really available. My mother-in-law is, and DD adores her. I am going to ask DH to call his mom and ask her if we can choose a set day once a week when I can drop DD off from 3:30-5:30. If I know I have that set day, it will make all the difference for me. I am not great at asking for help like that, but I am going to be a big girl and do it!

[babyonway]

I'm a single mom that works outside the home.

Since DD was a newborn, I've taken her with me to do most errands that I can't do during my lunch hour, like grocery shopping.

I can do bank runs and dry cleaning during my lunch hour because my bank and dry cleaner is within a few blocks from my office.

Also, there's fortunately a farmer's market near my office, so I can do some grocery shopping during my lunch hour during the week. For protein, I usually freeze chicken, beef, etc. and then buy the produce at the farmer's market.

This is me too. I typically don't do errands during the week though so that I can spend the few precious hours I get with her during the week doing stuff she likes. One day during the weekend we have to go out and complete our errands.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk.

[daniele_ut]

When I was working full time I did a few errands at lunch but the bulk of the errand running happened on the weekend. DH works late at least 3 nights a week and sometimes more. He also frequently has rehearsals or concerts on the weekends so when that happened I would suck it up and the kids would go with me.

Now I'm a SAHM and ALL my errands are run with kids in tow since dh is working even more hours these days. We don't have any extra to hire a sitter so I try to time some things for when DS1 is at school and DD is at preschool. That way I'm only taking 1 child with me. Unfortunately that means the baby misses his nap and is usually not happy by the time I am done running said errands.

[happymom]

This is me too. I typically don't do errands during the week though so that I can spend the few precious hours I get with her during the week doing stuff she likes. One day during the weekend we have to go out and complete our errands.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk.

I think for me, I get antsy and feel the need to get out. Errands once a week may technically be feasible if I tried, but I would go nuts being home all week. After a whole day of work, I just need to get out a little. I know some people want to just be home after a day of work, but for me it's often the opposite.

[happymom]

When I was working full time I did a few errands at lunch but the bulk of the errand running happened on the weekend. DH works late at least 3 nights a week and sometimes more. He also frequently has rehearsals or concerts on the weekends so when that happened I would suck it up and the kids would go with me.

Now I'm a SAHM and ALL my errands are run with kids in tow since dh is working even more hours these days. We don't have any extra to hire a sitter so I try to time some things for when DS1 is at school and DD is at preschool. That way I'm only taking 1 child with me. Unfortunately that means the baby misses his nap and is usually not happy by the time I am done running said errands.

Gosh. That sounds tough. Makes me feel kinda silly for even complaining! Kudos to you!

[codex57]

I need to grocery shop at least once during the week. I can't shop on Sunday for the whole week- it just doesn't work for me. And DH is really not available on weekends either. At least not predictably so.

I probably need to curb my shopping habits to some extent as well. This time of year is busier, with gift buying and holiday prep etc.
But I also just need to get out a little. Our Walmart is open till midnight so there are times when DH gets home at 10 and I leave to Walmart just to get some air!

So your system isn't really broken.

Don't worry if you're not super mom like some others. We certainly aren't. DW basically passes out when I get home. We stagger our schedules. I take the kids in the morning, she picks em up and feeds em dinner. Sometimes, she's gotta bathe them and put them to bed cuz I get home late. So, she passes out.

Which leaves me to run out to Walmart or Safeway for groceries late at night. I like it though. It's less crowded. If you wanna do it to get some air, then it works. He can stay home and hold the fort down while you run out.

Like you, we think it's just too hard to take the kids out when we run errands. We try to avoid that. So, this just means certain errands get done after 10pm. That's when I do the dishes, take out the trash if needed, run out to stores, etc. Whatever absolutely needs to be done during the week just gets done later after the kids are put to bed.

[Philly Mom]

We do errands only on weekends. We cook enough on weekends for the week and to freeze and half way through the week, I grab stuff from the freezer for the second half of the week. We don't get home until 6 so there is no other time.

[o_mom]

Does your DD's care close at 3:30?

If not, I would just leave her there until 4:30 one day a week, do a grocery run as soon as you leave work, then pick her up.

Otherwise, maybe schedule a responsible teen once a week after DD is in bed, so like 7-9 pm or 8-10 pm so you can do it then. Just someone to be there in case she wakes up/fire, etc., but they could study or watch TV if needed. For $20/wk it might be worth it.

Also look into grocery delivery or 'pick up' service. I wish our local store still did that - they used to have where for a $5 fee they would gather all your groceries and you just stopped in to pay. Before kids, I never used it and now that I would pay 5 times that, they don't have it any more. It might be worth a bit extra to have stuff delivered once a week. You might even find, depending on the fee structure, that you can cut your weekend trip down to a bare minimum.

[jjordan]

It sounds to me like the real issue is your husband's schedule, since you're frustrated with that in general. It sounds like you have tried to explain to him that the way he chooses to work is difficult for you. I would suggest you try one more time. Tell him that you and he need to have a discussion about time management, and give him some evenings (at least several days to a week away) when you can be available. Nail down a time and get a babysitter so that the two of you can go somewhere and talk. (Or, if your dd can be counted on to stay in bed once she's down, plan to order take-out at home after she's in bed and have your talk right at home.)

Then lay it all out on the line. You understand the demands of his business, you appreciate what he does for the family, etc, etc. Start out being supportive so that he knows you're not trying to be a meanie. Then explain that you really need to have more predictibility or some time "off" during the week, or whatever you decide is most important. Ask if there is any way that the two of you can work out some sort of compromise that allows him to continue with his job responsibilities and yet also meet you halfway on some of what you would like from him. Be willing to be flexible, and hopefully he will be somewhat flexible too. Good luck!

[ZeeBaby]

I also had the question about what time your daycare closes and whether you can do aftercare 1-2 afternoons a week to get your errands done. I do my errands after drop off if there is enough time, during my lunch hour or if I get done with work early. On days I am done early or can work from home I do errands before I pick up DDs. You would be amazed how much you can get done in one hour with no DC underfoot.

I will rarely do stuff after DH gets home, but I am one of these people when I am in, I am in lol. Hard to her me back out.

[niccig]

I am going to ask DH to call his mom and ask her if we can choose a set day once a week when I can drop DD off from 3:30-5:30. If I know I have that set day, it will make all the difference for me. I am not great at asking for help like that, but I am going to be a big girl and do it!

You also said your DH will work for home on days his colitis is flaring. Would be able to set aside some work that he can do at home after DD is bed. I'm just thinking that he's missing out on bedtime - that happens here too. If he can say I'll be home for bedtime this week on Wednesday, he can see DD more, then he can keep working after she's asleep and you can go do an errand.

I also noticed your DD is nearly 4yo. Doing errands with DS got much easier after 4.

[Mopey]

The truth is, I have my mother and mother-in-law in town and I should take advantage. My mother works full time, so isn't really available. My mother-in-law is, and DD adores her. I am going to ask DH to call his mom and ask her if we can choose a set day once a week when I can drop DD off from 3:30-5:30. If I know I have that set day, it will make all the difference for me. I am not great at asking for help like that, but I am going to be a big girl and do it!

:yeahthat: I have been trying to do this as well. It is really worth it. For me it has been the desperation to work out that has inspired me to get the GMs more involved. I work a lot at night and on weekends when my hubby can watch the Miss so now I am trying to use the GMs to get my workouts in during a weekday.

[egoldber]

I would leave her in daycare longer and run errands before picking her up. I do that when DH is traveling.

[daniele_ut]

Gosh. That sounds tough. Makes me feel kinda silly for even complaining! Kudos to you!

I really don't mind. I am really enjoying being a SAHM after 15 years of a demanding career. My kids are usually patient and helpful and I try to keep errands short and organized. I try not to run errands during the hours you are talking about because the traffic is usually heavy and places like Target and Costco are usually crowded with people shopping on their way home from work. I'd rather bring the kids earlier in the day than deal with the traffic and crowds!

Honestly the only time I mind bringing kids is when *I* have an appointment for myself. I'm currently trying to figure out the best time to schedule a dentist appointment and my yearly exam. Those are things I used to do on my lunch hour or use sick time. When those things crop up I try to have another mom friend watch the 2 younger ones but December is busy for everyone.

[happymom]

Does your DD's care close at 3:30?

If not, I would just leave her there until 4:30 one day a week, do a grocery run as soon as you leave work, then pick her up.

Otherwise, maybe schedule a responsible teen once a week after DD is in bed, so like 7-9 pm or 8-10 pm so you can do it then. Just someone to be there in case she wakes up/fire, etc., but they could study or watch TV if needed. For $20/wk it might be worth it.

Also look into grocery delivery or 'pick up' service. I wish our local store still did that - they used to have where for a $5 fee they would gather all your groceries and you just stopped in to pay. Before kids, I never used it and now that I would pay 5 times that, they don't have it any more. It might be worth a bit extra to have stuff delivered once a week. You might even find, depending on the fee structure, that you can cut your weekend trip down to a bare minimum.

DD is in playgroup that ends at 3 (actually it ends at 2 and there is an optional extended hour till 3 which I pay extra for). Her playgroup is down the block from my work which also ends at 3 so I literally RUN out of work down the block to get her every day. No flexibility there at all.

About grocery delivery- my local grocery store has 2 good options. One is that I can email in an order and they will shop and deliver it for $8- which is so worth it of course. The other is I can shop, pay and then walk out empty-handed and they will deliver it for $2. Also a great option, especially when it is late or raining and I don't want to have to deal with all the packages and DD at the same time.

DH actually was telling me tonight that I should be emailing an order in every week instead of bothering with going out. I find that I can do that every month or so (and I always make sure to order all the heavy stuff then lol) but the rest of the time I find I need to SEE what I am shopping for. I like to pick out my own veggies, meats, etc. I guess I should just come to grips with reality and adjust and deal with emailing an order as opposed to complaining....

Jjordan, DH and I have exhausted the topic at this point. I have definitely tried your approach exactly like you said, but ultimately DH just gets frustrated because he really feels he is doing his best and there isn't anything else he can do.


You also said your DH will work for home on days his colitis is flaring. Would be able to set aside some work that he can do at home after DD is bed. I'm just thinking that he's missing out on bedtime - that happens here too. If he can say I'll be home for bedtime this week on Wednesday, he can see DD more, then he can keep working after she's asleep and you can go do an errand.

I also noticed your DD is nearly 4yo. Doing errands with DS got much easier after 4.

Actually running errands with DD was pretty easy until recently- it seems to be getting harder as she gets older! Now that she's in playgroup till 3 (last year was only till 1), she seems to really need her down time at home before bed. When I drag her out on errands, she misses her playtime and that is hard for her.

The thing with DH is that he has a very hard time with committing to a day in advance. I think this has more to do with his time management issues than anything else. This is an issue that comes up so much in our marriage. It is hard to make any advance plans because his schedule is so unpredictable. I have actually posted about this before- not sure what the solution is!

ETA: He is probably home for bedtime once or twice a week and always grabs the opportunity to give me a break and put DD to bed when he can. Tonight, he was home from 6-7:30 (in between jobs) and he wolfed down dinner, put DD to bed and then ran back out the door.

[o_mom]

The truth is, I have my mother and mother-in-law in town and I should take advantage. My mother works full time, so isn't really available. My mother-in-law is, and DD adores her. I am going to ask DH to call his mom and ask her if we can choose a set day once a week when I can drop DD off from 3:30-5:30. If I know I have that set day, it will make all the difference for me. I am not great at asking for help like that, but I am going to be a big girl and do it!


DD is in playgroup that ends at 3 (actually it ends at 2 and there is an optional extended hour till 3 which I pay extra for). Her playgroup is down the block from my work which also ends at 3 so I literally RUN out of work down the block to get her every day. No flexibility there at all.

About grocery delivery- my local grocery store has 2 good options. One is that I can email in an order and they will shop and deliver it for $8- which is so worth it of course. The other is I can shop, pay and then walk out empty-handed and they will deliver it for $2. Also a great option, especially when it is late or raining and I don't want to have to deal with all the packages and DD at the same time.




Given these two things, I would go with the MIL plan. Even if she can only do every other week, that would let you plan ahead for those days and you can fill in the other weeks with online orders. I was thinking that if you could leave her at her care place, it would be less transitioning, but if you have a MIL who can help, that is huge.

[happymom]

Given these two things, I would go with the MIL plan. Even if she can only do every other week, that would let you plan ahead for those days and you can fill in the other weeks with online orders. I was thinking that if you could leave her at her care place, it would be less transitioning, but if you have a MIL who can help, that is huge.

Yes, you are right. I just spoke to DH (caught him on the phone for 5 min between clients!) and asked him to speak to his mother about a weekly "playdate" with DD. If I know that she is expecting DD every week, it will be much easier than having to call and ask each time. Plus it is even good for MIL- she benefits a lot from having cute little DD around :). So I guess it is a win-win situation, right?

[squimp]

I can totally relate. I WOHM and I am an introvert, I need my space! We all have to do what works for us. My DD really doesn't like shopping or running errands, and while I do some of that with her I would much rather not have to drag her around half the time. And she is 9, so I know it was much harder at age 4. Or at least different.

So I run out for a while on the weekends leaving DD home with dad, and get a bunch of stuff done. In your case where DH is working all the time I would say that I need to hire a teenager or college student to come over for an afternoon every week or weekend so that I can get things done. I would have no guilt about it and if you have a MIL who can do it, all the better. No one's happy if mama ain't happy!

[Giantbear]

not your exact situation, but close and maybe worse. my wife is never alone with dd unless i have a late night meeting, which happens about once every two to three months. Weekends, it is eiter the two of us or three of us. I do all errands with dd with the exception of haircuts which i get done by my office. Otherwise, i take her to the grocery store, home depot, target and so forth. The other day i took off from work and, with dd in daycare, went to target alone for the first time in years. I flipped out when i thought she had run off, it took me a few seconds to remember she wasn't with me.

[happymom]

not your exact situation, but close and maybe worse. my wife is never alone with dd unless i have a late night meeting, which happens about once every two to three months. Weekends, it is eiter the two of us or three of us. I do all errands with dd with the exception of haircuts which i get done by my office. Otherwise, i take her to the grocery store, home depot, target and so forth. The other day i took off from work and, with dd in daycare, went to target alone for the first time in years. I flipped out when i thought she had run off, it took me a few seconds to remember she wasn't with me.

Isn't it amazing how nice a simple trip to Target alone can be?


Thanks everyone for helping me talk through this. You have all been so helpful! My DH would thank you too for sure :).

[sunnyside]

I'm sorry. It is hard. I know. I'm a single mom of a 2.5 year old and work FT. I run errands on my lunch break or at 5:30 after I pick her up. I just feed her snacks in the car and while we are out, and call it dinner.

[niccig]

DH actually was telling me tonight that I should be emailing an order in every week instead of bothering with going out. I find that I can do that every month or so (and I always make sure to order all the heavy stuff then lol) but the rest of the time I find I need to SEE what I am shopping for. I like to pick out my own veggies, meats, etc. I guess I should just come to grips with reality and adjust and deal with emailing an order as opposed to complaining....


I don't want to be harsh, but you are making something things harder on yourself than they need to be. I totally get wanting to see things, but if it's a week when there's just too much going on, email the order in. (BTW, I need to see if my grocery store will do this.)

I went back to grad school and I still kept trying to do some things the way I used to. Well, I just can't. There just isn't enough time in the day. I had to find ways to ease up on myself.

If emailing your grocery order more regularly lightens your load, then do that. No one is going to be hurt if you didn't pick out every vegetable or cut of meat yourself each week. On the weeks you can get to the store, then do that.

I've cut back on little trips to the store as it does take up so much time. I write a list and I go once a week. Some days, dinner is more a "well, we've got this and that's it" kind of affair, but you know, it doesn't hurt anyone. We get fed and I'm sane as I haven't twisted myself into knots to be perfect wife, mother, housekeeper etc.

My DH can work crazy hours too and I always get a babysitter for weeknight appointments like back to school night. That way I know I can go. If your MIL can do it for you, do it.

[essnce629]

I'd get your MIL to watch DD a certain day each week and run errands then. Up until DS1 was 3 we lived with my mom and she would watch DS1 for an hour or so after she got home from work so that I could go do my grocery shopping. That was nice.

Now we're 2+ hours away from my mom and DBF works 100+ hours a week and is never home. Up until a few months ago DS2 was with me 24/7 since he wasn't in preschool yet so all errands were done with him. He's now in preschool 3 mornings a week so I try and do most of my errands then. I still drag both kids with me when I go to Whole Foods since it's on the way home from their swim school. And I always take both kids with me to the farmer's market each week since ours doesn't start till 3pm and is on Tuesdays.

[hwin708]

DH actually was telling me tonight that I should be emailing an order in every week instead of bothering with going out. I find that I can do that every month or so (and I always make sure to order all the heavy stuff then lol) but the rest of the time I find I need to SEE what I am shopping for. I like to pick out my own veggies, meats, etc. I guess I should just come to grips with reality and adjust and deal with emailing an order as opposed to complaining....
For some encouragement, it bears mentioning that I think the grocery store does a better job of selecting fruit and veggies than I do. I mean, it's their job. They take the time to select the best of the best. I usually squeeze a few fruit before I just start grabbing because I have to get moving. I love that I can let them do all the work. I love even more that they will cut all the apples, free of charge, lol.

Also, my dry cleaner does pickup and delivery free of charge, so unless you are tied to your dry cleaner, I would look for one near you who does.

Honestly, I think you have solutions. It sounds more like you are burned out and the last thing you want to have to do is more things you just.don't.want.to.do. But I wouldn't worry so much about "coming to grips with your reality." Just try it out. If you hate it, this doesn't have to be your reality. But you may find after a week or two that grocery delivery is a luxury you would do anything to keep, not a compromise you are forced to make. And I definitely think you - and your whole family - will enjoy DD's day at grandma's!

[joonbug]

Isn't it amazing how nice a simple trip to Target alone can be?


Thanks everyone for helping me talk through this. You have all been so helpful! My DH would thank you too for sure :).
After 3.5 years of literally having DD attached to me at the hip, I went to a couples stores for the first time alone during the day -she goes to preschool now, I SAH since the pregnancy... It felt so bizarre and I kept looking around kind of expecting her to jump out from around the corner lol.

[lizzywednesday]

Hahahahaha!

I haven't gotten a haircut in 2 years. I think peeing by myself is a luxury and showers alone are like dying and going to heaven. But this is not a commiseration pile-up.

That said, I tend to run errands either before I pick DD up from daycare on Wednesdays and Fridays, do quick-hit things (like go to the post office, etc.) while I'm at the office & it's walking distance ... and use a back-carry carrier to manage her at the grocery store or other shopping errands. (I just bought a toddler sized KinderPack for this express purpose, BTW.)

Good luck! I hope you can find a solution that works for you.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

well my dh does not work long hours but he is does travel often. when i was a SAHM i just took them both everywhere..grocery store, post office, my doctor appts, etc. i did have a sitter one or two mornings a week where i could do some errands sans kids. i would totally ask family for help if they are available! i'm sure they'd be more than happy to help.

[khalloc]

My DH gets home at a normal hour. Around 6ish. but still I very rarely run errands after work during the week.

Usually I do everything I need to do during my lunch hour. Sometimes I might pick 1 child up and then run to the grocery store with him to get a few things for dinner (think 5 min in the store) and then pick up DD. I am always home around 5:30.

I do my big grocery shopping trips on the weekend when DH is home to stay with the kids. But I dont really go to other store(besides grocery) on the weekends either. Maybe Costco like 2x a year.

[daisysmom]

Honestly, if I had only one child then running errands with said child would be a breeze. :) It all depends on your frame of reference... I currently have three kids and it is not uncommon to take all 3 on errands, and extremely rare for me to have the chance to do errands by myself.

I have just one child, and running errrands is far from a breeze. It was when she was a baby/toddler but now at 5, she has so many opinions about everything and such an active schedule herself with needs like time to practice reading, taking showers, etc. that running errands is a nightmare.

Here's what I do. I keep running lists on my iPhone (ourgroceries is the app I think I use) and then one morning or lunch, I will dart to a place on the way to work (like Target). I also order as much from Amazon or Zappos as I possibly can. And grocery shopping is a weekend activity, ususally with DD (when we both have more time) or while she is at a birthday party or playdate. And I work out (30 minute Jillian michaels) at 5 am.

The internet is truly my friend. I do almost all shopping that I can on that.

My DH will handle some errands like dropping off drycleaning. But that's pretty much it.

[squimp]

I have just one child, and running errrands is far from a breeze. It was when she was a baby/toddler but now at 5, she has so many opinions about everything and such an active schedule herself with needs like time to practice reading, taking showers, etc. that running errands is a nightmare.

Here's what I do. I keep running lists on my iPhone (ourgroceries is the app I think I use) and then one morning or lunch, I will dart to a place on the way to work (like Target). I also order as much from Amazon or Zappos as I possibly can. And grocery shopping is a weekend activity, ususally with DD (when we both have more time) or while she is at a birthday party or playdate. And I work out (30 minute Jillian michaels) at 5 am.

The internet is truly my friend. I do almost all shopping that I can on that.


Yes - this is me exactly. And why is it so hard to get my 9-year-old to take showers.

Can anyone tell me which stores allow me to shop online? I've never done this but am seriously thinking it would be nice.

[daisysmom]

And why is it so hard to get my 9-year-old to take showers.

Can anyone tell me which stores allow me to shop online? I've never done this but am seriously thinking it would be nice.

I am having a hard time getting my 5.5 year old to take showers... does this last past 9?????????? Gone are the days of bathing every day or even every other - we are lucky to get every third in our house. Errgggh.

I can't grocery shop on line, but I pretty much do amazon for everything else.

[Melaine]

I SAH and (now homeschool). I take all three kids to 99% off errands, appointments, shopping etc on the weekdays, afternoons and even on weekends without DH. I enjoy shopping so I have tried to teach my kids to enjoy it. I remember going shopping with my mom or my dad was fun to me as a kid and I think it can be fun now too.

I haven't read all the responses, but if I were a working mom with one four year old I would be even more determined to make errands fun and include your daughter so that it can also be quality time for the two of you, whether on weekends or after you pick her up.

I think it is all about you frame it to her and yourself. I find myself tempted to shut out my kids and be in my own stressed out little bubble. But when I am deliberate about enjoying the daily tasks with them and including them, we usually have a good time. Quality time can still include practical tasks. You can listen to music or sing in the car, talk about your day, practice letters or numbers, tell jokes. We sometimes review school stuff. It is actually a relief to have everyone in their seats and stuck sometimes (with the exception of the baby who still doesn't like riding in the car). In waiting rooms, we like to practice fingerspelling (ASL) and play I spy.

At the grocery store, you can ask them to help you find stuff, talk about ideas for new recipes, point out letters, numbers, colors, etc. I am all for getting a little extra treat while out doing errands, pick up a cookie at the bakery, stop for hot chocolate or a drink during Happy Hour at Sonic. Sometimes buying new crayons or something. I approach errands like we are going somewhere fun and I think that helps. I'm sure it's harder when you have both been out of the house all day and want to go home (we usually have been home and want to get out).

[roseyloxs]

I am a SAHM and do errands with my kids but I have the luxury of going when no one else does which makes it easier. If I had your hours I would try and make grocery shopping a routine so your dd knew when it was going to happen and hopefully that would cut down on whining, expectations of instant playtime, etc.

Hopefully your MIL is up for one playdate a week. If she is then I would pick 2 days out of the week that you are going to do your errands. Assuming you do one grocery trip on Sat/Sun you can probably get by until Weds/Thurs until your second trip. So I would schedule MIL's playdates for Mon/Tues and get all your non-grocery errands done that day. Then schedule your 2nd grocery trip 2 days later on Weds/Thurs. Hopefully DD will settle into the routine. She'll get her playtime 4x a week and you'll get out 2x a week = everyone's happy!

[Gena]

Honestly, if I had only one child then running errands with said child would be a breeze. :) It all depends on your frame of reference...


I have just one child, and running errrands is far from a breeze.

Yeah, I have one child and errands are definitely not a breeze for me either.

I work full time. DH works full time and has a long commute and serves as a volunteer firefighter/EMT in our community on evenings and weekends.

I avoid running errands after work unless absolutely necessary. DS has a long day with school and afterschool care. By the time I pick him up, he has used up his resources to deal with various sensory input and being around people. So running errands is beyond what he can cope with at that point. I've learned the hard way that I don't need to force the issue just to have DS collapse into an autistic meltdown in the middle of the store.

I grocery shop on the weekends. If we need something during the week and it can't wait, I have DH pick it up on his way home from fighting a fire.

[KDsMommy]

Well no DH here, but I'm a single WOTH mom. I try to get things done before picking DS up from aftercare, but many times I take him with me. I really prefer to go alone though, makes for a much faster, happier trip.

[Mamabear4]

Unless it's absolutely essential (e.g. just got a call from daycare that child is sick and I am out of tylenol) , I run all errands that force me to get out of the car with the kids on the weekends. I have a drycleaner that has a drive-through window. I drop off clothes on the way to work/daycare on Friday mornings and pick them up the following week. If we have to have the item back sooner, we'll try to squeeze in a trip by there on Saturdays. The bank is right next door, so I'll run through the ATM drive up window then if needed.

I will say though that my world of errands, etc. is a well-oiled machine - any slight deviation from our normal plan will throw everything out of whack. E.g. 2 birthday parties on the same weekend, out of town guests, etc.

I guess I'm not understanding why 2 grocery trips would be needed in one week? Either way, I bring both of my boys with me on weekends and sell it by telling them that they'll get to ride in the "race-car" shopping cart and if they're good listeners, they get a cookie at the end. They love it!

We make runs to Target/drugstore etc. for detergent, toilet paper, paper towels, shampoo etc. only about once per month and I try to make sure it's a family trip. Target with just me & the kids is really hard when you need a lot of stuff.

Everything else I buy online. Subscribe & Save from Amazon and my UPS delivery man are my best friends. I do doctor's appointments during work time and I haven't gotten my hair cut in over 4 months, so I don't have the whole thing down to a science yet...

After DS2 was born, I realized I desperately needed new clothes and took a PTO day from work to go shopping while the kids were in daycare. It was awesome! I was able to try things on and actually look at items, without having to herd two littles around with me. I haven't been into an actual clothing store since (nope, that's a lie, when DH and I did a couple's weekend, we hit the outlet mall on our way into town).

Good luck! I think lots of folks have provided some great strategies/ideas for you!

[happymom]

Wow, I just had time to get back to this thread. I really appreciate everyone's input. You have all made really good points and given great advice and it has been so helpful to read through. DH called MIL and set up an official "playdate" for every Wednesday at 3:30. I think that will definitely help.

My big news though is that last night DH and I had a great heart-to-heart and somehow it finally hit DH how much his poor time management skills are affecting everyone around him. Seriously, I have been trying to explain this to him a million different ways for the last 10 years and I have never been able to get through to him. For some reason last night, he was feeling emotional since we are coming up on our 10th anniversary, and he was able to take a step back and look at the situation objectively and it really hit him HARD. He suddenly realized how all his various issues all boil down to the same thing- time managament. The million dollar question though, is what can he do about it? If a person just really cannot manage their time on their own, when its just not instinctive or natural for them, how can they learn it? We talked about making a schedule for his day. Right now his day is entirely unstructured. He could never tell you what he will be doing say, tomorrow at 2pm. Which is crazy! And so hard to be married to someone like that! So we talked about a schedule, and really sticking to it. But the problem is that when something comes up, he can so easily mess up his schedule because he is terrible at prioritizing.

So, bottom line...anyone know how this can be learned? Is this something a therapist can help him with? A life coach?

[Dcclerk]

I am sure that a life coach could help, if you can find one near you. Business coaches are probably even better. That said, as someone who is not remotely organized and is relatively poor at time management naturally though has become vastly improved, I suggest having him read Julie Morgenstern's Making Work Work. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004CLYLCQ/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_sr_2?pf_rd_p=486539851&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=0743250877&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=1XW94BXGMR33CGW6HJKJ She is an organizer who has written several good books that I have, and I think this one targeted at work is quite good. Good luck!

[happymom]

I am sure that a life coach could help, if you can find one near you. Business coaches are probably even better. That said, as someone who is not remotely organized and is relatively poor at time management naturally though has become vastly improved, I suggest having him read Julie Morgenstern's Making Work Work. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004CLYLCQ/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_sr_2?pf_rd_p=486539851&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=0743250877&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=1XW94BXGMR33CGW6HJKJ She is an organizer who has written several good books that I have, and I think this one targeted at work is quite good. Good luck!

Its actually not only a work issue. This is something that affects EVERYTHING, all day, all the time.