How do I say stop

[infomama]

Stop buying us giant snow baby sculptures, angels with giant heads that light up, resin Santas, three foot tall light up whatever from Target, awful heavy ornaments that are just fugly and rigid fake garland with little crystals that fall off and glitter that goes everywhere.
It's not my style, I hate putting it all up all over my house and it never stops.
What can I do?

Please don't quote me. Thanks.

[Melaine]

Oh my!! Who is doing this to you?!

[infomama]

I very close relative that visits during the holidays.

[boolady]

Can you say thanks so much but given the size of our property we've got all we can enjoy right now?

[WitMom]

I have no idea, but when you figure it out, let me know!!! (and I'm sorry to hear my in-laws are visiting you :) )

[infomama]

Can you say thanks so much but given the size of our property we've got all we can enjoy right now?

It's indoor stuff. I'm so frustrated.

[Melaine]

Wow....well. Gee, I don't know. Can you return this stuff? Do you display previous gifts? I'm not sure what I would do in that case. I mean, my house is tiny so I would just *have* to dispose of gifts like that.

[infomama]

Oh goodness no. I can't return any of it. I have to figure out a way for them to stop buying it.

[boolady]

It's indoor stuff. I'm so frustrated.

Oh, that's even worse. I was picturing tacky outdoor things, but indoors you can't run from. Ok. Can you use the same excuse, but as to the floor and surface space in your house, and that you're trying to simplify because things are so crazy and busy? Can you use a pet as an excuse? I know it's semi-lame, but I don't know if it would work or not.

[infomama]

The thing is that they know I'm about simplicity. Some of it (like the snow baby stuff) is given directly to dds to there is that hurdle, too.

[Clarity]

If you're not able to head them off at the pass, i.e. "family, I know you love giving us holiday decor but we have so much right now. Please, this year, we'd love it if you made a donation in our name to xyz special place." then your best bet is to put it in storage and stop putting them up. If they ask, it didn't work with your display this year, or you have so much that you couldn't use it this year. Don't don't put them up and they'll start getting the hint.

My MIL buys the girls art/decor items for their rooms and it irritates the heck out of me because it doesn't actually match their theme or decor. So....it gets put away and never used. I think she took my hint because we haven't gotten any for a few years.

[Melaine]

I would probably take the least obvious route and just donate everything they give until they take the hint by not seeing anything displayed.

[123LuckyMom]

I would ask for something specific this year. If you still get decorative junk, I agree with Clarity that you have no obligation to put it out. If the children enjoy their items, they can decorate their own rooms with them! If your relatives ask, say you're trying something new and more simple. You're hoping to continue to keep your decorating a little easier and more streamlined going forward. If they get the hint, great. If they don't, accept their gifts graciously and give them or put them away.

[infomama]

Thanks everyone. Great suggestions. I threw away the glitter bauble garland!

[Binkandabee]

I would probably take the least obvious route and just donate everything they give until they take the hint by not seeing anything displayed.

This is what I did/do. We open the gifts on Christmas and they are donated by New Year's day, complete with tags and boxes. I figure someone is going to love them, just not me!

ETA: I could never have a discussion about not liking a gift that was given to me. I graciously accept and donate. MIL thinks these gifts are great and would be crushed to find out we actually don't love them.

[mackmama]

I feel for you. I'd probably be nice but direct. "Thanks so much for bringing us these wild gifts. I think we're pretty maxed out on stuff though since our home's pretty cozy, and I also think I'm going to try to change up our style a bit. So no need to bring anything next time, ok? Besides, your company is more important to us than a giant two-headed Santa!" (or something else a little humorous at the end)

ETA: If they then keep bringing you stuff, I'd either donate it or throw it out. I agree that you're not under an obligation to display it.

[gatorsmom]

I would graciously accept it. It probably gives them joy to give it to you. Save and display a few that you can tolerate and give the rest to Goodwill. If they ever ask where something is that they bought, lie and say it's in storage.

[pb&j]

MIL does this. I get Xmas tea towels, giant stuffed santas, creepy folk art, oversized breakable Xmas ornaments, miniature Xmas stockings, Xmas needlepoint pillows, Xmas dishes, etc at the holiday. For a while, DH got mad that I didn't appreciate these gifts. I started putting all of them into a box marked "rotation." For a while, he thought I really was rotating through these things. Then he realized what I was up to, and now "rotation" is code for "I better not see it decking my halls." He's finally realized that we don't need all this crap, and hasn't said a peep when much of it made its way to Goodwill (or the trash).

I would never say anything to MIL. After 10 years of marriage, if she hasn't gotten the hint when she sees none of it on display in our house, then I don't think there's a gracious way for me to get the message across.

[infomama]

MIL does this. I get Xmas tea towels, giant stuffed santas, creepy folk art, oversized breakable Xmas ornaments, miniature Xmas stockings, Xmas needlepoint pillows, Xmas dishes, etc at the holiday. For a while, DH got mad that I didn't appreciate these gifts. I started putting all of them into a box marked "rotation." For a while, he thought I really was rotating through these things. Then he realized what I was up to, and now "rotation" is code for "I better not see it decking my halls." He's finally realized that we don't need all this crap, and hasn't said a peep when much of it made its way to Goodwill (or the trash).

I would never say anything to MIL. After 10 years of marriage, if she hasn't gotten the hint when she sees none of it on display in our house, then I don't think there's a gracious way for me to get the message across.

Your a genius. Thanks for the idea, commiseration and perspective.

[Claki]

We get this too from a close family member who lives locally. They give us huge resin angels and snow globes and things that are a very specific style. I'm pretty sure they hit the clearance sales at Kohls every few years after the season and buy EVERYTHING... several years worth of gifts. And then they shop for everyone from their basement. DS1 has gotten the same exact Easter pre-filled basket from them three years in a row.

Anyway back to Christmas. I have never displayed what they buy us, and they have never asked about any of it. They just keep on giving it!

[speo]

I would graciously accept it. It probably gives them joy to give it to you. Save and display a few that you can tolerate and give the rest to Goodwill. If they ever ask where something is that they bought, lie and say it's in storage.


I would probably follow this. I would put out a few things that I thought were the best and get rid of the rest. I would have the kids keep theirs and decorate their room with it.

[MamaMolly]

Yes, I'd donate, donate, donate. Actually, I'd put out a few items (like three!) I remember being the most recent or that I find the least offensive. Then the rest goes to charity. Then when this year's presents come in, pick one or two to put out for next year and donate the ones you have out now.

No how no way would I want to feel hostage to someone else's decorating style, especially if it is REALLY different than my own. But I also wouldn't want to start world war three over it. I hope it works out!

[hillview]

could you drop a hint on what you'd really love to have? Maybe giving her something to look for would put her off the decor?

[wellyes]

I'm of the "you don't get to dictate what someone else gives you" camp. Just donate. Definitely don't display the stuff!

I have an aunt who gave us Avon Christmas stuff every year. She sold Avon. Duh. We never put out anything she gave us, but it really didn't matter to her. She wanted to do it for her own reasons, and I don't think our needs or wants factored into the equation at all for her. It told me a lot about her, IMO. But, whatever. Hope the stuff was well liked from whoever bought the boxes of it we donated to Goodwill.

[karstmama]

accept graciously & donate. once a gift has been received, it is the property of the giftee who may do with it as they like.

*some people* (so, no guarantee your mil will be interested in this) will rise to a shopping/thrift store challenge. any way you have something she could search for every year? like, i dunno, royal albert china or depression glass or every national geographic ever? one of my bf's is like this. i hate thrifting, but she'll sift through and find baby clothes with fish on them if i tell her i want some. it just might throw her off the 'ugly christmas decor' scent.

[SummerBaby]

I have a similar problem with my in laws, only the stuff they give me isn't even new. It's all their old stuff that they don't want. It goes directly into the basement. My excuse has always been that I don't want DDs to break/ruin precious "heirlooms ". :). I think that after 8 years they have gotten the point because it's lessened over the years.

[hellokitty]

Lol. Sorry to laugh, but I've btdt. I give those things away to goodwill and I think after a while they noticed that we never displayed them, so stopped giving us that crap. I also sold a huge Christmas display set at my garage sale for $25. Some ppl collect this stuff. So if it's collectible, you can even sell it.

[roseyloxs]

I was just asking DH this question. His mother keeps sending me Christmas ornaments that are so far from my taste. The hallmark ones drive me the most batty, no offense to ladies who like hallmark spiderman on their tree. I like my tree being more of the crafty variety, either handmade by me, the kids or at the very least someone else using wood, cloth, or other natural/recycled materials. Right now my strategy is just trying to keep all of it in the back of the tree so they aren't very visible. I also keep them nice and low so the kids grab those ornaments and they have even managed to break a couple (yay! ;)) As we build up our collection I can guarantee you that the hallmark ones are just not going to survive the rough storage season.

I also believe in graciously accepting gifts when given, I just feel bad that MIL is wasting her money.

[karstmama]

'rough storage season'! snerk!

[zukeypur]

Accept graciously and donate.

My ex-MIL thought herself very crafty. She got a new $2000 embroidery maching and started embroidering EVERYTHING. She had a plan to embroider baby blankets and sell them (never mind the fact that she and her sister chain smoked in the house and all over the blankets....YUCK!!!). One year she embroidered our names and wedding date on a piece of water stain satin and glued it to a foam form and stuck a clock mechanism through it, then brushed some decoupage over the whole thing. It was the ugliest thing I have ever seen; a styrofoam clock! Obviously, it went straight into the trash.

[karstmama]

^ you win! that sounds horrid! ha!

[LizLemon]

My ILs do this, although not quite as large/tacky. They consistently give us gifts we do not want, that are not our taste, and that I consider tacky. Also, there's a limit to how many how decor items we need with my husband's (and most of his family's) alma mater on them, and we passed that point years ago. Yet I'm sure we will get more DH University accessories for our house this Christmas that he won't want to get rid of and I won't want to display in our living room. It's to the point that I wish they would not give us anything, generally, because that would be easier and less work than trying to find something to do with the random crap they do give us.

And the books they give my daughter...Teaching what different types of animals eat; kids eat: candy?!?! A book with her relatively uncommon name - sounded promising, except the book was written by a depressed-sounding mom about her daughter, was about how difficult she was, and how the mom wished she was still a baby most of the time (my daughter is still a baby so I don't think they are trying to send a message about her behavior). WTF?