How to acknowledge due date for friend who miscarried?

[happymom]

A fairly close friend of mine- also a coworker- miscarried very far along in her pregnancy (about 5 months along) and that was after having difficulty conceiving altogether. The last few months have been VERY hard for her obviously. Since I have had several miscarriages of my own (none that far along though) and am dealing with infertility as well, she tends to talk to me about it and I try my best to be a good listening ear.

Her due date is coming up this week. Another coworker is due and will probably have a baby and this is going to be very hard for my friend since she was supposed to have a baby at the same time and this is just a blatant reminder (not that she needs one). To top it all off, she just failed another fertility cycle. :(

So bottom line is, what can I do to acknowledge the due date appropriately. I was thinking of a nice box of chocolates (comfort food?) with a card that I could just hand to her at work in private without making a big deal. I think its the thought that counts so chocolate vs. something else doesn't really matter. My question is what I should be writing on the card. I don't want to make it worse for her obviously- I just want her to know that I remembered the date and I'm so sorry etc.

Anyone BTDT and can advise me on what she would probably want to hear? Obviously everyone is different, but I still would like to hear some input.

Thanks.

[ha98ed14]

I dunno about the chocolates... How 'bout just some fresh flowers? They can be a "just 'cuz" kind of gift, right?

FWIW, a good friend of mine, my closest friend in CA actually, lost her DS at 25+ weeks. I just send a card to her house every March 5th, and I always say, "Thinking of you and remembering Baby'sName today, Much love, MyName." That's all I need to say. I am remembering; her baby was significant and he deserves to be remembered. She says I am the only one who ever acknowledges her loss; it's been 4 years. I've forgotten her birthday, but never March 5th. Kinda weird, huh? I would give her flowers if I was going to do more than a card.

[candaceb]

You are very sweet to want to acknowledge the date. I would hesitate to give her something at work. Do you have enough time to get something in the mail? I would not want to have something given to me at work that might throw me over the edge if I was just barely holding it together.

A card like the one suggested above saying "I'm thinking about you" would be plenty. So few people would even think of something like that. Another idea might be to drop off dinner at her house that night.

[SASM]

Your need to acknowledge the miscarriage is so sweet. As someone who had a very hard time conceiving and losing my first pregnancy (and third), a hug goes a LONG way. I had a horrible time as the EDD came and went. I had two friends who were due around the same time as well. A hug, card, and just lending an ear would be wonderful. I hated thought that the life that we created was just lost and forgotten...and DH didn't truly understand. Hugs to your friend...

[happymom]

I dunno about the chocolates... How 'bout just some fresh flowers? They can be a "just 'cuz" kind of gift, right?

FWIW, a good friend of mine, my closest friend in CA actually, lost her DS at 25+ weeks. I just send a card to her house every March 5th, and I always say, "Thinking of you and remembering Baby'sName today, Much love, MyName." That's all I need to say. I am remembering; her baby was significant and he deserves to be remembered. She says I am the only one who ever acknowledges her loss; it's been 4 years. I've forgotten her birthday, but never March 5th. Kinda weird, huh? I would give her flowers if I was going to do more than a card.

Well I thought chocolates wouldn't be noticeable to everyone else at work the way flowers would be. Thats really amazing that you send that card to your friend every year. I could do flowers to her house I guess, along with a card.


You are very sweet to want to acknowledge the date. I would hesitate to give her something at work. Do you have enough time to get something in the mail? I would not want to have something given to me at work that might throw me over the edge if I was just barely holding it together.

A card like the one suggested above saying "I'm thinking about you" would be plenty. So few people would even think of something like that. Another idea might be to drop off dinner at her house that night.

Good point about not giving something at work. I was thinking she would feel good to know someone remembered her, rather than going through the day feeling like noone remembered at all. But you're right that it may throw her over the edge. Dropping dinner off by her house might be very nice actually- I have to think about that one.

[karstmama]

my coworker lost a pregnancy pretty far along, 22wks iirc, and i made her an angel christmas tree ornament with that baby's name on the back. she really liked it, but of course you know your friend best.

[Radswd]

I think it's wonderful you want to acknowledge her EDD. I had miscarriage, too, though very early. I received a very thoughtful card & chocolates from someone I didn't even know who's spouse worked with my husband. Unfortunately, I can't remember her handwritten message but is was very sweet & simple. Also, I feel chocolate is the way to go (over flowers) if you do something other than card.

[AnnieW625]

Don't unless she brings it up. No one did anything to remember my 40th week. I was honestly eternally grateful or I would have been a complete mess more than I already was that week. We never named our baby or found out the sex although I have always believed she was a girl.

My good friend's baby was born on baby 2's due date. That little girl who is a miracle (has spins bifida) is how I remember the baby we lost.

[happymom]

my coworker lost a pregnancy pretty far along, 22wks iirc, and i made her an angel christmas tree ornament with that baby's name on the back. she really liked it, but of course you know your friend best.

That's really sweet. My friend is Jewish though, so she does not celebrate Christmas.


I think it's wonderful you want to acknowledge her EDD. I had miscarriage, too, though very early. I received a very thoughtful card & chocolates from someone I didn't even know who's spouse worked with my husband. Unfortunately, I can't remember her handwritten message but is was very sweet & simple. Also, I feel chocolate is the way to go (over flowers) if you do something other than card.

Thanks. I think I will do chocolate and a card. I just have a feeling she will appreciate that more than flowers.


Don't unless she brings it up. No one did anything to remember my 40th week. I was honestly eternally grateful or I would have been a complete mess more than I already was that week. We never named our baby or found out the sex although I have always believed she was a girl.

My good friend's baby was born on baby 2's due date. That little girl who is a miracle (has spins bifida) is how I remember the baby we lost.

She has been bringing it up all along. This wouldn't be out of nowhere. She was just telling me today how this week will be so hard...I definitely think she would appreciate some acknowledgement from me.

I think I will get a small box of chocolates (there's a local specialty chocolate shop that's super delicious) and write a simple "thinking of you" card and give it to her at the end of the day as we leave.

[Carrots]

***Sorry! I just read that she is Jewish. ***** Maybe a simple card wiould be nice. I am not sure about the chocolates.


my coworker lost a pregnancy pretty far along, 22wks iirc, and i made her an angel christmas tree ornament with that baby's name on the back. she really liked it, but of course you know your friend best.

I love this idea. I have ornaments on our tree for ourr triplets. You are very thoughtful to want to acknowledge her baby. I am always grateful when someone remembers my loss and is not afraid to talk about it.

One other thing. If you send her a Christmas card, don't send her a card with pictures of your children. Just buy a simple Christmas card. The year after we lost our triplets, I was innundated with photo cards from well meaning friends, but these cards hurt like hell to open.

[ged]

Obviously, this a personal issue and everyone handles things differently. However, I for one would have loved some chocolates and sincere card. SO very thoughtful of you. You are not making the pain worse by acknowledging it.

[BabyBearsMom]

Personally, I would not want my co-worker to bring it up while I was at work because I wouldn't want to start crying at work. Maybe could you take her to lunch or for coffee.

[happymom]

Personally, I would not want my co-worker to bring it up while I was at work because I wouldn't want to start crying at work. Maybe could you take her to lunch or for coffee.

Yes, that is a good point. I am going to give it to her on the way OUT of work at the end of the day.