top things you don't want to hear after a drop off party

[hillview]

Ok not #1 but damn close
"Mommy in xx's car we don't even HAVE to wear seat belts"

ARGH. SO pissed off. I dropped off a booster, the mom smiled nicely and thanked me. I know they only drove 1 mile to a pizza place but SERIOUSLY pissing me off.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Yeesh, less than a mile away they should have just walked too! What's up with that? Why wouldn't they take super duper responsibility for other kids?

[ett]

Yikes! I would be really pissed too. And don't kids this age have to sit in a booster? Yeah, the kids should have just walked the mile.

[crl]

Whoa. That's bad. I am sorry. Glad he is safely home and guess I know here he isn't being dropped off again.

Catherine

[elliput]

Considering just this morning, my family narrowly escaped being t-boned by a guy who blasted through a red light not even 1/2 mile from my house, I would be furious. :angry-smiley-005:

[queenmama]

Yeesh, less than a mile away they should have just walked too! What's up with that? Why wouldn't they take super duper responsibility for other kids?

I agree 100%. I am super cautious when it comes to kids and carseats, really the only thing I go the extra mile for. And doubly so for other people's kids!

I drove DS and a classmate to a field trip in kindergarten and the boy couldn't believe Henry was still in a booster. I was paranoid that he wasn't, and I was sick to my stomach at the thought of getting in an accident with him being unprotected.

Lara

[KrisM]

I'd be furious!

[MamaMolly]

Not acceptable in my book, either.

[DietCokeLover]

The no booster seat would send me over the edge, but no seat belt either?! I would be livid.

[fedoragirl]

I would call the mom and ask her sweetly about the booster because you just heard an unbelievable story about being in a car without seat belts. Seriously! Car safety is something I cannot let go.

[speo]

No booster is a real problem, but the lack of a seatbelt would make me CRAZY. I am not sure what I would do, but I would be furious.

[Fairy]

I'd be furious!

What she said.

[goldenpig]

I would call the mom and ask her sweetly about the booster because you just heard an unbelievable story about being in a car without seat belts. Seriously! Car safety is something I cannot let go.

:yeahthat:

[MamaMolly]

I would call the mom and ask her sweetly about the booster because you just heard an unbelievable story about being in a car without seat belts. Seriously! Car safety is something I cannot let go.

I was just coming to ask how others would handle a situation like this? I'm not sure what I'd do, other than stew...and NOT let my kid ride with that family again. But I suck at confrontations.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I was just coming to ask how others would handle a situation like this? I'm not sure what I'd do, other than stew...and NOT let my kid ride with that family again. But I suck at confrontations.

If it was a casual acquaintance, one my kid only really knows from school, then I'd say nothing. I would bring it up if that family suggested an outing again. I'd either talk about how carseats are required in my family and expect them to follow that or I would tell her that you will be driving your child.

[crl]

I was just coming to ask how others would handle a situation like this? I'm not sure what I'd do, other than stew...and NOT let my kid ride with that family again. But I suck at confrontations.

I wouldn't raise it. Because I wouldn't believe it would do any good. Anyone who is that cavalier isn't going to change their mind just because I talk to them. So I would just never let my kid ride anywhere with them again.

Catherine

[hillview]

I wouldn't raise it. Because I wouldn't believe it would do any good. Anyone who is that cavalier isn't going to change their mind just because I talk to them. So I would just never let my kid ride anywhere with them again.

Catherine

:yeahthat:
this is where I am

DS said some kids rode on the floor.

[crl]

:yeahthat:
this is where I am

DS said some kids rode on the floor.

OMG.

Catherine

[KrisM]

:yeahthat:
this is where I am

DS said some kids rode on the floor.

Wow. I just can't imagine doing that!

It makes me think that I need to seriously talk to DS1 and DD about not doing this if they're with someone else. Explain that they need to say they can't get into the car that way and to call me.

[Twoboos]

:yeahthat:
this is where I am

DS said some kids rode on the floor.

Holy Schnikes.

[hillview]

It makes me think that I need to seriously talk to DS1 and DD about not doing this if they're with someone else. Explain that they need to say they can't get into the car that way and to call me.


This is what I did. DS1 would ABSOLUTELY do this. He'd either require a seatbelt or call me. DS2 is less rule focused and likely wouldn't.

[Multimama]

DS said some kids rode on the floor.

Well, not that this makes it better, but the kids on the floor are safer than the kids on the seats without seatbelts. More containment. (If I were ever in an emergency where I for some reason had to put extra people in the car or have people travel without seat belts, I'd put them on the floor.)

I probably wouldn't say anything to the mom who made this choice, but i might bring it up with the other parents to check they know what happened and can use that information as they see fit. (I'd appreciate it if another mom let me know about something like this happening to my kid who might not tell me about it.)

[LizLemon]

:yeahthat:
this is where I am

DS said some kids rode on the floor.

I am with everyone in else in being completely shocked and appalled. Where is a cop when you need one? I'm guessing that would get through to her more than a nice person like you delicately confronting her about it.

I also agree with others about not confronting her about it. I would also never trust her to drive my son again, even if you spoke directly with her about your concerns.

[glbb35]

As a former EMT I can tell you that anything not strapped down in a car is like a missile! Kids on the floor safer? No! IF an adult decides to ride without one, then more power to you. You are making that stupid decision for yourself. A child? No way. Here in our state it is the law that you have a child in a seatbelt. I might remind the parent of that.

If my child had mentioned this I would have contacted the parent and just let him/her know that it is not ok for a child to ride without a belt in our family and that after riding with a rescue squad for a number of years I can point out multiple examples of why. If I thought the parent was responding as if he/she didn't care then I would not ever let my child ride with him/her again.

IF you have to stand up for yourself and your child, you just do. You don't' get second chances. I wonder what else they might be so casual about!

B

DS 03, 06, twins 09, 11

[MamaMolly]

IF you have to stand up for yourself and your child, you just do.

So help me with this, please? How would you start the conversation? Script? Would you say something like: Little Johnny must have been joking around with me the other day because after the party he said XYZ...and let the other parent take it from there? Then tell them it is not ok to do that with your kid?

As I said, I'm horrible at confrontation. Though on further consideration I guess I wouldn't care if that parent thought I was a total nutjob or a beyotch. Hmmm. Still mulling this over...

[crl]

For those who would confront her, what result are you going for? Do you think you will convince her to change her ways? Would you ever let her drive your kid again? Genuinely curious, not being snarky.

Catherine

[Multimama]

IF an adult decides to ride without one, then more power to you. You are making that stupid decision for yourself.

But if the adult in the car is riding with children they can still harm the children in the car, so it's not just a personal choice. Even if only the mother in the car wasn't wearing a seatbelt and everyone else was properly restrained I wouldn't be okay with it.

[glbb35]

But if the adult in the car is riding with children they can still harm the children in the car, so it's not just a personal choice. Even if only the mother in the car wasn't wearing a seatbelt and everyone else was properly restrained I wouldn't be okay with it.


No one should be ok with it. But if an adult who should know better decides to drive or ride in a car without a seat belt then what can you do? They are making a personal choice for themselves. They are knowingly breaking the law and taking a chance.

When you have a child, your own or someone else's you follow the law. You think beyond what you would normally do to make sure their child is safe when they are around you. Do you know the ramifications if you hurt someone else's child while they are in your care? I am not talking about the hospital and medical bills you might be sued to have to pay or even your insurance going up b/c the insurance companies are going to find out, your broke the law and willfully did it! If you don't wind up in jail for, the kids parents can sue and take everything away from you. CPS gets involved as once they get told you ride around with your child and deliberately break the law and don't belt them. It just goes on and on. Now imagine how your neighbors, friends, family, colleagues are going to look at you when a child in your care is hurt b/c of your stupidity.

You don't want to put a seatbelt on yourself, well you know better. Your child doesn't. That is why it is a law in most or all states to be buckled. A parent has to speak for those who can't speak for themselves. Young children can't make those decisions. IT is just sad all the way around.

As far as I what I would say? I am not typically confrontational either. It is easier after all writing on this board then actually seeing everyone's faces. I would do exactly what Mama Molly mentioned to bring it up. Eye contact, stance and just general facial expressions can speak volumes when it comes to you getting an answer. IT isn't an easy topic but I believe (and this is my opinion) that you need to let her know that it is not ok in your home. She can take your opinion or not. I would never let her drive your child again that is for sure.
Momma Molly I think you would do it very well. :)

CRL, no I would not be trying to convince her. I would be simply letting her know that it isn't ok in our home. Too much past experience seeing the affects of poor decisions like this. IF she truly doesn't care then there isn't anything you can do but not let your child ride with her. But maybe she will store it in the back of her mind and next time she is in a car with a child or a child in her care she will buckle them up. Maybe no one has ever taken the time to tell her this isn't right? You never know.

Good luck!

B

DS 03, 06, twins 09, 11

[Multimama]

No one should be ok with it. But if an adult who should know better decides to drive or ride in a car without a seat belt then what can you do? They are making a personal choice for themselves. They are knowingly breaking the law and taking a chance.

When you have a child, your own or someone else's you follow the law. You think beyond what you would normally do to make sure their child is safe when they are around you. Do you know the ramifications if you hurt someone else's child while they are in your care? I am not talking about the hospital and medical bills you might be sued to have to pay or even your insurance going up b/c the insurance companies are going to find out, your broke the law and willfully did it! If you don't wind up in jail for, the kids parents can sue and take everything away from you. CPS gets involved as once they get told you ride around with your child and deliberately break the law and don't belt them. It just goes on and on. Now imagine how your neighbors, friends, family, colleagues are going to look at you when a child in your care is hurt b/c of your stupidity.

You don't want to put a seatbelt on yourself, well you know better. Your child doesn't. That is why it is a law in most or all states to be buckled. A parent has to speak for those who can't speak for themselves. Young children can't make those decisions. IT is just sad all the way around.1

I want to be very clear that I always wear a properly positioned seatbelt at all times in the car. (The way you used pronouns in your post talking about *my* stupidity makes it sound as if you think I really make this stupid choice. I do not.) My point was that an adult who doesn't wear a seatbelt is not only putting themselves at risk. It is not only "a personal choice for themselves." It is also endangering any child in the car because of the damage the driver's own body could do as a projectile in a crash to other passengers in the car.

I've been thinking about this more and I think what would bother me most about the situation if I were Hillview is that she gave this mom a booster, the mom thanked her for it, knew Hillview intended for her son to use it, and then made an unsafe choice anyway. :(

[glbb35]

Multimama, I wasn't saying YOU were stupid at all. Your original post made it seem like you didn't think it was their choice and I think it is. I am sorry if you took it differently. Just as I looked at what you said differently. I couldn't agree with you more that an adult not wearing a seat beat could endanger someone else in a car if they were in an accident. My position was that THEY are deciding for themselves to this without any regard to themselves or anyone else. IF they want to ride in a car without a seat belt, they are making that decision. I have seen adults not wearing seat belts with no one else in the car. Not smart. I have seen adults buckled up the right way and the kids crawling all over the car. Again not smart. I have seen adults and kids not buckled and I just don't understand it. Heck, coming home today I had to swerve to miss being hit by an adult smoking a cigarette, while yapping away on her cell phone and playing with her radio. IT just boggles my mind. That adult is making those bad decisions and I can only hope in the future there aren't grave consequences for that.

I agree, OP brought the booster for her to use. She should have used it properly. And I would let her know that. That is just my opinion.

B

DS 03, 06, twins 09, 11

[niccig]

Wow, the stupidity of some people.

I've had DS ride with others and give the booster. I've taught DS how to use it, so he's not relying on some adult doing it wrong. I've told him it has to be a shoulder belt. He has to use it and if someone tries to put him in seat that he can't use (no shoulder belt, no booster seat) he's to tell them he can't sit there and if they insist he's to say "I'm going to tell my mom I didn't use my booster/used my booster wrong." In the hopes that the threat of me, will get them to listen to him.

He went on field trip with aftercare in those big 15 passenger vans and some spots have lap belt only. I was so proud, DS spoke up told the staff he couldn't sit there, pointed to the label on the booster seat and told them he needed a shoulder belt. They moved him.

He's told MIL that his harness of his 5 pt-seat belt wasn't tight enough.

I've waited for drop off parties to put his booster seat in the car myself.

None of this stops a parent that is willfully ignoring safety laws. They could always take DS out of his booster, move him later. But DS will tell me, I check in with him about it.

Hillview, it's up to you if you say something. I think I couldn't stop myself. Something like "DS told me you didn't have the kids wear seat belts and some kids rode on the floor of the car. Is this true?" If she stammers or is defiant then "that was incredible unsafe of you and DS will not ride in your car again." And I would probably tell all the other parents too. I would be so pissed.