How/when/do you limit relative gift giving?

[ezcc]

My 3 dc have 3 sets of grandparents who each buy 5+ presents for each child at xmas, plus 5 aunts and uncles who buy for them. The gifts are just overwhelming. I don't even buy anything besides pjs and their santa gift/stockings plus I let them get something small for one another. Every year I sort of dread this but I have no idea what to do about it. I tried instituting a cousin's secret santa on dh's side but it only lasted 2 years, and that didn't really address the grandmother issue anyway. All of these grandmothers love their grandchildren, love the shopping, get nice gifts it's just the volume. I have a friend who limits grandparents to one gift, but I feel like that would be a hard conversation- plus they have other grandchildren and they wouldn't want to do things differently for our family alone. I suppose I could try and steer them to memberships/experiences but I have a feeling they would just do that on top of what they already do. ideas? just be grateful?

[TwinFoxes]

One word: Donate.

DDs don't notice, relatives never ask (they probably don't remember what they bought the girls unless it's something major, like the drum set we still have) and it's easy peasy. I've donated gifts without even giving them to the girls. Call me mean, but it works for me, and the girls get so much they'll never miss it.

[klwa]

We've mostly got it under control on my side of the family. We do a name swap for each of the cousins, at ~$30 each (up from $20 when we first started it because my SIL insists.), and my dad gives us cash with the understanding that we spend ~$40 per child on a gift for them to open there & the rest goes in their bank accounts. However, my in-laws.... I mentioned what my dad does one time to FIL, who then looked at me with a smile & told a story of when his oldest son was an infant, and they tried to limit the number of toys he got from his grandparents. The ended up having to make multiple trips to the grandparents' house to get all of the stuff. It ended with "So, I wouldn't try to limit the grandparents if I were you," or something to that effect. They get more at Papa & Gramma's house now than they do Christmas morning. *sigh*

[Simon]

:yeahthat: I struggle a bit with the immediate donation thing at times, but I think I've decided its the healthiest decision when the relative either cannot or does not want to be steered in any direction. On the one hand, it is their money/gift, on the other hand they don't get to dictate what comes into/stays in my home.

When Ds1 was little and overwhelmed, we let him open until he seemed "done" and then set aside the rest of the gifts and let him keep opening them slowly for like a week or more.

[BabyBearsMom]

I have the same problem. So far, my begging for them to buy less hasn't worked. Next year, I am setting my girls' amazon lists to private and just giving each grandma three ideas, one larger item and two medium to small items. This should thwart my MIL who will literally go through and buy EVERY.SINGLE.TOY on the Amazon list, but doesn't bother to get to know my kids so can't come up with an idea on her own to save her life. My mom on the other hand sees my girls almost weekly and knows them inside and out. So I'm sure she will still buy a lot. My sister, SIL, and BIL are pretty reasonable and only buy a couple of gifts per kid in general, so that isn't bad.

[redhookmom]

I would try to accept with love even if the gifts seem wasteful. The idea of donating them is interesting. If they are donated with love then maybe the gift was not wasteful?

I would have a hard time telling somebody what to give or how much to give.

[TwinFoxes]

If they are donated with love then maybe the gift was not wasteful?


That's how I look at it. And the toys aren't crappy toys. It's just way too much. Once the kids are sick of opening presents, you know it's gotten out of hand. I was part of the problem, and have turned over a new leaf this year, I bought way less. So, I donate the toys to kids who need them.

[123LuckyMom]

I feel for you! My DS has ONE grandparent, and she still goes waaaay overboard. I have her keep a lot of the toys at her house. We don't visit very often, but when we do, DS has wonderful, fun toys to play with.

[mackmama]

I would talk with the people involved and request less gifts. I'd just explain your dilemma. If it doesn't work, I'd either donate or just hold back some toys to give them to DCs throughout the year on other occasions.

[niccig]

DS's birthday is Christmas Day, and both sets of grandparents give a lot. The amount of toys is overwhelming.

Asking for less hasn't worked. We just accept graciously. I do a toy purge before the deluge to help.

Last Christmas my mother gave DS a gift card to Amazon (she lives in Australia and postage costs too much), it was much better as DS was buying things into April that he wanted.

[elektra]

Same problem here. DH thinks I am a grinch, and I myself feel ungrateful to a degree. And not all of our presents are donatable.
For instance I have a 4 foot homemade Barbie dollhouse, custom painted and designed to look just like our house for DD and a similar thing for DS, made by BIL. DS's fits in his room but DD's had to see right out in our living room.
I tried instituting a gift exchange with the cousins and my SIL refused.

So I just keep it all and pout. But I should try just donating what I can right away maybe. I did return about half of the clothes items DS got for his birthday. SOme stuff is really nice and either I or my kids really love, and then I feel additional guilt over the whole thing!
I also just do not buy my kids much in terms of toys at any point during the year. They are getting one big gift for us for Christmas and one from Santa.