Suggestions for activities for cautious/anxious DD

[janine]

My DD is 4 and a smart little thing but has always been very cautious. Even as a baby, she never went near the stairs (no guard needed), always held our hand tightly - and this trait has carried through to now. She is also self conscious so just doesn't like to try new things or anything that involves being under pressure.

She's at the age I'd like her to do more things, or maybe pick up a sport or activity, I think it could really help her self-confidence, she'd be spectacular if she just found the right thing to come out of her shell.
I've asked her what she might like and she says no to everything or "I don't know how to, don't want to, don't like that." She's very dainty petite, so don't want to throw her in some sport where she'll be pushed around - where do I start? Thinking ahead for summer really...or maybe I'm just looking for suggestions in general.

[georgiegirl]

Ballet might fit with her personality.

But if you want her to branch out more, you could try swimming or gymnastics if you don't want a group sport where she might get bumped around.

Art classes if you want a non-sport.

[anamika]

Your DD sounds identical to mine down to the being petite. Given her small size, I thought gymnastics would be great for her. She has been going to gym regularly and I think it has helped her. It is enough of a group activity without being an actual team sport if that makes sense.
She plays soccer too and it is intimidating to her - her friends are all at least 2 inches taller than her.
Good luck - I will also be watching this thread for ideas on how to encourage DD to be more open to new things.

[MoJo]

She sounds like my Ha, who I've always thought would be a gymnast, but she's only 2 1/2.

What does she like to do? Just last night, I noticed that Ha was playing piano and singing. Just don't ask her to do so in front of anyone else! Ha is also very active and also loves things like finger painting. Ha expresses fear until she gets it right, but then she does great (maybe she's like me in that, actually)

Maybe just some preschool would help? A chance to socialize, explore many things, etc. Her smarts would shine through and help build her confidence, perhaps?

[anonomom]

Gymnastics might be a good fit, particularly if you start really small (at The Little Gym or somewhere where things are literally on a small scale). It's an activity where you can see incremental progress quite quickly, which may bolster your DD's confidence. Plus, there are lots of opportunities for "risk taking" that are actually very low risk.

[Simon]

Ds1 is very much like that, including being very small and a bit delicate. He's nearly 7 now and I think the cautiousness and anxiety are just stable personality traits for him.

Good fits for Ds1 were to stick to non-physical activities (art class, library story time, music) or else instructional sports. We sign up only for recreational and non-competitive classes where they do drills/practice new skills vs. the competitive games against other teams. ETA: at first this was my rule, but Ds1 has expressed his own preference for this type of class now himself. He has really enjoyed soccer and basketball, not so much swimming, as well as knitting, art, and pottery. Soon he'll be doing chess or cooking, tennis and soccer. He also like t-ball a lot (co-ed team for beginners).

[jodi_b]

DD6 is very cautious and mildly anxious.

Gymnastics has been a hit with her. As another poster said, it's a group activity but not too much of a group activity. There's also not the 'performance' aspect that dance has... at least not at the beginner level.

Ongoing small group swimming lessons have been good (no more than 4 kids). A larger group (8 kids with 2 instructors) was overwhelming. The swimming lessons have really helped her feel more confident in the water.

Soccer was barely tolerable for her... too unstructured.

She's expressed an interest in martial arts. I think it would probably be a good fit for her, but we haven't tried it.

[janine]

Thank you for some great suggestions - gymnastics is a good idea. And arts/piano etc.

I just wish her instinct wasn't to say no to most things (which she does when it's new)!

Thanks again, it's very helpful.

[Simon]

My son still says "no" a lot too, especially at first. But that just really means he doesn't know what to expect or understand what the sport/class will be like so its his anxiety about new situations that is saying "no."

It took us a while to figure that out but now we try to work around his kneejerk reaction by setting up situations where he might first see other kids in a class so it piques his interest, or we attend an open house or a recital/performance. We did an open house at a gym near our home in the fall and it took him a while to warm up to the place (HUGE room full of new equipment so he was overwhelmed at first and really worried about doing something wrong). It took him about 20 minutes but then he seemed to like it. ETA: The nice thing about open gym is that he could self-pace vs. a class where he'd have to follow along even if he didn't feel ready yet, kwim? It was hard to watch him wander aimlessly (from my perspective) while his little brother was trying out everything he could touch, but its what Ds1 needed to do to adjust.

Sometimes, we also just go ahead and sign him up and then put in place the support he needs. We go into class with him the first day, introduce him to the instructor, be sure to ask about things like bathroom breaks, we find the drinking fountain, then we may chat up another kid together before I sit down and the class starts.