Does your DH come home early if you're sick?

[alootikki]

If you remember my thread about DS puking at the Little Gym, well, the stomach flu has hit the whole household. I was very sick Monday night through this morning, now feeling slightly better but still in bed. My nanny came down with it too, so today I'm on my own with the kids (I WAHM, which means it defaults to me when the nanny can't work - a topic for another thread!)

Right now DS and I are lying in bed (he's watching cartoons) and as usual DH is "not sure" he'll be able to come home early. I am too tired/sick to be pissed at him, but am tired of never being able to depend on him in these situations. Isn't this part of the whole "in sickness and in health" thing? So tired of being a distant second priority to work!

(Maybe this should be in the Bitching Post!)

Does your DH come home early/take time off if you are sick?

[Twoboos]

Rarely. I have to be not-able-to-move sick, and I usually have to cry to make it crystal clear that I really need his help. ETA: He's only come home early once or twice in 9 years b/c I was sick.

I hope your DH comes around and you recover quickly!

[brittone2]

Yes, but his employers are amazingly flexible. He accrues a lot of comp time when he travels. He gets 3 weeks of vacation, racks up comp time while traveling and can take that during the year, and then still ends up with enough comp time that he carries over about 2 weeks of comp time to the following year in addition to that.

He ends up not being able to take all of that for obvious reasons, but they don't really blink an eye if he has to leave early. He comes home to take the kids to doc appts sometimes (like I'll stay home with the older two and he takes DS2 in). If he had something really, really pressing I wouldn't ask him, but usually he can come home or at least offers to and I tell him I can swing it. He can do some work from home, and will check emails or do other stuff he can, but if he can't, they don't really mind either.

eta: I definitely do not think this is the norm, and many DHs, even with good intentions, can't take off for stuff like that without it reflecting on their performance at work. I will say his employer's tremendous flexibility was a huge draw for us when he was job hunting this time around. Very valuable to us as a family. I also don't ask him to stay home or come home unless I'm very sick, and now that the kids are a bit older, I can supervise from the couch, etc. as needed in many cases. It was tougher when they were infants and so forth vs. now. I do have all 3 home with me full time since we HS, so that can be challenging when I'm really sick...but DS1 and DD can make a sandwich, etc. on their own, so that helps. He does usually offer, most times I decline unless things are really bad. If all 3 kids were vomiting simultaneously or something, he'd come home to help out with that as well.

[buddyleebaby]

Not unless I am sick enough to be hospitalized. (Hasn't happened yet.)

Him leaving early would mean someone else would be forced to stay, or called in to work. If that didn't happen, they would have to run down the unit and leave an area uncovered. I know he would rather be here with me and the kids, whether or not I am sick, but he has people depending on him at work as well, and at the end of the day, he isn't off having fun, he's working. And he is working not for him, but for *us*.

It's easier to keep that in perspective when I am feeling well, though.

[teresah00]

Not usually. Usually when I'm sick I'm able to supervise kids from couch and keep them fed, even if its not the greatest food. Then he takes over when he gets home. There's been twice in the 9 years we've been together that he's come home early bc I couldn't function. My kids are 7,5,2 and 5 m. The 7yi is helpful if she's not in school but the rest aren't.


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[edurnemk]

Not really. Last fall I caught an awful bug, I had an URI and diarrhea, fever for 5 days, it was awful. DH did come home at 7-8 pm a couple of days to help out with bedtime, instead of his usual 10+ pm. But I usually deal with it alone.

[Melaine]

Rarely. I have to be not-able-to-move sick, and I usually have to cry to make it crystal clear that I really need his help. ETA: He's only come home early once or twice in 9 years b/c I was sick.

I hope your DH comes around and you recover quickly!

:yeahthat:

[ellies mom]

No. Not really. If there is something he can do on his lunch break like pick up medicine and drop it off at the house, he'll do that. But otherwise, in the 11.5 years we've been married, he extended his morning break once to come home and put DD1 on the bus and another time he took a long lunch when I needed to get stitches.



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[SnuggleBuggles]

Yes. But, I try really hard to not ask. I reserve that call for help when I absolutely can't cope any more.

[lmh2402]

no. he tells me to call my mother or asks me to hire someone to come help.

once, when DS was about 8 months old, i did have to go to the ER and even then...i had to call my mom. he did come home *early* that night. but not actually early. and not enough to help me out.

i hope you feel better

[Cam&Clay]

Absolutely. He would come home if I needed him to. He'd probably have to make up the hours later in the week, but he would come home.

[chottumommy]

No, but not because he doesn't want, he can't. He's a professor and I really can't expect him to come home early unless its a true ER situation. But if it was something he could do later on like review papers or such he does come home.

On the same note, I wouldn't be able to leave work if he was sick either.

[maestramommy]

Dh's work is pretty flexible, but if I can avoid it I don't call him. I've been lucky though. I've only been really sick/bedridden once in the last few years.

[Giantbear]

my wife does not come home early and i am fine with it. I want to be left alone when sick (not counting my little nurse)

[mackmama]

DH will come home a little early if I'm super sick. Normally he gets home around 6pm-6:30pm. If I'm really sick, he might be able to get home by 5pm at the earliest.

[amldaley]

Nope - he has come home at lunch time to pick DD1 up from PS or gym, etc but not to stay to help out. He is our sole wage earner. His job success is crucial to our well being. I just remind myself of that when I am unwell and feeling resentful.

[ett]

Not usually. The one time I was really sick, DH was at a conference in Hawaii!

[infomama]

Yes. But, I try really hard to not ask. I reserve that call for help when I absolutely can't cope any more.

:yeahthat:

[BabbyO]

When I am sick, no. But my situation is different in a lot of ways.
1. DH and I both work FT. I WOH and he WAH. If I am sick...the kids are generally at the sitters, so no matter how sick I am...I really don't need his help...or I'd be in the hospital.

2. DH works from home....so if I were home sick, with sick kids (really the only way it would happen in our house) he can pop up and help me for a bit, then make up work as necessary.

We did have a stomach bug hit us in October. It started with our 1 yo vomiting every 10 min for 5 hrs. I took him to the ER so we could get zofran to stop the vomiting and start getting fluids in him. While in the ER I started getting sick. I got sick 2x on the drive home. Then 1/2 an hour after I got home our 3 yo started getting sick.

DH took the baby and managed giving him fluids every 10 min or 20 min whatever the doc prescribed while I took care of DS1, myself and cleaned dirty sheets/clothes and got laundry going.

The 3 of us managed to stop getting sick by about 4:30 am and at that point we were all too exhausted to consider going to work. So DH stayed home with us that day. He also stayed home with the kids the next day so we wouldn't infect anyone at the sitters. But again, he works from home...and I think he responded to urgent work needs during the day as needed, then worked for several hours each night that week to get caught back up.

[schrocat]

He tries to work from home if he is able to. He still completes all the work he has to, just from home.

[crl]

Mostly no. I am usually on my own to make it through when I am sick.

Catherine

[TwinFoxes]

He tries to. I can't remember him not coming home when I've needed it, but thankfully I'm not sick very often.

[barkley1]

Absolutely.

[candaceb]

There has only been one time when I called him at work and asked if he could come home early because I had a migraine and could not function. He said he would "try" and then got home at the normal time. Of course if he comes home with a sinus headache he goes straight upstairs to bed and is out of commission for the rest of the day, but that's for the BP!

[lizzywednesday]

No, but the last time I was sick-in-bed-sick, it was also a weekend. (DD brought home a tummy bug from daycare on something like a Wednesday; I sat up with her that night & worked from home with a sick toddler Thursday ... and came down with the bug myself by Friday. DH came down with it over the weekend, so neither of us really lost work-time for the bug or recovery.)

In the past, pre-DD, I have gone in late, worked from home and come home early for him being ill, though. My managers are incredibly flexible and I have some seniority at my workplace, so I am fortunate.

DH, on the other hand, has never had this kind of arrangement or length-of-service at his workplaces as long as we've been together, so it's usually me running point on sicknesses simply because I have the seniority, flexibility and WAH capability.

[daniele_ut]

It depends on the day. On 2 days of the week he really can't unless it is an ER situation. DH directs a youth orchestra and teaches cello lessons. Tonight he has 75 kids coming for rehearsal and leaving early would leave them all in a lurch and put them behind in rehearsing for an upcoming concert. So, even though I am sick today and All 3 kids are as well, I just need to power through until he gets home tonight around 9pm.

[sarahsthreads]

Hah! No. Seriously, I'd have to be hospitalized for him to consider coming home early. And even then, he'd probably insist that I could just bring the kids with me.

When DD1 was a baby (I think the winter just after she turned 1) I had the flu. The real, 103+ fever, dizzy achy can't move because the entire house is spinning and I'm hallucinating and going to die flu. I was so dizzy I literally couldn't get out of bed. I called DH at work at like 3:00 when DD1 woke up from her nap and begged him to come home early. His response? "Eh, she's in her crib. Let her cry, she'll be fine until I get home."

Needless to say, I dragged myself out of bed and actually crawled down the hallway to get to her, because there was NO WAY I was going to let my baby cry for 3 hours and sit in a sopping wet diaper, no matter how sick I was.

So. Yeah. No sick days for me. Ever.

Sorry OP that you're not feeling well!

Sarah :)

[HannaAddict]

Rarely unless very sick. Stomach virus, maybe early. But just to "help" not really. He has a demanding job and as the boss, needs to be there to make things happen. His associates have an unbelievable amount of time they are "out" at "doctor" appointments or just under the weather. A different generation and hate to say it, but the women are far worse and unreliable than the dudes. And not because of having kids.

Maybe your hubby will get the bug and you can be out running errands. Stomach stuff is the worst! Feel better.

[Kindra178]

Nope. Once he met us at the ER at 6:30 pm for complications associated with ds2's tonsillectomy, but only to take the other two kids home while I stayed with ds2. His job just doesn't allow such flexibility.

[snowbunnies300]

If he is already at work then it is pretty much a no. There would have to be an extra person who could take his shift. If he can call in several hours before his shift starts and the company can find someone else to work then we are ok and he uses time called "Q time" wherein he can take care of sick family members and not use regular sick time or vacation.

Pretty much I make it through without him. He is pretty good with figuring out when I need help and offers to take Q time.

[acmom]

No, but not because he doesn't want, he can't.

He would do his best, but most likely couldn't as he is a physician with both office patients and hospital patients to see on a daily basis. If it was an emergency, he would ask one of his partners to help cover his patients.

[arivecchi]

Probably not - though I rarely get so sick that I need to call him.

I did have to go to the ER by myself once! To be fair, this was a long time ago and we had just started working and were basically slaves at law firms. Nowadays, he probably would if his work day allowed it as he works from home often. He stays home a lot when the kids are sick. Thankfully, his priorities and pressure at work have changed for the better.

[alootikki]

This is the second time that both the nanny and I have been very sick at the same time. I think what really aggravates me that it's hard enough to be sick and still have to respond to urgent work issues (as I've done both days), but DH's assumption that I'll somehow manage the kids from wake-up to bed-time regardless even though I WORK TOO is infuriating. He keeps calling to check in and I really want to say "Unless you are calling to tell me that you're taking the next train home, stop calling. Your so-called concern is useless to me".

(Like I said, maybe this is a bitching post!)

[cookiemonster80]

No- he would in a heartbeat if he could but works in the ER and if he has to leave they would have to call in someone else to cover his patients before he could leave which is really hard to do.
I was actually really worried he wouldn't be able to be present for the birth of the girls if I went into labor while he was working- even though I was 3 floors up from him!!

[123LuckyMom]

No. The only time he did come home early I was pregnant, in horrific pain, puking, and needed to go to the ER. It turned out I had kidney stones.

He did once take a sick day when my back went out, and I was bed ridden with horrible nerve pain-- but only one day. I spent that day lining up as much child care as I could.

It does bother me, because DH's job gives him a TON of vacation time. It's by far the best thing about his job. DH is a psychologist, though, and many of his clients are severely mentally ill. He feels a responsibility to them. Surprise cancellations do not go over well with his clients!

I do understand, most of the time, but sometimes I feel sorry for myself, especially since my own family is so un-nurturing. I have begged my mother to come help when I've been sick or out of commission. She never has said yes. Not. one. time. She doesn't like to be needed. That leaves only DH, hired help (which is really hard to find, let alone to afford) or friends to help. I'm very, very lucky to have great friends and a very caring church community. For sickness, though, it's a super yard gate for the baby and tv for the 4 year old while I languish on the couch.

[roseyloxs]

Yes. If he was in the country and had nothing urgent at work going on he would definitely come home early if I asked him to. He came to almost all of my prenatal appts and usually goes to all the kid's doctor appts too although he can walk over to the base peds clinic from his work so that's not as impressive as it sounds since he is gone from work for maybe 30 minutes.

[alootikki]

UPDATE: DH just called to say he is taking (a relatively) early train home! It will be after dinner, but at least he can handle bath and bedtime. Phew!

[queenmama]

Yes. But, I try really hard to not ask. I reserve that call for help when I absolutely can't cope any more.


:yeahthat:

ETA: Oh, good! Hope you can get some rest!

[crl]

UPDATE: DH just called to say he is taking (a relatively) early train home! It will be after dinner, but at least he can handle bath and bedtime. Phew!

Oh good! I am sure that makes you feel better about it and I hope you get some rest.

Catherine

[karstmama]

well, he works from home mon & tues, and has fri, sat, & sun off - so those days, yes, he'd be great help. but tues afternoon through thurs late (or fri very early), he's in dc, so i don't think he'd come home for 'sick', though he'd come for 'emergency' or 'death in family' or something. i do have my mama to lean on, though, and she loves taking care of ds when asked.

[joonbug]

No. He cant really, his job is not flexible and I understand that but still there were a few instances when he had to work late hours and both DD and I were sick :/, I wasn't happy then.. But not much we can do about it. I don't get really sick which is good. If i did (like I couldn't leave bed or something), I suppose he would have to. But hasn't happened yet.

[maybeebaby08]

No, he doesn't, and can't. It has to be very serious. In 5 years at his current job, he came home early once while I was pregnant with DD2 because I had to go to the hospital for fluids because I couldn't keep anything down, and one other time I couldn't function with the flu. If I'm sick it's a lay on the couch and tv day for me and the kids.

[Pennylane]

Mostly no. I am usually on my own to make it through when I am sick.

Catherine

Me too. If it was something really serious who would , but normally he works out of town!

Ann

[hillview]

It would depend on his schedule. He'd try.

[Kymberley]

Um, no. He's a pharmacist and can't. He did leave work after finding someone to fill in when I went to the hospital for an emergency c-section. That was very much the exception.

[rlu]

Yes, except it's me coming home if DH is sick as he's the at-home parent. I have been very fortunate that my bosses have been involved parents (male and female) who give me the flexibility to do my job whenever and where-ever I can. My presence in the office is not required daily and I telecommute two or so days a week as it is.

You may all hate me now; I'll live with it.

eta: OP, glad you'll get some help tonight.

[hellokitty]

No, if he's stuck at work, he's stuck at work. He doesn't have a desk job that allows him that flexibility.

[g-mama]

He will if he can. But typically, he can't. Not an issue anymore, really, since my kids are older but it was really tough when they were younger and I hated it.

[Pyrodjm]

No, never occurred to me to ask him to. His job is not flexible. He can't just duck out a few hours early. DH has actually stayed to finish his shift when HE got sick at work. Unless I'm hospitalized, I'd never expect for him to come home early to relieve me of my kids.

Maybe my girls just aren't that hard to manage or pehaps I have no problem lowering my expectations of myself when I'm home sick and meds aren't helping. I've never had the flu though, just stomach bugs, sinus infections, colds and food poisoning.

Now that I'm working again I will generally go to work when I'm no feeling well as long as I can manage it and dont think I'm contagious.

[GvilleGirl]

Nope, although one time I had the stomach flu and slept all night on the bathroom floor if I was nursing #2 his boss told him to go home a few hours early. My neighbor and I will sometime take each others kids when the other one is really bad.

[KrisM]

Yes, but I only ask him to when I really need it. It's only been a couple of times total. If it's just moderately sick, I manage.

[JBaxter]

He never has if it wasn't something major going on and he could he would.

[belovedgandp]

So sorry, you have my sympathy. He says he will but then he doesn't. His lack of help/sympathy when I'm sick and have to care for the kids has been the cause of over half of our arguments since I became a SAHM.