what's your romantic history?

[lmh2402]

thinking about a book i was reading last night...

how many times have you been in love?

is your SO your "soul mate"?

...do you believe in "soul mates"?

is there one that got away? (will anyone be willing to admit this?)

if so, how has that impacted your current relationship?

[lmh2402]

i'll go first

really, truly in love three times

i don't really believe in soul mates. i think i'm too analytical or paranoid or something...

my DH a good match for me though. well, on many/most fronts. he's much more laid back and relaxed than i am. he can usually calm me down/assuage my panic about things. and/but, he's also usually TOO laid back.

there was one other person that i thought i would marry, years before i met DH. i'm not sure if i would say he "got away"...but he definitely did mess with my head and cause me to question my judgement for a long time.

[crl]

I had a college boyfriend I was awfully find of, but in retrospect I would not say I loved him--at least not in any enduring way.

I do not believe in soul mates.

There are none that got away--I did all the breaking up and never regretted it.

Dh is a very good match for me in most ways and I do love him.

Catherine

[Globetrotter]

I don't believe in soul mates.

Never been in love before dh. I think we have a strong connection deep down but personality conflicts have made it really hard for me to think of him as a soul mate (if I believed in that!).

[queenmama]

I was engaged to another guy in college. He's the only other guy I would say I loved. I dated boys in high school and I'm sure I thought I loved them all. :rolleyes:

I do believe in soul mates, as in one person that is your perfect complement. I did not marry that person, and nor did DH (obviously!). He does not believe in soul mates, though his parents do.

It took about 6 months of marriage for us to realize we'd made a huge mistake. I went home for about 6 weeks the following summer, and when I came back we got pregnant with Henry.

We did talk about divorce... for 4 or 5 years. We didn't have the money for me to move out, and I didn't really want to move back home and take Henry 2,000 miles away from his daddy, so we kept hanging in there. We have so many fundamental differences, it's been a struggle, but fortunately we have never been a fighting couple, a blessing I can wholly attribute to DH's non-confrontational personality.

Eventually we learned to love and respect each other in a whole new way, and truly, more than we ever had in the beginning, when we only THOUGHT we were in love. We are still "all wrong" for each other but we are 100% committed. Lucky for me, "Mr. Wrong" is the best man I've ever met.

ETA: Don't have a "one that got away." I always did the breaking up... I'm a fickle fool, as you might've guessed.

Lara

[BabbyO]

3 times???

1 = I had 1 college boyfriend who I loved. However, circumstances allowed us to be together 99% of the time. After 3 yrs of being in a relationship I stayed at school for the summer semester. Being apart brought to light that he was an incredibly jealous person and didn't trust me. It ended our relationship and I knew that if I'd known that about him earlier...I wouldn't have fallen for him. So I don't know if you can call that love, it was at one time...but then wasn't.

2 = A second college boyfriend was wonderful and I loved him dearly, but I'm pretty sure he was bipolar and obsessive compulsive. Several rounds of the ups and downs and I was pretty frayed. Once I could start predicting them and he still denied having any sort of problem I knew it wouldn't work.

3 = My Husband. I don't know if I believe in soul mates, but I believe that he and I are about as compatible as two people can get. I can't imagine doing this parenting thing with anyone else in the world. He's my rock, he reminds me to slow down, he helps me relax, he kicks my butt when I need it...we're pretty perfect for each other. Ironically I told one of my best friends that I could see myself marrying him after only knowing him for 2 weeks. I just knew we were a good match right away. I didn't have that strong, definite feeling with the previous two.

Is there one that got away - sorta not really. I have a very good friend. When we first met, we were attracted to one another. But for the first 3-4 yrs after meeting each other either he or I was in a relationship with someone else. By the time we were both single and could date each other we'd been friends for so long that it was weird being romantic with him. I think he and I could have had a connection similar to mine and DH's if the timing had been better. I don't feel like "he got away" though. We're still good friends...he's got a beautiful wife and great kids. We don't get together as much as we used to...but our families are friends. His wife and my DH know he and I dated...but it is all in the past.

[MoJo]

Married my first and only boyfriend when I was 25 and he was 29. 100% committed, but it's a struggle.

My parents wouldn't let me date while I lived with them. . . sometimes I'm glad I didn't develop more baggage, but sometimes I wonder if I would have a happier marriage now if I had had a chance to be loved by someone else.

And I mention all of that only because I think of it often when I think of how we will raise our daughters.

[khalloc]

Maybe twice

1. My college BF. I love my virginity to him. I think I might have loved him, but maybe not. Its been too long to know for sure. Basically he dumped me (I was a bit clingy then!) and I met DH shortly after. Once I was dating DH and 8 months after this BF dumped he he would email me alot and tell me he did love me. He moved away, moved back, got married and now lives fairly close and has a family of his own. I havent seen him (in person and actually said hi) in 13 years. Sometimes I see him walking when I am driving to work.

2. DH. I dont think we are soul mates. We argue too much. We love each other though and I believe we are both committed to our marriage and making things work.

I dont believe in soul mates. I think there are numerous people out there that you could be very happy with.

[lalasmama]

how many times have you been in love? I'd like to think I was in love with my XH, but realistically, I was in love with the idea of being "grown up" and "in love" versus that true selfless love.

is your SO your "soul mate"? Yes.

...do you believe in "soul mates"? Kind of. I think there's an element of choice involved, though. That "in love" feeling requires work, but he's the only man I could imagine being willing to work on it with.

is there one that got away? (will anyone be willing to admit this?) I thought there was one... But he came back, more mature, more stable, and such a better partner.

[mommylamb]

Love? I would say 2.5 times, because one of those times was just a fleeting experience, but I was head over heals.

My first love was my boyfriend that I was with from the time I was 16-19. I went into a pretty big depression after we broke up. We eventually became friends again and he even came to my wedding. We are still FB friends now, but only write to each other on birthdays for the most part. He is now a fairly successful freelance writer and I see his stuff in magazines from time to time (Wired, Harpers WaPo magazing, NYT magazine, Vanity Fair, etc). A couple years ago I was listening to This American Life and suddenly there was the voice of my childhood sweetheart coming across the radio giving me that warm fuzzy feeling. I'm really proud of him.

The half time was when I was backpacking in Australia while abroad in college. I fell head over heals in love with a British guy who was also backpacking (clearly, I must be an anglophile). We spent a week together and I was convinced he was my soul mate. Of course, he went back to London and I stayed in Australia. We wrote to each other, but eventually lost contact. Fast forward a couple years later and he wrote to me again after I was back in the US, and it just so happened that I was going to London the next week to see a friend, so we got back together and spent another crazy week together and again I thought he was my soul mate. And of course, then I had to go back to the U.S., and it didn't work out long distance. When I moved to London 2 years later, I contacted him. This time I was in London for the duration. And of course, when we could actually be together for real, it totally wasn't the same. I wasn't interested in him at all. I don't know if I changed, or if he changed, or if it was just that he was always the one I couldn't have because of the distance, and once he became someone I really could have, I didn't want him. Whatever the reason, I am glad it didn't work out, but have extremely fond memories of those two weeks, two years apart, when I had this amazing whirlwind love affair.

And then there is DH. I will buck the trend and say that I do believe in soul mates, and that DH is mine. We've been married for over 12 years now, and I am happier with him every day. I never regret my decision for a moment. DH and I met and within a couple months decided we were getting married (had to make a decision for immigration), and it was the best, and most rash, decision I've ever made. I love him with all my heart.

[lmh2402]

And then there is DH. I will buck the trend and say that I do believe in soul mates, and that DH is mine. We've been married for over 12 years now, and I am happier with him every day. I never regret my decision for a moment. DH and I met and within a couple months decided we were getting married (had to make a decision for immigration), and it was the best, and most rash, decision I've ever made. I love him with all my heart.

that is so awesome.

i'm actually really jealous. i wish i loved DH like that. i don't. i love him. but not like that. and unfortunately, there are many days that, while i love him, i find myself not liking him very much.

i'm so happy for you to say the above. i hope there are many more stories like that. that's how life is supposed to be, right?

good for you guys.

[mommylamb]

that is so awesome.

i'm actually really jealous. i wish i loved DH like that. i don't. i love him. but not like that. and unfortunately, there are many days that, while i love him, i find myself not liking him very much.

i'm so happy for you to say the above. i hope there are many more stories like that. that's how life is supposed to be, right?

good for you guys.


Thanks. Though, I will say that doesn't mean we never get on each other's nerves or argue. It does happen. Not a lot, but I think it would be abnormal never to feel that way. I'm sorry that you don't always like your DH.

[lmh2402]

Thanks. Though, I will say that doesn't mean we never get on each other's nerves or argue. It does happen. Not a lot, but I think it would be abnormal never to feel that way. I'm sorry that you don't always like your DH.

eh, thanks. it's not so bad. life could certainly be worse. ;)

[lhafer]

Truly in love? Once. With DH.

Do I believe in soul mates? Yes, I think I do. I know that there's chemistry, and hormones, and other stuff that happens to attract you to a particular person. I have been VERY attracted to 2 other people (and it was mutual) since meeting DH - both in college...though nothing every happened with either of them.

With DH, it just felt different. Felt right. Yes, the hormones and chemistry was there - but there was something else. A "rightness" is all I can say to describe it.

I met DH the summer before our senior year of high school. We had an immediate attraction to each other. But we didn't kiss or get physical for at least 6 months. We fell in love with each other on the same night - in the same instant (when we talked about it later - we realized it happened at the same time for us). We've been together ever since. That was 18 years ago. In January we will be celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary. We both are 35 years old.

Have there been rough times? Absolutely. There have been some TERRIBLE YEARS. But we decided to talk and work through it and came out stronger on the other side. No one's perfect. And you have to decide if the flaws in the other person are ones you can live with (and vice versa).

We are pretty different people. But I can't imagine my life without him. I've actually tried, and I can't. And he feels the same way about me.

[ellies mom]

Let's see. Prior to the husband, I would say I loved three guys. I don't consider any of them to be the "one that got away" but there was one that I still have a few "what if" questions about. We spent most of high school taking turns having crushes on each other. We went out for a little while. Then I moved across country. We got back in touch during our 20's and hung out a bit. There was definitely something there but we never got the opportunity to see what would happen.

[truly scrumptious]

In love, twice, I think. Like a PP said, the first one was when I was young enough to not know myself. But it was a long relationship and as close to love as I could get at that age. And now DH.

Yes, I believe in soulmates and he is mine. Things simply couldn't have worked out the way they did if we weren't "meant to be" - both of us moving from totally different parts of the world, choosing to live in the same city (although we had other choices) long enough to meet, meeting under conditions that made it practically impossible to date, managing a successful long-distance relationship, etc. But most importantly, I have never known anyone else who can truly love the parts of me that even I don't like much, and who is such a truly nice person that I thank my lucky stars that I ended up with him. (Not to mention, how truly awesome he is as a dad - he is the most involved dad I have ever met, and the kids worship him.)

No, no one that got away. When I think back on my ex boyfriends, I shudder to think how much I would have been "settling" if I had ended up with one of them, and how much I was willing to give up of myself. And then I look at my relationship with DH, where I have not had to give up a single thing that makes me who I am, and I thank my lucky stars again.

Thanks, OP, for starting this thread. It is good to be reminded how lucky I am.

[lizzywednesday]

I was convinced I was "in love" with two of the guys I dated in college, but, with one, I was just enjoying the attention he gave me and with the other I was getting over the breakup with the first guy.

The guy I dated before DH was a fun guy, who I said I loved, and I did in my way, but not the same way I love my DH.

Nothing about my values, goals or other thoughts about myself and where I was going personally or professionally synched with that first guy. When we broke up, one of the things he said in a heated argument was that he had seen a jeweler "about a diamond" ... I'd never thought he and I were headed towards an engagement and this threw me for a loop.

I felt very strongly about him because, when he wasn't being a jealous little sh!t, he was a lot of fun and we complemented each other quite well. But the differences between our worldviews and general life outlooks were too different to make us anything like an ideal match!

I was devastated when we broke up because he was a real jerk about it and he really scared me with some of the things he did, but I was mostly mourning the time I'd spent with him and not improving myself.

The second guy I met in the common room of my dorm during a school-wide suspension of classes due to the aftermath of Hurricane Floyd in 1999. He was witty, often cruel, and quite a lot of fun to be around. We stayed together for the next 6 or so months and broke up when I graduated.

Again, we were far too different in temperament, goals and general philosophies of life to foresee any kind of future together.

We learned a great deal from each other.

As for the 3rd guy ... we were together for around a year. He was sweet, passionate and a good complement for parts of my personality. But, again, we were at different places in our lives, had different philosophies on life and different goals for our professional lives - it wouldn't have worked.

I'd been broken up with this guy for several months when DH and I met. While we're quite different in some ways, we do perfectly complement each other in others.

None of these guys "got away" and I hadn't envisioned myself spending more than a year or two with any of them. (Honestly, I'd actually balk if someone mentioned future plans, like when my high school boyfriend was talking with his friend with a limo company about the prom ... when we were FRESHMEN. I told him it made me uncomfortable; he said he was planning for the future ... yeah, OK. It was unnerving.)

As for "soul mates" ... ehhhh. I dislike the term, but do believe some couples really have it. I'd have to think about how it would apply to DH and I, but I think it does - we had an immediate connection that grew deeper as we got to know each other better, among other things, so we're among those rarefied souls.

[maestramommy]

I've been in love a total of 3 times. But Dh IS my soulmate, and yes I believe in them. I do think the last 2 relationships before I met Dh (basically the only 2 serious ones:tongue5:) had a huge effect on what I knew I needed in a partner. I had this idea when I was in my 20s, and the last relationship in particular really shook that up. :tongue5: I saw that a lot of practical stuff I never thought of before was needed, and some of the ideals I had before were not only no guarantee, but no indication of staying power in a person, considering all the curve balls life can throw at you.

It's important to note that if Dh and I had met a few years earlier we wouldn't have fit well at all. He wasn't ready for marriage, and I wouldn't have thought he had the specs I mistakenly was looking for. But from the moment we committed to now we both feel like this was meant to be. Even though we aren't really believers of destiny or fate, or whatever you want to call it. We do argue now and then and get on each other's nerves now and then. But on the whole the tenor of our marriage has been remarkably even. I say remarkable because sometimes I feel like this is not the usual way of things, though I could be wrong! So far even the challenges of parenthood have brought up close together. I feel like a lifetime is just not enough. And now I'll stop before people start gagging, lol!

[niccig]

And then there is DH. I will buck the trend and say that I do believe in soul mates, and that DH is mine. We've been married for over 12 years now, and I am happier with him every day. I never regret my decision for a moment. DH and I met and within a couple months decided we were getting married (had to make a decision for immigration), and it was the best, and most rash, decision I've ever made. I love him with all my heart.

This is DH and I too. I don't believe in just one soul mate, I do think that you can love several people, but I do think I got one of mine.

We met in unusual circumstances, on a bus in Kathmandu and if the bus had left on time, we wouldn't have met...so yes, meant to be together as had to travel 1/2 way around world to meet in first place. Don't think I'm going to be able to get that twice in my life.

That's not to say we don't argue or have difficult times or get on each's nerves at time. But we always come back and met in the middle (well, sometimes the middle is more my side and sometimes it's more his, but the point is we meet up again.) I can't imagine not having DH in more life. I agree, it was the best rash decision (and I never make rash decisions) I've ever made.

[mom3boys]

I've been in love twice.

Once in college, and once with DH. The college love was an emotional roller coaster. I loved that person so much it hurt. I still think about him every day, probably. I haven't seen him in nearly 13 years and he's married with 3 kids. So I suppose he "got away" but I'm not sure it ever would have worked out.

DH was my second love and everything was just so much easier with him. I love him but it was never as intense, good or bad, as with my first love.

[brittone2]

I've been in true, deep love twice. One was a boyfriend from high school and we dated when he was in college as well. I don't consider him one that got away or anything though. He screwed up, apologized profusely, wrote letters, you name it for months. But I never took him back, as I just knew that we couldn't move on from what had happened. I have periodically thought about what life would be like had we gotten back together, but I never really long for that, iykwim. More just a feeling of wow, things would be different in so many ways.

DH and I started dating right before I left for college, dated long distance all through college, and got engaged when I was finishing college. We married pretty young compared to many of our peers. We've been together almost 17 years total and have been married for 11. I suppose we matured and grew up together in many ways. We went through IF early in our marriage, for example.

I don't really believe in soul mates. I think most people could find more than one person who is the right fit and that they love truly, deeply, etc.

[queenmama]

I find it interesting that some of you have such successful relationships despite starting out or going through a long-distance phase.

DH and I met in college (too soon after my previous engagement, to be honest), dated for a few months, and I moved back home. We saw each other as frequently as possible -- every few months -- talked every day and wrote letters almost as often. This went on for 17 months.

At the time I was smug. I figured none of my friends knew their partners as well as I knew him. After all, all we could do was communicate!

We didn't realize until we were married and living together that we didn't know each other as well as we thought. Almost our whole courtship was either long-distance or a mini-honeymoon, seeing as we never had to deal with reality and the responsibilities of life together until after we said, "I do."

As I said before, I got lucky. He's not "the one" but I certainly couldn't have done better, short of meeting that mythical being called "soul mate."

Lara

[larig]

I am a serial monogamist, who clearly falls in love too easily.

how many times have you been in love?
2 or 3 in h.s. (despite my immaturity, I still felt quite strongly about them at the time), 2 in college, 1 after college, and 1 with DH

is your SO your "soul mate"?...do you believe in "soul mates"?
I'm not sure I believe in them, because I think love is a choice you make every day. I like the feeling of empowerment it gives me to believe that. I've loved a lot of people, and could have been happy with several of the people I dated.

is there one that got away? (will anyone be willing to admit this?) if so, how has that impacted your current relationship?
I broke up with a guy at 23, because at the time we wanted different things. We both married and divorced people, and got close 10 years after we dated and in-between wedding our second spouses. We've been close friends ever since, and I adore his wife and my DH feels like my ex is like a brother to him. (DH even stayed with them when he had to travel, without me, to Chicago for work). I wouldn't change things at all, but, he is one with whom things could have been different if I had been more patient. ETA: clearly my DH is not at all jealous, and is very secure about us and our relationship.

I'm actually FB friends with almost all my exes. Each played a great role in the woman I've become and I'm enjoying knowing them and the fathers and husbands they've become. It's pretty cool.

[Katigre]

I don't believe in soul mates but I do believe in chemistry and compatibility.

DH is the only person I've loved and I'm his only love. We're coming up on fourteen years of being together - almost half of our lives - and we're a great team.

Sent from my phone using Swift Key Flow (http://www.swiftkey.net/flow/)

[sntm]

In love, probably three times. Still not sure whether I truly loved my XH - we were so young when we met and i married him for security more than anything.
Another who "got away". It was an unhealthy, tempestuous love; he was, if anyone, my besheret, but circumstances were wrong. I still think of him often, and we had to decide formally to stay out of touch because it was too much drama.
DSO, who is perfect for me in some ways and not in others, but who felt right from our first date. Like coming home, as sleepless in Seattle put it.

I believe in soul mates, but I think you can have more than one, and sometimes you need them at different times in your life. I don't regret any of them, even my XH because he gave me DS1, but I'm very glad where I am now.

Oh and I had several drama filled infatuations as well. I got stories ;)

[kara97210]

4 great loves for me. I dated my HS boyfriend for 3 years and he was everything to me. My 2nd was a whirlwind 6 month relationship in my early 20s. It was definitely all-encompassing. It’s been 15+ years and it still almost gives me the shivers to think of him. I guess he is, kind of, the one that got away. He went away to grad school and it just fizzled out. I was engaged in my late 20s and definitely felt a great love for him, but also knew it wasn’t right. The hardest thing I’ve ever done is call off that engagement.

Then there is DH. We met when I was engaged to my ex-fiancée and he was in a serious, multi-year, relationship. I thought he was handsome and funny, but not my type. He’s British and pretty serious and I’m definitely a West coast girl. We met again, 2 years later, and I felt like someone had kicked me in the gut. It was a completely overwhelming feeling. At that point we were both single, but I was about to leave for a 6 month job rotation in Hong Kong. He followed me there and to the ends of the earth (Thailand, Vietnam, etc) and completely swept me off my feet. We were married 18 months later. There is a lot that he does that drives me crazy, but I can’t imagine life without him.

[lmh2402]

oh, i love reading these stories! what romance :loveeyes:

thank you guys for sharing


I've been in love twice.

Once in college, and once with DH. The college love was an emotional roller coaster. I loved that person so much it hurt. I still think about him every day, probably. I haven't seen him in nearly 13 years and he's married with 3 kids. So I suppose he "got away" but I'm not sure it ever would have worked out.

DH was my second love and everything was just so much easier with him. I love him but it was never as intense, good or bad, as with my first love.

this describes me almost exactly. except it was my second love and it was shortly after college. and he's never married...or i should say remarried. he was going through a divorce when we first got together.

[Kymberley]

Truly in love? Once. The first time I saw DH, I was a sophomore in HS, he was a junior. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I was magnetically pulled to him in every way. He was dating my best friend. So I dated his best friend. Just to be near him. That's horrible, I know, but there it is. Broke up with that guy when he got too attached, he broke up with my BF, and we dated. OH, the drama! Eventually, he broke my heart. I was still deeply in love with him. He went to college. I visited every chance I got. At that time he was dating a girl also named Kim. His roommate had fun that, teasing her. (we're friends now, the other Kim and I) We stayed in touch for years, saw each other every now and then. I dated a lot of guys, but they were never him. After the last loser I dated, I said to myself enough is enough. I wrote out all of the qualities I required of my future husband. One day on a whim, I visited DH. He met every quality. We started dating the next day, officially. Been together ever since, through horrible sickness and great health, better and worse, richer and much much poorer. Yes, he is my soul mate. :love5:

[fedoragirl]

I agree. It's nice to read these romantic stories.
I have been in love once...and he is my DH. I never really had a boyfriend, and once I met DH, I knew he was it.
I don't believe in soul mates but if I did, he'd be pretty close to it.
I sometimes wonder what I may do if I ever divorced. I'd probably be a single mom till I die. There is too much history between DH and I to really get over. Hopefully we'll never come to that point.

[BabyBearsMom]

Truly in love, only once with my DH. I thought I loved my high school boyfriend who I dated for 2 years. DH and I have been together for nearly 14 years and I love him with all my heart. He is my soul mate. We bicker from time to time but he is my perfect complement. I couldn't ask for a better husband or coparent.

[BDKmom]

My only love has been my DH. I wasn't poplar in high school, too ambitious to bother with dating in college, and only had one boyfriend before I met DH. He was just enough to show me what I didn't want. I don't believe that we have one soulmate, but I do believe that some people are just right for each other, and that's us. We are enough alike to enjoy the same things, have the same goals and values, but different enough to balance each other out. He makes me happier than I ever could have imagined.

So, my "one" didn't get away. We snatched each other up and are living our happily ever after. It's not perfect, but I wouldn't trade it for anything else in the world.

[Cam&Clay]

I got to marry the one that got away!

I saw that someone mentioned serial monogamist. That's me. I've been in love many times.

1. High school (3 different ones for a year or longer, including DH)
2. College (2 including XH)

I do believe in soulmates, but not that they are the only way to be truly in love. DH and I were madly in love for more than a year in high school/early college. He was the one that got away. I compared all men to him. There was always just something about him, the way he made me feel, how he looked at me, how he made me laugh.

He never married. I married right out of college and had DS1 in my late 20's. DH and I didn't get ourselves together until 20 years later, and there is no doubt in my mind that he is the person I was meant to be with all along. I have more fun with him that anyone on the planet. He is my perfect match.

Having said that, I do not think that our relationship would've turned out all peaches and cream if we had stayed together in high school. We needed to do the things we did for the 20 years we were apart. Our only regret is that because we didn't reunite until we were in our mid 30's, we were only able to have one child together.

[Philly Mom]

I have been in love once, DH. I don't believe in soul mates but he is my perfect match. I am very picky and as soon as I met DH I knew we would be married and so did he. We have been together 9 years and married for 7.5 years. I can't imagine my life with anyone else even when he drives me crazy and I think he would say the same. We have the same values and see the world the same way. I loosen him up and he keeps my house clean and organized :).

[georgiegirl]

I've been in love twice. Once with my first serious boyfriend and once with DH. I had a boyfriend I was really into in an unhealthy way, but we won't call that love...lol.

I don't believe in soul mates. Maybe they exist, but it's not DH.

I do have one that got away. In high school I was best friends with a boy who had a big crush on me (but i didnt know that at the time.). We talked on the phone every night, studied together, hung out, etc. We really connected and could talk about anything. I was pretty shy, and I wanted him to make a move, but he never did. Then I started hanging out with this boys best friend too. And guess what, he made a move on me, and I reciprocated. (Because when you are 17 and never had a boyfriend, when a nice boy makes a move, you go for it.). I caused a huge rift between the two of them, and in retrospect, I feel really bad about it. If only that first boy had made a move, or had confessed his feelings for me, I would have been thrilled. But he was too self-conscious, and so was I. He was such a lovely boy, and I really think that it could have been a great long term match. We had first met in preschool, so I had known him forever. To this day, I'm sad about it sometimes. He was one of those people I felt completely comfortable with and who really, truly liked me for me (and the reverse for him.). Oh well.

[smilequeen]

I really only had 3 truly long term relationships...2 years in HS/College with a guy I'm positive i was NOT in love with, but I didn't know that then. My college BF I was in love with. Definite broken heart, but it was for the best. I dated around a lot in dental school and then started dating DH and he calmed me down :). So I'm going with in love 2x.

Soulmates, perfect matches? I don't know what I believe. I'm having a hard time right now with everything, marriage included, and I just don't know what to think right now. DH puts up with my crap, that's got to be something ;)

[SkyrMommy]

I've been in love three times, once when I was in high school that carried through into college and beyond. And once just before I met DH. And now DH.

DH is my soul mate, we have many things in common, enough differences to make things interesting and I couldn't imagine the rest of my life without him by my side. We met online, emailed for a bit, chatted over the course of a week or two and when we finally met in person, we decided on that date that we were meant for each other and have been together since. We're going on 12 years now.

I've never felt that anyone 'got away'.

[melrose7]

Been in love twice, once during college, and DH.
I had fun in college dating around but then my best friend died suddenly our second year and my life pretty much ended. I met my first love working back home the summer after she died. I truly believe we were meant to meet and he helped me get my life back together and live life again. We dated a little over a year and I broke his heart but I knew I needed to move on. I did just reconnect with him in FB.

Soulmates? Not sure. I do believe that DH and I were meant to meet since the circumstances of our meeting was total chance. We dated right away long distance for 18 month before he moved closer to me. We were married 18 months later. He loves me more than I ever thought possible. With a special needs child we have our battles but we knew we work better together.

One that got away.. Maybe. I worked with someone in HS and he moved when I was leaving for college. He was instant love and everything I wanted in a guy. We never dated but I always wondered what if. We stayed in contact on and off during college but haven't heard from him in 10 years. I think of him offen and hope he is married and happy.

[lmwbasye]

DH was my first serious guy. Met him as a Freshman in college nearly 20 years ago and started dating Sophomore year. As cheesy as it sounds, I've been majorly in love with him since month two of dating and it's been as easy as breathing the whole time. Even when we disagree about something, loving him has never been lessened at all.

I am lucky.

[american_mama]

OP, the way you describe your marriage here is similar to how I would describe mine. I feel relieved to read such similar thoughts about the realities of love vs. like, a lot of arguments, commitment but an awareness that sometimes there is considerable distance between the two fo you. That's how I feel.

1. Been in love probably 2.5 times. DH, college boyfriend, and high school boyfriend counts as the half.

2. DH is not my soul mate. He has maybe said I am once or twice, and I'm shocked, and tend not to believe him. I just don't feel that way. I wish I did.

3. I guess I'm all over the place in thinking about soulmates while reading this thead. First I thought I don't believe in them. Then I thought I do, just not for me. I think some people have a soulmate, but not everyone. I'm not sure *I'm* someone who could find a soulemate; maybe before marraige, while still somewhat in the blush of the more romantic and fun dating phase of my life, I would have answered differently. But now, I'm kind of irritated and jaded about relationships, more hassled about life. I'm not as fun/happy as I used to be, nor as open/sharing, so I don't really see myself attracting a soulmate or being one myself.

4. One that got away... why would someone not be willing to admit this? My college boyfriend was a great guy who I loved, but under-appreciated at the time. I see his strengths and our compatibility more clearly now. I also didn't want to marry anyone who I dated in college, always imagined it differently, so by the end of college, I wanted to be single. But had we met and dated a few years later, I probably would have married him.

5. The above does not affect my current relationship. DH knows all about my past relationships but they are all firmly in the past.

As for my thought about marriage, I would love to say my DH is my soulmate, but he's not. What I enjoy thinking about is the idea that he and I were meant to be together for some purpose, some personal growth, some gain that is greater for us together. That it's our lifework to figure out the challenge of living together and reaping the rewards.

[roseyloxs]

how many times have you been in love?
Once. Met DH freshman year of college. I told him before we even started dating that I was going to marry him one day. I didn't even realize I even liked him yet it was just something that I blurted out without thinking. Luckily he didn't write me off as a crazy person. A few months later we started dating, a few weeks in we were completely in love and have been that way every since.
is your SO your "soul mate"?
He is my best friend and I think we were meant to be together but I am not sure if we are soulmates.
...do you believe in "soul mates"?
Not sure. I do think there is more then one person out there who can make you happy.
is there one that got away? (will anyone be willing to admit this?)
Nope.

[hillview]

There are none that got away--I did all the breaking up and never regretted it.

Dh is a very good match for me in most ways and I do love him.




I dated boys in high school and I'm sure I thought I loved them all. :rolleyes:

:yeahthat:
Wow well I dated a LOT. DH and I got married when I was early 30s. Hard to say in love with ... I THOUGHT I was in love often. I did really love some of them. But it isn't what DH and I have.

DH is the only one who I felt like I am 100% committed and totally in love with. We have our challenges. I am working very very hard (harder than I've ever come even sort of clost to working in a relationship). I am very focused on making this work.

Soul mates. Well in the sense that he is the right one, yes. But in a greater sense -- I expect there COULD be someone else out there who I would feel the same way about.

There isn't anyone who got away. This doesn't impact me and DH.

[Gena]

I've been in love twice and was once "almost in love".

My first love was my boyfriend in college. We dated 2.5 years and he broke my heart when he broke up with me. We tried to stay friends for a while, because we were in the same group of friends and saw each other all the time. It was really awkward. We almost got back together a couple of times, but it didn't happen.

My "almost love" was a guy a dated in grad school.

I am totally and completely in love with DH. He fell in love first and it took a lot of effort on his part to win me over, but he did it. One day, I came home from grocery shopping and noticed that I had bought all his favorite foods to stock my fridge. I realized that I had fallen in love with him.

I don't believe in soul mates. I think marriage takes a lot of hard work and constantly making the choice to put the other person first. I think that DH and I belong together because we choose to belong to each other.

Yeah, there was one that got away. That was the "almost love" from when I was in grad school at New York University. "J " and I had both gone to the same university for undergrad (Michigan State University), but didn't meet there (not surprising, MSU is HUGE). We had been in different programs there, but had many of the same professors/classes, just in different semesters. We were in different grad programs at NYU, but met through mutual friends. J was a great guy and everyone who knew us thought we were a perfect match...and we did too. I could have fallen in love with him so hard, but I held myself back. I had just recently gotten over the hurt from my college boyfriend and I was afraid of being hurt again. Added to that, our timing sucked. While J and I were dating, one or the other of us was always talking about leaving grad school and going back home to Michigan. He decided to stay in NYC the same week I decided to leave. Neither of us wanted a long-distance relationship, so that was that. I still wonder sometimes about what might have been....in a nostalgic sort of way. I wouldn't trade my relationship with DH for anything.

[bisous]

I've had lots of crushes (many unremitted) but not love, not until DH and even then I struggled.

I dated a fair amount but didn't have very many long term relationships and even then my feelings weren't too deep.

DH is really the perfect guy for me in lots of ways. Even in "soulmate" types of ways. We have identical values, tastes, and personalities. I feel like we grew up our whole lives together and we're the same person in so many ways. There is a deep and profound connection. I've really never met anyone more perfect for me.

On the other hand, while we share SO much, we are TERRIBLE at communicating and living together hasn't been a picnic. We're working on that, seeing as how we share so many GOOD things. I've never fought with someone so much in my life. We've been married for 11.5 years and it is getting better but still hard. Still, we plan on being together forever and we both keep trying...

[megs4413]

how many times have you been in love?
-Just once (Dh obviously)

is your SO your "soul mate"?
-yes, I think so, but probably not in the way you mean it here...More of the "Hancock" version.

...do you believe in "soul mates"?
-yes, but again, probably not in the same way that you're meaning here. I believe each person has two...one is dark and the other light. you choose which one to give your life to, though that might mean choosing darkness.

is there one that got away? (will anyone be willing to admit this?)
-essentially, everyone got away since I really only dated DH. I'm sure he realizes this. LOL

if so, how has that impacted your current relationship?
-sometimes I wish I'd played the field, but I doubt it would have made any difference. I met Dh so young and it was so obvious that we would have to marry.

[wifecat]

I think I was in love with my high school sweetheart, as much and as deeply as you can be at 16-18, but no comparison to my husband. (so in love 1.5 times, maybe? :wink2:)

No one got away and I don't believe in soul mates.

But...I believe that God put my husband in my life, and that He blessed me with an amazing partner who balances out my crazy with his calm, and someone who is ridiculously supportive and loving even when I'm really difficult.

[sidmand]

I've been in love once. Thought I was in love with my high school boyfriend and maybe it was but it was definitely a teenager love.

I didn't date a lot so there aren't too many I could've been in love with! DH fell first and harder. I'm pretty naive and trusting but I guess not too open with emotions, even to myself.

Do I believe I soulmates and/or is DH mine...I don't know. I do feel like we were meant to meet. We have a lot in common but also a lot that's different. We've been together more than half our lives (since we were 20 and now we're 42!). Been married for 17 years. I can't imagine my life with anyone else or without him. We've had some tough times but both of us were always invested in "us."

Was there one that got away? No, I barely had the one I got! And since I met him when I was 20...had a few dates before and one long-term HS boyfriend but that was about it.