I am lazy and undisciplined as a SAHM

[flashy09]

I hate admitting this because I always have checked the "works well unsupervised" box, but apparently I don't at all. I have a giant hamper full of clean laundry that I pick through each morning to get dressed, my kitchen is dirty, my house is messy, I have lots of general boring things to do (bills, registering horses, organizing/filing, etc) and how have I spent the last 1.5 hrs while my DD sleeps? On this forum, on Facebook, on the Daily Mail, drinking coffee, watching Hoda and Kathy Lee.

DD is wonderful, but it's draining keeping her entertained all day and I am very motivated to be a good Mom, we play and read and I try to be very engaged. But when she naps, I feel like I want a mental break rather than staying "working" and use her naps very unproductively.

How do I get disciplined to be a better SAHM and not so lazy?

Thank you!

[wellyes]

When you find out, let me know.

[jgenie]

From another SAHM that uses nap time to relax. :) Don't be so hard on yourself. Everyone needs a break.

[elliput]

Wait, you are only 13 months into this gig? It takes much longer than that before one really gets a handle on all of the assigned tasks- not to mention the "and other duties as needed" BS. How long you ask? I'd say 18 years or so.

[Momit]

I also consider nap time to be "me" time. Giving yourself time to recharge and do things you enjoy is very important to being a good person and a good mom. Your DD is still little, but once she's older you'll have more options - a mother's morning out or preschool, plus getting your DD to "help" with laundry, loading the dishwasher, sweeping etc. I used to run myself ragged while DS napped, and I'd just barely sit down to relax when he would wake up. I learned to save some chores he could help with, and we'd do those together even though it took a lot longer.

[hillview]

Wait, you are only 13 months into this gig? It takes much longer than that before one really gets a handle on all of the assigned tasks- not to mention the "and other duties as needed" BS.

I work at home (office job) but I totally agree. It took about 2-3 years for me to feel like I was starting to come out of the bunker and able to cope with everything. Right now I think I was in survival mode at your DC age. Get sleep, eat, other stuff just gets done when you can.

HUGS

[DualvansMommy]

I'm the exact same! So don't feel too bad, and when you've figured it out, let me know how you do it?

DS is a high energy bundle who talks and think like a 3 year old, even though he's only 20 months old. I work hard in keeping him engaged, entertained and all that by going to Gymboree classes 2x a week, organize and/or go to a play date once a week with rest of days filled in by going to music class, library, park time. All that while organizing my bills, menu planning, food shopping and staying on top of renovations of my kitchen. So, yes when 1pm rolls around, I veg out completely!


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[amldaley]

Dear Flashy09,

Please top writing posts about me. I don't know how you knew all that - have you been spying on me?

Sincerely,

Messy and Disorganized at Home

[mctlaw]

Wait, you are only 13 months into this gig? It takes much longer than that before one really gets a handle on all of the assigned tasks- not to mention the "and other duties as needed" BS. How long you ask? I'd say 18 years or so.

:ROTFLMAO:

I'm on this forum and looking up recipes to try! Enjoying some alone time coffee....

[MontrealMum]

I WOH now, but I didn't when my DS was your little one's age. During that time my mom gave me this advice, "sleep while the baby's sleeping". So, you're ahead of me with nap time productivity :wink2: In all seriousness, everyone needs time to recharge. There's no reason to feel guilty that you use your DD's nap time to recharge yourself as well. It better equips you for the time when she is awake.

[amom526]

I am in the same boat, but I really do not feel all that guilty at this point. I have a newborn and toddler home with me now, but even when it was just the toddler I was just as bad.

I am COMPLETELY wiped out by caring for my kids. When my toddler is awake, he needs CONSTANT engagement. I try to do some chores when he is awake, because it helps pass the time and he likes to watch/help. If the chore doesn't get done while he is awake (barely ever happens), it sure as heck isn't getting done while he is asleep. Maybe I'll throw in a load of laundry or attempt to prep dinner but then I run to watch my tv shows as fast possible!

It is part laziness, but I also don't think I would make it through if I didn't have some time to unwind during the day. I am lucky that DH helps out a lot even though he works full time. We find a way to get everything done. And there is NOTHING wrong with getting clothes from a basket of clean laundry. Bad would be picking through a pile of dirty clothes to find the least dirty thing to wear!! :bag

My goal for every day is to enjoy my kids and not wish the time away. If that means eating cereal for dinner in a paper bowl I am A-ok with that. I do have cleaning help once a week for 3 hours, and I realize not everyone has that luxury, but it is still ok to relax during nap time even if the house is a mess.

[mom3boys]

I am the same way! Last week DS3 went down for a nap, DS2 was watching TV. I should have done some laundry, or at least engaged DS2 in something educational. I told DS2--"I'm just going to take a little nap here on the couch next to you" and I did. Woke up just before DS3. And I am in this gig for 6 years now!

Try to remind yourself you basically have a 24 hour job now. I used to come home from work and just chill out. I did whatever I wanted on the weekends and slept in until ten in the morning. Now 6-9 pm is the busiest time of my day. When I go to bed, I may get woken up. On the weekends, well, the kids are still there. ALL of them. So there are other times you are "working", KWIM?

[TwinFoxes]

DD is wonderful, but it's draining keeping her entertained all day and I am very motivated to be a good Mom, we play and read and I try to be very engaged.

Clearly you aren't cut out to be a stay at home MOM. :rolleyes: Seriously it seems to me you aren't lazy in the slightest. You are excelling at the main part of your job. Notice my post count... those were made when DDs were napping. :)

[queenmama]

Wait, you are only 13 months into this gig? It takes much longer than that before one really gets a handle on all of the assigned tasks- not to mention the "and other duties as needed" BS. How long you ask? I'd say 18 years or so.

Oh, good to know! Only six years to go and I will have it all figured out!

Lara

[123LuckyMom]

Yes, be kind to yourself. I always wanted to be a SAHM. I did not want to be a housekeeper, cook, and DH's personal assistant/intern. I do not enjoy cooking, cleaning, laundry, and errands, and I am not good at any of those things! Those tasks do sort of go along with the SAHM gig, but they are not the primary tasks of your job! If you are engaging your kids, you are doing great! Even that is difficult when you never get any time "off", are sleep deprived, and are spending waaaay too much time in a house that is in disorder for most of your day as the kids play. I think you'll find your whole world will change as your kids get a bit older. Then you'll have another baby, and it'll all go to pot again ;). Meanwhile, enjoy your down time. It's very important to recharge.

[infomama]

It's not just a SAHM thing. I procrastinate like that and I WOFT. I'm off today and while I should be putting away clothes or moving boxes around the basement I sit on my ipad.
The only way I get things really done is unplug. A few weeks ago I was actually starting to feel mentally cloudy so I logged off for a while and boy did it help.

[sarahsthreads]

Your point? I have at LEAST four loads of clean laundry to be folded & put away, another three or so that need doing. My kitchen has dishes from breakfast AND lunch in the sink because I haven't unloaded the dishwasher. I'm pretty sure when I get around to vacuuming I'll fill an entire bag with the dog fur that's scattered all over the floor. But first I have to pick up all the toys.

I just scrubbed both bathrooms and I'm headed to the kitchen next. The only reason I'm doing this today? I have my mom coming to watch the kids tonight. And I know she wouldn't judge me in the slightest for dirty bathrooms or a kitchen sink that needs scrubbing out, but I also know she would clean them for me and I would rather she spend the time playing with the kids. :) (Of course, she's going to have to do that on the dog-fur covered floor. Whatever.)

As my DH says, I am a stay at home MOM, not a stay at home MAID. And I'm not even entirely that, because I do work outside the home three afternoons, two evenings, and a weekend day every week. So when the kids have some downtime (right now DD2 is watching a Barbie movie, everyone's too old to nap this point) I take a little downtime too, because even mom needs a break to rest and recharge.

Sarah :)

[roseyloxs]

Dear Flashy09,

Please top writing posts about me. I don't know how you knew all that - have you been spying on me?

Sincerely,

Messy and Disorganized at Home

:yeahthat: It really sounded like I wrote that post and it was so nice to know I am not the only one. However I have been a SAHM for over 5 years and haven't found a way to make naptime count yet.


It's not just a SAHM thing. I procrastinate like that and I WOFT. I'm off today and while I should be putting away clothes or moving boxes around the basement I sit on my ipad.
The only way I get things really done is unplug. A few weeks ago I was actually starting to feel mentally cloudy so I logged off for a while and boy did it help.

:yeahthat: So true. I gave up the internet (except for email and skype) for Lent one year and I was pretty productive that season. However Easter came along and I went back to my old ways. Pretty sure I am addict.

[Nechums]

Count me in to the lazy sahm club. The only way I get things done is by scheduling then in my calendar.

[joonbug]

My house is clean, laundry done on time and put away, etc BUT it took me over 3 years to get here! I never cleaned, cooked while DD napped, that was the time for ME, with a very high needs baby/toddler - seriously a sanity saver to check facebook, my discussion boards, even just veg out in front of tv. Now DD is in preschool and I try to use those few hours of me time during the day more productively, and STILL have time to veg out in front of Private Practice rerun a bit ;). But the first couple years was seriously a survival mode...

[bisous]

It is so hard to be a mom to a little one! You'll find your rhythm and your groove and everyone's groove is a little different.

I have three kids now and the oldest is 9. Out of necessity, I've had to "get it together" because I have to be on time, my kids have to be clean, ready, have their homework done, dinner must be eaten at a certain time, etc. I'm enjoying the external structure of our life because I think it helps me be the kind of mom I want to.

I was just thinking about last week when I was feeling a little sick to my stomach (I think I ate something bad) and I spent the whole day in PJs on the floor playing with my kids and trying to get through the day! It wasn't a great day for me, I felt awful, but my kids were in heaven. They love having "lazy" accessible Mama so don't be too hard on yourself. Your baby is probably in heaven! This is a singular stage in life where sleep, rest, and comfort are really the focus of your existence. I say enjoy it, it will change all too soon.

I still take advantage of baby naps to do stuff for myself. Right now DS3 is sleeping peacefully. I'm here on the BBB. It is fulfilling for me and I'm not feeling guilty at all!

Everybody's vision of a successful SAHM is a little different. You'll figure out what you want from life and be able to take it.

[momm]

Nap time is MY time and I will watch terrible TV with my legs up. N matter how much laundry needs to be folded and kept aeay, no matter how many toys are on the floor, no matter if the vacuum cleaner hasnt seen the light of the day all week. Sorry.

[lucybabymamma]

At an office job, it's probably pretty common to have some down time or to surf the web unproductively.
13 months! You're doing awesome. I can relate to your post and my DDs are 3 and 4 :)

[SnuggleBuggles]

Only read the OP...but, it sounds like you are a good SAH MOM. You aren't a SAH MAID. There is a big difference! Job 1, parenting. Job 2, the other stuff and not even necessarily. And it is ok to ask for help, hire a cleaner...

[fedoragirl]

Count me in. I always feel so disorganized. I haven't even unpacked some of our boxes from our move 18 months ago. I feel no motivation and when I do, I am too busy with the kids. DH does not understand that when the kids go to bed, I am DONE. He cleans up, does the trash etc. Frankly, I am beyond the point where I expect my house to be tidy all the time. It's exhausting. I can surf the web for hours after the kids are down. And I don't feel guilty about it. So, don't feel bad. We're all in the same boat.

[patho521]

I don't have an answer for you but I'm so glad you started this thread. I'm a SAHM of a 3 month old and I feel like I should have dinner ready and there's no excuse for the house to be as messy as it is. I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels guilty about using nap time as break time.

[wifecat]

One time I told a friend I was just SO exhausted. She asked why I never napped when the kids did. I told her there was just too much to do - laundry/cleaning/all that crap. She gave me the BEST piece of advice. "Cleaning during naptime is soul-sucking. Take a nap."

It was liberating! I still use some of naptime to be productive, but I also just veg a little. I read somewhere about setting a timer for 20 or 30 minutes, and being really productive until the timer went off. Whatever you got done, GREAT! Whatever was left...well, it would still be left after naptime.

[*myfoursons]

When my two youngest blessedly coordinate a 1-hour nap reprieve, I make a concerted effort to do nothing productive. Seriously, I almost go out of my way, make an effort, to not make an effort.

I read a book. Lots of books. I watch television, or surf online.

I don't do dishes or laundry or pick up the mess of toys covering every surface. Ever.

When I worked, I always had some time to myself, whether reading on the train or enjoying lunch with girlfriends. There's no reason I can't take selfish pleasure in my downtime as a SAHM either. I value my sanity over a clean house any day.

[div_0305]

It's funny, I think there are moms out there with the energy of Super Woman. I can't understand it, and can't relate. They are at the library, game practice, music practice, the gym for themselves, have a nice dinner made almost every night, have great vacations planned, and keep up with their Facebook postings! It makes me feel like I'm lazy, but I've long since left the guilt behind. I may not know their secret to super-human energy (wish I did of course!), but I have to go easy on myself.

[SnuggleBuggles]

It's funny, I think there are moms out there with the energy of Super Woman. I can't understand it, and can't relate. They are at the library, game practice, music practice, the gym for themselves, have a nice dinner made almost every night, have great vacations planned, and keep up with their Facebook postings! It makes me feel like I'm lazy, but I've long since left the guilt behind. I may not know their secret to super-human energy (wish I did of course!), but I have to go easy on myself.

I guarantee, there is something they don't excel at. :) You see the good stuff but not always the bad or imperfect.

[rlu]

It's funny, I think there are moms out there with the energy of Super Woman. I can't understand it, and can't relate. They are at the library, game practice, music practice, the gym for themselves, have a nice dinner made almost every night, have great vacations planned, and keep up with their Facebook postings! It makes me feel like I'm lazy, but I've long since left the guilt behind. I may not know their secret to super-human energy (wish I did of course!), but I have to go easy on myself.

Their superpower is the ability to lie convincingly.

[div_0305]

Thank you for feeding my cynical perspective ladies! I used to imagine they were taking drugs---can't remember the type, but saw on some online or tv report that there was a growing epidemic of moms getting hooked on it to stay awake.

[Kymberley]

Thank you for feeding my cynical perspective ladies! I used to imagine they were taking drugs---can't remember the type, but saw on some online or tv report that there was a growing epidemic of moms getting hooked on it to stay awake.

Coffee? That's my fuel. I'm on cup #3 right now. I'm just now getting my act together, and DS is 3.5 and home all day with me. I'm still not all that productive, but I do manage to clean a bit everyday and do some laundry (usually 1 or 2 loads) on DH's work days. And dinner on the table every night. Add anything else to that and I'm toast. Grocery shopping wears me out, lol!

[div_0305]

Coffee barely gets me through my day at the office, and it's really strong--a full thermos of my favorite roast! I know I've built up a tolerance, but I can't increase it and still reap its benefits. Learned that the hard way studing for final exams one time. There is a cliff on caffeine intake, and I went over it.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Get your thyroid checked. ;). Seriously though, when my meds are good it's better than caffeine.

[Melaine]

I really feel like being a mom (SAH or WAH or WOH) is one of the hardest jobs there is. Trying to motivate yourself to keep on top of all the tasks when you are also so emotionally drained and ON CALL 24/7 is just really really hard.

[LexyLou]

Your DD is very young, as others have said. It takes time to feel like you aren't fighting for air!

One of the things I did while DD's were young is multi task. I did spend a good amount of undivided attention on them but I tried to make sure they played independently while I did some chores.

I'm talking 5-15 min stretches, not hours. I would do the dishes and wipe down the counters while she played with tupperware.

Or I would fold laundry while she was playing in the living room.

I liked to relax while they were napping too, so I did as much of my "chores" while they were awake so I could rest too.

[flashy09]

Wow, you Moms are great! I feel 1000x better! I was ready to buckle down and take some serious advice on how to keep trucking through nap times, but am secretly overjoyed to just have commiseration and acceptance, lol.

In my mind I have this vision of a SAHM as an apron wearing, broom sweeping, laundry doing machine with a kid on her hip. Whereas I am sitting on the rug that crunches from Cheerios everywhere and trying to stay interested in our 10th game of "put it in, take it out" and talking about how pigs go oink oink with a messy house and I am in pajamas. When she sleeps I feel like mentally recharging and doing nothing taxing or tedious.

I think today was just especially tough because she has been sick, I have been battling what she had, and we have just gotten back from a 2 week trip overseas.....so I am feeling extra tired and blah, but at the same time the house chores are also extra neglected. Not a great combination and I do feel a lot of guilt and that most people would have their suitcase unpacked 5 days after coming home instead of using it as the dirty laundry holder (because all my clean stuff is using the hamper from a load I did 4 days ago!).

Anyway, thanks so so much for all the kind words and lack of judgement!

[wellyes]

Their superpower is the ability to lie convincingly.

HA!

My favorite FB poster in the universe is a mom who does tons of activities with her kids, in the house and out, and in her FB photos you can a real mess, often. Not a couple of toys out of place--- we're talking piles of dirty dishes stacked on counters, random dirty socks on the couch, whatever. I love her unapologetic "this is us, we are happy" attitude.

[BabyH]

HA!

My favorite FB poster in the universe is a mom who does tons of activities with her kids, in the house and out, and in her FB photos you can a real mess, often. Not a couple of toys out of place--- we're talking piles of dirty dishes stacked on counters, random dirty socks on the couch, whatever. I love her unapologetic "this is us, we are happy" attitude.

She and I would be best friends :D C'est la vie!

[belovedgandp]

Agree with everything above. It is a hard gig and I'm almost 9 years into it. Oddly my youngest child had more of a schedule and I was more on top of things because I had to be with school and activities of older siblings.

Use that naptime for you. There are some "jobs" that I needed quiet like paying bills, but most of the household work I always did with the kids helping or encouraging them to play by themselves. It may take longer with their help but those interactions are fun and they find all those things to be entertaining at that age. Certainly don't squander naptime on laundry or dishes.

[MamaInMarch]

If you search a few weeks back you will see that I basically wrote exactly the same post. I still haven't figured out how to get crap done so now I pat myself on the back when I accomplish 15 minutes of a task and try not to feel bad when DS/DD and I play instead of my making it to 30 minutes of cleaning.

[elliput]

When she sleeps I feel like mentally recharging and doing nothing taxing or tedious.
It seems we all under-estimate how mentally taxing playing with an infant really is. It can seem mindless at times, but when we are done we sure are wiped out.

[sweetsue98]

I work full time and when the kids go down, the first thing I do is going on this forum. I always have tons of paperwork to do but it always takes second place to this forum. Everyday I tell myself I need to use my time wisely but it never happens. I actually should be sleeping right now but you know what I'm doing! Everyone needs a mental break so don't sweat it!

[Kaylee31]

I am so glad to read this thread and realize I'm not alone. Staying at home with kids is just exhausting. And my very energetic 3.5 year old has given up naps so I feel like I have no time during the day to get everything done that should be. And DH is not any help,sometimes I feel like I have 3 children to pick up after. ;) When they go to bed, that is my downtime and I don't want to spend it cleaning or other boring stuff. My sanity is more important than a spotless house. Now I don't feel so guilty about it!

[roseyloxs]

The best days are when I spend a good hour giving the living room a really good cleaning but then it looks like a disaster again before DH even makes it home. I try and tell him that 15 minutes ago the room was spotless but he just laughs and says, "sure it was."

I loved when this picture was going around facebook with the story about 'What moms do all day' (http://www.beniceorleavethanks.com/2012/04/24/when-i-showed-my-husband-the-what-do-moms-do-all-day-picture/).... today, I didn't do it!
http://www.beniceorleavethanks.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/crazy-house1-1024x708.jpg

[LizLemon]

When my two youngest blessedly coordinate a 1-hour nap reprieve, I make a concerted effort to do nothing productive. Seriously, I almost go out of my way, make an effort, to not make an effort.

I read a book. Lots of books. I watch television, or surf online.

I don't do dishes or laundry or pick up the mess of toys covering every surface. Ever.

When I worked, I always had some time to myself, whether reading on the train or enjoying lunch with girlfriends. There's no reason I can't take selfish pleasure in my downtime as a SAHM either. I value my sanity over a clean house any day.

I work full-time and my job is nothing like this. I have no time to myself. It is a rush to see patients. Most of the time, over the course of an entire day, I take absolutely no breaks - not to go to the bathroom, not to eat lunch, nothing. So there is no me or recharge time, and it is often pretty stressful, in terms of being a time crunch to get things done. Then I rush home from work to make dinner for my baby, cross my fingers that she eats it, squeeze in some play/quality time and then do the bedtime routine. Then it's time for making dinner for me and my husband, housework, AND finishing dictations and other work leftover from my day. Often, the full extent of the housework is what is sacrificed and my house is not as neat as I want it to be. And with all that I have to do, like other posters, I still find myself here wasting time! I get very frustrated with myself and wish I could be more efficient.

[AnnieW625]

Just wanted to say I could have written the same post when I was on maternity leave with DD2. DD2 refused to sleep at home for more than 90 minutes during the day from about the third week of life until she was about 6 months old (and I went back to work when she was 12 weeks old) and that was only because daycare was able to somewhat sleep train her. So there were days that I had zero energy to get stuff done I would just veg while she napped and waited to do everything else when DH was home on the weekend. I also don't know what I would have done had I not sent DD1 to daycare like normal.

Good luck and just realize you are never alone:):hug:

Rosylox, that photo is priceless. I have a friend who is pregnant with #6 and she is always so calm and put together so I don't know if she'd be insulted or laugh if I showed her this because I have a hard time believing she'll ever admit to having a moment like that.

[essnce629]

When DS2 was 13 months I was still taking naps WITH him every day! So you are ahead of the game!

Even now, at 3 1/2 years old, I still sometimes take a nap when DS2 does. And I pretty much NEVER do anything productive when he naps-- I'm always on the computer!

And I always have at least 2 loads of laundry piled up in the laundry room that need to be folded and put away.

[ckso]

Thanks so much for posting. In sahm of a 18 mo old (got laid off while on maternity) and have a 4 year old attending full time preschool. I felt bad continuing my older one in school even though I lost my job but I couldn't deal with watching both kids at home. I do it occasionally when there's no school and man it's exhausting. I see other parents do it but I just can't.

On top of that I don't even cook. DH has always been the cook and me being a sahm mom didn't change that.

The house is a total mess and I feel like I should be doing more. Dd fights her nap and a lot of time it takes me a good half hour to put her down only for her to sleep 45 min which I use to lounge, surf he web, this forum, etc.

DH comes home the living room looks like a tornado went through it. I tried putting her toys away and 30 min later its the same again so what's the point??? Thankfully DH is very understanding and he actually says to me he doesn't know how I do it (he's been home alone with dd and he's wiped).

What's been working for me is doing stuff with DH is home. I pick up dd1 from school and by the time I come home, DH is home. While dd1 plays (or fights) with Dd2 I go I to super powermode. That's when I do the laundry and organize a bit for maybe 20 min.

We hire a housekeeper once a month to do the deep cleaning like bathrooms, kitchens and floors so I only have the spot clean.

[Globetrotter]

Small children are a lot of work! Give yourself a break and, as they get older, you will eventually be able to handle more. It will get easier!

Take your "me" time so you can function when they need you.