How many DC would you be willing to have if your DH travels for work?

[ourbabygirl]

My DH just accepted a job where he'll be traveling out of the country at least once a month, possibly more. Luckily I'm a SAHM and our 2 kids aren't in school yet (just preschool, etc.), so the schedule isn't bad for me, though I really dislike that he has to travel... the days and nights get *really* long as a SAHM.
We've been discussing the idea of having another child, but I don't think I want to go down that path if he's still traveling. We would hopefully be living closer to my parents by the time we would have another DC, but we wouldn't have any help from any other family members, we would just have to hire any help that we would need or want.

If your DH travels for his job, how many kids do you have? Would you be willing to have more if you knew he would still be traveling for his job? And do you have any/ much help from the grandparents or other people?

Thanks for sharing. :)

[Momit]

Not exactly what you asked, but...while having a DH who travels a lot didn't change the # of kids we have (1), it did greatly influence my decision to go from WOH to SAH. I know plenty of people juggle both, with more kids than just 1, but for me/us this was the best thing. We don't have any family or babysitters in the area, just preschool.

[amldaley]

It played no role in our decision making whatsoever. DH was active duty when we had both DD's (though retired when DD2 was only 2 mo.). He was gone alot for pre-deployment trainings, classes, etc stateside and gone 8 months when DD1 was 2 years old. My mother did come help when DH was deployed but otherwise, we had no help from family at all (we did not live near family). Had he remained active duty (as we originally planned when we had DD2) he would have left when she was 4 weeks old and would have missed her next 9 months.

DH now travels monthly for anywhere from 2 to 10 days at a time and that could be in or out of the country. If we were younger and I was in better health, we would absolutely have had a 3rd child.

I think it depends on their ages, too. I can't imagine having 3 very tiny ones with no help but mine are 3.5 years apart.

Ultimately, we felt having a child equalled a lifetime and all jobs are essentially temporary.

ETA: I only ever had two friends who helped out and we did not have a nanny, a cleaning lady or any other help, either. I have done this both as a FT WOHM and a SAHM.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

DH travels a significant amount. Usually 1 or 2 weeks a month, one week at a time. Sometimes he has to leave on or come back on a weekend. We only have 2 kiddos, though they are only 14 mos apart, the oldest just turned 3, we have zero family help, so it's a lot. As a SAHM i had a sitter come 1-2x a week, and that was great when DH was OOT so i could get shopping, cooking etc done. Now that i'm back at work full time, I feel the burn more when DH travels, bc with i have to deal with daycare dropoff/pickup...the kids are in daycare 10-11 hrs a day, we get home at 6pm, kids are hungry for food & attention.. zero time to cook or do anything else. It is nice to have quiet time at work for 8 hours, but the evenings are insane without DH here.

i am hoping it gets easier as they get older. if we have a third, at least DS would have to be in school. either SAH or working, it is really, really hard to parent 2 little ones by yourself and no one to help, especially this time of year where sicknesses are rampant.

[Pennylane]

My DH travels every week and I have 3 dc. The older they get , the harder it is getting. Between homework, music lessons, sports, etc , I am busy! We did not plan on 3 children, second pregnancy was twins. No way I would have any more than 3 though with his schedule.

Ann

[twowhat?]

My DH travels frequently and I guess it would depend...putting aside the whole "we're done with 2 kids", I think I could handle 1 or 2 more AS LONG as I had a FT flexible job that required NO travel or was a SAHM or worked PT. Plus one of the following - either being able to comfortably hire out regular help or having family nearby who are willing and able to help.

Right now I do have to travel and I hate the traveling aspect. When our girls start public school, I will be looking into jobs or maybe a role at my current company (if they are willing to work with me on it) that requires no or very little travel. Even with just 2 kids, with homework, activities, etc, that would really be too much for me to want to handle with both partners traveling. As much as I like my job in general, one of us needs to be more grounded. I guess I should clarify - I would WANT one of us to be more grounded. And I would want that person to be me, personally:) Plus DH is above me in salary and seniority/position so it would make sense for him to continue climbing that ladder. And I would be totally and completely happy with a mommy-tracked job that allowed me to be present for my kids as much as I want to be.

[roseyloxs]

Another military spouse here. DH is a pilot and is out of the country frequently. In his old plane he would go on 10-14 day trips out of the country for about 1.5 times a month (Easily gone over 200 to 250 days a year). In his current plane the trips are much shorter, sometimes he is even back the same day but he is still travelling outside of the country and if the plane breaks (which happens more often then I would like) he is stuck there. We have about 18 months and then we will have a new assignment again and start getting used to a new normal all over again.

We have 3 kids and might even have 4 before everything is said and done. DH's travels never went into my decision. The travelling is definitely a hiccup but I am pretty good at doing it all myself. DH usually just makes things go slower and screws up the good thing I have going when he gets home from a long trip or deployment. The first 2 days are always brutal and then by the 3rd and 4th day we start setting into our routine and things run pretty smoothly. Now that his trips are shorter its not so bad since I usually do bedtimes by myself even when he is home because his office job here has him working long hours so whether he is flying or not doesn't change a lot for me nowadays.

I agree though the days and nights do get long. My kids can't read time yet though so if its been a long day then bedtime happens earlier and mommy sneaks in some extra relaxation time before bed. Its a tiny bit easier in the military because all the other spouses are going through it too. There is at least someone nearby who gets it and is more then willing to give a helping hand if you start reaching a crazy *I need an adult conversation NOW* kind of moment.

Oh for the record we have no family nearby and we do not have a regular babysitter although my older two are in the local German kindergarten/preschool now.

[megs4413]

personally, without a significant support system: 2.

My best friend has 5 and her DH spends 3-4 days each week out of town. I do NOT know how she does it. 3 of them are in school now, but the oldest is only 9! She is my hero!

[lkarp]

My husband is currently working on a project at work that takes him away from home at least 3 (usually 4 or 5) days a week. We have 3 girls now 2, 4, and 7 and I stay at home full time with them. We've been dealing with the crazy schedule for over a year now and it has been hard. The toughest time was Winter 2011/2012 when DD3 was around 15-18 months. I just didn't feel like I could keep things together, I was yelling at the girls all the time, and the house was a pit. Now the girls are a bit older it is easier (the house is still a pit, but I'm working on it), not ideal, but doable. So, we are NOT actively trying for a fourth while DH is away so often. I just don't think I could be the parent I want to be if I was stretched so thin.

We have some family 45 minutes away and they can help sometimes, but it is usually only on weekends that our teenage nieces can come help out. DH's parents live 3 hours away and they come when I ask, but I hesitate to ask too often as they are getting older and I can see the drive can be taxing for them. Most of the time it is just the girls and me and we've figured out a routine that works for us while DH is away. I cope by keeping meals simpler (we go out maybe one time a week), they don't bathe as often, and I put them down earlier so I get a break. Oh and wine helps...

[buddyleebaby]

My DH is away for 3-4 days/nights a week and I have no family nearby.
In all honesty, once it is your norm, it's not hard. You find ways that work for you.

I am pretty sleep deprived at the moment because I have a new baby, but that would be the case even if he were home. I'd just have someone else to be sleep deprived with. ;)

[JElaineB]

Well, my DH doesn't travel for work (though I did some in my last job), but since we only have 1 kid I don't think that would have changed if did travel for his job. So the answer is 1.

[belovedgandp]

I have 3 kids that are 8, 5 and 2 years old now. DH traveled and/or worked crazy hours for a solid four year hunk in there, so most of DC2's life and the first year of DC3's life. He changed positions 18 months ago and not longer travels.

It stinks, but is doable when they are younger. That last year I about pulled my hair out because I a baby, preschooler and elementary school student. The back and forth of two different schools, sleepless nights, topped off by the increased activities and demands of my oldest made it worse than if they were all younger and at home more.

Not great at any time, but it was easier when the kids were younger. I am so grateful that he is home in the evenings to help now. I have absolutely no idea how I would have managed our schedule the past 6 months without him. Or more honestly, my kids would not have gotten to do some of the things they really wanted to do because I would not have been able to be all the places I was needed at once.

[daisyd]

Not me but SIL has some experience with this. Her DH travels for work, months at a time. SIL WOTH full time and has her hands full with 2 DNs. She does have a nanny, maid service and family nearby who help a big chunk of the time and its still tough. I think it influenced the decision to have 2nd DN 5 yrs after the first. It can be done though.

[hillview]

2 for me personally

[kerridean]

DH is active duty Army. We have 2 DDs (7 and 9) and we are very much done.

[crl]

Well, I probably would have topped out at two anyway so I'm not sure how meaningful my answer is. But two.

Dh travels for work some--it's pretty erratic. He will go a few months where he's gone a week or two every month then a year with no travel then. . . .

But even when he's not traveling he's never home during the week for dinner or dd's bedtime. He occasionally makes it home right before ds goes to bed at 9. And he almost never helps with the morning routine either. So it's not like it makes much difference if he's traveling or not.

I told him that having a third would mean hiring a full time nanny because I wasn't even considering it otherwise. We decided to stop at two (for other reasons too).

Catherine

[AnnieW625]

If I really wanted 3 or more kids and the income was good that I could potentially hire help if needed when my DH was gone it wouldn't concern me in the least.

We stopped at two for financial reasons and DH travels infrequently so it isn't a huge issue for us.

[Globetrotter]

In my case, two is all I can handle with a dh who travels/is absent a lot.

[cuca_]

My DH travels quite frequently for work, but he is not usually away for long. If he goes someplace close he sometimes tries to leave in the morning and come back at night. The longest he is away usually is a night or two. He has been traveling like this since before we had DD1. We have 4 kids, and we did not consider his traveling when deciding how many kids to have. We do not have help from family, but we have a housekeeper/babysitter who helps me. Unlike others, I find that it has gotten easier as my kids get older. True, we are often running around from activity to activity, but my youngest are able to wait with me patiently and keep themselves entertained, or I am able to drop-off my older kids rather than have to sit through the whole class/activity. Also, DH now has a much shorter commute than he had a couple of years ago, so when he is in town, he is able to help our with some of my older kids activities.

[daisyd]

Its 2 for me too :) How could I forget I was usually away from home 1-2 days a week for the first 3 years of DS1's life. I guess its different from if DH was traveling but DH as a FT WOTH struggled to manage despite being accommodative and hands on. It didnt help that DS had recurrent ear infections (like 1-2 a month), delayed speech as a result and our pediatrician was not on top of the situation. We dont have family/friends to help and while we did have daycare there were no babysitters for afterhours or no help around the chores at home. We dropped the idea of another DC as a result. Luckily things got easier as DS1 turned 3. HTH

[smilequeen]

I have a DH who travels a lot. I am lucky to have family around but 3 is HARD in this situation. I hate to tell people that it gets harder as they get older and busier. I am juggling all the sports and school stuff and it's not easy. I would not change it but I will not have a 4th, that's for sure.

[brittone2]

Hmmm..I think it is such a situational thing. My DH travels 10-15% of the time, which isn't that much. 1-3 day trips are a minor inconvenience and even if DH had to do them more frequently...eh, no big deal. The week long or longer ones are much more of a nuisance to me. Longer than that, I really get a bit flustered at times. I know that is wimpy. I apologize to any and all military families who make that sacrifice regularly, because I know that my complaints are very shallow in comparison!

It seems like things can roll along great for 3-4 days, and then if we hit a rough evening or something goes wrong (someone gets sick, etc.) it all starts falling apart quickly LOL. When my parents were available locally for support, that was really helpful. They offer to help now but are 9 hrs away. They do insist on helping sometimes and have been known to drive to help when DH is away for a longer period of tiem. Even then, they end up staying here as houseguests and kind of disrupt our routine, but they can be helpful. MIL/FIL care for my nephews and grandmother in law lives with them, so they have their hands full. THey offer to help, but I can't take them up on it...they are just too swamped already IMO. I also have 3 kids here full time since we HS, so I don't have school hours free to run errands, clean, etc. in order to catch up unless I hire that out.

When traveling, it is tough when kids have activities on the same night. DD is not young enough to drop off places. DS2 gets dragged everywhere.

My kids also have some crazy ability to manage to get sick when DH is traveling. With one or two kids, ugggh, not fun. With 3, it feels like a marathon til it is all over. I swear, 75 to 85% of their stomach bugs have happened while he's away. It is bizarre.

eta: my 3 are all roughly 3 years apart.

[MSWR0319]

DH travels a lot and it's part of the reason the boys are 3.5 years apart. We're done unless there's an accident and his travel definitely plays a part in it. I SAH but when he's gone a long time I start getting worn. There's too much going on and having to do everything gets old. Could I handle 3? Probably. Do I want to? Absolutely not. It kinda takes the fun out of being ale to enjoy my kids if I'm so worn out from doing everything. I'm sure many people could handle 3 but not me.

[abh5e8]

not exactly the same...but dh and I do both solo parent a lot. he works nights/weekends, so on thurs/fri i see him for 15 mins in the am and then not until after teh dc are in bed. sat/sun he gets home at 7:30 am and is up until a little after noon. so 4 days per week I do all the afternoon/evening/bedtime routine. we have 3 dc (ages 5, 4, 2) and one on the way. maybe would not if this were to be the long term schedule, but thankfully, it will just be another 2.5 years from now.

solo parenting is TOUGH, no matter how you get to it.

[sunnyside]

My ex is gone 28 days a month and watches my DD 3 days a month from 8AM-8PM and I am considering having more children solo, so I'm the wrong person to ask!

[swissair81]

My husband has traveled 3 times in the last 4 weeks. I have 5 kids. Luckily, I also have cleaning help.

[Melaine]

That would be really hard. DH does not have to travel at all for work. I know that I would have probably STILL pushed for a third because I am super stubborn and I wanted my 3rd baby that badly but I know it would be more stressful. On the other hand, with the big gap in age I think I could manage. I don't know, however, if I could handle homeschooling and the baby if DH was out of town a significant amount of time per week. That might be where things would have to change for us (homeschooling).