Your thought process in having a third DC...

[ourbabygirl]

Poll coming...

How did you decide to have a third child? (This goes especially for singleton moms, but please feel free to vote and comment if you have multiples! :)) Was it a tough decision?

I'd love your feedback!
Thanks in advance! :thumbsup:

[SnuggleBuggles]

I think you need to just have a 3rd. You know you want to. :). If not, go back and read all your posts in these recent months. I don't think you'll be able to talk yourself out of it unless dh is totally not on board. Good luck!!!

[s7714]

I felt like a third was the right choice for our family when sitting in the hospital after our second was born. Up until that point I'd been adamant that two was my limit.

We never really tried that hard for a third, but it was getting to the point that I was about to draw the line and say we were done. #2 was 5 when I finally got pregnant. If I did it over again I would have actively TTC a lot sooner instead of just leaving it to fate.

FWIW, I did vote for the choice about hard pregnancy because while #1 and 2 were "easy" #3 was anything but. I was on bed rest with bleeding and pre-term labor the last month or so and DS was born 5 weeks early. I don't know if it was that I was older (35 vs 28-30 for the previous) or if my body just couldn't deal with a third round. Up until that point I thought my third was my easiest pregnancy because I felt great.

[maestramommy]

We didn't TTC but we didn't use BC either. We decided to just see what happens, and I got preggo right away:p

I don't have problems with pregnancy or nb, I mean unusual problems.

[maiaann]

We always knew we wanted (at least) 3 DCs. I'm one of three and DH is one of two. After DD2, we didn't feel "done" and got pregnant with DD3 right away. I'd love a 4th, actually. My pregnancies weren't bad & my kids were pretty easy babies, though.

[daniele_ut]

We didn't TTC but we didn't use BC either. We decided to just see what happens, and I got preggo right away:p


We didn't TTC either, but it took me more than 16 months to get pregnant with DS2. We were just about to buy a new car thinking I probably wouldn't get pregnant and a couple of weeks later I got a BFP.

My pregnancy history is a bit interesting but I really thought things would be smooth sailing with DS2. They weren't. At all. We all came out of it just fine, though, and I wouldn't have it any other way. He's awesome!

[AnnieW625]

I think you need to just have a 3rd. You know you want to. :). If not, go back and read all your posts in these recent months. I don't think you'll be able to talk yourself out of it unless dh is totally not on board. Good luck!!!

:yeahthat:

I am your other vote. DD2 is my 3rd baby in my heart. When we lost baby 2 we had decided we would wait until early 2010 to start TTC, and we would TTC for a year or so and if it happened it happened and if it didn't then DD1 would be an only child. Well one afternoon we got lazy and didn't use protection; this was 4 months post loss of baby 2. After we had DD2 we decided we didn't want to TTC a 4th time, it just would have been more stress seeing that my numbers for another baby with a chromosome disorder could be high already and since we had two healthy girls we just decided to keep it that way. Finances also dictated the choice a bit because had we lived in a more reasonable col area we might have been swayed to try again or looking at adopting and or fostering in hopes to adopt if I was not comfortable being pregnant again.

All 2/1/2 pregnancies were nothing out of the ordinary, except with baby 2 I was sick a lot for a lot of the time I was pregnant and I couldn't feel the baby moving at all when it came to second trimester.

[TwinFoxes]

I think you need to just have a 3rd. You know you want to. :). If not, go back and read all your posts in these recent months. I don't think you'll be able to talk yourself out of it unless dh is totally not on board. Good luck!!!

:yeahthat: I'm not sure what different info you're hoping to get at this point! :) Good luck.

[AJP]

We knew we wanted a third when our girls were around 2yrs old. Our twins and our 3rd (DS) are just under 3yrs apart. Like 2weeks under. We always threw the idea around of having 3DC. I don't know that we'd definitely gone for 3 had my first and second not been twins.
We decided I'd have my IUD removed in September and prepare for a visit to the RE around the holidays. I thought it would be another long road with IVF. I was pg right around Halloween. Around 5/6 weeks after having my IUD removed. Lol. We didn't have time to think about "trying" with timing my cycle etc.
While I don't have a "hard time" with newborns, I am a terrible, terrible pg woman. I am cranky, forget the pregnancy "glow" everyone talks about (LIARS!) get morning sickness for like 19 weeks and had these dreams of a nice singleton pregnancy. Having toddler twins quickly destroyed any dreams of a nice, easy singleton pregnancy and those girls kicked my butt physically and mentally EVERY day lol.
We both feel like our family is complete!

[ilfaith]

After DS2 was born, I was pretty sure I was done, but when he was about a year and a half, I started thinking I might want to have one more. DH and I discussed it over the next few months and while I don't think either of us was 100% certain we should have a third we got a little lazy about using birth control. The summer I turned 39 (and DS2 turned 2) we got pregnant. It was a bit of a surprise. I didn't even realize it until I had to go for an emergency root canal and the endodontist sent me a questionnaire which asked "are you pregnant"...I realized my period had been due two days earlier and hadn't arrived (my mouth was in so much pain then I hadn't been paying attention). I tried not to think about the percoset I had been taking over the previous days before testing. Sure enough I was positive. Less than two weeks later, I miscarried.

After that, we realized that we definitely wanted three children to complete our family. I was pregnant with DS3 two months later, and gave birth a month and a day before turning 40.

[kdeunc]

We knew that we wanted 3. My first are exactly 2 years apart and I did know that I needed a little more space between 2 and 3. DD is 3 1/2 years younger than DS2. I had a miscarriage before DD and had decided that if we had another then we would be done. I did not want to go through that again and I was already 37.

[ourbabygirl]

Thanks, Guys. I actually felt 'done' after having DS (our second), and sold or gave away most of my baby stuff and all of my maternity stuff (partly because we're hoping to move, and I figured I could rebuy things later if I needed to). The only things left I have are a crib, breast pump, and a few bigger toddler toys that I have to decide what to do with.

So this semi-desire to have another is kind of out of nowhere; not sure if it's partially from seeing and hearing of so many friends and family having a(nother) baby (their third, especially), or what. It's not like my hormones are screaming for another baby (including when I see people with newborns).

DH would be fine either way; of course, he'd rather not have the additional expenses of another kid (esp. buying a new car- he really doesn't want a minivan, forgoing vacations, possibly paying for private school tuition for 3 kids, etc.). He and I both come from families with three kids, and though my family had the resources to fly around for vacations and such, his family didn't, and I don't want to continue depriving him of things that he didn't have when he was young (his family was poor and dysfunctional, and he doesn't want a repeat of that).

I'm really hesitant about adding a third because I don't do pregnancy or newborns well (took Lexapro for PPD after DS, maybe should have after DD, too). And the lack of sleep makes me *really* cranky and short with my kids and husband. I love the idea of having three kids later on when they're older and can play together, and then can grow up together and be friends and (maybe) have cousins to play together. Our family just feels kind of small now, but I'm not sure that it's necessarily 'incomplete.' But I'm worried that if I give up the chance now to have another kid, I'll regret it later on.
I would wait 2 or 3 years until DD is in K or 1st grade, but DH wants the kids to be closer together (our youngest is almost 2.5, and would be 3.5 or so by the time we would have a baby, at the earliest).

I also don't know that I'm up to the challenge of parenting 3 kids. And if we'd ever be able to take a trip (even for 2 or 3 days) as just the two of us, since we'd only have my mom to watch the kids, as DH's parents are separated and not in the mental or physical condition to watch kids.
Or what I'd do if something happened to DH, if I were left to provide for 3 kids on my own (I'm a SAHM) (we do have life insurance, but still).

I don't want to ruin the good thing we have with our two awesome kids by adding a third. But I'm not ready to give up the idea of possibly adding another member to our family, either. :shrug:

[SnuggleBuggles]

It sounds like some of the things that we thought about when trying to decide about ds2. Best thing I did was stop thinking about it for several months. Like totally just table the thoughts and discussion. Reasses. It might be a good idea. Also, coming from someone with a big age gap, I think I had it a lot easier than posters on this board that had kids a lot closer in age. It might be easier for you to handle a 3rd if you weren't as in the trenches with little ones. :)

[s7714]

I would wait 2 or 3 years until DD is in K or 1st grade, but DH wants the kids to be closer together (our youngest is almost 2.5, and would be 3.5 or so by the time we would have a baby, at the earliest).

I also don't know that I'm up to the challenge of parenting 3 kids. And if we'd ever be able to take a trip (even for 2 or 3 days) as just the two of us, since we'd only have my mom to watch the kids, as DH's parents are separated and not in the mental or physical condition to watch kids.
Or what I'd do if something happened to DH, if I were left to provide for 3 kids on my own (I'm a SAHM) (we do have life insurance, but still).

I don't want to ruin the good thing we have with our two awesome kids by adding a third. But I'm not ready to give up the idea of possibly adding another member to our family, either. :shrug:

As I already said, DD2 was 5 when I got pregnant with DS. While I do truly feel our family is now complete and I wouldn't take back having DS, I can't tell you how many of those "what the hell was I thinking" days when it comes to the starting over aspect! I'm not a big purse lover and suddenly I was back to carting a diaper bag. Our do things at the drop of a hat for fun lifestyle was suddenly highly structured for naps and feedings. Like you I got rid of a lot of stuff, so had to buy a fair amount. Granted I didn't buy as much because after two you pretty much know what is truly needed and what is just fluff! ;)

As for age spacing, there are definite advantages to having older DC when you have a baby. My almost 10 year old adores her baby brother and makes a fantastic around the house babysitter. At 7 my other DD adores DS, but she had and still has a LOT of issues with the fact she's no longer the baby of the house. I often wonder if she'd been around 3 like the spacing of DD1 and DD2 if she would have had an easier time. OTOH having them closer in age makes it much easier for them to play together I think. My DDs have fun playing with DS here and there, but they most certainly don't play together for more than a few minutes here and there. Their interests are just too different being 5+ years apart.

Having 3 vs 2 also impacted things I never thought about. Babysitters for one. I don't have much of a support system in my area when it comes to family and DH works really long hours. I was surprised to find that having a third caused a couple of paid babysitters I used to back out. They were fine with older kids, but adding an infant to the mix had them running for the hills. YMMV on that one of course. But even the few family members that are relatively close seemed suddenly overwhelmed at the prospect of watching all three of ours plus their one. Which leads me to the other issue--picking guardians. All the people we thought about picking for our will, we realized we had to question if they would be able to deal with adding now 3 instead of 2 to their family. Most of our friends and family have only one DC by choice, so we've found it difficult to find someone who is both willing and physically/mentally capable of dealing with a much larger family. I realize neither of these is necessarily a make it or break it factor in the decision to have a third, but I just wanted to mention them as they're things I never even thought about!

[roseyloxs]

DH and I wanted 3 or 4 kids before we even had our first. Truthfully speaking I would be up for 7 or 8 if money grew on trees and I didn't have to be 2-3 years older for every pregnancy. My mom is the 7th of 8 kids and my dad is the 1st of 4. Holidays on my dad's side just feel so quiet in comparison to my mom's. I had started to feel really confident in the idea of 4 kids but this last pregnancy was definitely more uncomfortable for me and not because of the symptoms but just because of my age. I just didn't handle the same inconveniences as well as I did in my 20s. So the 4th kid is a question mark now. However as the pain of labor and the annoyance of pregnancy start to fade I am looking more fondly on a 4th again.

[BayGirl2]

OP - I think you and I are pretty much in the same boat in terms of our reasoning for wanting/not sure about adding a third. I also don't love being pregnant, and don't love the idea of having to accomodate a lot of the changes required to add a third. But at the same time I feel our family isn't necessarily complete and would like 3-4 siblings when they are older.

I decided not to decide, and I guess I have another couple months of that. Sometimes I wonder if somehow we will end up with 1-2 more kids from some other source, and that's the way our family will grow. (Not likely but it could happen) Two of my neighbors are pregnant right now so we'll see what that does to me emotionally. I'd be the first in our social group to have a 3rd.

I don't like being undecided so its more the not knowing that's bugging me. Do we make choices as if we'll have just these 2 or should we plan for another baby in the house? I know nothing is ever certain anyway, but easier said than done.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

OP - I think you and I are pretty much in the same boat in terms of our reasoning for wanting/not sure about adding a third. I also don't love being pregnant, and don't love the idea of having to accomodate a lot of the changes required to add a third. But at the same time I feel our family isn't necessarily complete and would like 3-4 siblings when they are older.

I decided not to decide, and I guess I have another couple months of that. Sometimes I wonder if somehow we will end up with 1-2 more kids from some other source, and that's the way our family will grow. (Not likely but it could happen) Two of my neighbors are pregnant right now so we'll see what that does to me emotionally. I'd be the first in our social group to have a 3rd.

I don't like being undecided so its more the not knowing that's bugging me. Do we make choices as if we'll have just these 2 or should we plan for another baby in the house? I know nothing is ever certain anyway, but easier said than done.

Wow, this describes me too, especially the bolded. The main thing is that i would LOVE for my kids to have more siblings. I only have one brother 5.5 years younger and i remember always begging for my mom to have more kids (i so wanted a sister). I was so jealous of my friends who had large families. I was more jealous of those who had 5, 6 brothers & sisters and lived in a tiny apt than those who had 2 but went on fancy vacations and had huge houses.

Though, i am turning 35 this year (EEK) and i am not sure i could mentally/physically handle another pregnancy, especially in my late 30s. I don't really like being pregnant in general (horrible morning sickness in the first half) and don't have the best track record for getting to full-term. I am working FT now so if we do have a 3rd i would only get the 12 weeks off...and BFing would be much harder. We have no family help so i can't iamgine dealing with picking DS from school with a baby. But then i try to think longer-term benefits of the kids having another sibling. I dont know. It always goes back to me feeling upset that i have such limited time to decide. If i could go back in time i wish i could have met DH sooner so i could have kids sooner. I hate feeling so old and tired already with just 2 kids.

[AnnieW625]

It sounds like some of the things that we thought about when trying to decide about ds2. Best thing I did was stop thinking about it for several months. Like totally just table the thoughts and discussion. Reasses. It might be a good idea. Also, coming from someone with a big age gap, I think I had it a lot easier than posters on this board that had kids a lot closer in age. It might be easier for you to handle a 3rd if you weren't as in the trenches with little ones. :)

mine are 4 yrs. apart and after the loss we just had to sit back and not think about it more than say okay let's wait 6-12 months before even talking about it, and it was the best thing. We let fate take control, and imho it did. I knew that afternoon we had unprotected sex I was pregnant (first thing I did was verify my ovulation date la on my monthly planner.com). It was a completely different feeling than I had when I finally decided to TTC baby 2 because I figured if I was going to have 2 kids they needed to be no more than 3/1/2 yrs. apart to feel like I was keeping up with the Jones (although I was already a year behind because I knew so many people here with the "ideal" 2 yrs. to 2 yrs. 9 mos. spread of kids) that I got overly worked up about it. I mean another friend of mine was having her 3rd and I wasn't even pregnant yet with the second child I wasn't super sure I even wanted.

I am also the eldest of 3 kids in a family with a 10 yr. age gap between the oldest and the youngest. I am 2 yrs. 9 mos. older than my brother, and I am 10 yrs. and 2 weeks older than my sister. For whatever reason they decided to have a 7 yrs. 4 mos. span between my brother and sister. At first I was embarrassed to have a pregnant mom and be in the 4th grade, but once my sister was born it was great. Us older siblings could help out a lot, and now my brother and sister are really close. My parents do not regret waiting 5 or 6 yrs. to start TTC a third child so don't feel like you have to be in a rush to do so just because everyone else is.

Like Beth said just don't think about it for a while and if it happens it happens. :hug:

[BayGirl2]

Wow, this describes me too, especially the bolded. The main thing is that i would LOVE for my kids to have more siblings. I only have one brother 5.5 years younger and i remember always begging for my mom to have more kids (i so wanted a sister). I was so jealous of my friends who had large families. I was more jealous of those who had 5, 6 brothers & sisters and lived in a tiny apt than those who had 2 but went on fancy vacations and had huge houses.

Though, i am turning 35 this year (EEK) and i am not sure i could mentally/physically handle another pregnancy, especially in my late 30s. I don't really like being pregnant in general (horrible morning sickness in the first half) and don't have the best track record for getting to full-term. I am working FT now so if we do have a 3rd i would only get the 12 weeks off...and BFing would be much harder. We have no family help so i can't iamgine dealing with picking DS from school with a baby. But then i try to think longer-term benefits of the kids having another sibling. I dont know. It always goes back to me feeling upset that i have such limited time to decide. If i could go back in time i wish i could have met DH sooner so i could have kids sooner. I hate feeling so old and tired already with just 2 kids.

Yep, I hear you. I had just a younger brother and I always wanted an older sister. I always/still felt like the family was too small, something was missing. DH has 4 in his family and although it gets complicated, I see how different the dynamic was. I thought this aspect may become clearer to me over the holidays but it didn't.

I was 35 when I had my first, I'm 38 now so #3 I'd be 39, maybe 40. I'm ok with the age thing, its more that I'm out of shape and feel like I should be healthier before getting pregnant. But then who wants to work hard to get into shape just to lose traction by being pregnant again? Sometimes I hope I could get pregnant with twins so we'd have 4 before I'm 40. Totally chaotic in the short term but I think I'd like the long term results. I worked for both pregnancies and would continue to do so with another, even if it were twins DH is more likely to be the one who stays home in the longer term.

Logistically and financially three adds a lot more complexity. I can't begin to figure it all out - cars, bedrooms, child care, activities etc. That may be the only thing holding me back. But then there's a point where I figure that stuff kind of comes together when you need it to. Its all short term material concerns. If you are able to meet the basic needs of a child financially and emotionally then you just go for it and let life happen.

[sarahsthreads]

Logistically and financially three adds a lot more complexity. I can't begin to figure it all out - cars, bedrooms, child care, activities etc. That may be the only thing holding me back. But then there's a point where I figure that stuff kind of comes together when you need it to. Its all short term material concerns. If you are able to meet the basic needs of a child financially and emotionally then you just go for it and let life happen.

This really resonates with me, especially the bolded.

I also think having extra spacing between #2 and #3 isn't so bad. DH and I each have two siblings. DH (the youngest) is 8+ years younger than his oldest sister, and in my family I'm the oldest, 9+ years older than my "baby" brother. We both feel like our growing up years were fun and fine despite the wide age range. And our "middle siblings" are perfectly fine, well-adjusted individuals, so clearly they didn't suffer any long-term ill effects. ;)

Sarah :)