I have caller ID and VM, there's no need to dial 80 times!

[edurnemk]

Dear MIL,

If you call and I don't answer, just wait for me to get back to you, will ya'? Don't call 3 times in a row right in the middle of bedtime, because after the 3rd time the phone rings I actually thought it might be an emergency. DD was FINALLY falling asleep, after crying for 45 minutes because she's sick, and miserable and she was upset because I left her in the crib for 5 minutes while I put DS to bed. So that's why I ignored the first call, and the second, but the third had me thinking it MUST be really important for anyone to dial 3 times in a row, without waiting even 2 seconds between tries. So, yeah, I got up, and carried DD out of her room to see who it was (because she was not fully asleep and putting her down and leaving the room at that point would have guaranteed another 45 minutes of crying), and guess what? She got all hyper and it took me another 40 minutes to get her to fall asleep.

Can't say it surprises me, since you've always been one to call at inappropriate hours, and refuse to just leave a d@mn message if we don't answer, and then get all crazy about why we wouldn't take your call. Will you just get it in your head that people cannot drop everything whenever you want something?

[KLD313]

I know where you're coming from and it is annoying. My mother does this all the time.

[Tondi G]

I would tell her exactly what you wrote. She needs to understand that calling at a time when you are typically trying to get your children to sleep for the night is not cool! One time ... and an "Oops I didn't realize what time it was".... ok fine but 3 times in a row... WTF?!

I would be giving my MIL an earful! Maybe in the future you should just turn off the ringer on your phone when you start the nighttime routine!

[kara97210]

I know where you're coming from and it is annoying. My mother does this all the time.
:yeahthat:

My mom does this also. She also leaves long, rambling voicemails and if the voicemail cuts her off she calls back and continues her message. So it's not weird to get a 10 minute voicemail message from her, spread over 3-4 message.

[123LuckyMom]

My mother does this, too. I think it's a generational thing. That woman will answer her phone come heck or high water, even when it's really inconvenient for her, and she expects that I will do the same. On the flip side, she refuses to leave her cell phone on. She carries it around, mostly uncharged, in case she needs to make an outgoing call! It's ridiculous! Of course if she ALWAYS feels compelled to answer, maybe that's best. Anyway, I turn off the ringers on the upstairs phones. I can hear the downstairs phones ring, but it's not enough volume to wake anyone. I would ask her not to call multiple times in a row unless it's an emergency. Surely that's not too hard to do! I'm sorry for all that extra crying!!!

[JBaxter]

My favorite is when the alternate between the cell and home phone.

[wellyes]

So annoying. This is why home phones need ring tones, so you can instantly tell who's calling!

[edurnemk]

My favorite is when the alternate between the cell and home phone.

Oh she does that, too. After dialing our home phone 3 times, she immediately called DH's cell. He had gone out (hence why I even bothered to go check the phone, thinking it might be him calling), I don't know what he told her, but he was annoyed, too.

Once when we had been married less than 6 months, she called on Friday night, it was about 10-10:30 pm (I believe you never call someone after 8 pm, or 9 pm if it's someone very close and it's important). Anyway, lets just say DH and I were "busy", of course we didn't pick up but our home phone and DH's cell kept ringing, totally killed the mood. Later, when DH called her back to see what she wanted, she kept asking what we were doing and why we didn't answer before. DH ignored her and she'd ask again. I was tempted to grab the phone and tell her what we were doing before so she'd think twice about meddling in the future.

[edurnemk]

So annoying. This is why home phones need ring tones, so you can instantly tell who's calling!

My parents have a phone that tells you whose calling out loud, I need to get me one of those!

[TwinFoxes]

I'd turn off the ringer and just check VM after DD was asleep. I was a big proponent of ringer OFF when the girls were small.

[edurnemk]

I'd turn off the ringer and just check VM after DD was asleep. I was a big proponent of ringer OFF when the girls were small.

I sometimes do that, but most nights I forget to turn it off. It wasn't the ringing that woke her, but the taking her out into the lit hallway. I heard the phone, ignored it, but by the third call I thought "what if it's DH and it's an emergency, 'cause that's awfully insisting"

[wellyes]

I'm with you. A call after 9, and certainly multiple call attempts, means emergency. You shouldn't have to turn off your phone to avoid her.

Maybe you can tell her the phone is too loud after 9 when kids are in bed or napping. So, you prefer she text you instead. Even offer to pay for a texting plan. That will definitely slow her down.

[hellokitty]

Oh she does that, too. After dialing our home phone 3 times, she immediately called DH's cell. He had gone out (hence why I even bothered to go check the phone, thinking it might be him calling), I don't know what he told her, but he was annoyed, too.

Once when we had been married less than 6 months, she called on Friday night, it was about 10-10:30 pm (I believe you never call someone after 8 pm, or 9 pm if it's someone very close and it's important). Anyway, lets just say DH and I were "busy", of course we didn't pick up but our home phone and DH's cell kept ringing, totally killed the mood. Later, when DH called her back to see what she wanted, she kept asking what we were doing and why we didn't answer before. DH ignored her and she'd ask again. I was tempted to grab the phone and tell her what we were doing before so she'd think twice about meddling in the future.

Lol, my mil does the same exact thing. I refuse to answer her calls, thank goodness we got rid of our landline, so she basically calls dh and bugs him directly. However, if he doesn't pick up (heaven forbid, he be in the middle of bypass during open heart surgery and have to take a call from his stupid mom), she calls me. I used to pick up, only to find that she just basically acts like I am dh's secretary and she always says, "is he ok, why didn't he pick up?" She seems to think that he is dead in a ditch somewhere if he doesn't answer every single one of his phone calls. So, I find it annoying that when she calls, it is ONLY to talk to DH, and I'm just merely a person of use, which is why I don't bother with her phone calls, they go to VM and I know it pisses her off, but I get some sick joy out of this, b/c she is so annoying, I find it satisfying that this small action, pisses her off.

One time we were trying to get all 3 kids in the car to go somewhere and we were running late. Mil called dh's cell and he ignored it (she is the woman who cried sheep, she thinks everything is an emergency, but they never are, and we are to the point where if there really is an emergency, I don't know if anyone will even take her seriously), since he was busy getting the kids into their carseats. Then of course, she started calling my cell phone, so I just ignored her call. Then she starts calling dh's cell again and he is still trying to get the kids in their seats, so he ignores it and then she does it to me again and I ignore it, b/c she is batsh*t crazy and annoying. DH yells at me and says, "why didn't you pick up?" I said, "Because your mom is annoying, she is only calling me, to get to you, I'm not your secretary!" He said, "Well, you're driving HER crazy!" I said, "Good, for once, I get to drive HER crazy, b/c she is the one who drives ME crazy and everyone else around her." DH started laughing, since it's true. His mother is one of the most annoying ppl on the planet. He finally calls her back once we are on the road and of course she is fixated on why neither of us would answer her annoying back (esp fixated with why *I* didn't pick up) and forth calls and of course it turns out that the reason she was calling was for something completely NON-urgent and stupid. When I asked dh why he didn't confront her about how annoying and inappropriate it is to act this way, his feeling about this is that she won't change, so why bother wasting his breath. I am annoyed with this attitude, since it means that everyone else is expected to accommodate the annoying, crazy person, instead of making her responsible for her own actions. Let you think I'm a crappy dil, my sil also refuses to talk to my mil when she calls, for the same reasons that I do, so it's not just me. She literally annoys the crap out of anyone that she comes into contact with.

He did crack on her once and she has never forgotten it. Within months of getting married, dh got laid off from his job. Mil thought that it would somehow be helpful to call us FIVE times a day to ask if he had gotten a new job again. Yes, FIVE times a day. Of course, we were completely annoyed, dh is in a field where it is difficult to find jobs to begin with, we do not need some psychotic, annoying person calling us every few hrs to ask if he got a new job, acting as if he wasn't trying hard enough. She finally pushed him over the edge, and he blew up at her and told her it was making us feel worse for her to constantly be breathing down our necks, calling so often and wasn't helping the situation. She went around telling relatives that she no longer felt comfortable calling us, since we told her NOT to call anymore. No, we did not say that, we said, "don't call us THAT often, you are stressing us out." However, she of course, has to be a drama queen and blow it out of proportion. She does this often where she pushes dh to the point where he might lay his foot down and then she gets angry with us and we get the silent treatment for a couple of months (I love this, it is so relaxing when she is angry with us and we don't have to deal with her, pissing her off is not a bad thing in my book).

If your mil is being this obnoxious, I would say that flat out telling her she is interrupting sex or telling her that she is being annoying might be a good way to deal with her, like my mil. You either got to shock them or piss them off for them to behave a little bit. Having these types of ppl get pissy at you is not a bad thing. It means that they usually stay out of your hair temporarily until they stop stewing. Unfortunately, it is always just a temporary change, not permanent.

[TwinFoxes]

I sometimes do that, but most nights I forget to turn it off. It wasn't the ringing that woke her, but the taking her out into the lit hallway. I heard the phone, ignored it, but by the third call I thought "what if it's DH and it's an emergency, 'cause that's awfully insisting"

She sounds like a piece of work. Does she think you don't hear the phone? Or is she envisioning masked intruders and worries until you pick up? Either way, so annoying!

[StantonHyde]

My dad did that. I do not answer his calls. EVER. He now calls DH if he needs something. I told DH to ignore his calls. He doesn't. His loss. I put my dad on email contact only. You can train a narcisst with behavior modifcation. But that's about it. There is no reasoning with them. You just have to consign yourself to rewarding the behaviors you want and ignoring those you don't. Takes a while, but they do get it.

[janine]

Annoying! I hear you on not wanting to turn ringer off - I'm the same way with my cell even if I get the odd wrong number/drunk dial in the middle of the night - because what if it's an emergency?

Maybe mention you have caller ID - perhaps knowing you know she called 1000 times might embarrass her enough to think 2x.

[SkyrMommy]

So annoying. This is why home phones need ring tones, so you can instantly tell who's calling!

:yeahthat: This is exactly why my MIL, my parents, DH's cell, and DH's work all have different ringtones. MIL is especially seems 'suprised' when we get grumpy at her phone call timing. :hug: OP

[jal]

IMHO, it is MORE than justifiable to GO OFF ON ANYONE!!!! (parents and in-laws included) if they EVER call after 9:00pm and it's not an emergency.

[trales]

my mother does this, and when I call her back, I get, OH I just assumed you were screening your calls and did not want to talk to me. My friends kids all talk to their mothers.

Or "OH, you were out skiing, well I really needed to ask you about these pants I saw at the mall, you should have your phone with you so I can get ahold of you, what if your grandmother died. And don't tell me you did not have reception, everyone I know always has reception, it is only you that has these problems and only when I call".

Or "Who takes a shower at 10am, you must be lying, none of my friends take a shower then, I just can't believe you don't answer when I call, don't you want to talk to me, my friends kids all live nearby and see their parents and talk for hours everyday."

I just want to kill myself.

[wellyes]

my mother does this, and when I call her back, I get, OH I just assumed you were screening your calls and did not want to talk to me. My friends kids all talk to their mothers.

Or "OH, you were out skiing, well I really needed to ask you about these pants I saw at the mall, you should have your phone with you so I can get ahold of you, what if your grandmother died. And don't tell me you did not have reception, everyone I know always has reception, it is only you that has these problems and only when I call".

Or "Who takes a shower at 10am, you must be lying, none of my friends take a shower then, I just can't believe you don't answer when I call, don't you want to talk to me, my friends kids all live nearby and see their parents and talk for hours everyday."

I just want to kill myself.
I read every single one of those in the voice of the Lorelei's mom on Gilmore Girls... that is some master-level manipulation right there.

[StantonHyde]

my mother does this, and when I call her back, I get, OH I just assumed you were screening your calls and did not want to talk to me. My friends kids all talk to their mothers.

Or "OH, you were out skiing, well I really needed to ask you about these pants I saw at the mall, you should have your phone with you so I can get ahold of you, what if your grandmother died. And don't tell me you did not have reception, everyone I know always has reception, it is only you that has these problems and only when I call".

Or "Who takes a shower at 10am, you must be lying, none of my friends take a shower then, I just can't believe you don't answer when I call, don't you want to talk to me, my friends kids all live nearby and see their parents and talk for hours everyday."

I just want to kill myself.

This is part of the reason why my dad is restricted to email only. He finally quit when I was on the phone with him and he was grilling me about "what are you doing that you can't call me back" when DD knocked over the ironing board and caused a giant bang slam etc. I said--gotta go. He finally realized that I must actually be busy caring for 2 kids.

[hellokitty]

my mother does this, and when I call her back, I get, OH I just assumed you were screening your calls and did not want to talk to me. My friends kids all talk to their mothers.

Or "OH, you were out skiing, well I really needed to ask you about these pants I saw at the mall, you should have your phone with you so I can get ahold of you, what if your grandmother died. And don't tell me you did not have reception, everyone I know always has reception, it is only you that has these problems and only when I call".

Or "Who takes a shower at 10am, you must be lying, none of my friends take a shower then, I just can't believe you don't answer when I call, don't you want to talk to me, my friends kids all live nearby and see their parents and talk for hours everyday."

I just want to kill myself.

Lol, I agree with the part about wanting to kill yourself. My mom always sounds like she thinks I am lying when I tell her I was busy, and even though she was a sahm, she always asks me what I do all day and thinks that I must be bored, like she literally thinks I sit at home all day and I don't leave the house. She ALWAYS calls when we are doing baths or putting the kids to bed, either that or she'll call at 10pm and ask if the kids have gone to bed yet, our bedtime for our kids has always been btwn 7-8pm depending on their age, so this isn't some new thing for us, my oldest will be NINE yrs old soon. I think it says a lot that she has absolutely no clue about our daily routine and then guilts me about not calling her often enough, acting as if I am neglecting her, when she is absolutely clueless about my family and our routine.

My mil took it to a whole new level. Not only does she call us incessantly, she also gets upset that WE don't call her enough to her liking. She once told dh when we were newly married that she could have died and nobody would even know, b/c we did not bother calling her. Yeah, dramatic, much? She has this person called a HUSBAND who is still alive and kicking. I hope that he would notice her rotting body if she died. Plus, even though she's a hypochondriac, she is as healthy as a horse and will probably live to be a hundred, just b/c the annoying ones seem to hang on longer.

[fedoragirl]

All I hope is that I don't turn into that mother or MIL one day. I can't understand how our parents can be so clueless or inconsiderate after raising kids.

[edurnemk]

my mother does this, and when I call her back, I get, OH I just assumed you were screening your calls and did not want to talk to me. My friends kids all talk to their mothers.

Or "OH, you were out skiing, well I really needed to ask you about these pants I saw at the mall, you should have your phone with you so I can get ahold of you, what if your grandmother died. And don't tell me you did not have reception, everyone I know always has reception, it is only you that has these problems and only when I call".

Or "Who takes a shower at 10am, you must be lying, none of my friends take a shower then, I just can't believe you don't answer when I call, don't you want to talk to me, my friends kids all live nearby and see their parents and talk for hours everyday."

I just want to kill myself.

Dear.Lord. I think I would've hung up on her a long time ago if I were you.

[trales]

My mil took it to a whole new level. Not only does she call us incessantly, she also gets upset that WE don't call her enough to her liking. She once told dh when we were newly married that she could have died and nobody would even know, b/c we did not bother calling her. Yeah, dramatic, much? She has this person called a HUSBAND who is still alive and kicking. I hope that he would notice her rotting body if she died. Plus, even though she's a hypochondriac, she is as healthy as a horse and will probably live to be a hundred, just b/c the annoying ones seem to hang on longer.

This, my mother does this also. It is crazy.

[Tondi G]

I think all of you need to embarrass your MIL's a few times ... one time when she asks why you didn't answer tell her "we were kinda busy in the bedroom if you know what I mean... and we'd kinda like to get back to it if you don't mind. Is there an emergency?"

the next time "oh well I was giving your son a blowjob but you interrupted us, he thanks you for the nice case of blue balls he's developing since we didn't get to finish. Is everything alright with you?"

Or just answer the phone and breathe heavy and moan a little and then hang up.