Is there a way to do this and not be tacky?

[firstbaby]

My mom's 60th birthday is coming up in a few weeks. My sister, brother and I are hosting it as my parents are divorced and my mom doesn't have a SO. I got her guest list and it is close to 20 women that she is friends / friendly with. Okay, sounds good. I ask her questions around what kind of party she would like and I offer her a couple of options. She wants a mexican dinner and has a date in mind (a Sunday). We (sibs and I) decide on a restaurant that has really good food and has a group dining menu. The group dining menu will make it a lot easier for us to control costs.

There has been a big range of what her friends have done for their 60th - anything from one woman throwing her own party at her country club to inviting all their friends to a restaurant and then everyone splits the bill evenly except for the birthday girl. The last time everyone split the bill, my mom was a little irritated that she didn't drink, yet ended up paying a lot more $ because several people did drink.

My sibs and I want it to be a nice dinner for my mom and her friends and will split the bill between the 3 of us. BUT, alcoholic drinks will very quickly add up and I need some input on ways to manage those costs but still have it be a nice dinner. I was thinking of printing up handheld menus that have a Happy Birthday banner on it, show the menu, etc and then attaching to the menu a cute "drink coupon" for a choice of three special "birthday" cocktails / margaritas. How tacky is this and is there another way to do it and still control drink costs? The group menu includes tea, soft drinks and coffee. I'm not opposed at all to picking up a drink for everyone, but it is the two, three, four drinks I'm worried about :) TIA

[wendmatt]

I think the drink coupon idea is really nice. I don't think people would be offended if you offered to buy them one drink, in fact I would hope they would be pleased. If they want to drink more and offer to pay, just be sure to accept and not be too nice and refuse!

[DualvansMommy]

Could you ask the restaurant to provide a limited open tab? It would be a number you & siblings agree on beforehand to pay along with pre-set menu and when that bar reaches the number, that's when it turns into soft drinks/coffee or/and cash bar for rest of night. Doable?

[sariana]

Wow, I think you're super nice! I don't believe in paying for other people's alcohol at all.

I would not find your idea to be tacky at all. I think it is a cute and clever solution to your concern.

[blisstwins]

I would have sangria on the table (or wine or beer) and limit it to that. If anyone orders cocktails the waiters can inform the guests that that is "not on the menu." Usually bottles of wine or pitchers on the table are a lot less expensive than other options.

[hellokitty]

I would have sangria on the table (or wine or beer) and limit it to that. If anyone orders cocktails the waiters can inform the guests that that is "not on the menu." Usually bottles of wine or pitchers on the table are a lot less expensive than other options.

:yeahthat: Or the coupon idea are IMO both fine, not tacky, but smart, lol! Have fun with the party, it's so thoughtful of you guys to do something nice for you mom.

[karstmama]

i agree - not tacky. any of these suggestions sound great. have a good party! i'll be doing one for my mama in a couple of years, her 75th.

[Melaine]

I think any of those solutions (including the coupon) would be great and it sounds like a great party. I hope it goes well!

[fivi2]

I would have sangria on the table (or wine or beer) and limit it to that. If anyone orders cocktails the waiters can inform the guests that that is "not on the menu." Usually bottles of wine or pitchers on the table are a lot less expensive than other options.

I like this idea!

[MSWR0319]

I think it's fine! At our rehearsal dinner, which we paid for, we limited everyone to two drinks. FIL told some of our friends who were paying for their additional drinks to put it on the tab, it was on him. I was livid! We had to pay for all those drinks, plus he took credit fr the dinner. The coupon idea would have worked great!

[TwinFoxes]

I would have sangria on the table (or wine or beer) and limit it to that. If anyone orders cocktails the waiters can inform the guests that that is "not on the menu." Usually bottles of wine or pitchers on the table are a lot less expensive than other options.

:yeahthat: I like this idea the best. On the invite you can even say "join us for dinner and Sangria to celebrate mom's 60th". I don't think the tickets are tacky, but as someone who loses things there's no way I'd remember to bring drink tickets to the party. :) Plus, spirits are really expensive, paying for even 2-3 cocktails per guest will be very expensive. Sangria would be more reasonable.

Sounds like a great party! What great kids you are.

[pinkmomagain]

I like the sangria idea too.

[elbenn]

I agree with others that the sangria or beer or wine at the table is a great idea.

[ilfaith]

I agree with the others that a pitcher or sangria (or margaritas) per every four or so guests would be perfect.

[firstbaby]

Thanks for all the feedback. I've already sent invites out, but would have the menu cards and "ticket" at their place setting when they arrived. I asked the restaurant about pitchers (sangria or margaritas) for the table, but they don't do those. I think I will pick three specific drinks and have the guests pick from that should they want a cocktail. Thanks for reassuring me that not doing an open bar equals a bad party :)

To the PP whose FIL overrode their bar budget at their rehearsal dinner - that is crazy crappy!

[Mommy2Abby]

I agree with the others that if you could have pitchers or bottles on the table, it would be easier.

That's very nice of you to offer a drink for everyone. What if you just had everyone order 1 drink when they initially get there / at the beginning of the meal for a toast, and then make sure that the waiter/waitress tells anyone ordering a second (or more) drink that it is not included?

That's so nice of you and your siblings to do this for your mom! I hope you have a great evening!

[elephantmeg]

I think it sounds perfect. And just make sure the wait staff/bartender knows that that is all you are paying for!

[HannaAddict]

Some restaurants will do pitchers of margaritas too. Might check. Have fun!

[carolinamama]

I would have sangria on the table (or wine or beer) and limit it to that. If anyone orders cocktails the waiters can inform the guests that that is "not on the menu." Usually bottles of wine or pitchers on the table are a lot less expensive than other options.

Great idea. I think the coupon is just fine too. I think that you and your sibs are being very sweet to your mother and friends. Hope everyone, especially your mom, enjoys!