3yo great sleeper doesn't want to go to sleep?

[Pinky]

We have been so lucky that our daughter has been a great sleeper since she was very young. She will be 3 in a few months and all of a sudden doesn't want to go to sleep at night. She uses every excuse in the book to stay up. Fortunately she is still in her crib and doesn't climb out of it so she's at least not roaming the halls. She begs me to stay in her room (never did this before) and I do for a little bit but when I leave she cries and cries. I am not sure if I need to go back in to reassure her or if I need to just let her cry. At 3yo it makes me feel really bad for leaving her in there crying because she must feel like I'm abandoning her. :(

We've tried a night light, one of those stars on the ceiling toys and various other things but nothing seems to work.

Did anyone else experience sleep issues around 3yo?

[weech]

DS will be three in April and its been this way with him for a few months now. He used to LOVE going to bed. Sometimes he'd even say "I sleepy. I go to bed now" and walk upstairs. Now as soon as it's bedtime, he's hungry, he has to find a toy he lost, he needs to wash his hands, etc.

He usually makes us stay in his bedroom (fighting with him to lay down) and eventually sing songs to him for about 30 minutes. He's in a big boy bed, but thankfully he doesn't really climb out. It's super frustrating, though.

The only solutions DH and I have are to try to keep the bedtime routine regular, remind him that mommy or daddy has to go in X number of minutes. If he's fighting us to get in bed, we just usually say "okay, it looks like you want to do it yourself. I'll see you in the morning, DS. Goodnight!" and then he usually calms down at least a little because he wants his bedtime routine. I'll be keeping an eye on this thread for more ideas.

[wendibird22]

3yo DD2 is this way. Has been for about 6 mos. Routine definitely helps. Boundaries help...we tell her we won't come back after saying good night and we stick to it. So, if she gets out of bed and asks for us or for something DH and I talk to her from downstairs in a real sing songy positive tone like "Uh oh, I guess DD2 is going to fall asleep in the hall tonight Daddy" and "Oh wow, I can't believe DD2 is still awake I hope she puts herself back to bed." Sometimes it takes a while but it does work. One time DD2 said back, "Mommy, tell me to go to bed." I did and she did. I laughed because we'd been at a stalemate for 30 mins but she needed it to be on her terms I guess. I also tell her to gets x # of songs, x # of hugs, x #of kisses and I let her pick what x will be. Sometimes it's 5, sometimes it's 10. She doesn't count too high yet so I know it won't be more than 15 and I don't mind investing the time to do 15 hugs and 15 kisses if that's all it will take for her to stay in bed.

The one thing I've drawn the line on is staying until she's asleep. I don't want to get into that habit. So even if she asks me to lay down with her I will lay on the floor next to her and only for 1 song or 1 minute and then leave.

[Pinky]

Thanks ladies! DD was also one that would often just say "I'm ready to get in my bed" and going to sleep was no big deal. We did our little routine and it was lights out She didn't even need a night light or anything.

I'm going to try letting her pick out X# of hugs/kisses. She would actually get a kick out of that so maybe it will distract her some. We've also started reading some of the long Dr. Seuss type books before bed hoping that might distract her a little too.

I should mention that she goes to bed around 7 - 730. DH thinks she is going to sleep too early and that we need to push the time back but I think that will end up backfiring and she'll end up being sleepier and then even more resistant to falling asleep. Definitely don't want to push it back because then in the Spring it would be even later when the time jumps foward.

Her naps are usually one to two hours and don't usually start til 1 or 2pm so I'm thinking maybe she needs to nap a little earlier too?

[Melaine]

Sounds like she is ready to drop the nap.

[123LuckyMom]

We had this issue with DS at about that age, too, but he was in a bed, so we had additional issues with his coming out of his room.

First, I would use a routine at night so that your DD knows that after you read two books and turn out the light, it will be time for you to go, and I would follow this routine without giving in. If you give in, be prepared to do whatever you added every night!

We used a timer. I would let DS choose how many minutes I would stay. (He thinks 10 minutes is a HUGE number! This is mostly because I give a big reaction like that's a hugely long time every time he asks for it. He thinks asking for 10 minutes is kind of abusing the system, so he rarely does. Most of the time he asks for 3 or 4 minutes.) With the bedtime issue, I would let him choose the color of the timer (an app on my phone) and what would play when it went off. Usually he would let me go with no tears when the timer went off IF I would agree to the following.

Try instituting "checks". Tell DD she can stay up as late as she wants, but she needs to follow 3 rules. She must stay in bed, with lights off, and she must be quiet. (Since she's in a crib, you could choose different criteria, but you get the idea.) You will come in every (choose your interval) to check on her, but only if she stays quiet, in her bed, with lights off. The removal of pressure by not needing to go to sleep, and the reassurance of the "checks" should help. It really helped with my DS. I still tell him I'll come in and check. I actually don't anymore, but in the beginning, I definitely would so that you can build trust. Make sure she knows that you will come in to check, give one kiss, and then check again in however many minutes. You won't be staying, but you'll keep coming back.

Good luck!

[okinawama]

Sounds like she is ready to drop the nap.
:yeahthat:
I think she's just not that tired after a solid nap. I'd cut the nap or remove it all together, and then move bed time significantly earlier.

[Pinky]

I hadn't even thought of cutting the nap... Oh how I love the nap! Lol. Maybe instead of cutting it I could make it earlier? And maybe it wouldn't be as long?

[AustenFan]

I agree that the nap might need to go or be shortened. DD1 went to bed like a lamb her whole life until this fall (right around 3 and a half). Then she started fighting bedtime. If I allow her to take a full 2 hour nap, she stays up late. So I either let her skip her nap every couple of days or put her down at 1 and wake her up no later than 2. Bedtime is pleasant again!

ETA: Oh, losing the nap is SO hard. It's easier the second time around because I already have no "me" time during the day. But I totally agree that it's a tough call! :)

[Pinky]

I agree that the nap might need to go or be shortened. DD1 went to bed like a lamb her whole life until this fall (right around 3 and a half). Then she started fighting bedtime. If I allow her to take a full 2 hour nap, she stays up late. So I either let her skip her nap every couple of days or put her down at 1 and wake her up no later than 2. Bedtime is pleasant again!

ETA: Oh, losing the nap is SO hard. It's easier the second time around because I already have no "me" time during the day. But I totally agree that it's a tough call! :) Yes... it's my me time and I really do love being able to unwind and recharge then! The more I think about it though it seems that it is definitely too late in the day. It has worked out nice because that way we have more time to do things before nap time, but I think we'll need to start adjusting. I guess we'll try 1pm nap and see what happens. She goes to daycare part-time and they actually nap closer to noon on those days, so maybe we should even try that so she's on the same schedule everyday.

Thanks everybody!

[chays]

Agree with dropping the nap. Our DS1 & DD gave up their naps by 2.5 so having DS2 napping at 3 was new territory. He started (out of the blue) saying he hated his bed and crying at bedtime. And demanding me to stay with him, too. As soon as we stopped napping him all of that went away. I think he was trying to say, "I'm not tired" but didn't know how. All is great now!

[Melaine]

I'm back just to go into more detail. My girls were rough sleepers as babies but starting sleeping very consistently about 14 months old. We kept the schedule down practically to the minute and it served us well. Out of the blue they started fighting bedtime. They were still napping ok, although there were days when they would fight it too. Finally, I clued in and didn't put them down for a nap and finally bedtimes went back to peaceful. They were 2.5 when they quit napping. Just recently they have started napping once in awhile. I think they are old enough to recognize if they are tired and with our encouragement they will sometimes sleep. They are also old enough to know that they will get to stay up later if they take a nap.

[Pinky]

Agree with dropping the nap. Our DS1 & DD gave up their naps by 2.5 so having DS2 napping at 3 was new territory. He started (out of the blue) saying he hated his bed and crying at bedtime. And demanding me to stay with him, too. As soon as we stopped napping him all of that went away. I think he was trying to say, "I'm not tired" but didn't know how. All is great now! I think this is exactly what's going on with us... She is saying she's not tired and its clear that she's not the more that I think about it.


I'm back just to go into more detail. My girls were rough sleepers as babies but starting sleeping very consistently about 14 months old. We kept the schedule down practically to the minute and it served us well. Out of the blue they started fighting bedtime. They were still napping ok, although there were days when they would fight it too. Finally, I clued in and didn't put them down for a nap and finally bedtimes went back to peaceful. They were 2.5 when they quit napping. Just recently they have started napping once in awhile. I think they are old enough to recognize if they are tired and with our encouragement they will sometimes sleep. They are also old enough to know that they will get to stay up later if they take a nap. Thanks Melaine. I'm going to try to do an earlier/shorter nap and if that doesn't work, maybe I'll try just doing "quiet time" reading books etc so we both have a little recharge time.

[Melaine]

I think this is exactly what's going on with us... She is saying she's not tired and its clear that she's not the more that I think about it.

Thanks Melaine. I'm going to try to do an earlier/shorter nap and if that doesn't work, maybe I'll try just doing "quiet time" reading books etc so we both have a little recharge time.

Some folks also have luck doing a nap every other day. That worked for a short time for us before I finally gave in.

[Pinky]

I'm happy to report back that this was just a little phase and all is back to normal in our house... even still taking a nap (though a bit earlier than before).